Not nearly enough, I thought. I counted on my fingers.
“Five, I think,” I said. “But I’m fine. I’m just a little unbalanced, but it’s no big deal.”
She chuckled. “The last time you said something was no big deal my picture was posted all over the internet.”
Really?
“But I meant it,” I said. “It should have been no big deal. I didn’t want that for you.”
She hesitated again. “I know,” she said.
“I’m think I should go,” I said. “I need to go home and sleep it off, I think.”
I got up, using one hand to push off the grass, and I lost my balance, falling to my knees again. I grunted and finally got up.
“You’re not driving, are you?” she asked.
“I’ll be fine,” I said. I turned around. I couldn’t remember where I parked my car. I didn’t remember coming in one, actually.
“You’re not driving, Brian,” Sadie said, and it wasn’t a question this time.
“I don’t think my car is here anyway,” I said. “I’m planning to call a Lyft.”
I patted my pockets. “Apparently my wallet isn’t here either.”
Shit, did I lose it somewhere? I didn’t usually drink, so this was a lot for me.
I sighed. “Can you come get me?” I knew I was pushing it. I was asking a lot from someone who asked me to leave her alone. “Just to drop me home. You can totally say no. I can get a lift from someone I think.” I glanced toward the house. Everyone was drunk in there. I didn’t think I would get a lift from anyone here and arrive home in one piece.
“I’m on my way,” she said, even though I expected her to tell me to piss off. “Where are you?”
I tried to explain to her and had to repeat myself three times. Maybe I wasn’t as straightforward about it as I thought.
“I’ll be there in a bit,” she said when she finally had it down. “Don’t do anything stupid while you wait.” She hung up.
“Sadie?” I asked into the phone, realized she had hung up. I stared at the screen. What counted as stupid? Drink more? Because I wanted to do that.
I went inside and order another beer.
I would only drink until she arrived. Whatever was left, I would leave, I promised myself. It was like food for the road or something.
Even in my inebriated state, I was nervous about seeing Sadie again. Alcohol couldn’t dull the thudding of my heart when I thought about getting to be with her again.
Chapter 22 – Brian
A car pulled up in front of the house a short while later. I sat on the porch steps, sucking on the bottle of beer I’d found. When she waved at me, her raven hair falling over her shoulder, I got up. Instead of leaving the beer like I’d vowed I would, I downed it, pouring the remainder into my gut.
Waste not, want not, right?
I threw the bottle to the side for someone else to pick up in the morning and walked toward the car, trying to look upright and sober.
When I got into the car, she glanced sideways at me.
“Thank you,” I said.
“More alcohol?” she asked.
I nodded. I wasn’t going to lie to her. “Sometimes a guy just needs to forget.”
I realized what I’d said and clapped my hand over my mouth again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. About forgetting, I mean.”
She shrugged, and I couldn’t read her expression. “It’s fine,” she said. “Your place?”
I nodded, and she pulled off.
“Thank you for picking me up,” I said. “You’re really nice.”
“I just didn’t want something to happen to you. Trust me, I know all about accidents and blood alcohol levels.”
“Right. We were drunk that night. God, I should have made you stop drinking. I just wanted you to have fun. We’d been talking about doing it for so long, and we were both so nervous, the alcohol helped.”
I stopped, realizing what I was saying.
Her hands were both on the steering wheel, gripping so hard her knuckles were white.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m being an idiot. I shouldn’t talk about that stuff. I’m just glad you came to get me.”
She shook her head. I took a deep breath and looked out of the window.
“I loved you so much,” I said.
I couldn’t help myself. The words were just falling out of my mouth. “I still do, you know? You’re still so much the same person you were back then. You just don’t see it. Everything I fell in love with is still there. And I don’t even care that you don’t remember, because I do. I remember how perfect you were, and I still see it in you, hiding behind you being so careful now.”
“Brian,” she said, but I couldn’t stop.
