Just like she was the one responsible for the tension between Dave and her. Nobody else, just her.
Yeah, friends were supposed to come before women. But what about that other saying? The one that said family came first? Dave was the only family she had left, so what did that say about her?
**
Angie shut the door behind her, trying to be quiet. The living room light was on, but that didn’t mean Dave was awake.
She really hoped he wasn’t awake because she wasn’t in the mood to deal with him tonight. She was tired, so tired and drained. If he saw her dragging herself in like this, there would be another confrontation and he’d demand that she quit the bar. Again.
That was if he even bothered saying anything to her at all. Lately he had just been giving her the silent treatment. Silentâexcept for his eyes. They were filled with either disappointment or disapproval, and she wasn’t sure which bothered her more.
Yes, she did. Disappointment. Seeing that hurt her more than she wanted to admit, and she didn’t know what to do about it.
She didn’t know if there was anything she could do about it.
Her mouth opened in a long yawn that she didn’t bother to stifle as she moved through the living room. Steps sounded to her left and she looked over, surprised to see Dave walking out of the kitchen.
“I didn’t expect you home.”
Angie flinched at the accusation and lifted her chin. “It is my home, you know.”
“No, I wouldn’t, considering how little you’re actually here anymore.”
“Dave, I’m tired. Can we please not do this right now?”
“Do what?”
“This. Argue. The tension and the guilt. All of it. Can we please just not do it?”
He stepped into the living room and sat back on the sofa, leaning back as he watched her with one raised brow. “I’m not arguing. And if you’re feeling guilty about something, well, I’m not sure what I have to do about that.”
“You have everything to do with it!” She leaned against the stair railing and folded her arms across her chest. “The way you’ve been acting, the stunt you pulled the other week showing up at Jay’s. Even tonight, how you were acting, staring everyone down. Why? I don’t understand!”
“You don’t understand?”
“No, Dave, I don’t. You keep treating me like I’m twelve years old. And how you’re treating Jay. He’s your friend!”
“No, he was my friend.”
Angie swallowed against the thickness in her throat and shook her head. “Why? Because we’re seeing each other? Why does that make a difference?”
“Because it does, Angie.”
“God, this is so stupid. I don’t understand, I really don’t. Why is it so wrong for me to like someone you work with? Why is it so wrong for me to be having fun and enjoying myself?”
“You won’t be saying that when he breaks your heart. Trust me, I know Jay. And if you think for one minute that he’s somebody you can trust, then you’re fooling yourself.”
“Oh my God, I can’t believe we’re having this discussion! Do you even realize that we’ve been dating for close to three months already?” Angie took a deep breath and wiped her hand across her eyes. “And so what if it doesn’t work out? Don’t you think I realize that’s a possibility? Why does it matter when we just enjoy being together for now?”
“Because if either one of you had any respect for the boundaries, neither one of you would be seeing the other, that’s why. And for that, I blame Jay.”
“Well here’s a newsflash for you, big brother. I’m the one who asked Jay out, not the other way around. And I asked him several times because he kept saying no, even after I threw myself at him! But he kept saying no. Because you were his friend. So don’t blame Jay, blame me!”
Angie snapped her mouth closed, surprised at the anger lacing her voice. Dave’s head snapped back as if he had been slapped, his brows drawn together in a scowl of anger and disappointment. Silence stretched around them, so heavy she felt herself smothering under its weight.
Dave finally stood, his expression still ominous as he approached her. He stopped next to her and looked down, disappointment clear in his dark eyes.
“I had more faith in you, Angela. But I guess I was wrong. So congratulations, I hope having your fun is worth destroying a friendship. And the relationship with your brother.”
He pushed past her as she sagged against the railing, the finality in his words leaving her more stunned than any physical blow. Her chest heaved as her breath caught in her throat, her lungs tight with the effort to draw breath.
How could he even say such a thing to her? To accuse her of such things? She waited for anger to course through her body, waited for indignation and fury to overtake the tears that hovered at the corners of her eyes.
But all she felt was disappointment. And a keen sense of loss, as if something had been savagely ripped from her chest.
Because his accusations so closely resembled what she had been thinking earlier that evening. If she hadn’t pursued Jay, none of this would have happened.
None of it.
Dave and Jay would still be friends.
Her family would still be intact and she and Dave wouldn’t be strangers living under the same roof.
And she wouldn’t be becoming attached to someone she had no right to be attached to.
Angie dropped to the bottom step and hugged her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth. Tears seeped from her closed eyes but she ignored them, her mind reeling and her heart breaking. Dave was right. About everything. If she hadn’t pushed, none of this would be happening right now. So what if she’d had a crush on Jay? She’d had other crushes and never acted on them. That was part of life. So why had she pursued Jay? Why had she pushed it this one time? Was it because of the allure of having somethingâsomeoneâwho was off-limits?
