Nick shook his head in understanding.
“Why do you ask?” I grew suspicious. If this was another ploy I would be pissed. I didn’t have time to deal with this right now.
“I saw Phillip. He said you were outta here. I didn’t want you to leave just because of me. You belong here. It’s obvious.”
I laughed. “No, you belong here. I’m here to satisfy my superiors. The military won't accept my superior training. Apparently being general has nothing to do with it. I still have to graduate if I want another promotion, ever. But I appreciate the sentiment. I have a plane to catch.”
I turned and walked down the hall reading more of the file while I went. I made it outside before being stopped again.
“Helen, wait!”
I turned to see Phillip following me across the courtyard. I smiled for a second. We wouldn’t leave this unfinished. I saw his face and started to doubt.
“What is it?”
“You can't go on this mission.”
“Why? It’s perfectly clear, I foresee no complications…”
“This has already been through the special ops. A team of thirty went in. No one made it out alive. You’re good, I know you are. But they have been given warning of your infiltration. They are expecting you. How are you supposed to fight an army that knows you’re coming?”
“Phillip, that’s ridiculous. Jane wouldn’t send me into a situation like that.”
“She would. She believes you can do it. She has a team ready for you to lead. Two. Both are only privates. Neither have been to an academy or had much training. Say no. Just tell her no.”
I smiled. “I appreciate your worry but I can't. Why don’t you come with me? We’ll do it together.”
He sighed and looked down. That wasn't a good sign.
“I can't, Helen. I can't work with you until I get myself under control. You’re right. I am showing too much emotion. It is clouding my judgment. So anything to do with you is off limits until I am in control again.”
I nodded. “That’s why I need to do this. I need to be able to do anything without emotion clouding my view. I used to be able to turn my emotion off just like that.” I snapped my fingers to emphasize my point. “But now, since coming here I feel so… lost. Like my path is blocked and I have no clear way through. I have to be in control again.
“Seeing Nick, well, it was more of a shock than I expected. But it’s not just that. I feel like its all wrong. I started out the perfect killing machine. And now I’m at this stupid school learning things I have been able to do since my first month of training. I need to get back out there, to feel like a real agent again. I feel like such a joke since joining this academy. That’s the military. Doesn't appreciate true skill when it sees it.”
Phillip nodded.
“Come back, Helen. I still owe you a good ass kicking. And I want to take my shooting record back, fairly.”
I nodded. I walked over to him and hugged him with one arm. I turned and walked to the waiting helicopter. I threw my bag in and jumped in after it. I buckled up and put on my headset. Jane would brief me and when we arrived at the airport; I’d hop aboard the company plane and be off.
“What happened to your face, Helen?”
I smiled to Jane and yelled above the noise of the helicopter, “Phillip and I had a little disagreement.”
“And he landed a blow?”
I shook my head. “I gave him a gun and said to shoot. He pistol-whipped me. I figured it was progress.” I smiled and turned back to my folder. I saw Jane nod her head once. I smiled again and laughed at the tight-pursed lips on her face. She thought I had lost it. I laughed. This day was picking up after all.
I listened to Jane read the briefing, looking over the maps and surveillance photos while she talked. When she finished, we were landing and I looked around. I had been here before. Then again, I had been to almost every airport on every planet. I sighed. The people of Earth were running out of planets for me to go exploring on. Or killing on, I should say. I tried to think of it as population control. Yup. That’s what it was. Had to make sure we didn’t run into the same problem all over again.
“Helen, I would like you to meet your team.”
I looked at my team, and guess what? That testing my control over my emotions Jane had been doing, well, she kept doing it. There was Troy. Eager and waiting for two seconds alone with me. He wouldn’t find me as docile as last time. Last time I was new, young and stupid, with fresh scars. Now I was just pissed off. I didn’t show it though. I just turned to Jane and laughed.
“Your sense of humor is astounding, Jane.”
Jane wasn't like most people. She appreciated some good old sarcasm now and again, and I gave it to her. She smiled and performed a little bow. My crew, so to speak, didn’t understand what was going on and it showed. Time to be the bitch.
“Now, gentlemen. I don’t know why you think you possibly deserve to work with a general as wonderful and talented as me, but since you opted for it, let me tell you what to expect. There will be no eating, no time to stop and drink or pee. Canteens will not be present on this mission. Anything unnecessary doesn't come. Food, water, all a waste of time. Real soldiers don’t need to eat, sleep, or piss. So this is what I expect. Mindless obedience. If anything, other than ‘yes, general’, comes out of your mouths I will shoot you and when I shoot, it is to kill. And yes, I will kill you and leave you there for dead. This is a military operation and I will not tolerate disobedience. You get one chance with me boys, no second chances. No fuck ups. One wrong move or word and that’s the end of the game for you.”
I walked over to stand in front of Troy. I had been pacing in front of them; pacing makes people nervous. I looked him in the eye. “Do we understand each other?”
“Yes, general.”
They were mindless and gave blind obedience. They answered together, their voices like one. I returned to my pacing. “I can't hear you, soldiers.” They repeated it and much louder this time. “Good. Now get in that plane. We leave in five and I’d hate to leave any of you worms behind.”