“I’m not trying to push you into anything. We can just be friends. I will be anything with you if it means you’re still in my life. God, I’ll wait forever for you, if that’s what it takes. I don’t want to lose you, and having you as a friend is better than not having you at all. The last five years without you have been so fucking empty. Sorry, I’m swearing.”
I knew I was rambling. I was pretty sure I was saying things I shouldn’t have said, too, but I didn’t know how to stop myself. My emotions were raw, falling into my lap, plain for her to see.
She was quiet. I glanced at her. Her face lit up with passing streetlights as we drove, her dark hair hung over her shoulders, and her lashes were impossibly long.
“God, you’re so beautiful,” I said. “You were a stunner at school. The cheerleader that everyone wanted, and you wanted me. And now? You’ve grown even more beautiful. You’re a fucking goddess now.”
I was swearing too much. When I looked at her, her face showed nothing. She didn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I know I’m fucking up. I just can’t help it. Whenever I’m around you, I forget everything, and the only thing that matters is you. It sucks that I found the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and she forgot all about me.”
Sadie stopped in front of my gate, and I pressed the button to open it. She drove in and parked in front of the front door.
“Thank you so much,” I said. “For driving me.”
I opened the door. I wasn’t going to ask her in. I was going to be a good guy and let her go.
Something went wrong with my feet when I wanted to get out of the car, and I fell out instead.
Sadie laughed, the first sound from her since I got into the car, practically. She got out of the car and hurried around to me, kneeling. She was laughing, her gray eyes bright.
I touched her cheek, and her breath hitched in her throat. The laughter wiped away. I would have regretted it if her eyes hadn’t still been smiling at me.
She helped me up. I was fine for the most part. My coordination was just a little off. I got the door open. My wallet lay on the little table in the foyer where I’d forgotten it. Hanson had picked me up, I suddenly remembered.
I was way more drunk than I had initially realized.
“I’ll be fine,” I said, turning to Sadie.
She was a lot closer than I’d thought, her body just inches from mine. My body was hot, and my mind clouded. The only thing I could see was her big eyes looking up at me and her lips, perfect.
I couldn’t resist her. I’d never been able to, but with alcohol in my system, I was a fool in love. I put my hands on her cheeks and tipped up her face, pressed my lips against mine.
She froze, and for a moment, I expected her to slap me in the face. But then she kissed me back, her mouth opening and her tongue meeting mine. Her arms curled around my neck, and she kissed me back.
Chapter 23 – Sadie
I kissed him back. My reasoning told me not to, but everything inside me was drawn to him, and I couldn’t stop myself.
The things he’d said in the car. Oh, my God. A woman strives to be loved that much. I didn’t remember any of it, save for a few flashes, but he remembered it all. To be seen that way made all my
worries slip away.
I put my arms around his neck and kissed him back. I think he was surprised, but it didn’t take very long for him to get with the program.
My hands were in his hair, his hands were under my shirt on my back, and I pressed my body against him as hard as I could. My breasts were against his chest, and he breathed hard in my mouth. I felt him hard and long in his pants, urgent for me.
I knew he was drunk. I could taste the alcohol on his breath, and logic told me that this wasn’t real if he was so drunk. What if it changed in the morning? But his ramblings were the truth. His drunkenness had only removed the wall that kept it all away from me, for my sake.
There wasn’t a single doubt in my mind that what he felt for me, what he’d said, was real.
And that made me want him so badly it hurt.
The same wave of feelings I’ve had every time I saw him hit me, and I suddenly realized what I felt. I cared for Brian. Deeply.
I wouldn’t call it love because I didn’t know him, because it scared me to have feelings for someone I didn’t remember, but I knew what I felt, and I was going to act on it tonight.
Brian’s arms came around me, and he lifted me. I wrapped my leg around his hips, and he held me up with one arm. His other reached for my breast, squeezing it, kneading it through the t-shirt I was wearing. He was so strong. I felt his muscles, taut and bulging.
