by T Gephart
Travis lunged again, Dave managing to deflect. “You better get out of here, asshole.”
He took one last look at me, shook his head and then walked out. I had no idea what was going through his mind or where he was going. The opportunity to ask slipped through my fingers as I heard the revving of the Mustang outside and the skidding of tires as he drove away.
I sunk back into my chair feeling relieved, but still shattered at the same time.
He’d not only managed to facilitate our breakup, but made himself the bad guy. Leaving me to be devastated in front of my family while he pretended to be the hurtful dick. It was definitely an award-winning performance. And as stupid as it sounded, it just made me love him all the more.
God, I hoped when it was all over, I’d still have him in my life.
Even if I couldn’t have him the way my heart wanted him, I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him completely.
I looked down at breakfast, deciding I was no longer hungry. “I’m going to go get changed.”
“Baby, I’m sorry.” My mom stood, opening her arms for me. I sank into them, welcoming their comfort as I felt my eyes water.
As she rubbed my back, I choked out a sob. “Oh, Jessica. I promise it will be all right.”
I couldn’t help crying, but not for the reasons she probably assumed. It was because I was in love with a good man, and he’d deserved better. And I deserved better from myself.
Unable to deal with the concerned looks of my family any longer, I excused myself and went upstairs to my room. My suitcase was still by the front door but I grabbed an old bathrobe from my closet and took off my dress. It was when I tossed my clothes onto my bed that I saw there was an unread message sitting on my phone.
Hope they bought it. See you in L.A.—D
My heartbeat jumped as I messaged back.
Thank you x
My fingers hovered over the keys, wanting to write more but I didn’t. There was no way I could begin to convey what was going on in my head and my heart with a text message, so I didn’t bother to try. Instead I switched off my phone and hoped that its inactivity would minimize the temptation to call him.
I was already struggling and didn’t expect it to get any easier.
Taking a deep breath, I walked out of my room, locked myself in the bathroom and stood under the shower until I felt like I was no longer going to cry.
Maybe someday, when all of the shit was behind us, we could start again.
And the next time around, it would be just for us.
No performance.
No money.
No lies.
Not right now, but eventually . . . at least that was what I hoped for.
Because the alternative—that it had all been for nothing—was unthinkable.
DR. BARTLETT WAS CONCERNED ABOUT Gran’s low blood pressure but wouldn’t know anything more until he ran additional tests. She was tired and wanted to go back to her home and he saw no reason to move her to a hospital.
She continued to be annoyed at the fuss we were making, perking up when I snuck into her room with some contraband wedding cake Mom had brought home.
“Aren’t you flying back today?” Gran asked as I took a seat beside her bed. “And don’t look at me like I’m about to keel over. I know I had a bit of a spell yesterday, but I’m not dead yet.”
I smiled, shaking my head at her choice of words. “You didn’t just have a spell, Gran. Dr. Bartlett needs to run more tests. And we’re just worried about you because we love you.”
She folded her arms across her chest looking inconvenienced. “You didn’t answer my question. I thought you were leaving today?”
“Anyone would think you were trying to get rid of me,” I laughed. “I decided to stay another day so I changed my flight until tomorrow.” Or at least that was my plan; I still needed to clear it with Jeremy.
She tilted her head like she knew there was more to the story. “Is Dave staying too, or did he have to get back for work?”
“Well, about that.” I took a deep breath. “Things didn’t work out the way we’d hoped and we decided to go our separate ways. I honestly think it’s for the best though, and I’m sure there is someone else who is just right for me out there. You will just have to make sure you stick around so you get to meet him.”
“You broke up?” Gran’s eyebrow rose. “You want to tell me what happened?”
It would have been easy to throw Dave under the bus and say he was an asshole. Or take his lead, pretending he was too busy with his career to deal with me and our “relationship.” He didn’t want to be tied down . . . blah, blah, blah.
But I couldn’t do it, the words so incredibly vile they gave me heartburn, the acid rising up my esophagus just at the thought.
“Nothing really happened, I guess we just wanted different things. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time?”
Even if he wasn’t around to hear it, I wouldn’t vilify him for my benefit anymore.
He deserved better.
“Well, that’s a shame,” she said with a silent grin. “I guess things work out the way they’re supposed to.”
I narrowed my eyes wondering if the low blood pressure was making her act weird. “Yeah, I guess they do.”
“As long as you’re happy, sweetheart, I’ll be happy.” She pushed back the comforter, slowly swinging her legs around. “Now, help me up out of this bed, I want to get dressed before I go back home.”
While I was glad Gran wasn’t upset, she had taken my break up with Dave better than I’d expected. Perhaps she’d been given happy pills instead of a sedative, or it was one of those conversations she wouldn’t remember later, but her lack of concern was surprising. I assumed she’d be a little bit more . . . something.
Pushing it out of my mind, I helped her get out of bed and into her clothes. Holding her arm, we managed to get her downstairs, my mother irate we hadn’t called for help.
“LeeAnn, I’ve told you a million times you need to stop hovering. Jessica and I were more than capable of getting down those stairs.” Gran waved off my mother. “Now be a dear and bring the car around.”