They saluted and I dismissed them. Someone grabbed my bags and transferred them to the plane.
“So, Jane, do we meet in Paris after or will you be in another meeting?”
“I have a meeting with a potential backer. I wanted to be there to chaperone the dance, but our founder said this is big time and you could be left alone for more than a minute without making a bad decision.”
I shook my head. “You still don’t get it. You still think I am the same girl I was when you rescued me from that god-forsaken planet. The one so afraid of death I would do anything to live. Well, I have news for you. I’m not. I am not a foolish little girl anymore. I have survived torture, rape, and the training to becoming a cold-blooded killer. You are so afraid that if you don’t keep testing me and keep a short leash on me that I’ll run the first chance I get. Well, I could have during any of my jobs. And guess what Jane, I’m still here. I want to be here. I like my life.
“You and Phillip, I swear you both have this complex about me. Despite what either of you think, I don’t want my old life back. My life focused on someone else then, and yes, I was happy and in love, but obviously it didn’t mean too much because it didn’t last. I’m your assassin, tracker, and whatever else, because I want to be. Not because you have a short enough leash on me that I won't run. But if you keep this shit up, I will leave. I don’t mean I’ll retire, I mean I’ll leave and hook up with a company willing to listen to my input and what I want. So, what's it gonna be, Jane?”
I looked at her. I was a general. I could leave and just be part of the military. Or I could leave and take all my information on the company with me to another handler that would be more than happy to give me what I want.
“You’re right. You are an asset, not a dog. Let’s get you on that helicopter and back where you belong. The sooner you graduate the sooner you can move up and we can start the ultimate assignment.”
I nodded. “I have something I need to do first.”
I walked into the plane. I pulled out my gun and shot Troy. I didn’t kill him but his shooting arm was never going to be the same again. “I owed you that, asshole.”
I jumped out of the plane. “Have fun, boys.” I walked over to the helicopter and jumped in. Jane smiled and we flew back to the school. Jane would deal with my stuff and make sure it ended up where it needed to be.
We arrived back at the school and Jane smiled at me. For once, I was actually looking forward to a shopping trip. I never indulged in my girly side, I wasn't even sure I had one anymore. But I would look at this like a victory. I chose this over a mission. I would use it like a vacation. If those French women helping us out closed their eyes for two seconds, I could make contact with some people I knew and get some new equipment. Yup, this day was definitely looking up.
“You aren't looking forward to this just so you can buy something totally inappropriate and embarrass me, are you?”
I smiled back and rolled my eyes. God what was she my mother? “Of course not. The French women will be watching our every choice and I know better. I think I am beginning to understand this ‘being a lady’ thing better since arriving here.”
Jane sighed.
“Well, at least this isn't a total waste of time and money then.”
She smiled and I jumped out. I was still in my skirt and blouse. I had planned to change into my uniform on the plane. I ran to my dorm, eager to pack and be off. I loved France this time of year. It was beautiful. I hardly ever got to sightsee.
I packed my stuff and looked at the clock. I had three hours left before we left. Jane would inform the school from the phone on her plane that I would be traveling with them after all.
I showered and threw my clothes into my dirty laundry pile. I changed into slacks and a button up shirt. It was professional and I could still kick ass in it. I smeared some new cream - that Jane’s firm had developed in one of the labs - on the side of my face. The swelling went down; the red and purple turned into a light pink. I didn’t take medication; it interfered with one brain function or another, so the medical team had developed a few things for me. Two days of this and I would be healed.
I brushed my hair, a daunting task, and quickly braided it. It wouldn’t last through a fight, like when Phillip braided my hair, but it would do. I slipped on some comfy shoes. They were shiny, I liked shiny shoes, but comfortable enough so I could get in a fight with them. They were flats; I had had enough running in heels for the day, thank you very much.
I left the dorms and decided to walk around. I hadn’t really gone anywhere except to my classes, and since everyone had free time I figured I might as well see the place. I had seen maps and pictures, but it was better to see it all in person. I found the library and headed in. I loved reading, studying, anything to do with books. I walked around, trying to decide what to read. A bunch of girls were checking out romance novels. I didn’t want to be like these girls, but Jane had said to fit in and act appropriate. Crap. I grabbed a book, sat in a chair and started reading. It was cheesy but I stuck with it.
“I never took you for a romance reader.”
I looked up to see Nick smiling down at me. I looked at my watch. An hour had passed. I was almost finished the book. I hadn’t realized how time had gone by. “I was trying to see what all the fuss is about. Jane wants me to fit in, and I doubt I can have a cheesy conversation about boys in France if I have no idea what the hell these girls are talking about.”
“So, it’s like learning a new language?”
I glared at him. “I hear that sarcasm. I’m an expert at it. You can't get it by me. If you ask Phillip, he’ll tell you I don’t have a girly bone in my body.” I put the book down. “In fact, he’d probably pick about three more off the shelf and tell me it’s going to take more than one book to help.”
