The Collected Christopher Connery

by L. EE

  “Same here.” Hopefully this would at least make things less uncomfortable, if not less stupid. “Now that we’re all acquainted, I guess we’d better get started.” Gail looked at Nia. “So where to?”

  Nia adjusted the bright pin on her lapel. “We start by exploring until we find a trail.”

  “Oh,” said Gail. “Sounds –” Stupid – “Great. Let’s go.”

  5

  Gail Lin

  They had driven in circles for what felt like a small eternity before Nia suddenly sat forward sharply and said, “Did you feel that, Arthur?”

  Gail, close to napping in the back seat, forced her eyes open. “Feel what?”

  Nia ignored her, presumably because her name wasn’t Arthur. “Can you pull over?”

  Arthur obeyed, leaving them stopped on a quiet side street lined with tall expensive houses. Still half asleep, Gail watched in bewilderment as Nia and Arthur climbed out of the car. Taking a moment to judge whether or not the rain was still coming down and finding the air momentarily dry, she forced her stiff body through her door and stood with her hands on her hips.

  “You must have sensed it,” Nia said excitedly to Arthur as her eyes scanned the empty street.

  Arthur glanced at Gail before remembering that he was no longer bound to silence. “I thought I tasted something strange,” he admitted.

  “What?” said Gail.

  “It’s magic,” Arthur answered patiently. “I can taste magic. Nia hears it. All magicians do it differently.”

  “Oh, I’m sure she understands that, Arthur. Don’t you, Detective Lin?” Nia looked at Gail with an expectant smile that quickly fell away. “Ah, you don’t.”

  Gail shook her head. “Nope, sorry. But now I do, I guess. Anyway, why are we looking for magic? I thought we were meant to find Connery.”

  Nia laughed. “Detective, Connery was a magician, his body is magic. Now, let’s go!”

  Letting Nia lead the way, Gail kept in step beside Arthur as they started down the street. After they had been walking for maybe five minutes, Arthur said, “Thank you, by the way.”

  “Sorry?”

  “For convincing Nia to let me talk. Normally, I don’t mind it really, but it can start to grate after a while.”

  “I can imagine. Anyway, I figured if she was going to do as much talking as she does, it’s only fair that you get to join in.”

  Arthur chuckled, but added loyally, “She’s a genius, you know.”

  “Oh, sure,” said Gail, having no reason to disagree. “She just seems like a genius who talks a lot.”

  “Here!” Nia sang out, stopping suddenly in front of an unremarkable brownstone set alongside several other unremarkable brownstones. “This is the place, I’m certain of it.”

  Gail studied the identical line of houses doubtfully. “Here? Connery’s here?”

  “Well… Some of him.” Nia tugged on a strand of her hair. “Possibly.”

  “Possibly?”

  “It’s impossible to tell definitively from this distance, but Connery was definitely involved in something here.”

  “Connery has been involved in a lot of things.” Gail squinted up at the plain black door. “And if I were going to dismember my boss, I don’t think I’d dump him in somebody’s house.”

  “Well, where would – never mind. Even if Connery himself isn’t here, there is a chance his people may have gotten ahold of some of his predrawn spells. If they decided to experiment, with them they could cause a great deal of trouble.”

  “Predrawn spells?”

  “Yes, of course,” said Nia in that surely you know that at least voice. “Even the best magicians don’t draw fast enough to make a brand new circle for every bit of magic they do, especially common spells they perform all the time. Technically, anyone can cast a predrawn spell as long as it’s been imbued with magic beforehand, though they’re rather less powerful and can be dangerous to the caster if –” She broke off as Arthur made a pointed hmph! sound.

  “Ah.” She looked down, toying uncomfortably with her Illuminator badge. “That’s technically classified information.”

  “Oh.” Gail figured that policy was actually pretty smart. The market for vernix was bad enough, the last thing she needed was people selling actual spells on the street. At least with vernix there were syringes and needles to look for. How the hell would anyone regulate pieces of paper?

