by L. C. Davis
“Even Foster could handle a vampire like you.”
“Please?” I made my best attempt at puppy eyes.
He groaned. “Fine. We'll go later when I have time. If there's even a chance I marked Maverick somehow we need to know before the harvest moon rolls around, but I don't want to leave him right now.”
“Can I bring you anything?”
“No, I've got my phone. Where are you going?”
“I need to do some laundry for Clara,” I said, opening the door. “I'll bring you both something to eat when I come back,” I promised, wandering out into the lounge. The Lodge was still shut down for the public, so the entire place was peaceful and homey. Even so, the others preferred to hang out upstairs.
The laundry didn't take very long to do. The basement was empty as usual, but I never felt quite alone down there, so I hurried up the stairs and found some nonsensical excuse to venture down the hallway where Sebastian's new room was.
The door was unlocked. I wasn't sure why I had been expecting otherwise, especially since I'd been in the room a few times since Sebastian had left. I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. I still hadn't been able to come up with sufficient justification for being in there other than the fact that I simply wanted to. The ghost of him lingered, especially his scent.
I pulled out his drawer where a few shirts still lay unfolded from his haphazard attempt at packing. No wonder he'd been so careless. He was never planning on taking a bag, or his truck. That was all for show just to trick me into thinking he was going on vacation. Of course he wasn't hanging out in some low-budget motel watching daytime TV and visiting distant friends. The truth was, he was either knee-deep in vampire blood or tracking down hunters in a reckless attempt to get himself killed.
Good thing I didn't care anymore.
It was only when I sat down on his bed that I realized I had picked up one of his shirts. I had to be careful not to hit my head on the low bunk above me since he had moved from our old room into one of the extras that was clearly meant to house more than one wolf. How he navigated the cramped lower bunk I'd never know. Maybe it was easier than being surrounded by reminders of me.
The juvenile furniture made me wonder whether this was the room he and Victor had shared when they first came to the Lodge so many years ago. I worried at the soft jersey fabric between my fingers and admired the cerulean blue color of it to distract myself. It had always been my favorite shirt of his, since the shade looked particularly nice with his brown eyes.
I still had enough shame to glance around to make sure I was alone. As if anyone else was weird enough to creep into Sebastian's room and just sit quietly. Once I was sure I was alone, I brought the shirt to my face and breathed in his scent. It was faint, almost non-existent underneath the smell of laundry detergent, but it was still there.
Disappointed, I lay down on his bed just for a moment. I turned my head into his pillow and pulled the worn jersey blanket over me. His scent enveloped me just as strongly as it had my first night at the Lodge. It was almost easy to pretend like he was there.
The realization that I wanted him to be there was jarring. I told myself it was just so that I would know he was safe, but that wasn't the truth. Not all of it. The most selfish thing about me was that I wanted him there simply because I wanted him there. Sebastian's presence was just a constant in the universe, like the sun and the moon. Even when I was sure he hated me, he was still there, still accessible.
Now he was gone and there was no way of knowing when or if he would ever be back. Even if the hunters never touched him, why would he come back to the Lodge? So he could watch his brother and his former mate reign over his pack? Only a truly evil creature would want to bring someone back to a home that was no longer a sanctuary for them simply because that was where they belonged.
Traitorous tears left molten tracks down my cheeks as I curled around Sebastian's shirt and nursed my own selfishness. Vampires really were heartless, just in ways I'd never imagined. It was hard to tell if I really was feeling pain and heartache on behalf of Sebastian, or simply because I wanted something I wasn't allowed to have.
Brendan's words burned in my mind. Who says you can't love two people at the same time?
I shook my head in an attempt to silence my own thoughts. So many aspects of my world were split in two. It seemed like I was destined to always be caught between one thing and another. Vampire and werewolf. The human world and the supernatural realm beneath its surface. Sebastian and Victor.
No.
Victor was my mate, period. End of story. No exceptions, no additions. I struggled to convince myself of that even as I basked in the comforting scent of the woods and my mind treacherously drifted back to that moonlit night in the forest that seemed like a lifetime away.
14
When I opened my eyes, I was no longer in Sebastian's room but the woods. I was in a familiar place, too. The long grass rustled invitingly in the breeze and the tree leaves parted to make way for the soft rays of the full moon. The creek babbled indecipherable pleasantries nearby, or maybe it was simply singing a coy melody to the tune of, “I-know-what-you-did-here.”
“Seems like it happened in another lifetime, doesn't it, kiddo?” Sebastian's voice was warm and crisp like I remembered it, cutting through the confusion that swirled in my mind.
When I turned around, he was standing there as his old self. His hair was a bit shorter and he didn't have that weary look in his eyes. Best of all, he was wearing that crooked smile that had been relegated to the attic of my memories.
“You're not real,” I said sadly. “This is a dream.”
“Why don't you come here and see for yourself?” he offered, opening his arms in invitation.
I ran to him against my better judgment, which had admittedly never been all that good to begin with. He was as solid and immovable as ever. The arms that wrapped around me felt as real and sturdy as the trees surrounding us.
“Does this mean you're okay?” I asked hopefully.