Mom didn’t argue, rolling her eyes at us both as my dad went and got the car. While we waited, Travis and Amy shared their good news with Gran, Amy showing off her shiny new ring. Gran Shelly beamed with pride, happy there was going to be another wedding soon.
It would be a cold day in Hell before anyone attended mine, ironic that for the first time ever there was actually someone I would consider marrying.
It wasn’t until after Gran left with Mom and Dad that Travis dropped the smile with his annoyance from earlier resurfacing. “I’ve already told Dalton and he’s tipped off his buddy who works with the TSA. He’s going to hook us up and make sure fuckface gets pulled aside for a thorough search.” He cracked his fingers as the devious grin spread across his lips.
“Travis, you can’t use the TSA as your own personal revenge squad. Not only is it against the law but I don’t need you fighting my battles for me.” I yanked on his ear. “Now, call Dalton back and call it off. I don’t want Dave messed with. And if anything happens to him that I can tie back to you, it won’t be him you’ll have to worry about.”
He threw his hands in the air, blowing out a breath of frustration. “Jesus, Jess, you are no freaking fun. And just so you know, this has nothing to do with you not being able to fight your own battles. We’re family and we stick together. If this was Dalton or Mel, I’d be just as mad.”
I rubbed his arm, knowing his heart was in the right place. “I know, and it’s sweet that you want to protect me, but I think this is all for the best. It’s not the right time in my life either. I’m so busy with work and we probably would have broken up later anyway,” I tried to reason, hoping to convince myself as the words came out of my mouth.
Part of me had to wonder—in a different time, in a different place—if we could have made it work. Or maybe I was just delusional and had started to b
elieve my own fucking bullshit PR.
“Plus, you don’t want to date someone who the whole world has seen with their shirt off,” Amy added, trying to be helpful. “Not that there is anything wrong with men showing their chests, and his was pretty darn nice.”
We laughed. Her effort to convince me I was better off completely missed the mark, but I appreciated the sentiment. His chest was pretty damn nice and I didn’t care who else had seen it, I just wanted it—like the rest of him—to be mine.
Assuring them both I was fine, I pushed them out the door to leave me alone in the house.
I couldn’t take it any longer.
Taking the stairs two at a time, I raced to my bedroom and grabbed my cellphone. I powered it up as fast as I could, the moments ticking painfully slow until the screen lit up with the background picture. My fingers scrolled through my contacts, thanking the Lord his name was at the start of the alphabet as I paused and hit dial.
“Hey, it’s me.” My heart stopped the minute he picked up, hoping he was able to talk and not about to board a plane or worse, already in one.
“Hey.” The one word not enough as I willed him to say more.
“It’s the first opportunity I’ve had. Gran’s gone back to my aunt’s and everyone’s left the house.” I settled onto my bed, kicking off my shoes as I got comfortable.
Please talk to me, I begged. Please, give me something—anything—just so I can keep you in my life. Even if it’s just as a friend. Even if you don’t love me the way I love you.
“How is she?”
A long breath blew out from between my lips as my head rested against the pillow. “Hard to say, they’re going to run tests and see if anything comes up. Of course she’s acting like we’re all fussing for nothing and almost didn’t die a few months ago.”
“Well, if she’s angry that’s probably a good sign.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, remembering her laying on the bed and her skin the color of ash. “I . . . I told her about us. About us breaking up.”
“And how did she take it?”
I shook my head, still a little surprised by her reaction. “It was weird, she didn’t seem to really care. Gave me some line about things working out for the best or some shit like that. I don’t know, I thought she would have been more disappointed.”
Lord knows I had been disappointed. And not that I’d wanted to upset her, but I assumed she’d give me more than advice I’d have easily found in a fortune cookie.
“That is strange. Anything more you need from me?”
Come back.
Let’s start again, and this time it can be for real.
“No.” I gripped the phone closer to my ear wishing we were still in the same room. “You were brilliant. Not that I ever doubted your ability, but everyone bought the whole thing. I couldn’t have asked for a better costar.”
“Well, I’m glad it worked out the way you wanted. Pity I won’t get recognized by the Academy.” He chuckled, the humor missing from his laugh.
“Yeah, sorry about that. Your next role will though. You start filming soon, right?”
I’d hoped the change in the conversation would help, moving us back into familiar territory. Work had been our common ground, and right now it was the only ground I was still sure we shared.
“Yes, soon.”
He gave me nothing.
Keeping his answers short and concise with zero emotion. I had no idea what he was thinking, or whether he even wanted to talk at all. At this point, he no longer owed me anything, so he could have easily hung up.
“So . . . where are you?”
Like a pathetic loser, I tried again. With still no idea what I was hoping to achieve.
“Dallas. I jumped on the first flight out and am waiting for a connection to L.A. I didn’t want to hang around Shreveport and risk blowing our cover. With us broken up, I had no reason to stick around.”
He was right, of course. It wasn’t like he could hide out in Shreveport until I was ready to leave. But the logic didn’t matter, his departure stinging all the same.
“Dallas, huh? Going to pay that sex club a visit? You’ll have to tell me if it’s worth the trip.” I shook my head, wondering what the hell I was saying.
