by Rosie Clarke
Nicolas gave a shout of laughter. ‘You say the most amusing things, Emily Carter. No wonder I think of you when I’m up there in the blue sky …’
Emily felt the heat spread through her but she walked on and resisted the urge to look back and see if he was watching her. Mr Nicolas liked a joke – and she liked him a lot. She had since the day he took her to the infirmary and held her when she learned Pa had died. Of course she knew he was just being friendly. His smiles and jokes didn’t mean anything. He was a gentleman and she was just a common farm girl – perhaps even worse, she was his sister’s maid.
The divide between them was a huge gaping hole. He wouldn’t ever think of marrying a girl like her – and she should put the idea right out of her mind or she would end up with a broken heart. Even if he liked her, it could never be more than a flirtation – without ruining Emily’s reputation. Was he thinking she might allow him to seduce her? The thought made her hot all over and she thrust it from her mind. Mr Nicolas was too much the gentleman – surely?
Yet it made her feel good to know that he was back home safe and she liked his smile. Of course he didn’t think of her when he was flying – why should he? She knew he was just being friendly, but it made her smile all the same.
Emily was still glowing when she entered the kitchen. She took the gown into the scullery and sponged a faint mark from the bodice, then returned to the kitchen and placed it over an elm spindle-back chair by the fire while she tested the iron. Various pots were simmering gently on the range and the kitchen was full of tantalising smells as dinner took shape. On the dresser an array of cold puddings and savouries had already been set out on large silver dishes with paper doilies.
‘That iron will be a bit hot for that gown,’ Mrs Hattersley warned. ‘You’d best let it cool off a bit first.’
‘Yes, I shall,’ Emily replied. ‘Did you know that Mr Nicolas is home?’
‘Is he? Janet will need to set another place for dinner then. I’m told she’s the new upstairs maid, until Mary comes back. I’m glad I made those macaroons. Mr Nicolas is partial to them.’ Mrs Hattersley looked at her. ‘I hope you’re not in a dream over that ring?’
‘No, of course not. I shan’t wear it just yet. I need to think about it first.’
‘It’s a pity the lad didn’t wait to ask you,’ Mrs Hattersley said. ‘He won’t get all his money back for that ring.’
‘I suppose not. It is a shame – but I might accept it. I’m just not sure.’
‘Well, it’s your decision, as long as you don’t let him down while he’s over there. They’ve got it hard enough in the trenches without getting a “Dear John” letter from home.’
Emily turned away to press the gown. She’d damped it a little, ironing it through a wet handkerchief, and the heat on water made little hissing sounds. When all the creases were gone, she hung it over the chair in front of the range to let it air.
She wished Christopher hadn’t sent the ring because she didn’t want to let him down. Her meeting with Mr Nicolas had made her very aware that she did not wish to marry Christopher, but she knew she was being foolish. There could never be anything between her and Mr Nicolas – and if she wanted to marry, Christopher was a lovely man. He’d always been her friend and yet she didn’t know if marriage to Christopher would make her happy.
Did she wish to marry at all? Perhaps it might be better to stay unwed and seek a career, as Mrs Hattersley seemed to think was best.
Emily found the box on her bed when she went up to her room late that evening. She’d joined the others in drinking a nightcap and singing carols in the chapel and now she was tired – and there was the box lying on her bed.
Another present for her? Who could it be from? She’d given her small gifts to Mrs Hattersley, June and the others, sending Mary a pretty scarf through the post and telling her she hoped her fiancé would soon be better, and Emily had received a pair of silk stockings as a joint gift from them all.
‘These are wonderful, so fine,’ Emily exclaimed when she opened her parcel. ‘I’ve never had such a lovely present. Thank you all so much.’
Miss Amy had already given Emily a pair of leather gloves, a warm scarf and two guineas, and Mrs Hattersley had told her that all the servants would receive an extra month’s wages on Boxing Day as their gift from the family.
‘We used to receive gifts but sometimes they were useless and Lord Barton decided that money would be more suitable.’