“Okay is a relative term,” he said, pulling away from the embrace far too soon. “I'm alive. Should I not be?”
“The hunters have targeted the Lodge,” I said, remembering what my priorities were. “Me, specifically. Prentice got in and left a note saying that the hunters would kill everyone I cared about.”
“Well, guess I'm safe,” he said with a self-loathing sneer.
“That's not funny, Sebastian. They're targeting you, it's only a matter of time. You have to come back.”
“I'm not worried about a bunch of Stepford zombies doing me in.”
“Why did you bring me here if you weren't going to listen?” I asked, frustrated.
“Bring you? You're the one who brought me here. Last I checked, only one of us was psychic.”
“Oh,” I said, taken aback. “Why would I bring you here?”
He looked around. “Judging from the location you picked, I'd say you wanted a little stroll down memory lane.”
My face reddened. Even in a dream I couldn't have reprieve from that embarrassing trait. “It was a mistake.”
He shrugged. “You must have been thinking about me pretty strongly if you pulled me into a lucid dream.”
“Lucid dream? That's what Victor did to me after the contest,” I said, thinking aloud. I immediately regretted it.
“Not surprised,” he muttered. He squinted at me and leaned forward. “Open your mouth.”
“What?”
“Just do it.”
I complied and his eyes widened. “Your fangs are gone.”
I touched my incisors to check and, sure enough, they were dull like before. “I'm human?”
Sebastian tilted his head back slightly and sniffed the air. “Wolf. Your scent is strong, even more than it was before.”
“What do you mean?” I asked warily.
“If I had to guess, you're not just a fledgling now. You're a full-blooded wolf.” He took a step forward. “I wonder if you can t
ransform.”
“No,” I said, holding my hand out to keep him back. I heard a high-pitched whining sound in my mind and winced. It felt like something was clawing to get out. “It's just a dream.”
“Interesting that you'd dream of bringing me here, of all places,” he said pointedly, continuing forward. “It's interesting that you're a wolf, too, like you should have been. Dreams might not be real, but I've been meeting with an old sage who says they can show us the truth more clearly than we can see it when we're awake.”
“You've been talking to a sage?”
“No, I've been going to strip clubs,” he quipped. “I'm capable of self-improvement, y'know.”
“So, what have you learned?”
“Not much,” he admitted. “Most of it's cryptic mumbo jumbo like I thought, but some of it's good. She's helping me get perspective, I guess.”
“That sounds nice. Has she said anything about making amends with your brother?” I asked hopefully.
He gave me a look. “My perspective's not that big yet.”
“Fair enough. When do you think you'll come home?”
“Hard to say. What are Victor and Ulric doing to protect the Lodge?”
“Well, they installed a fancy new security system,” I said. “I'm not sure about hunters, but we're definitely burglar-proof and I don't think any vacuum salesmen will make it past the walkway.”
“Security system?” He grimaced. “You're kidding me. If keeping the Lodge safe was as simple as upgrading the alarm system, I'd be out of a job.”
“Well, that wasn't so much to keep the hunters out as it was to keep me in,” I admitted sheepishly.
He raised his eyebrows. “You tried to escape again?”
“I did escape, actually. To save Arthur, who it turns out is one of the hunters. It's kind of an embarrassing mess, actually,” I muttered. “Vic has me on mental lockdown so I literally can't leave the Lodge without him.”
“Arthur is a hunter? That's a drag,” he said. “I liked that kid.”
“So did I. He's good at playing innocent, among other things.”
“Apparently,” he muttered. “So there's no plan to take care of the hunters?”
“I'm sure there is, but they're not telling me about it. Hunter has some spell that he thinks will help us keep out all undead supernaturals, so that's something. At least, it might be if Vic and Ulric let him go through with it.”
“So I'm gone for two seconds and Vic replaces me with a door alarm and a witch. Great.”
“Sebastian,” I sighed. “He's doing the best he can.”
“Yeah, yeah. I don't much buy into the hocus pocus stuff, but that kid's pretty good from what I've heard of him,” he conceded. “What's the harm in letting him try?”
“Uh, well, it requires a vampire sacrifice,” I explained.
Sebastian's eyes widened. “And you're the resident vampire who can't be staked.”
“Exactly.” Either Dream Sebastian was a lot quicker on the uptake or Real Sebastian was playing dumb.
“So why not just grab another vampire? It's not like there's a shortage of them.”
“I asked Victor not to,” I said carefully. “Enough people have died because of me, human and otherwise. I can't live with more blood on my hands.”
“So you'd still be a martyr even if you were a werewolf,” he mused.
“I'm serious, Sebastian.”
“So am I. You beat yourself up over that redneck vampire I killed even though he was going to sell you for pieces on the black market,” he said, throwing up his hands. “I can't tell if you're really that compassionate or you just don't think any crime is worth punishing as long as you're the victim.”
His words hit their mark and I faltered.
“It wasn't an insult,” he said. “Just an observation. How about just considering the possibility that I might be right about something instead of trying to argue?”
“If you come back, I'll never argue with you again,” I told him.
He smirked. “We both know that's writing a check you can't cash, kiddo.”
