by L. C. Davis
“Before you go, I've answered a lot of your questions,” he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes that I hadn't seen in far too long. “How about you answer one of mine?”
I sighed. “Fine.”
“Where are you right now, anyway? In the real world, I mean.”
Heat crept into my cheeks again, betraying an answer I didn't want to give. “That's none of your business.”
His eyes widened as he watched me. “You're in my room, aren't you?”
“Shut up, Sebastian!” I muttered, stalking off in the direction that was my best guess at the path that would lead to consciousness.
He caught up with me easily, striding backwards up the hill. “Did you go into my room just to sleep in my bed?”
“No,” I grumbled. It was the truth. “I went in to smell one of your shirts, okay?”
He laughed carelessly as the forest shook and started to dissolve at the edges. “Well, that answers another question.”
“What?” I snapped.
“You're still in love with me.”
“No! I just wanted to find out if your scent had the same effect now that the mark is gone,” I said, picking up my pace when the edges of the world began to turn blacker.
“Oh, it's not gone,” he grinned.
“We'll see.” Once I made it up the hill, I broke into an all-out sprint towards the Lodge.
“Give Victor my regards!” he called after me.
“I most definitely will not,” I yelled. The thunderous sound of the world being shaken into little black bits of nothingness threatened to drown out all else. When I looked back, Sebastian was gone and so was our forest. In another moment, I found myself hanging in a void only to be dropped suddenly like the invisible floor had disappeared.
The fall was a seemingly endless one and yet barely any time seemed to pass before I fell back into Sebastian's bed. As my eyes fell shut on the dream world they opened to reality.
15
When I awoke, the first thing I saw was my own face. I was flat on my back, staring up at a picture of myself that had been pinned to one of the slats underneath the top bunk. I recognized the picture as having been taken from one of my few official dates with Sebastian. I was sitting on a bar stool at the diner all the college kids liked to frequent, sipping a milkshake and trying to block out my face from view of the camera.
Someone pounded on the door and I hit my head on the top of the bunk, sending the picture drifting down onto my lap. I pocketed it and ran to the door, unlocking it. A bewildered Victor stood on the other side, staring at me in confusion as I rubbed my sleepy eyes.
“What the hell are you doing in here? I've been looking everywhere for you.”
“You couldn't tell I was in here?” I asked warily.
He hesitated. “Of course. I just couldn't figure out why you would be and thought you'd found some way to slip the mind control.” He frowned. “Why are you in here?”
“I thought I could find something that might give us a clue about Sebastian's whereabouts.” I hated how easily the lie had come to me.
“So you fell asleep in his bed?” he asked doubtfully.
“Uh, yeah. I didn't sleep well last night.”
“Apparently not. Come on, Ulric wants to talk to you.”
“What time is it?” I asked, yawning.
“A little after six.”
“Oh, shit! I was supposed to bring Maverick and Brendan food.”
“Don't bother, Hunter ordered enough pizza to keep us all fed through the apocalypse,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Oh, and Clara said to tell you thanks for taking care of everything.” He looked at me, clearly expecting an explanation as I led him down the hall.
“Oh, it's nothing,” I said. “I just filled in for her in the infirmary so she could get some rest.”
“That was kind of you,” he said, putting an arm around my shoulder. “Sounds like you had a busy day, especially after everything last night.”
If only he knew. “I'm just trying to be less useless since I'm stuck in the Lodge.”
“You were never useless, but I'm proud of you. You're taking this all very well. You know, I will be able to remove the mental block eventually once the danger has passed.”
“Which could be tomorrow or never,” I murmured. “But I'm fine either way. The only person I have to worry about out there is Sebastian, and I don't even have the first idea where to find him.”
“Neither do I,” he admitted. “But another of our other problems might be solved. Ulric has finally come to a decision about the ritual.”
“Really?” It was hard to sound enthusiastic when I already knew what the decision would be.
“Don't get too excited,” he said dryly, opening the door to the study. Ulric was nowhere to be seen.
“We both know what he's going to say, Victor. He's not going to go against your recommendation,” I said. “And he shouldn't. I've accepted it.”
“Who are you trying to convince, me or you?”
Before I could answer, Ulric walked in and shut the door. He motioned for us to have a seat, so we did. It dawned on me that it hadn't been so long ago that it had been Sebastian and I sitting across the desk from him.
“First I'd like to thank you both for your diligence in looking after the pack while I've been busy. I've spoken to most of the alphas in the eastern half of the country in the past forty-eight hours, so I'm stretched a bit thin,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “I've been gathering as much information about this ritual as I can and so far everything seems to corroborate Hunter's theory.”
“We're going through with it?” I could be grateful for that, at least. It was the vampire sacrifice part I wasn't sure I could stomach, but if it would keep the people I loved safe, I was going to have to find a way to deal with it.
“Yes. It's the best way to protect the pack for the immediate future,” Ulric said. “I've recommended that the others do the same and most of them have agreed. Some can't see past years of comfort and complacency to take the threat of the hunters seriously, but all we can do is warn them. As of now, all packs in the western United States have declared a ceasefire on their tensions and quarrels until the hunters can be dealt with. For now, we'll gather intelligence and act cautiously.”
