Married to the Manny

by Daisy May

  “I absolutely do not know it,” I told him. “I can see why people prefer the metric system, but you can pry Fahrenheit out of my cold, dead hands.”

  “Celsius is superior,” Gordon teased. “If you didn’t want Kerry learning these things, you shouldn’t have hired a Canadian nanny.”

  “No, clearly I just wanted to marry a hot Canuck,” I said without thinking.

  I quickly took a sip of water. I hadn’t meant to tell him he was hot. This was only business for him, just a way to stay in the country. Clearly any suggestion that I was actually into him would make him uncomfortable. From now on, I’d be sure to restrain myself.

  “So, are you ever going to tell me what you do?” Gordon asked.

  I chuckled again. He was really determined to find out about this. Most of the men I dated didn’t care enough to ask more than once.

  Not that I was dating Gordon… not that any of this was for real.

  Putting both elbows on the table, I gave him a simplified version of what I did. He nodded along, even though a minute in, his eyes began to glaze over.

  “I’m losing you,” I said.

  “No, no, just… how about you tell me what a typical day is like?”

  I tried that, and again he made a valiant effort to stay interested. He even managed a few questions that were both intelligent and appropriate. Whether he found my job fascinating or not, he’d managed to understand what I said about it. It was more than I could say about most people.

  I knew my job wasn’t exactly lighting the world on fire. But it was something I was good at it, and it paid well, providing a bright future for Kerry. I couldn’t ask for much more.

  When I said that to Gordon, he frowned slightly. “Your parents must’ve thought the same. Do you think they’re happy you chose something that makes you money instead of making you happy? I mean, wasn’t the point of their work to ensure you had a bright future?”

  I didn’t really understand what he was getting at. “My job makes me happy,” I said. “And my parents are happy with what I do.”

  “So you would be happy if Kerry chose to do something that made her money rather than what her heart desired?”

  Now I was the one who was frowning. “I guess so. I never really thought about it like that.”

  “If your parents worked to give you a good life, and you’re working to give Kerry a good life, won’t she do the same for her kids? When does a Hofstetter get to actually sit back and enjoy their life?”

  “It’s not like that.”

  Kerry was still so little, it was hard to imagine her ever having a job at all. She was so full of life, I doubted she’d ever want to sit behind a desk all day like I did. That girl would want to run around and talk to all kinds of people. That wasn’t my personality, though. And I was perfectly satisfied with my life.

  The only thing I would really want to change was the empty bed I came home to. At least right now, I was on my way to having a fake one. If Gordon was like this every night, he’d be great company for me… even if I kind of wished we could have the physical and romantic aspects as well.

  I insisted on paying the bill, despite Gordon’s protests. The smile on his face made the expense more than worth it.

  Before we stood up, he caught my hand. “So we’re doing this?” he asked. “I mean, do you even want to continue thinking about it, now that we know each other a little better?”

  It was funny to hear him say that, because he’d already been working for me for three months, but I did feel like I knew him much better now that we’d shared a meal together. Our conversations usually stopped after a minute or two. I was a little shy to drag them out longer, to be honest.

  “I’m definitely willing if you are,” I said. “It all depends on if you want to stay here in America or not. I don’t mind at all. It’s not like I’m marrying anybody else anytime soon.”

  “Good to know I’m just the backup plan.” Gordon sounded halfway offended, but then smiled. “I’m joking. I’m fully aware this is a fake relationship.”

  “Okay.” Even though I really didn’t want it to be. “So it’s on.”

  We got up to go, and as I walked next to him, I wondered how soon I’d be able to hold his hand or put my arm around his shoulder. We’d have to look convincing in public, so that would be nice… except usually those little things led to further intimacy, and it might drive me crazy that these ones wouldn’t.

  “Where should we go from here?” he asked.

  “We should pick Kerry up on the way home.” I’d almost forgotten about that until now, too distracted by his presence. “When should we tell her about this? Tonight?”