‘I think he’s right,’ Amy said. ‘Expensive soap and sweets are nice to have but money is more useful.’
So who had placed the velvet box on her bed? It hadn’t been wrapped and was clearly a jeweller’s box. Her hand shook slightly as she picked it up and lifted the lid. She gasped as she saw the daisy-shaped pendant of large white diamonds suspended on what looked like silver or perhaps a platinum chain. The diamonds in her ring were small compared to this and they had taken her breath away. She hardly dared to look at the card that had been tucked securely into the lid of the box and yet in her heart she knew.
Mr Nicolas! Emily read the card and then sat down on the bed as her knees threatened to give way. A present like this was so magnificent and so unexpected that her head was swimming from the shock. Why had he given her such an expensive gift?
‘To the most beautiful girl I know,’ he’d written in a bold hand. ‘With love from your friend, Nicolas.’
Mr Nicolas had given her the pendant … Emily was stunned, torn between feelings of excitement and pleasure, and doubts. Gentlemen did not give their sister’s maid a gift like this unless …
She closed her eyes as the visions crowded into her mind. Mr Nicolas taking her into his arms, kissing her … lying with him in a bed that smelled of fresh linen and … there Emily’s mind refused to follow.
It would be the worst mistake of her life. If she became Mr Nicolas’s mistress she would lose her job and all her friends at the manor. She would also betray the man who trusted her and was hoping to make her his wife.
Emily would be a fool to exchange a promise of marriage for a brief fling, because that was all it could ever be. Mr Nicolas would never throw away his position, his family, everything he stood for in life – and that was what would happen if he stepped out of his class to marry Emily. It could never be and she mustn’t let herself dream.
She couldn’t let him do it, any more than she could contemplate the alternative. She would have to give the pendant back as soon as she could. Yet the temptation to try it on was overwhelming. She picked it up, holding it to her throat to fasten the catch, then went to the dressing table and picked up her small mirror. The diamonds sparkled in the light of her lamp.
It was just so beautiful, but Emily couldn’t keep it. She would have to give it back, but just for a while she would wear it close to her skin. It would be hidden beneath her uniform during the day – and if she happened to meet Mr Nicolas she could take it off and give it to him. She could just keep the box and card, which would be enough to remind her of the exquisite gift.
Touching the pendant where it lay against her skin, Emily became aware of the cold and jumped into bed, pulling the covers up over her. It had been a day of surprises. Before she came to the manor she’d never even seen anything like this pendant except in the window of the jeweller in Ely – and even there she’d never seen anything as good. Many of Miss Amy’s jewels were not as fine as these diamonds.
Her life had been a roller-coaster these past few months. The shock of her uncle’s attack on her and the breach with her mother. Then coming here to work at the manor and learning to do things the way Mrs Hattersley liked them … her father’s death … She could never have faced that without Mr Nicolas’s support.
Was that when she had given her heart, as she wept in his arms and felt his kiss on her hair? She hadn’t known it until Tomas accused her of setting her cap at her betters. At the back of her mind she’d been ready to settle for Christopher. He was her friend and she’d thought it would
be a safe, secure marriage but now … Emily suddenly realised that she could never settle for less than love.
It was stupid and would cause her more grief than pleasure, but she was in love with Mr Nicolas. She touched her pendant again, fingering it with delight. She’d never, ever expected to have such a lovely thing in her life. It must be returned, of course it must – but just for now she would savour the pleasure of feeling it lie heavy between her breasts.
She would never wear Christopher’s ring. The realisation made tears sting her eyes, because it was such a lovely thing and must have cost her friend more than he could afford. She wished with all her heart that he hadn’t been so extravagant. He ought to have asked her first and waited for her answer, but he’d wanted to show her how much he cared – and that hurt Emily, because she would have to refuse him.
To be the giver of so much pain was something she would have wished to avoid. Christopher had been a good friend to her father and he didn’t deserve to be treated so ill – and yet to marry him when she was in love with someone else would be cruel. He would be hurt but in time he would recover and find someone else.