“So no one has any idea where the hunter compound is?”
“The best guess is somewhere between here and Oregon,” Ulric said, sighing. “A surprising number of pack leaders thought the hunters had gone extinct. That's how under the radar they are. We'll worry about starting an offense once our defenses are fully established. Which brings us to the ritual,” he said, looking directly at me.
“Before I state my decision about tomorrow evening, do you have any arguments you'd like to make since this concerns you directly?” he asked.
It took a considerable amount of willpower, but I shook my head. The myth that there was a right and a wrong choice in every decision had to be one of the most laughable ideas humans had come up with. As of late, my life had involved nothing but choosing between the lesser of two wrongs. I had the choice between dishonoring my mate and allowing someone else to be sacrificed in my place. I had the choice between two brothers, neither of whom I deserved. I had yet to enjoy the luxury of an obvious choice between right and wrong.
There was no right choice here, only the one I could live with a little easier. As with all the choices I had faced lately, the answer was Victor, now and always. If I could choose him over Sebastian, surely I could choose him over myself, but that didn't mean I was doing the right thing.
“No,” I said confidently. “I respect Victor's decision.”
I didn't miss the look of surprise on Ulric's face and I couldn't even look at Victor. It wasn't that I regretted choosing to obey him, because I didn't. It was guilt over the fact that we were only being forced to make such a terrible decision in the first place because I had riled up the hunters.
“As do I,” Ulric said after a long pause. “Which is
why, in spite of my own considerable reservations, I've decided to go with his recommendation of allowing you to be given as sacrifice for the ritual.”
It took a moment for his words to sink in. I looked between Ulric and Victor, trying to make sense of it. “I think I heard you wrong,” I said slowly.
“You didn't. No vampire will be killed for the ritual,” said Ulric. “Your mate has sufficiently convinced me that the risk of you dying is virtually nonexistent, and you'd be far more of a risk to yourself if we brought in a substitute. I was adamantly opposed until he informed me that he'd done some considerable research of his own.”
“You did that for me?” I asked in disbelief, turning to him.
He smiled reluctantly. “I did say I was going to be on the phone all day, I just didn't say why. I've spoken to every wolf, psychic and priest in a thousand-mile radius. Once I explained the incident in Atlanta and your hybrid nature, the general consensus was that you'll experience desiccation again and nothing more. Prentice's letter just corroborated it.”
“I still can't believe you --” I broke off when tears started streaming down my face. “Victor, you don't even know how much this means to me.”
“Obedience is the ultimate form of trust, Remus,” he said, taking my hand in his. “I know that for you, placing your life in my hands is nothing compared to trusting me with your heart. As much as I hate this, I could hardly consider myself worthy of such sacrifice if I didn't put your feelings above my own.”
“I'll be fine,” I promised.
“I know. If I thought otherwise, we wouldn't be doing this. Just don't prove me wrong.”
I jumped up from my chair and hugged him tightly. “Thank you so much.”
He held me close. “Thank you for trusting me.”
“Always,” I said, burying my face in his neck.
“Don't you two have a room?” Ulric asked dryly.
I pulled away, blushing. “So we're doing the ritual tomorrow night?”
“Yes. Hunter has asked that all essential personnel meet downstairs at eleven to go over the details. The ritual itself begins at midnight,” he said. “I suggest you both get plenty of rest tonight.”
“We will,” Victor assured him. “Is there anything else I can do?”
“No, you should go and enjoy the evening.” He didn't need to add that we should enjoy the evening in case it was my last.
“Do you have a minute, Ulric?” I asked.
He looked up at me, surprised. “For you, I have a thousand minutes.”
“Can I come find you?” I asked Victor.
“Sure, I'll be in the gym. I need to stretch my legs somehow after being in the office all day,” he said, closing the door behind him.
“What can I do for you?” asked Ulric.
I leaned on his desk, tugging nervously at my sleeve. “I saw Sebastian today.”
“What?” He nearly stood from his chair. “Where?”
“No, not here,” I said quickly. “Uhm, in a dream.”
“Oh,” he said, relaxing a bit. “Well, that's normal. You're worried about him.”
“Yeah, except it wasn't just a normal dream,” I said awkwardly.
Ulric looked confused for a moment, and then his eyes widened. “Oh. I see.” He cleared his throat. “Well, son, you know, the heart is a fickle thing. Having a risque dream about an ex-flame is fairly normal, but this would probably be a better conversation to have with Clara or Maverick.”
“What? No! God, no,” I cried, resisting the impulse to gag. “That is not the kind of dream I'm talking about.”
“No?” He looked visibly relieved. “Thank goodness. We'll just pretend like that little misunderstanding never happened then, hm?”
“Never,” I said emphatically.
“What kind of dream was it, then?”
“Lucid. At least, that's what he said it was,” I explained. “Everything felt, looked, sounded and smelled real. I've only ever experienced that with Victor and years ago when Sebastian had his vision. I know it wasn't just a normal dream, but do you think it really could have been him?”
“It could have been,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “What exactly did he say?”
“He told me he was studying with some sage to learn more about vampires.”