He carried me to the bedroom like I weighed nothing, his legs climbing those stairs with a lot more stability than he’d had getting out of the car. In the bedroom, he all but threw me on the bed and crawled on top of me.
He pinned me with his body, his weight only half on top of me so that he wouldn’t crush me. His lips found mine again, tongue in my mouth, tasting me. His hand pushed underneath my shirt and tugged my bra cup down so he could reach my breast. His palm was hot on my naked skin. He ran his thumb in circles over my nipple, and I gasped.
It tugged at all the right muscles in my core, and I gasped.
He tugged up my shirt, and I lifted my torso from the mattress so he could undress me. My pants were next, and we managed to get them off without getting up.
He reached behind his neck and pulled off his shirt in one easy motion.
I’d seen him naked before, but I stared at his chest again now. His muscles were big and defined, rippling under his skin as he moved. His blue eyes were on me, pupils dilated, and he did nothing to hide the adoration on his face.
He had to get up to get rid of his jeans, but he didn’t take very long at all. He kept his boxers in place. His cock strained against the material, reaching for me.
Brian draped himself over me again. He kissed me, and his hand was on my breast, the other beneath my head. My body pressed against his, and I felt his erection against my hip.
Slowly, he moved his hand down over my ribs and my stomach, going south. He pushed his hand into my panties, and his fingers found my slit. I gasped when he brushed his fingertips over my clit and dipped his fingers into me. I could feel how wet I was by how easily his fingers slid into me. He groaned against my mouth, feeling it, too.
His fingers returned to my clit, and he made out with me, tongue in my mouth while his fingers circled my clit, making it hard for me to think about anything else than what was happening in my panties. He rubbed me up in all the right ways, and the orgasm built inside me, hard and fast.
It didn’t take long before he pushed me over the edge, and my body curled against his as I came. I pressed my face against his shoulder as my body contracted. My toes curled, and I didn’t breathe for a moment before I gasped.
When the orgasm faded, Brian removed his hand from my panties and kissed me. I breathed hard, my body tingling with the aftermath of the orgasm.
He rolled over, away from me, and opened a nightstand drawer. He fiddled with something that sounded like paper. When he rolled back to me, he had a foil square in his hand.
He put the condom down next to me and kissed me again. His hand trailed down my body another time, but this time, he tugged down my panties. I helped him remove them by lifting my legs. When they were off, he threw them on the floor. He pulled me onto my side against him and unclasped my bra, peeling it off my shoulders. He handled me with such ease and so carefully that I felt delicate and beautiful.
When I lay naked in front of him, he stopped and stared at me. He didn’t try to hide it. His eyes slid over my body, hungry as he stared at me. I loved the way he looked at me like I was a rare beauty. What had he said in the car? A goddess.
Brian pulled down his underwear. They got stuck on his erection, and when he pulled them down hard, his cock bounced back. I giggled. He grinned at me, looking sheepish, before he rolled onto me. My thighs fell open for him, and he moved between them. For a moment, I thought he would forget about the condom, but then he pushed up and sat on his knees. I passed him the condom, and he ripped the packet, taking out the sheer rubber.
He pinched the tip and rolled it over his cock. The condom stretched around his size, and he filled it all the way and then some.
When he was ready, he positioned himself between my legs again, hand at his base, aiming for my entrance. He pressed his tip against me, and I held my breath before he pushed in.
When he slid into me, I let out the air in a gasp, and I felt him push my walls away, sliding into me. He was hard and thick, and he slid in until he was buried deep inside me.
I gasped, trying to catch my breath. He only gave me a moment to get used to him before he started moving in and out of me. His hips pushed against mine, and he fucked me harder and harder, his cock sliding in and out until I was moaning in rhythm. He built another orgasm deep inside me, starting at my core. It filled me up slowly, like hot water filling a cup, and I was going to spill over soon.
