Angie was gone.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The words blurred in front of Jay and he blinked, trying to bring them back into focus. He didn’t know why he bothered, though, because he had been reading the same article over and over and couldn’t even guess at what it was about.
Reading. Yeah.
He wasn’t reading, he was staring into nothing, hoping a numbness would somehow claim him. It hadn’t happened in the past three days, why did he think it would happen now?
And the only reason he was still reading the paperâstill holding it in front of himâwas because he didn’t feel like talking. To anyone. And if he got rid of the paper, he’d be expected to join in the conversation.
And that was the last thing he wanted.
Words and phrases drifted into his consciousness and he tried to push them away, tried to ignore the carrying on around him. But it was getting harder to do, harder to pretend that it didn’t piss him off.
Because Dave and Jimmy were at the next table, carrying on with Pete and Adam, talking about Dave’s sudden mood change.
And laughing about it. The fuckers.
Jay shifted in the hard chair and looked over, clenched his jaw then looked back down at the paper. He felt Mike studying him and he shot her a quick look, catching the question in her eye. Jay shook his head and said nothing.
What could he say?
“Well, whatever the hell it was, I’m glad you snapped out of it. You were becoming a miserable son of a bitch.”
Dave laughed, the sound grating on Jay’s nerves. “Yeah, I guess. But hey, at least I’m over it, and all is right in the world.”
Jay couldn’t handle it anymore, not without exploding and doing something he shouldn’t. He tossed the paper on the table then stood up, his angry strides eating up the distance until he pushed through the door hard enough that it banged against the wall.
He wanted to hit something, needed to hit something. And if he didn’t leave, that something would be Dave’s smug face.
He turned toward the basement and took the stairs leading down at a jog, hitting the light switch as he turned the corner. He unbuttoned his uniform shirt and threw it over a hook then grabbed a pair of gloves from the shelf.
He didn’t worry about lacing them, didn’t care about anything except the bag hanging in front of him, daring him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then stepped in close and jabbed. Once, twice.
Over and over, until the bag spun crazily under his assault. And still he didn’t stop, just kept pounding it, over and over, until sweat poured down his forehead and stung his eyes.
He tilted his head and wiped his face against his shoulder, then hit the bag again, his aim steady.
Jab. Thwack.
Jab. Thump.
Jab. Jab. Jab.
He stopped, his chest heaving, and rested his forehead against the bag. Dammit. Damn everything.
“Hey, Jay. Mind if we talk?”
Jay stiffened, not believing his ears, knowing he must be imagining things. He turned and blinked the sweat from his eyes, but the image in front of him didn’t disappear.
“I have nothing to say to you.”
Dave stepped closer, holding one hand out. Jay ignored him and ripped the gloves from his hands, then tossed them back on the shelf. He moved over to the weight bench, intent on ignoring him, but Dave followed, coming closer.
“Listen, I just wanted to apologize for acting like an ass. No hard feelings, right?”
Jay looked down, saw Dave extending his arm. For a handshake? Was he fucking serious?
He stepped back, knowing that he was dangerously close to using Dave as a punching bag, and shook his head.
“Fuck you.”
Dave’s hand dropped to his side and a look of surprise crossed his face at the cold words. He frowned, studying Jay, not saying anything for a few seconds.
“I’m trying to say I’m sorry, Jay. I don’t want this to come between our friendship.”
“What? Are you fucking kidding me? You worry about that now? Now?” Jay snapped his mouth closed and took a step back, trying to put distance between them before he really did do something he’d regret.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say.”
“How about nothing, okay? You son of a bitch. Where do you come off, coming down here and acting like everything’s fine? Like I’m going to forget what you did?”
“What I did? Tell me Jay, what did I do?”
“You went overboard. You want to be pissed we were seeing each other? Fine. I get that. But you went overboard. You treated me like shit, and you put Angie through hell. Well congratulations, you got what you wanted. Now get the hell out of my sight.”
“What the hell did you want me to do? You were screwing my little sister! I did what I had to do to protect her!”
Jay ran forward, intent on letting Dave have it, but stopped himself at the last minute. He held his clenched fists down at his side as he struggled to pull deep gulps of air into his lungs.
“I wasn’t screwing her.”
“Don’t fucking lie, Jay. I know what I saw that morning, and you’re not going to tell me you weren’t screwing her.”
“Hey, asshole, I wasn’t screwing her.” Jay repeated, his voice getting louder. “Did you ever to stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I care about her? No, of course you didn’t, because you’re the only one who matters.”
“Bullshit Jay. I’ve known you for too long, I know how you are. So yeah, I did what I had to.”
“What you had to do? Seriously? How? By making her miserable? By making her feel guilty? By making her choose between what she wants and what you want? Then congratulations, you just showed her how important she really is to you.”
“Where the hell do you get off talking to me like that?”
“I’ll talk to you however I want. Now get. The fuck. Out.”
“Hey!”