  “That soon? I don’t know.”

  “It does feel early, but then we’re planning to get married in a month, so she’ll need a little time to get used to the idea.”

  Gordon smiled weakly. “All right,” he said. “We’ll tell her tonight.”

  Five—Gordon

  “So, are you ready?” Cole asked.

  “I think I am.”

  In reality, I wasn’t completely sure. Telling Kerry about our relationship felt like a huge step. And this was only the beginning. When it all came out to the rest of the world, it was going to be even harder for me to handle.

  “It’ll be over before you know it,” Cole said as he parked at the edge of Kerry’s friend’s driveway. “Before we go in, I was wondering if you’re comfortable with any physical displays of affection. I mean, obviously they’re going to be necessary at some point, but if you wanted to start tonight…”

  This man was trying to kill me. Literally trying to leave me dead.

  “I’m fine with that,” I said, trying and failing to smile. “It’ll make it much more convincing.”

  “All right,” Cole said. “I just didn’t want to take you by surprise if I were to hold your hand or something.”

  “I think I can deal with my hand being held,” I said—though actually, my cock was twitching at the idea of his skin against mine. “Now, if you were to go and plant one on me without any warning…”

  Cole laughed, but it was a thoughtful sound. “You’re right,” he said. “Maybe we should have a practice run.”

  I turned toward him, wishing the car seats weren’t keeping us apart. “You… you want to kiss me now?”

  “Only for practice,” he said, almost seeming nervous. “I mean, we’ll have to kiss at the wedding, so…”

  This was clearly the result of all my daydreaming about Cole. Sometimes the universe had a twisted sense of humor.

  In any case, I nodded a little too eagerly. “Fine with me. No big deal. I’ve had plenty of first dates end this way. A good night kiss, and then getting out of the car…”

  Never mind that our next step after that was to lie to his daughter about our relationship.

  Cole leaned toward me, his eyes bright, his full lips slightly parted. My heart picked up speed as I bent my head toward his. I could hear, actually hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. My cock was begging for attention now, and I fought the urge to do something about it.

  And then his lips were on mine, my hands on his shoulders, his fingers knotted through my hair. We held each other for a long moment—it was just one kiss, and it probably only lasted a second, but it felt like it went on and on and on.

  I didn’t want to tempt fate by trying to slip him some tongue, but fuck, it was a temptation. Maybe we’d get to that point eventually. If it would help us see more convincing, that was.

  A surge of bitterness went through me, and I pulled away, looking down. I wished he wanted me for real.

  “I guess that’ll work,” I said as cheerily as I could. “All set to go in?”

  Cole nodded. I couldn’t read his expression. “Let’s go.”

  We didn’t reveal our relationship to Kerry’s friend’s parents. When we were back in the car, however, Cole put his hand on my knee. I wriggled under the touch as he chatted with Kerry, asking question after question abo
ut how her night with Francesca had been. I could feel her eyes on us, though—and I could feel her curiosity.

  Cole’s hand was doing a little too much for me, so I wrapped my fingers around his. At least like this, he wasn’t so dangerously close to the area I really wanted him to touch.

  When we got home, the three of us got out of the car. Kerry peered at us with that perceptiveness she had. “Are you sure you’re not getting married?”

  I stared at Cole. He gave me a halfhearted shrug. “Maybe I should’ve told you this, honey, but Kerry already guessed that we’re seeing each other.”

  I looked at the little girl in surprise.

  “You’re marrying Daddy?” she asked.

  “Well…” I didn’t want to give her impressionable young mind the idea that getting married after a month was something normal adults did, but she was going to find out soon enough. “We didn’t want to tell you in case it didn’t work out,” I improvised. “Your dad and I have been dating for a little while now.”

  “Since when?” Kerry demanded.

  “Since… Easter,” I said off the top of my head.

  Her eyes narrowed. “You went to New York for Easter.”