“Yeah, I forgot about that. Thanks for the reminder,” he chuckled. “Have you decided when you’re flying home?”
It was an interesting choice of words, and not just because I’d been hoping we’d be taking the return trip together.
I’d always looked at Shreveport as home, and L.A. as just a place I lived. But the more I thought about it, the more it felt like the other way around.
“I’m catching a flight tomorrow morning. Jeremy is probably going to pitch a fit but he’ll just have to deal. What time is your connection?”
“In another hour.” The disappointment laced his words. “I have to meet the director in the morning.”
“That’s so great. This is a big opportunity, and you really are perfect for the part.” I tried to hide my own disappointment, knowing I was running out of reasons to keep him talking. “Honestly, Dave. You’re going to do so great.”
There was a pause, neither of us saying anything as the silence stretched out uncomfortably between us.
“So, do you still want to go to Jimmy’s exhibit?” He was the first one to speak. “The opening is Friday.”
“Of course, I want to go. We had a deal, remember?”
The exhibition had been the furthest thing from my mind, but there wasn’t anything that would stop me from keeping up my end of the commitment. It was the least I could do. Besides, as tragic as it sounded, I’d go to a thousand exhibits—a million—willingly, and use any excuse possible to see him.
He blew out a breath, sounding tired and maybe a little frustrated. “Yeah, we had a deal.”
“Jessica?”
I heard my name being called from downstairs; my parents already back home.
“Shit, I need to go. Message me when you land in L.A.” I stood up, knowing our time was coming to an end.
“Yeah, okay. Bye, Jess.”
The call ended just as my mom opened the door, her eyes looking around the room like she expected someone else to be there.
“Hey, baby, what are you doing up in your room alone? I hope you weren’t sitting here being sad?”
“No, Momma. I just needed to make some calls; I still haven’t called my boss. I’ll be down in a minute.”
“You take whatever time you need.” She straightened her string of pearls. “And don’t let that heathen give you any lip. He’s lucky to have you.”
Yeah, well that wasn’t true. I wasn’t sure anyone was lucky to have me. But saying that out loud would get me a three-hour lecture from LeeAnn Dawson listing all my virtues, and I didn’t have the energy. My mother didn’t do wallowing and wouldn’t accept anyone else to doing it either.
“Thanks, I’ll be down soon.” I held up my phone up and waited for her to leave.
Calling Jeremy to give him bad news was never a fun conversation, calling him on a Sunday when he and his wife were supposed to be having couple time was even worse.
“I swear to God, Jessica,” he answered, barely taking a breath. “Unless you are calling me from a jail cell or the inside of some gator’s stomach, you better be coming back tomorrow.”
“I’m coming back tomorrow.” I winced before adding, “Just a little later than expected. My flight leaves in the morning, so I’ll get there sometime in the afternoon.”
“Fuck,” he shouted into the phone. “Two days with Katrina is giving me an ulcer. On Friday, she put Julian Schubert on hold. JULIAN SCHUBERT. I had to kiss his ass for twenty minutes and then promise him my first-born. And you know there is no way I’m ever having kids.”
I cringed, hoping there was only so much damage she could do in the time before I got back. My work was the one part of my life where I had my shit together; I didn’t need it going down the tubes because of carelessness and my own stupi
dity. “I’ll call her and run through anything important. I have your schedule synced to my phone.”
“Fine, do what you got to do.” He hung up, not bothering with a goodbye.
I tentatively made my next call, praying Katrina could handle L.A. while I dealt with my own drama in Louisiana.
“Jess!” Katrina squealed into the phone. “Oh my god, I’ve missed you. You have to tell me everything? Did your family freak out when you arrived alone? They understood when you told them the truth, right? What am I saying? Of course they did, they’re your family.”
As far as Katrina and Liz were concerned, I went home alone. Once there, I would confess everything and beg for forgiveness. Which left them completely in the dark about my elaborate plan with Dave. It made sense to involve as few people as possible, minimizing the chance of something screwing up. Of course, them not knowing meant I also didn’t have anyone I could confide in either, my misery remaining my own.
“I’d rather not talk about it.” I coughed, not wanting to even think about it right then.
“It went that good, huh?” She laughed. “Okay, I’ll let you off for now but tomorrow you’re going to tell me everything.”
I took a deep breath. “Well, that was part of the reason I was calling. I’m going to be late tomorrow, so I need you to cover for the morning. But Katrina, you can’t screw up, Jeremy is already pissed about Friday.”
“That wasn’t my fault. The guy had an accent, and it was hard to understand him. I made one mistake and Jeremy flies off the handle. I swear you are a saint for putting up with him.”
“Just get through tomorrow, I’ll be back later in the afternoon,” I begged.
She agreed, grumbling that she would be on her best behavior and see me tomorrow.
Well, at least the drama of work would keep my mind off Dave—and what would happen the next time I saw him—and my grandma whose health was still questionable.
After changing my flight with the airline, I trudged downstairs to where my mom and dad were sitting at the kitchen table. Deep lines of concern covered their faces, their masks of happiness returning the minute they’d noticed I was back.