No Life, Only Death

by Francheska Fifield

  I walked back to see Phillip, sitting with Missy and laying it on thick. On the other side sat Nick, frowning. Maybe he was confused. It looked like Missy was drooling over Phillip. How can a girl drool over so many guys? Who makes that much saliva?

  “Can I sit with you?”

  He looked up and nodded, then stood.

  “Isle or window?”

  “Window, please,” I said through clenched teeth.

  He moved so I could shove in. I threw my carryon bag under the seat and sat down. He returned to his seat and the plane traffic continued again.

  “How does someone produce so much drool? I mean really, she does drool every time she looks in your direction and now Phillip.”

  He smiled. “Maybe she is part dog.”

  I laughed and both Phillip and Missy glared in our direction.

  “I think both of them are trying to make us jealous,” I said.

  “I think you might be right.”

  I looked at him in surprise. “And before you were arguing that she didn’t like you.”

  He shrugged. “I wouldn’t agree, except I know Phillip is in love with you and using Missy. And I don’t think she’s stupid. Well, not entirely. She still thinks I plan on taking you to the dance. With her earlier explosion…”

  “You smartened up and put two and two together?”

  His answering expression would have pinned me to the wall if expressions could do that for real.

  “You called me a bitch earlier. Turnabout is fair play.” I smiled and he got the hint that I was joking. He returned my smile. He had a nice smile.

  “I guess both of us are too dense to tell when someone likes us.”

  “Oh, that was good. I applaud you.” I gave him a golfer’s clap and he bobbed his head in recognition.

  “Thank you, thank you.”

  I laughed. He wasn't so bad when he wasn’t being obsessive.

  “Maybe we should teach them the turnabout rule.”

  He looked at me suspiciously.

  “Well, they are trying to make us jealous and we both know they like us. Maybe we should give them a reason to be all jealous.”

  “Are you just trying to get back at Phillip for being an ass?”

  I smiled. “That, and I like seeing blondes squirm angrily.”

  He smiled back. He might go for it.

  “I’m not really the flirting type. Unless I’m dating someone.”

  “Tell that to Missy there. I do believe she thinks you have been flirting with her forever now.” I stressed the forever, trying to sound ditzy. He gave me a ‘ha ha’ look. I smiled, trying to look innocent.

  “I wasn't trying to flirt with her.”

  “So don’t try with me. Just follow my lead.” Keep looking cute and innocent. I must be cuter than I thought because it worked.

  “All right. But I’m not kissing you or anything like that.”

  I would have jumped up and down but I was strapped in. Progress! It was always an exciting thing. Instead of jumping up and down I hooked my arm through his and started gabbing on about the dance. He actually got involved in the discussion more than I had expected, given his reluctance.

  The flight took us across worlds and at around ten-o-clock, training school time, I began yawning and dozing off. I leaned towards the only solid non-metal object around. It happened to be Nick’s shoulder. He looked at me funny and I regretted being too tired to pick on him. He didn’t move me and I took that as a good sign. So I closed my eyes and let myself drift off.

  (Nick)

  She fell asleep on my shoulder. Luckily she didn’t drool or snore. Unlike the person behind us. How Helen could sleep was beyond me. The kid could knock a forest down with that snore. I tried not to move, not wanting to wake her. I looked down at her. She had fallen and her head lay against my chest. I pushed some of her hair out of her face. She looked so much like Celeste. Identical. I would never get over that.

  Helen wasn't so bad once her guard was down. I felt confused. I had feelings for her I shouldn’t. Feelings that I had only ever had for Celeste. I wasn't sure if it was for her or Celeste though. How was I supposed to sort those kinds of feelings out?

  I sighed. This was getting too complicated. She had been nice lately, she was funny and easy going when she opened up. It was hard not to think of her as Celeste. She said she wasn't but something inside me didn’t believe it. Maybe the part that doesn't want Celeste to be dead? I shook my head. It wasn't just that. I had moved past the stage where I saw something of Celeste in everyone. Well, it was different here because they look exactly the same.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  I looked over to Phillip. He had switched seats with Missy so she could look out the window. She had fallen asleep, almost everyone had.

  I stopped brushing Helen’s hair with my fingers and put my hands in my lap.

  “Nothing.”

  He smiled. He had a really evil smile sometimes. Like he knew a secret or something.

  “Thinking about her and Celeste, huh? Confusing, isn't it? Here you are all attracted to her because she looks like Celeste, but you aren't sure if falling in love is the right thing to do. You don’t want to betray Celeste’s memory, but then you aren't even sure that she isn't Celeste, are you?”

  He laughed quietly. It was just as evil as his smile. I turned my head to face the seat in front of me. Maybe if I ignored him he’d go away.

  “Poor Nick. In love with two people who share the same body. Must be frustrating.”

  “Not as frustrating as being in love with someone who doesn't even begin to think of you in that way.” I turned to look him in the eye. “Every time you joke about wanting to be with her you are being honest. She takes it as you being a sarcastic ass. Must be frustrating.”