  “Yes, you’re right,” I said. “While I was away, your dad sent me an email about his feelings for me.”

  Kerry put both hands over her heart. “So romantic!” she gasped.

  “And we are getting married.” Cole gave me a look that implied he wasn’t too happy with the story I’d come up with.

  “Am I going to be your flower girl?” Kerry asked.

  Cole and I exchanged another glance. “I don’t see why not,” I said at the same time as Cole said, “We’re not going to have a big fancy wedding.”

  “Not big and fancy?” That seemed to shock Kerry more than anything else so far.

  “I was thinking we’d just go down to the courthouse,” Cole said. “It doesn’t need to be anything huge.”

  I nodded. Probably for the best. My tiny crush was already growing enough as it was. Holding the wedding of my dreams with the man of my dreams would just make things worse.

  “But that’s no fun,” Kerry said. “I want to do both of your makeup. And I want to be the flower girl.”

  I laughed. “Maybe we can have a flower girl at the courthouse, Kerry, but men don’t wear makeup.”

  “Sure they do,” she said. “Captain Jack Sparrow wears makeup.”

  “And Captain Jack Sparrow is a pirate,” I said.

  “You have to wear makeup,” she insisted, stomping her little foot.

  I pictured the stuff she put on her face every time she played dress-up. It was less makeup than face paint. “Let’s talk about this later,” I said. “Your dad and I haven’t made a lot of decisions about the wedding so far. Maybe we will make it a big one, after all. Or at least have more than ten people.”

  Cole shot me another look. “We might?”

  “It would convince everyone that we really love each other,” I said carefully, then checked Kerry’s expression. She didn’t seem to have picked up on it, so I continued. “I do want my moms to come, and I’m sure you have some friends that would love to be there.”

  “One or two,” he admitted, “but…”

  “What about Mommy and her husband?” Kerry asked. “They have to be there.”

  “No, they certainly don’t,” Cole said quickly. “In fact, don’t even mention this to Mommy until I’ve had a chance to talk to her, all right?”

  Kerry heaved a sigh. “Okay. I’m going to Skype with her now, though.”

  She darted away with Cole calling after her, “Not one word of this, all right?”

  “I can’t hear you!” Kerry yelled back.

  I didn’t completely trust the kid, at least not with this information. But when I accidentally-on-purpose passed by her door a few times during a Skype call, she wasn’t saying anything beyond the pale. Maybe she could keep this secret after all.

  Not that there was much point to keeping it a secret. We were going to have to tell everybody—and soon. If I wanted my moms to get the time off work, I had to tell them, well… immediately.

  Which led to me placing my own Skype call a little later that night. “You’re doing what?” Mama G exclaimed when I told them the plan.

  I could only see the tops of their graying heads. “Could you fix the screen?” Now I could only see the wall above them. “Go the other way.” They were the best people you could imagine, but they weren’t all that great with technology.

  “If you wanted to see us, you should’ve had us fix the screen before dropping that kind of bomb,” Mama G grumbled, pulling the camera into place. “Now, back up and tell us everything from the beginning.”

  So I did, starting with the letter I’d received. “And you’d rather get fake married than come home?” Mama C asked in disbelief. “You know you could stay with us, right? You’re always welcome here. You could find a new job right here in town, and you wouldn’t have to do something so… dramatic.”

  The idea held no appeal to me, and that probably showed on my face as I shrugged. “I don’t expect you to understand,” I said.

  “Gordon…” Mama G’s voice was tender, yet concerned. “You know the two of us waited most of our lives to get married.”

  I nodded. They’d been together more than twenty years before same-sex marriage was legalized, which in Canada happened about fifteen years ago.

  “Our legal bond is very important to us,” Mama C said, holding up her hand to show off her simple gold band. “We never thought you’d do something like this. It almost makes a mockery of what we have.”