None of this would be happening right now if not for her. If she hadn’t thrown herself at Jay, hadn’t kept pushing when he turned her down, life would be normal. No stress, no anger, no tension. She’d have her brother back. Her big brother, her only real family, the one constant in her life. The big brother who had looked out for her growing up, who made sure she was safe and happy. Who made sure she’d be able to pursue her dream career, who supported her and worried about her.
Dave was right. All of it was her fault.
She needed to think, needed to decide what to do.
And wondered if she had the strength and courage to do the right thing.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Jay tossed the towel over the shower rod and grabbed his pants, pulling them on and working the zipper as he walked out of the bathroom. A quick glance at the clock told him that it was too early for Angie to be here, and he wondered who else would be knocking at the door.
Or maybe Angie was early.
He felt a grin tilt the corners of his mouth and decided not to mess with the button of his jeans. Of course, he’d feel like an ass if it wasn’t Angie, but still.
He pulled the door open and his grin turned into a full smile when he saw Angie standing there. Her eyes dropped to his bare chest then lower, and he felt a moment of uncharacteristic ego and pride that just looking at him could bring a flush to her face.
Of course, he wasn’t immune to her gaze, and felt some of the blood rush south as she looked him over.
He didn’t say anything, just grabbed her hand and pulled her inside and against him for a long heated kiss. His cock was fully at attention now and he wondered if he could talk her into going to dinner late.
Considering she was early and all.
A second went by before he realized she wasn’t pressing herself against him like he was used to, that she was actually pulling away instead. He released his hold on her and let her step back, studying her face.
Dark circles blemished the fragile skin under her eyes and her face was paler than normal. The corners of her mouth were turned down in somet
hing not quite a frown. The first inkling that something wasn’t right went through him, twisting in his gut. He reached for her hand and led her to the sofa. He sat down next to her, turning so they were facing each other.
“What’s wrong?”
“Jay, I…” Her voice drifted off and she looked away, her teeth pulling on her lower lip. She shook her head then took a deep breath, her hair falling forward and hiding her face.
He felt his stomach twist even further and he swallowed, wondering what was going on but afraid to hear, afraid that he already knew. He reached out and pushed the hair back behind her ear, his fingers lingering in the soft strands before he moved his hand away.
“Talk to me Angie. What is it?”
She finally looked up at him. The sheen of moisture in her eyes hit him in the gut, knocking the breath from his lungs. He clenched his jaw against the sensation and didn’t move, afraid to breathe, afraid of what he saw in her eyes.
“Jay, I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.”
The reality was worse than he had imagined. A slice of something sharp and hard tore through his chest but he refused to acknowledge it, refused to give into it. He leaned back and watched her, saw the anguish in her dark brown eyes. He swallowed and shook his head, still not understanding.
Not wanting to understand.
“Do what, Angie? What is it you can’t do anymore?”
“This. Us. Everything. IâI just can’t, I’m sorry.”
Jay was silent for a long time, watching her, praying that this was some kind of twisted joke. He wanted to rewind the last ten minutes and pretend he had never heard the knock on the door. Rewind the last twenty minutes so he could slip in the shower and knock himself unconscious.
Because anything would be better than this. Better than the desolation in her eyes, better than the gut-twisting agony that threatened to double him over in pain. He breathed in through his nose, deep, and held it, trying to settle the rampage of emotions destroying him. But it didn’t help. He didn’t know if anything would help.
Jay let out the breath and still said nothing, not sure if he could trust his voice to stay calm and level. Another minute went by and he knew he had to speak, had to ask.
“Why?”
Angie shook her head and looked away. He thought there should be some comfort in the turmoil she was so obviously feeling. If there was, he couldn’t find it.
“It’s…everything. The stress and the tension. The way things are between you and Dave. The way things are at home. I can’t do it anymore, I can’t. It’s not worth it anymore.”
A flash of anger burst inside him at her words. “Not worth it? Don’t you think maybe I should have a say in if it’s worth it or not? Or do you mean it’s not worth it to you?”
“No. No, that’s not what I meant. Don’t you see? I’m responsible for all of it. And none of it would have happened if I hadn’t chased after you. Even you saidâ”
“Angie, I don’t care about that. Any of it. I care about you. Can you really sit there and say it’s not worth it?”
Her mouth opened then closed again and she said nothing. She watched him with sad, moist eyes then shook her head. “I can’t do it anymore, Jay. I’m sorry.”
He clenched his jaw and looked away, not knowing what to say. The past few months with Angie had been the longest he had been with anyone for too many years to remember. And he had thoughtâwell, it didn’t matter what he thought, not anymore. Unless…
He looked back over at her, trying to reign in the avalanche of emotions that threatened to crush him. “Is there someone else?”
“What? No. God, no.” She leaned forward and reached out with one trembling hand and cupped his cheek. Her touched seared his flesh and he nearly pulled away. But he couldn’t, he didn’t want to. Because damn him, he still wanted her touch. She was destroying something inside him and he still wanted her touch.
“There’s nobody else, Jay.”
He reached up and covered her hand with his, not knowing what else to say. And no matter what she said, he knew deep down that there was someone else.