  Phillip’s face clouded with anger. He looked about ready to stand up and hit me. Missy chose that moment to wake up and lean on him though. She looked at Helen laying on me, frowned, and tried to snuggle closer to Phillip. The plane rocked and Helen started slipping. She’d end up on the floor at this rate. I put my arm around her to support her so she wouldn’t fall. She snuggled closer.

  I sighed and closed my eyes. Was Phillip right? Was I falling in love with this girl? We had a bad beginning. I was pushy and she got defensive. I refused to accept her word; being a general, she probably wasn't used to that. She said she probably would have reacted the same in my position. Thinking about it, I probably would have done the same as her in her position as well. If some psycho stalked me saying I was their dead lover I’d be freaked out too. She handled it well, considering.

  I looked down at her quickly before lifting my head and sighing. When I looked at her I’d always see Celeste’s face. Could I accept her not being Celeste? “My god, this is frustrating.”

  “What is?”

  I looked down. Her eyes were open and she smiled up at me. She looked confused for a second then seemed to realize she was lying on my chest and holding onto my shirt. She had grabbed it in her sleep to keep from falling.

  She sat up and stretched.

  “Sorry.”

  “What for? You were asleep. I should be apologizing for waking you up.”

  She puckered her brow in what seemed like confusion.

  “Don’t apologize. I’m surprised you didn’t wake me up sooner since I was lying all over you like that. Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

  I shrugged. “Planes don’t really give you a comfortable place to sleep.”

  She nodded and looked over at Missy and Phillip. They looked asleep but I knew Phillip was faking.

  “They look comfortable. Her head is just the right height to be a head rest.”

  I smiled. “It would appear so.”

  “What time is it?”

  I looked at my watch. “One a.m. school time.”

  She raised her eyebrows, looking shocked.

  “Did you get any sleep?”

  I shook my head.

  “Don
’t tell me you stayed awake so you wouldn’t wake me.”

  I looked at my hands in my lap. “Only partly. The guy behind me was snoring for about an hour. I’m surprised you didn’t wake up. You don’t seem like a heavy sleeper.”

  She nodded. “I’m not usually. I only sleep like that when…”

  She stopped and looked at the seat in front of her. “When what?”

  “When I feel safe.”

  I nodded and looked at the seat in front of me. How interesting could they be? Why do people do this? I didn’t know what to say so I stayed silent.

  “Thank you.”

  I looked over at her. She was looking at me again. Good, the seat thing was over.

  “For what?”

  “For caring about waking me up. I haven’t slept like that in years.”

  I raised my eyebrows in shock. “That’s a long time to go without a good sleep. Don’t you ever crash?”

  “I’ve been conditioned not to. I can go on no sleep for as long as I need to. It has its advantages in my business. Unfortunately, it also means I have no excuse not to always be on my toes. I’ve made a lot of enemies and I don’t sleep safe at night.”

  I nodded. “It must be hard. Not being able to trust anyone enough to keep you safe while you sleep.”

  “It is. Well, not always. I mean, I get that independence that females always say they want, even though they don’t usually really want it.”

  She smiled but I could tell that it did bother her. Having no one to trust would kill me. Again, I felt fortunate to have had Celeste. Even if it wasn't for as long as I wanted.

  “Well, I’m glad you are high enough to sleep well then.”

  She blushed and turned to look out the window. What the heck? I’d never understand girls. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, it’s just what you said.”

  “What about it?”

  “I’ve been on planes before and never slept well. I’m always afraid of an assassin or an air attack. Plus, I don’t trust Jane as far as I can throw her.”

  “You don’t trust your own handler?” That seemed odd. Maybe because I don’t have one. But still.

  “No way. No one in his or her right mind would. They are always trying to test you. I am a bit more relaxed when she’s in the plane because she isn't going to plan a test for me that I will fail, causing her death along with mine. However, it’s been close before.”

  “That is the most horrible thing I have ever heard.”

  She shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. What kind of life did she live?

  “It’s not so bad. They just want you to stay ahead of the game. People who go soft end up dead. That’s why my entire flight died against the enemy. They were all fighting for sweethearts back home or their families. I was fighting to kill. I was in it for revenge. Ironically, I’m the only one to survive. You could say I got lucky, but I don’t really think so. I think I’m the only one who had my head on straight. I wasn't thinking about a sweetheart or family, just that I had a job to do. My job was to kill so that’s what I did. I was fighting for my life, not someone else’s.”

  I shook my head. “That’s stupid. I think fighting for the ones you love is what keeps you alive. Your flight didn’t die because of that. They died because you were outnumbered and no one had experience fighting the enemy.”

  She frowned at me.

  “I think you’re only saying that because you joined up to protect the ones you love. How do you explain me being the only one to live against the enemy, when so many others that joined for the same reasons as you have died?”

  “Well, you said so yourself that Phillip saved your life.”

  “That wasn't my only time being against the enemy.”

  That I hadn’t known. There was only so much of her file that was hackable. Most of it was top secret. Either the military or her handler didn’t want anyone to know about her past.

  “I didn’t know.”

  “No one living does. Okay, well some people do, but it’s a small list. Jane, Phillip, and my boss. The military has no idea. That’s classified, even from them.”