The sharp word shattered the echo of their shouts and Jay stepped back, surprised to realize he was nearly nose to nose with Dave. He shook his head and walked back to the weight bench, not bothering to look at Mike as she stepped between them.
“Unless you two want everyone in the station to know what the hell is going on, both of you need to shut the hell up.”
“Mike, this doesn’t concern you.”
“Maybe not, but that’s never stopped me before. Both of you are acting like idiots. Jay, you need to calm down.”
He turned his head and stared at her like she was speaking another language, thinking that out of everyone, at least she would have his back. She glared at him, then turned to Dave.
“And you need to think about what Jay said, and what you did, and then ask yourself why the hell you did it.”
“You saw him, how he acted! I came down here to apologizeâ”
“Stop. Just knock it off. Nobody wants to hear you apologize, Dave, not unless you know what the fuck you’re apologizing for.”
Dave’s mouth opened, for another rebuttal, Jay was sure, but he snapped it shut when the medic alarm rang. He shook his head and said nothing, just turned to leave and hurried up the steps.
Jay sank down on the weight bench and dropped his head into his hands, his breathing still heavy and strained. He felt Mike’s eyes on him, waited for her to say something, but silence filled the room. She finally sat down next to him, her sigh heavy and depressed.
“I wish I knew what to say, Jay.”
“Nothing. There’s nothing to say.”
She sighed again and leaned her head against his shoulder then straightened with a muttered curse. “Damn, you stink.”
Jay laughed, the sound forced and hollow, and raised his head to give her a grateful smile. The smile fell flat, and he saw worry flash in her eyes.
“I’m here for you, buddy, you know that. What can I do for you? What do you need?”
Jay shook his head and looked away, his gaze settling on the concrete floor beneath his boot
s.
“Time. Just…time.”
**
Duffy’s was crowded again, the live music bringing in the people and the alcohol helping keep them there. Angie and Rick had been busy all night, aided by Grant, the bar’s owner. The extra pair of hands helped, and Angie didn’t want to think about how crazy it would be with just two of them.
The downside was that she had more time to think during the rare lull in the rush. She didn’t want time to think.
So she made sure to keep busy, including running back to the large walk-in to grab extra cases of beer. She lowered the last one to the counter then leaned over and pushed open the top of the cooler, rotating the bottles before filling it. Then she broke down the empty case and looked up, making sure there were no waiting guests, before letting her eyes search the crowd.
Again.
She tried to ignore the pang of disappointment that filled her and called herself all kinds of stupid. Because even if Jay was here, it’s not like she could talk to him.
Not like she would even know what to say to him.
She stacked the empty boxes together then walked to the rear of the bar and placed them on the pile of the other broken down cardboard. Either her or Rick would take them out to the recycle bin later, just before they closed.
Angie made her way back to the front of the bar and took a minute to stretch her back, feeling her tight muscles loosen, if only briefly. She used the chance to search the crowd again, her eyes focusing on the corner table. Everyone else Jay worked with was there, even her brother.
Everyone but Jay.
She sighed and reached for her glass of soda, taking a sip.
“If you’re looking for Jay, don’t bother. He won’t be here tonight.”
The voice startled her and Angie nearly dropped the glass in her hand. Her fingers tightened around it and she carefully placed it on the back counter then turned, only partially surprised to see Mike leaning against the bar.
Guilt filled her and she wondered how much the woman knew, wondered how much Jay had told her. “I, uh, wasn’t looking for Jay.”
The delicate brows arched above clear blue eyes in question. Or maybe it was doubt, Angie didn’t know. But the woman didn’t say anything, just ordered another round for the group.
She didn’t bother with small talk, not knowing what she would say anyway, and busied herself with pulling beer from the cooler. The woman watched her, then turned back to look at her friends at the corner table.
“Your brother looks like he’s having fun.”
Angie looked up in surprise at the words, then glanced over at the table and felt a small smile form on her face. “Yeah, he is. That’s good to see, at least.”
“Your brother’s an ass.”
Angie spun to face the woman, certain her surprise was evident. Surprise, and a flash of irritation at the accusation. “He’s notâ”
“Really? Maybe, maybe not. I just find it funny that you’re over here, looking completely miserable, while he’s over there having fun. Makes me wonder what happened, you know?”
Mike watched her for a long minute, her clear eyes seeing too much before she grabbed the tray and stepped away. Angie watched her progress through the crowd, feeling a tinge of jealousy when Nick dropped a kiss on her cheek before moving toward the makeshift stage.
She wondered what it would be like, to be in a relationship like theirs, because it was obvious to even the most casual observer how much they loved each other. Jay had told her a little bit about their story and she knew that it hadn’t been easy between them, but they had stuck it out and worked through it.
Guilt washed over her again but she pushed it away. She had done the right thing, she knew she had. There was no more tension between Dave and Jay, no more tension for either of them at work.
And no more tension between her and Dave at home. In fact, it was like the last several months had never happened. No, he hadn’t stopped giving her grief about working at the bar but it was no longer a continual battle, and for that she was grateful.
But Mike was right. She was miserable.