  “I don’t mean to do that,” I told them, feeling suddenly guilty. “I’d love to get married for real one day, but in the meantime, my boss made me this offer, and I…”

  “Oh.” Clarity flashed in Mama G’s eyes. “You’re hoping the marriage won’t always be fake.”

  “That’s not what he means,” Mama C said. “He just doesn’t want to come back home. Isn’t that right, Gordon?”

  I grimaced, not wanting to reveal my absurd desires. But Mama G knew me too well. I took more after Mama C, since I was biologically her son. My theory was that we showed our feelings in the same way, and since Mama G could read Mama C perfectly, she could see through me almost as easily.

  “I guess it’s a little of what Mama G said,” I admitted softly. “But it’s not like I’m getting my hopes up.”

  Basically I just thought he was sexy. Yeah, I found new things to like every time we were together. And yeah, I thought about him all the time and cherished every moment in his presence. But in its deepest essence, the crush boiled down to physical attraction. I could handle that… even if I was married to the guy.

  “Have you really thought this through, Gordon?” Mama G asked.

  “I think so,” I said. “I know it’s crazy.”

  “So you won’t do it?” Mama C asked.

  “No, I’m going to.” I paused. “And I’d like you to come to the wedding.”

  *

  From everything I’d heard leading up to this point, wedding planning was supposed to be hell on earth. Pressure building up, emotions running high, stress boiling over… I’d seen enough reality shows to know the drill.

  So as Cole and I started our preparations, I was ready for the two of us to start hating each other. I didn’t think it would happen, but I was ready.

  How much did I really know him, after all? And how much could I really have in common with a hedge fund analyst? I figured I’d like him less as we spent more time together, and that my crush would slowly fade away.

  But hating each other didn’t exactly happen. Neither of us had been dreaming about this all our lives, and even though we wanted our friends and family to have a good time, we knew it wasn’t the end of the world if everything wasn’t perfect.

  Our planning was actually kind of fun. In fact, I found myself falling harder and harder for Cole as time went on. His easy manner
and caring nature came out a little more every time we were together. I found myself less and less able to claim my attraction was only physical.

  “I thought we were keeping this small,” he said one night.

  We were at the kitchen table, going over the invitation spreadsheet. We’d decided to forgo paper invitations and just send them by email. A bit casual, but it’d get the job done.

  “Forty people is small,” I said. “Do you know the size of the typical wedding these days?”

  “Sure, but this isn’t a typical wedding.” He tugged absent-mindedly at the knot of his tie… which immediately sent images of pulling it off him through my head.

  “It has to look real,” I said. “And these are the people in my life who would come to my real wedding.” I pushed the laptop at him, wanting to put it between us—hoping a physical barrier would cut the magnetic pull drawing me toward him.

  I’d kept the list smaller than I would for a real wedding. Still, it had gotten high. There were my moms, who’d already reluctantly agreed to come. A few uncles and aunts were on the list out of duty, and if I invited them, I had to invite their kids. And their partners. And by extension, I had to invite Great-Aunt Edna from Bumfucksville, New Jersey, whom I hadn’t seen since I was three. Couldn’t risk offending any family members.

  “Can’t we cut out a few of these people?” Cole asked.

  “I already cut all my friends!” I worried about offending them, too… but they’d get over it. Lying to them would be harder than lying to old Aunt Edna.

  “Who’s this Reuben?” Cole pointed at the list. “He’s not family.”

  “He’s one of my best friends in Miami, the one I take yoga with. Remember?”

  “If he’s not family, he has to go,” Cole said.

  “Hmph.”

  I deleted his information without further complaint. We’d actually gone on a couple of dates when we first met. Being the only two guys in yoga class, we’d gotten to talking, and when we found out we were both gay, it had almost felt obligatory.

  There was no chemistry, though. We hadn’t even gotten around to kissing. They had felt more like platonic hang-outs than dates, so we’d decided it was best to stay friends. He was still single, and I would’ve felt weird about flaunting my fake marriage in his face. Maybe I could get away with not telling him at all.