Tears trickled down Emily’s cheeks in the darkness. Life was so unfair at times. She hadn’t meant to fall in love with a man she could never have but it had happened and there was no going back.
Chapter 33
‘Would you mind helping Mrs Jonathan change?’ Amy asked as Emily put down the champagne she’d been dispensing into crystal flutes. ‘Janet and June are both busy – so Mama thought of you.’
‘I should be happy to help her,’ Emily said. Mabel had been a lovely bride, her dress as pretty as a picture, so Emily thought. The gown must have been fabulously expensive and had been shipped all the way from New York. To Emily that seemed wildly extravagant, but Mabel’s father was a rich man. When Emily thought of what the family at the manor had spent on Jonathan’s wedding, she shuddered because it would feed several village families for a year.
‘Her room is next to mine. She will be expecting you. Don’t keep her waiting.’
‘No, I shan’t,’ Emily said and left the room quickly.
As she did so she passed close to Mr Nicolas but much as she wanted to speak to him she did not dare to breathe a word. Someone would be sure to hear her or notice her. Instead she gave him a small, shy smile and then hurried from the room. Her pendant was still nestling beneath her uniform; she could feel it against her skin and could hardly resist touching it from time to time. Giving it back wouldn’t be easy, but it was what she ought to do.
She ran upstairs and along the corridor to the room next to Miss Amy’s. When she tapped at the door a whispery voice answered and she opened the door. The bride was standing in all her finery looking lost and alone and, as Emily looked at her, she dashed a tear from her cheek. Emily realised that for all the money spent on her she was feeling as much out of place as Emily had when she first came to the manor.
‘You do look a proper treat, miss,’ Emily said. ‘I should call you Mrs Jonathan now, shouldn’t I? What a lovely dress. We’ve all been admiring it.’
‘Yes, it is beautiful. The silk was woven specially and has silver thread running through it,’ Mabel said and threw her a grateful look. ‘What is your name? I don’t think I’ve seen you before.’
‘I’m Miss Amy’s maid. My name is Emily Carter.’
‘Oh, yes. I’ve heard them speak of you.’
She had been unfastening the young woman’s gown at the back while she talked and Mabel stepped out of it. Emily gathered it up and laid it reverently on the bed. Then she brought the smart travelling gown of green silk and slipped it over Mabel’s head, fastening the hooks at the back. She stood back to admire the effect.
‘You should have your hair up with this dress, miss. Would you like me to do it for you?’
‘Please, if you would.’
Mabel sat down at the dressing table and watched as Emily swept her hair softly back from her face and gathered it into a large looped knot.
‘Oh, that does look nice, much better than I usually have it. I wish you could be my maid when we come home. Jonathan said the hotel would send a maid up for me while we’re in Devon but …’
‘I’ll be in London when you return, miss – but you could ask for Mary, if she’s back from leave. She’s better than me at dressing hair.’
‘Is she as friendly?’ Mabel asked. ‘Mother’s maid always seems snooty, as if she is used to waiting on a better class rather than being grateful for the job …’ Her cheeks flushed. ‘I shouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t being rude …’
‘Of course you weren’t, miss. You take no notice of her. Mary’s all right. I think she would enjoy being your maid.’
‘Thank you for being so kind to me,’ Mabel said as Emily offered her gloves and purse. ‘I still wish you were going to be here, but I’ll take your advice.’ She hesitated, and then reached into her leather purse. ‘Would you be offended if I gave you a tip? I never know what to do …’
‘You give tips when you’re a guest, miss. Most of the family give a scarf or a dress they’ve finished with now and then.’
Mabel took two gold sovereigns from her purse. ‘Please don’t be offended, Emily. I just want to say thank you – you’ve made me feel so much better.’
‘There’s no need, miss, but I’ll take your money and say thank you. I shall save it for a rainy day.’
Mabel thanked her but then someone knocked at the door. Mabel called out that he might come in and Mr Jonathan entered. Emily excused herself instantly, but sent the bride an encouraging look as she left.