“Does he know you’re back?”
I shook my head. “We had a bit of a disagreement before I left.” I rubbed my check. Just a small one.
“I wondered what happened to your face. It looks a lot better now.”
“Wonder cream. My firm is pioneering in the medical field. One more day of cream and I won't have a bump or anything. In my job you need fast healing, because you can't put a job off until you’re ready. You do it when it comes to you.”
He nodded.
“Are you going to tell him you’re back?”
I picked up the book and started reading. “Nope.”
“Why not?”
“He’ll know soon enough. His handler will call him; he’ll tell Phillip that I told Jane off and shot someone. If his handler doesn't tell him, he’ll hear about it when the authorities get here to have a nice chat with me. I probably shouldn’t have shot Troy, but I’m a bitch, what can I say.”
“You shot someone?”
He said it so calm, like it was a totally normal thing.
“The ass had it coming. I guess that mission will be scrubbed. Oh well. If Phillip was right, my team and I would have all ended up dead anyway.”
He nodded and the doors flew open. Phillip burst in and looked furious.
“You won't get a restraining order on the guy, but you shot him? Have you lost your mind entirely or what? You must have, because that was the stupidest, most likely career ending, move you or anyone has ever made!”
I smiled sweetly and looked up from my book. “It’s nice to see you too, Phillip. Oh, by the way, I’m fine.” I looked back down to my book and continued reading. I saw him frown out of the corner of my eye. I kept smiling and kept reading.
“Are you reading a romance novel?”
The shock in his voice almost made me laugh, but before I could ruin my perfect ignoring him routine, Nick spoke up.
“She is studying so she can socialize with the other girls in France.”
He said it so matter of fact, just like I would have; Phillip frowned and went to the romance section. I peered over my book. He came back with a stack of about ten more books and slammed them onto the table in front of me. I raised my eyebrows in question.
“It’s gonna take more than one book, honey. You better check these out and read during the entire flight.”
I couldn't help it. Nick gave him a look that seemed shocked. Shocked that he did exactly what I said he would. Phillip looked so serious. I started laughing. I put my book down and stood up. I walked out of the library laughing and feeling better than I had in awhile. This little trip would be good for me. I left the boys to return the books to their place and decided to get something to eat. I hadn’t had breakfast or lunch and I was starving. Maybe I’d go to that cute little diner down the street from base. Yeah. A cute little place where I could relax. A great idea, my best today.
I put my hands in my pockets and started walking towards the exit. Tonight we would leave for France. Yup, this day was turning out to be great indeed. I smiled and walked off base enjoying the carefree atmosphere which I hadn’t had since before two years ago, when my life had totally changed.
Chapter Six (Phillip)
“She has lost her mind.”
“Maybe she hasn’t lost it, maybe she’s found it again.”
I doubted Nick spoke of her mind.
“She can't be Celeste, Nick, and she can't ever be truly happy with anyone. She kills for a living. This is like a vacation for her. She may be giddy now because she has finally faced Jane and told her how it’s going to be, but there is only so much they will give her before they say no. A boyfriend isn't one of those things that she can have.
“I know you want her to be Celeste and for the two of you to pick up where you left off. It won't happen. Even if she were Celeste it wouldn’t be possible. Don’t get your hopes up just because she is turning a new leaf of independence, and is high off life because of it.”
He turned to glare at me as we put the books back on the shelf.
“Why do you always assume that everyone else th
inks the same about her as you? I don’t care if she’s Celeste or not. I just meant it’s nice to see her happy and smiling. She’s been miserable the entire time she has been here. I’m betting she was before she got here too. No one should have a life without happiness.”
He put the books in order and looked back over at me.
“You know, Celeste always told me the only thing she truly feared was being alone. She said no one should only have himself or herself to count on. If so, the world, well worlds, are doomed because if we can't work together and count on each other then we are no better than a pack of starving animals, all fighting over one piece of meat. You are the person that Helen counts on and she is your person. Don’t you think this silly fight is stupid compared to that? I mean, her happiness has to mean something to you. Otherwise you wouldn’t love her.”
I thought about it for a moment. “Maybe, but it isn't as easy as you make it sound. We are both killers. We have both done horrible things that no one can understand. We both have pasts we are running from, and at the same time fighting to avenge the loss of it. Neither of us is allowed to have feelings, killers don’t need them. We can't just go around falling in love.”
He didn’t seem to enjoy my response, because Nick scowled even more.
“Love is the one thing worth everything else. Think about never seeing her again. If she had died on that mission, what would you have done? You refused to go with her, didn’t you? I can tell by that guilty expression you wear. If you had said no, and she had been injured or killed because her people didn’t back her up, what would you have done?”
I smiled and laughed under my breath. “Dropped a nuke on the place. I wouldn’t be stupid enough to go in. But I would have wiped it off the face of this planet, and any other facilities I found out about that are connected to it.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know what you meant. But that is all I would do. Because like I said. Killers don’t need feelings and at the first sign of any from me, even over her death, would have led to me following her straight to hell. Because make no mistake, that’s where we both are going.”
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