“You haven't called me that for a while,” I said, crossing my arms. The light breeze was starting to get to me.
“You haven't been like this for a while,” he said, stepping forward. He took off his jacket and the heavy leather settled around my shoulders, surrounding me with his scent. He reached down and cupped my face in his rough palm. Maybe it was a dream, but his warmth was all too real. “I've missed this. Judging from the fact that we're here, I'd say so have you.”
His words brought me back to my senses and I reluctantly pushed his hand away. “This isn't real, Sebastian.”
“You sure about that?” He stepped closer and I could feel the heat radiating off him. Our bodies were dangerously close to touching. “I think it's about as real as you want it to be.”
He pulled me into his arms and there was no escape. Not because of the way his body held mine, but because of the way his gaze held my soul, utterly transfixed. “What do you want, Remus?”
“Wh-what do you mean?” I asked, breathless. I was equally afraid and hopeful that his lips would meet mine. Whatever had been clawing to get out before was scratching at the wall of my mind with renewed frenzy.
“Do you want me to come back because the pack needs me?” He leaned closer, his lips hovering just an inch away from mine. I should have moved or done something to stop him, but I didn't. Even breathing was beyond the scope of my abilities and the wild thing in my mind was desperate to submit to so much more than a kiss. “Or is it because you need me?”
“Don't make me answer that,” I pleaded.
His lips curved into a dangerously inviting smile. Mine parted in a soft gasp and my eyes fluttered shut. “Both,” I finally whispered in a desperate attempt to break the tension that kept us suspended in that moment.
He released me and the show of restraint was far more intimate than any kiss ever could have been. “That's all I needed to know.”
“Why?” My voice sounded hoarse and my lips tingled in disappointment.
“Because I think I know a way to bring you back. I just wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, or if I should just let you move on,” he said quietly. “Now I know.”
“I still love Victor,” I told him gently. “That won't ever change, Sebastian. I bear his mark.” I held up my right hand and Victor's blood-red crescent seal was fully visible, unlike in the real world.
“Maybe so, but you still bear mine, too,” he said confidently.
“No. Not anymore,” I said sadly. My traitorous, conflicted emotions seemed to have returned in the dream world.
He took my left wrist and held it up. To my amazement, there it was. The royal blue wolf's head surrounded by a perfect circle was emblazoned on the back of my hand every bit as clearly as Victor's mark. It was the first time I had ever seen it in its true form.
“How?” I whispered. “This is just a dream.”
“It's not just a dream,” he said. “I saw it again before I left. It was faint, but it's still there, even in the real world. Your vampire side must have suppressed it, but it's still there, just like everything else you've blocked out. Your wolf is fighting to get out.”
I pulled away from him, staring down at the mark for a long moment. It was the mark of a traitor, but some part of me locked away deep in the back of my mind felt a surge of pride when I looked at it. “How is this even possible? I can't be marked by both of you.”
“The sage says it's because you're the hybrid. Doi suflet, as the vampires say.”
“Since when are you interested in anything vampires do except dying?” I asked suspiciously.
He laughed. “After everything that happened in Austin, I figured learning about my enemy wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. And uh, I guess I wanted to try to understand you more,” he said sheepishly. “I didn't handle your transition very well and I'll always be ashamed of that.”
“That makes two of us,�
�� I muttered. “And you don't have anything to be ashamed of, especially not after what happened to your parents. I understand why you hate vampires, Sebastian. I'm starting to feel the same way, even if I don't want one dying in my place.”
“That's just it,” he said, taking my hand. “I was wrong. Not about vampires, but about you. I was wrong to think the person I loved was dead just because he became a vampire. Your soul is the same as it always has been, and that's what I fell in love with. It's fragmented, but that can be fixed.”
“By your mysterious sage?” I asked warily. As much as I wanted to believe that Sebastian had experienced a change of heart about my vampire nature, I couldn't trust him. Not even in—no, especially not in my own dream. “I think I'll take my chances as a vampire.”
“I'm serious, Remus. She could help you,” he murmured. “I think she can help all of us.”
“Who is she?” I asked. Maybe I could run her name by Ulric. He seemed to know every werewolf on the planet on a first-name basis.
He shook his head. “I can't tell you, not yet. She has asked me to bring you to her when you're ready, but not now.”
“Victor won't appreciate that,” I warned him.
“She asked me to bring Victor, too,” he said, clearly a bit annoyed.
“Sebastian, be careful. I'm glad she's helping you, but just because she's a wolf doesn't mean she's trustworthy,” I said.
“I've had to put down enough of my own kind to know that, Remus. And I never said she was a werewolf.”
I was about to question him further when the entire forest shook violently, like a giant was thundering around somewhere beyond the mountains. “What's that?” I asked right before a particularly powerful tremor threw me forward. Sebastian caught me in his strong arms and seemed largely unaffected.
“Probably my brother,” he muttered. “He's using one of his psychic tricks to find you, I'd guess.” He smirked. “Looks like his mark isn't as strong as mine. I never needed psychic powers to find you in the same house.”
“Yeah, well, your stamp is probably causing interference,” I said, pulling away. “I have to go before he finds me, but please, Sebastian, come home.”