She had a nice warm feeling as she went back downstairs to help with the clearing up. The wedding guests were departing, and June and Janet were both busy with coats and hats. Emily headed for the kitchen, because she knew there would be a pile of washing up.
Mrs Jonathan had reminded Emily of herself during her first few days at the manor. The young woman was shy and nervous, afraid of making silly mistakes. It was a pity that she didn’t have more confidence, but no doubt that would come once she’d been married for a while.
‘Emily …’ Mrs Hattersley greeted her anxiously. ‘Thank goodness you’re back.’
‘I know you’re snowed under,’ Emily said. The kitchen table was groaning under the weight of dirty dishes. ‘I’ll soon have this lot cleared up.’
‘No, it isn’t that,’ Mrs Hattersley said and her expression sent a chill down Emily’s spine. ‘Mr Johnson is waiting to see you in my parlour. He’s in such a state, poor man. Mrs Marsh took him through and gave him a glass of sherry – but he’s got news for you, bad news I’m afraid, lass.’
‘News …’ it could only mean one of two things. ‘Christopher is hurt or …’
‘Go and speak to him, Emily. He will want to tell you himself …’ Mrs Hattersley dashed a tear from the corner of her eye. ‘This lot will wait … and Mrs Marsh knows all about it so just do whatever you have to …’
Emily inclined her head. Her heart was thudding against her ribs and it was painful to breathe. She wanted to cry but her eyes felt dry and gritty, as if she was hurting too much for the relief of tears. Christopher was her friend. He’d wanted to marry her and he’d sent her that lovely ring.
Mr Johnson was standing with his back to her as she entered the small sitting room. His shoulders were bowed under the weight of his grief and when he turned to look at her she saw the pain in his eyes.
‘Christopher …’ she croaked because her throat was too tight to speak. ‘Is he …’
‘Badly wounded,’ Mr Johnson said, turning his cap in his hands in an effort not to break down. ‘He’s been shipped back to England and they’ve taken him to a military hospital down south. I knew you would want to come with me. I’ve borrowed a van and if you can get away …’
‘I’m sure Miss Amy will give me leave.’
‘It’s not going to be pretty, Emily. From what I hear he has burns to his face and the upper part of his b
ody.’
‘I shan’t scream or run away in horror.’
‘That’s why I’ve come to you. His poor mother couldn’t face it and … I’d rather not go alone.’
‘You don’t have to, Mr Johnson.’
‘Why don’t you call me Bill?’ he said, giving her a look of approval. ‘Off you go now and pack a few things.’
‘I shan’t bother to change.’
She left Mrs Hattersley’s parlour and ran hastily up the back stairs to her bedroom. Emerging with a small bag shortly after, she met Mary coming along the landing. Mary had returned to help with the wedding, but wouldn’t be back at work full-time for a few more weeks.
‘You’re off then. Mrs Hattersley told me your lad had been hurt bad.’ Mary looked at her with sympathy. ‘I haven’t forgotten what you did for me – do you need any money?’
‘No, I’m all right, thanks,’ Emily said. ‘I know your lad is recovering and I’m glad, Mary. I just hope it will be the same for Christopher.’
‘I’m going to be Mrs Jonathan’s maid when she comes back from her honeymoon.’
‘I’m so pleased for you, Mary. She’s very nice and I think you will like her.’
‘I’ll still be getting married one day, but Ted will be in hospital for months. They’re moving him to a military convalescent home nearer his family so I’ll be able to visit – but it might be years before we can wed. Mrs Marsh said they would find him an easy job here when he’s well enough.’
Emily nodded to her and ran past her along the hall and down the stairs. She hadn’t had time to find Miss Amy and tell her, but she hoped she would understand that she didn’t have a choice. Emily hadn’t had time to think about the future, but she had a horrible feeling inside that her life might be about to change and not in a way she would like.
‘The burns on Christopher’s face will heal in time and we may be able to do something to help with the scarring,’ the doctor told them before they were allowed on the ward to visit him. ‘I’m afraid his hands are so badly damaged that he will have only a limited amount of use in the fingers. He may not be able to dress himself or … what kind of work did he do before the war?’