“Sage?” he frowned.
“Yeah. He wouldn't tell me her name, but he said she wasn't a werewolf. Does that ring any bells?”
“Sage is a title only a few are worthy of, but that doesn't mean no one unworthy claims it. What else did he say?”
“That he'd had a change of heart,” I said cautiously.
“A change of heart about what?” he asked it in such a way that led me to believe he knew exactly what.
“About us. Me being a vampire, specifically. He also said I still had his mark. The weird thing was, I could see it. I could see both of them plain as day.”
“I suppose it's conceivable that mate marks would be visible in the dream world,” he mused. “Of course, that would mean the mark really was present in real life as well.”
“I was afraid you'd say that.”
“Does it really matter?”
I stared blankly at him. “Of course it matters. I can't be marked by two wolves.”
“Can't goes out the window when you are.”
“That was such a dad joke,” I said dryly.
“Really? Good, I've got a million of them. I mean it, though. Whether you're marked by both of them or not doesn't take away the fact that you have a choice.” He paused for an uncomfortable amount of time, assessing me. “But that's not what you're really worried about, is it?”
“What?” I asked nervously. “I don't know what you're talking about.”
“Yes, you do. You're not afraid of the choice between Victor and Sebastian being taken away from you by the mark,” he said, more assured with each word. “You're afraid of having to make the choice at all.”
“I-it wouldn't even be a choice,” I stammered.
“No? The fact that you were dreaming about Sebastian at all suggests otherwise.”
“Of course I dreamed about him. Like you said, I'm worried,” I said, folding my arms. “I dreamed about going shopping with Clara the other day, does that mean I'm in love with her, too?”
“I never used the word love,” he said, his eyes dancing with mischief. “It's interesting that you did, though.”
I let out an exasperated sigh. “I am not still in love with Sebastian. Victor is the one. The only one.”
“I'm sorry to tell you, but the mark can't exist without love,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “I don't make the rules, but if you can figure out who did, go ahead and take it up with them, by all means. Throw in a few cross words for me while you're at it.”
“I'm glad you find this so funny.”
“I don't find it funny at all,” he admitted. “This mess happens to involve three people I love more than anything and, by blood or by fate, you're all my children. I knew from the moment Sebastian brought you into my study that night that there was no way for this to turn out that wouldn't hurt all of you, no matter who you end up choosing.”
“Your souls are intertwined and they always have been,” he continued. “Not just yours and theirs but Sebastian's and Victor's as well. Some say twins are two halves of the same soul, so what do you think happens when one of those halves finds his soulmate while the other doesn't?”
I raked my hands through my hair and paced the length of his desk. “This would all be so much simpler if I wasn't involved.”
“You've always been in the picture, Remus. Before any of you were born your paths were destined to cross by some unseen force, that much is clear,” he said thoughtfully. “I don't know if it really is the moon or just another small part of the grand balancing act that is the universe, but whatever it is it's strong and the more you all try to deny it, the more pain there will be for all of you.”
“So what are you saying?” I asked, trying
to keep my voice steady. “That I don't really love Victor?”
“Of course not. It's easy to see that you do,” he said, his tone gentling. “And it's also easy to see that you still have some feelings for Sebastian. The sooner you figure out what those feelings are, the better.”
“And what if I don't want to know?” I asked. “What if the truth just causes more chaos?”
“Truth never causes chaos, my boy. Sometimes it breaks the dam that was holding it back, but the chaos was always there,” he said, looking me straight in the eye. “It's inside of you, and if you don't move past this stagnation, this world caught between Victor and Sebastian, werewolf and vampire, you're going to end up hurting the very people you want so badly to protect and mark my words, it'll tear you apart in the process.”
“Maybe you're right,” I admitted. “But I don't know how to move forward.”
He smiled, tapping his fingertips together. “That, my dear, is the secret of life. Some figure it out when they're young and others are still clamoring to figure it out by the time their children are old enough to ask them for it.”
“You?”
“Oh, yes. You think this is where I thought I'd be at my age?” He chuckled.
“Well, you're not dead,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“No, I'm not and I expect I'll keep trying to figure it out until I am. And why not? Life's been pretty good to me so far. I've got a hopeless pack of mutts to look after and keep me busy, I found you when I thought all hope was lost, and I've got one hell of a business going.” He leaned in to whisper, “Besides, how many people can say they run a night club and a sex dungeon at my age?”
I couldn't help but laugh, shaking my head. “I guess that's not what the guidance counselor predicted?”
“Hell, no. I always thought I'd be an accountant,” he said. “At least I do my own taxes.”
“I'd really like to see how you report the Lodge's expenses sometime,” I teased. “On second thought, no, I wouldn't.”
He chuckled. “In all seriousness, though, I know I missed out on most of the important talks, but the best piece of advice I can give you is that no one ever really has everything figured out. Not the priests, not the sages and certainly not the alphas. We're all just making it up as we go, and you just happen to have somewhat more unusual problems than the rest of us. There are some decisions even your mate can't make for you. For those, go with your heart. It'll never lead you wrong and, if you're very lucky, it just might lead you to an answer here or there.”