Her brother. And her insanely misplaced loyalty to himâand to Jay’s old friendship with him. But he didn’t know what else to say, didn’t know how to tell her that none of that mattered. He didn’t know how to convince her that everything would work out regardless.
He only knew that something was shattering deep inside him, tearing him apart, and he didn’t know what to do about it.
And still he didn’t move, didn’t say anything. Just watched her, watched the pain and tears in her eyes. And then he leaned forward, just the barest of movements, until his mouth was suddenly on hers. Soft, tender, hesitant.
He waited, expecting her to push him away. But she softened and pressed her body more tightly against his, a small moan escaping her as she wrapped her arms around his neck and surrendered to him.
He knew he should stop, knew that this could only make things worse. But he didn’t. He wanted Angie one last time, wanted to make sure she would never forget him, that he would forever be emblazoned in her memory.
He ran his tongue along the closed seal of her lips, groaned when she opened for him and met his tongue with hers. Flames kissed his flesh wherever her hands roamed, along his shoulders and chest, down across his stomach.
To the zipper of his jeans.
Jay shifted as she pulled the zipper down, reached in and grabbed him. He groaned at her touch, pressed himself more fully into her hand. She broke the kiss and pulled back, releasing him. But she didn’t stand, didn’t leave. Instead, she reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it over head, tossing it to the floor. Her arms reached behind her, unclasping the bra, and the bright lacy material slid down her arms.
He reached out and traced her collarbone with one finger, surprised to see that his hand was trembling. Her head tilted back as he ran his finger down to her breast, tracing its fullness, moving closer to trace the outline of her nipple.
Her hand reached up and closed around his wrist, stopping him. Now she would leave. She would realize what they were doing was wrong, that she didn’t want this.
But she didn’t leave. She slid off the sofa and undid the snap of her linen capris. Her thumbs hooked into the waistband and she pushed them down past her hips, let them slide to her feet until she stood before him, wondrously bare to his eyes.
Jay’s eyes caressed her body, memorizing each curve and indentation, memorizing how the curl of her hair rested over her shoulder and fell against one breast, how her chest rose and fell with each ragged breath and how her body flushed pink under his gaze.
He stood up and pulled her into his arms, claiming her mouth once more, wanting to possess her but knowing he could do no more than taste her this one last time. Then he bent over and wrapped one arm behind her legs and lifted her, carrying her into the bedroom and placing her gently in the middle of the bed.
He pushed his jeans down and kicked them away, then stretched out beside her. Angie’s eyes glistened with moisture and he leaned down, kissing each lid with infinite tenderness.
He heard her gasp, felt her chest heave under his, but he didn’t stop. He placed light kisses along her face, behind her ear, down her throat.
And when she reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, he pushed her away, gently. Long enough to grab a condom from the nightstand and sheath himself. He rolled back over and stretched against her, on top of her, settling his weight between her legs. He braced his weight on his elbows and cupped her face in his hands, his eyes searching hers before he lowered his head and claimed her mouth in a searing kiss.
And drove himself deep inside her.
She gasped, her breath mingling with his, then raised her legs and wrapped them high around his waist. Her hips thrust against him, seeking, demanding.
But not yet. Not now.
He set the pace, slow, agonizingly slow. He pulled out, then eased back in, over and over, until the sheen of exe
rtion covered both their bodies, until his breathing was as ragged and desperate as Angie’s.
And then he felt it, a tight clench around his cock that pulled him even deeper, that threatened to bring him to his knees. Angie’s head dropped back, her mouth parted as short gasps turned into moans of need. Her hips thrust, faster, searching, and Jay pulled back, almost pulled out of her, nearly killing himself with the torture.
“Angie, look at me.” His voice was harsh, hoarse, ripped from a throat aching with raw emotion.
She shook her head, one tear falling from the corner of her eye.
“Angie, look at me.” He begged. He didn’t care, he wanted thisâneeded thisâtoo much to care.
And then she opened her eyes, glazed with passion, filled with emotion. He held her head between his hands and thrust into her, harder, faster.
Deeper.
Demanding.
“Don’t ever forget me, Angie.”
Her body tightened around his, drawing him in, holding him, caressing him until she exploded around him. And still he wouldn’t let her look away, needed to watch her as he found his own release inside her.
She finally turned her head to the side, breaking the contact that joined them together as much as their bodies had been joined. Jay released his breath and lowered himself against her, felt her arms coming up to hold him, her hands stroking his back in small circles.
He didn’t know how much time had passed, seconds or minutes, but she stopped touching him and let her arms drop to the side. Coldness settled over him, reaching deep inside and filling him with a chill he didn’t think would ever leave him.
He rolled off her, onto his back, and draped one arm over his eyes. He didn’t want to see her now, didn’t want anything to replace the last image he had of her in his mind.
The bed dipped as she climbed out, not saying anything. Her soft steps crossed the room, moved into the hall. He could hear her gathering her things, getting dressed and straightening up.
Then he heard the door open, the soft click as it closed behind her.
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