My breasts jiggled as he fucked me. I moaned through parted lips and held onto his shoulders, feeling the muscles beneath my fingertips.
“Turn around,” he said in a growl a few moments later. He pulled out, and I rolled onto my stomach, pushing up so that I was on all fours on the bed. He entered me from behind, and I cried out.
He pushed deeper into me, moving his hips slower, as if he knew that he was reaching deeper than before. My breasts swung back and forth, and I moaned as he stroked in and out of me.
His arm was around my waist, his body bent over mine, and he held me in place as he bucked his hips, pumping into me. I felt another orgasm build. It felt different than the first, starting deep inside me. My body trembled. I struggled to keep myself up with my arms. Brian held onto me, and it was the only reason I hadn’t fallen yet.
I came again, the orgasm unexpected. I cried out, and my arms gave way. I lay on my chest, my ass in the air, and Brian didn’t move inside of me when my walls clamped down on his cock, my muscles contracting and releasing, milking him of something he hadn’t given me yet.
When the second orgasm slowly faded, I was out of breath. Brian slowly pulled out of me, and I was sensitive. I whimpered and collapsed on my side.
Brian lay down behind me, his body curled around mine, and he planted kisses at the back of my neck, making me shiver. I was out of breath. His hands trailed over my body, tracing my ribs, my hips, my legs, and my back. His erection was against my back, rubbery because of the condom. He hadn’t come yet.
Just as I thought it, he moved and positioned his cock against my ass. We were in a spooning position, and I leaned forward so I was at the right angle for him to push into me again. When he did, it was so much more intimate than it had been in doggy style.
One hand was on my hip, the other on my shoulder as he held me in place. He started moving again. At first it was slow, as if he knew I was sensitive. My body was tight around his cock. Echoes of the orgasm returned as he pushed and pulled with long, slow strokes.
I gasped and moaned, taking deep breaths.
Brian kept it slow and sensual for a short while before he started moving in and out of me faster again. I braced myself, grip
ping the edge of the bed to keep steady. He held me between his two hands on my hip and my shoulder and fucked me hard.
His crotch slammed against my ass. Moaning and the sound of thick flesh pounding in and out filled the room.
A third orgasm grew inside me. My body tensed, and I felt like I was in a constant state of orgasm as he rammed into me, his strokes shortening, pace picking up yet again, and he worked toward his own orgasm.
When he came, he shoved himself deep inside me, and I felt his release, pumping into me. I rolled into a third climax, and it was new for me to feel it this intensely. I fell apart in Brian’s hands and cried out, shuddering, pleasure rolling through my body like waves. He held onto me, his hand gripping my shoulder almost painfully, and I heard his breath being forced out of his body as he came.
Slowly, my orgasm faded, and I felt his cock relax as well. We lay like that, frozen in time for a moment, basking in the afterglow of what we’d just done.
Finally, Brian slid out of me. He rolled onto his back, and I felt him move, pulling off the condom. He fiddled with the foil, and I imagined him pushing the used condom into the packet so that he didn’t have to get up from the bed and leave me here alone.
He rolled against me again, his body pressed against mine so that we spooned properly. He lifted his head, and I turned mine to kiss him. We lay together like that, naked, close.
Slowly, the sex faded. Brian fell asleep, and the sound of his rhythmic breathing filled the room. My mind started bothering me again. Worry replaced the feeling of bliss and affection, and I was unsure now. I knew what we’d just done. Every time I was with Brian and the emotions overcame me, I slept with him. I always felt great until I started thinking.
Thinking was my worst enemy.
I couldn’t fall asleep. My stomach knotted with stress. I couldn’t lie in his arms and act like everything was okay.
Slowly, I lifted his arm and wriggled out from his grip. He slept like the dead with all the alcohol in his system. I pulled the cover over him as best I could with his weight trapping most of it and found my clothes. I got dressed.
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