  I whistled. I didn’t think it was possible to hide anything from the military. Especially not in today's world, well, worlds. She smiled as if reading my thoughts.

  “Yeah, it’s hard. But my firm did it. The military has no record of me before I joined up two years ago.”

  I nodded. That was a year after the attack on planet C12 had happened and Celeste had died. The timing was just too perfect. I couldn't believe that coincidence stretched that far. I didn’t say anything though. It would just ruin this truce we had going on. So I leaned back and closed my eyes.

  “You still don’t believe me, do you?”

  I kept my eyes closed. “What are you talking about?”

  “You still look at me and see Celeste. Not just see her face and body, but her in general. You don’t believe that we are two different people.”

  I took a deep breath and tried to figure out how to word my response. “I do believe that you are different. Different from the person you were. So in that sense, you are not the same person. I believe you are two different people. But not physically. People change. You obviously have.” I shrugged. I couldn't phrase this well, no matter what I said. But at least I didn’t come right out and call her a liar.

  She sighed and leaned back into her chair.

  “I can't make you believe me. It saddens me to think that the only reason you try to get along with me or can be near me is because you think I’m her.”

  I opened my eyes as she turned and leaned against the window. I couldn't respond. If I said no, it would be a lie. But that wasn't the only reason, not anymore, anyway. I wish she had been awake to hear Phillip and me. Then she might understand. I didn’t think I could explain it in a way that she would believe.

  I sighed and closed my eyes again. I had screwed this up royally. I tried to sleep, knowing even if I succeeded, it would not be restful.

  (Helen)

  The sun shone through the window of the plane and I opened my eyes. I had a headache. On the inside and outside of my head. I rubbed the side of my head. Great, I had a bump. I turned to stand and found Nick sleeping. Oh yeah. That’s why my head hurt. I hated sleeping on a plane. I squeezed myself around him and went to the lounge. I needed to stretch my legs and not be shut in by him.

  No one else was up. I looked at my watch, Phillip’s actually, as he never took it back, and it was five am. No wonder everyone was asleep.

  “So, how did last night go?”

  I turned and tossed Phillip’s watch to him.

  “It might not look good, if I am still wearing this.”

  I walked over and grabbed a drink. Damn, warm water. Hadn’t the flight attendants ever heard of ice?

  “That good, huh?”

  I shrugged. “Obviously not as good as yours. You’re smiling, and I have a headache and a bump on my head that’s bigger than this plane.”

  “So, what did you do to ruin it?”

  I turned to glare at him. “Nothing. Why do you assume I am always the one to ruin the harmony?” I put my hand in my eye hoping the pressure would ease the pain. “Okay, I see what you mean. But really I didn’t do anything. I was being nice and polite and making conversation.”

  “What kind of conversation?”

  I heaved a sigh. “The good kind. Opening up, letting him get to know me. I’m telling you, it’s not me. He’s just never going to like me.”

  “You mean, unless you jump up and down and tell him what he wants to hear?”

  I looked him in the eye. “No one wants the truth when it hurts. People hear what they want to hear.”

  He nodded like he got the message and headed back to Missy. I let him go. I sat down and tried to decide if I wanted to go back and try to sleep, or if I wanted to sit here for the next five hours.

  We were supposed to land at around ten am Paris time, then go to the hotel, get settled in, and spend th
e afternoon having free time. It wasn't really free though. One teacher was staying at the hotel in case anyone wanted to use the pool or workout room. Another was taking kids to the theatre. Another was giving a tour. Lastly, one teacher was taking people shopping. Not shopping for the dance and graduation stuff. We would do that tomorrow. No, this was our chance to get what we wanted. To use our money on whatever struck our fancy. As long as it didn’t break regulation. That counted out everything I wanted to buy.

  I decided to sit here for the next few hours. Maybe I would pass out from pain or exhaustion. “Humph. Like that’s gonna happen.”

  “What's going to happen?”

  I turned to see Nick standing there. He looked about as good as I felt. Which wasn't very good. “Didn’t sleep well, I see.”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “You can tell that by looking? I must look horrible.”

  “Almost as good as I feel.”

  I turned, not really wanting conversation with him.

  “I woke up and saw you gone. I thought you might still be upset with me for last night, so I came to apologize.”

  I nodded. “Not that it matters. I’m not about to change your mind, no matter what I say, and you aren't about to change yours over night. We are at a point where neither of us can do anything so I think we might as well give up.”

  “You don’t seem like the type of person to give up so easily.”

  I laughed. It came out sounding as bitter as I felt. “You keep saying that. That I don’t seem like the type to do this or that. But you don’t know me. You know what little you’ve read in my file or what Phillip and I have told you. Which isn't much. I have tried to be honest with you and all it gets me is this blasted headache. Which, by the way, I am blaming you for, so if that’s all there is to the apology. I’m going back to my seat so I can try to sleep it off.”

  I stood up and walked out into the section with seats. I walked down the aisle to where my seat was. Phillip was sitting next to Missy. She was sleeping and he stared into space.

  “Please sit next to me. Let Missy have the ass.”