And had been since telling Jay goodbye two weeks ago.
How much longer before she didn’t feel a stab of pain every time she thought about him? How much longer before she would stop thinking about him?
She reached for her soda and drained it, then refilled it and sat it back on the counter. The band was warming up and the crowd was getting thicker around the bar, the patrons wanting to get one last order in before enjoying the music.
Angie went on auto-pilot, opening bottles and mixing drinks as quickly as Rick and Grant, knocking the lines back with little effort. And once again, Angie’s eyes searched the crowd, looking for a head of dark blonde hair and a set of gray eyes.
“Who are you looking for?”
Angie jumped at the voice at her elbow then turned to find Dave watching her. She shook her head, feeling like she had just been caught doing something wrong and not liking the feeling one bit.
“Nobody, just checking out the crowd. Did you need another drink already?”
Dave held up the bottle, showing her it was almost full. “No, I just came over to remind you about taking off for the camping trip. It’s next week.”
She swore under her breath, having completely forgotten about the trip. There was no way she was going, not now, not after everything that had happened. She opened her mouth to tell Dave that but was stopped from saying anything when Rick stopped beside her.
“Already taken care of, pal. Told you I’d make sure she was off.”
Angie stared after him as he moved away, then turned a furious look to her brother. “You asked Rick to give me the time off?”
“Of course. I knew you’d forget, and that’s what big brothers do.”
“No, Dave, it’s not. Dammit, why do you have to keep trying to run my life? Did you think that maybe I didn’t want to go?”
He watched her, his eyes questioning, and she realized that, in his mind, he did nothing wrong. He took a swallow of his beer then shook his head, giving her a smile. “Of course you want to go. You’ve gone every year. It’ll be fun, like always.”
“Dave, I don’t want to go. And I’m notâ”
But the band started playing, drowning out her words, and Dave walked away without even acknowledging anything she had said.
She stared after him, the realization slowly dawning on her that she needed to take control of her life, because if she didn’t, Dave would keep on doing it.
But she had no idea how to do it, not when everything she had tried so far had failed.
Well, no more. And she’d prove it by not going on that trip.
She couldn’t go, for many reasons.
The biggest reason of all was Jay.
And Dave would not force her into changing her mind.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Vibrant greens whirled by, occasionally breaking to show a glimpse of valley, a flash of sunlight on deep green and brown below before coming together and soaring up, disappearing into shadow.
Angie leaned her head against the seat and stared out the window, watching the scenery pass by as they sped along I64 in West Virginia. She supposed the explosion of nature passing them by should fill her with a sense of peace and calm.
She was anything but.
Dave had won. Again. And now they were nearly to their destination, a partially wooded property tucked between Fayetteville and Park Service property in the New River Gorge that one of his friends owned. The back of Dave’s truck was loaded up: tents, sleeping bags and air mattresses, firewood, cooler. Two duffel bags, one packed hastily and without much thought.
You’d think they were heading to a month-long excursion in the middle of nowhere, instead of a three-night getaway on the edge of small-town civilization.
Three nights. Angie repeated the words in her mind, telling herself she could handle this for three nights. They’d be back home by Thursday, since Dave and e
veryone else on his shift had to work on Friday. Surely she could handle three nights.
“How long before you get over your snit? It’s been almost six hours, hasn’t that been long enough?”
Angie turned her head and stared at Dave, her look letting him know in no uncertain terms that no, it wasn’t long enough. But just in case he didn’t get that, she said, “I’ll be over my snit on Thursday when we get back home.”
“I don’t get it. What is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” She leaned over and turned the radio down, then turned in her seat. “What’s wrong is that I didn’t want to come on this trip. I told you that. But you wouldn’t listen, as usual.”
“You’re just being hard-headed. You’ve come the last couple of years and had fun. I don’t understand why you’re being difficult.”
“Difficult? Dave! What part of ‘I don’t want to go’ didn’t you understand? Why is it you always have this need to decide what it is I want without even asking me? Why do you feel like you need to control my life?”
He turned his head and looked at her, then went back to focusing on the road in front of them. His phone buzzed in its holder and he grabbed it. A frown creased his face, his mouth tightening into a hard line as he powered the phone down and tossed it on the dash. Angie was about to ask him who was texting him and if anything was wrong but he started talking before she could, picking right up where they left off.
And of course, he only picked up on what he wanted to hear, not what she was saying. “Again, I don’t understand why you didn’t want to go. A lot of the guys are bringing friends or family. It’ll be fun, just like always.”
“Are you really that stupid?”
His head whipped around and he glanced at her, surprise and dismay clear on his face. “Maybe I am. Maybe you should explain because I really don’t see what the issue is.”
“Really Dave? You think being forced to spend four days in the middle of the woods with a guy I’m no longer seeing is a good idea?”
He tossed her another look, a frown deepening the lines on his face, and she secretly rejoiced. Finally, he understood! She just wished he had seen the light six hours ago before he forced her along.
Playing With Fire (Firehouse Fourteen Book 2) Page 14