  Of course, if Connery’s men had already figured out how to work them then she guessed that rat had long since abandoned the sack.

  “Anyway, this may just be some magic he did himself,” Nia said quickly, “but if his associates had access to his spells then we can’t rule out the possibility that they attempted some magic of their own after killing him. We shouldn’t leave any stone unturned, so to speak.”

  “Why would his people have killed him in the first place?” asked Arthur, crossing his arms as a cold wet wind gusted down the street.

  “From what we could gather, it seems that Connery wanted to stand his ground rather than flee and his lackeys didn’t like that,” said Gail with a shrug. “It actually happens a lot during police strikes. People get a bit crazy when they think they’re trapped. Connery must have let his guard down for a minute. I wouldn’t have expected it of him, but I guess everyone makes mistakes.”

  “But why cut him up? And why take him with them?”

  “As a trophy maybe. Something to brag about, though I doubt anyone will be keen to hire them after this.” Gail looked at Nia. “Do you have a different theory?”

  “Yes, actually!” Nia replied cheerfully. “The Academy is worried they might have taken the body in order to use it in some spell. There’s a lot of unsavory magic that can be done with the body of a powerful magician. Fortunately, we shall be requisitioning him before they get a chance to try.”

  “Lucky us.”

  Nia gave Gail a put-upon look, clearly wanting her to know that her defeatist attitude helped no one.

  Sighing, Gail looked up at the house again. “So some magic that in some way relates to Connery is here?”

  Nia nodded. “I can hear it. It’s like –” She tilted her head to one side and squinted “– harp music.”

  “Harp music?” Gail strained her ears, but could only hear the distant growl of traffic.

  “It tastes like…” Arthur made a face. “Like cake. Cream cake, with way too much cream.”

  Magic that sounds like harps and tastes like cake. Who would’ve thought? Gail walked toward the house. “So we’re going in?”

  “Of course. As an Academy magician at large, it is my duty to investigate any strange magical activity that I encounter.” Brushing past Gail, Nia walked to the top of the steps and reached for the doorknob.

  “Sheesh, knock first,” Gail snapped. “We can’t just go swanning into people’s houses without permission.”

  Nia pulled her hand back, chagrined. “Right. Yes, of course, I wasn’t thinking. I was distracted by the magic.”

  Gail wondered if she could request a thinking Illuminator next time.

  As if he could hear what she was thinking, Arthur shot her a warning glare.

  Nia lifted her hand and knocked cautiously on the door. The tiny sound she produced wouldn’t have disturbed even the wariest of guard dogs.

  “Try the doorbell,” Gail suggested, trying to keep the despair out of her voice.

  Nodding briskly, Nia scanned the side of the door until she found the small button. She pressed it. A loud buzz rang beyond the door.

  They waited.

  “Maybe they’ve gone out,” Nia suggested after a moment, leaning over the railing to peer through the window on the side of the door. “I can’t see anyone. We should go in.”

  “Maybe.” Gail didn’t like the idea of busting into somebody’s house with no warning (or warrant), but Illuminators didn’t operate within the same laws as everyone else and if Nia thought there was cause for concern… “Do you think it’s dangerous?”

&nb
sp; “It could be. I think we have to find out for certain,” Nia said with growing confidence. “It would be irresponsible not to.”

  “It’s your call,” Gail was forced to admit. “But I’m coming along.”

  “Of course, Detective Lin,” Nia said with a smile. “This your case, too after all.”

  Part of Gail wanted to retort that she had probably been working the Connery case since before Nia had received her Illuminator badge. If anyone was the too in this scenario it was Nia and her brother, but she quickly realized how childish that would sound. “Do you want me to pick the lock or should we find an open window?”

  Instead of answering, Nia pulled a bit of chalk from her pocket and quickly drew a circle and a few symbols around the doorknob. There was a soft click and on the next try, the knob turned easily under Nia’s hand. With a satisfied smile, she moved to open the door.

  “Wait.”

  Gail turned and saw Arthur still standing on the sidewalk. His hands were clasped tightly behind him and he was glaring up at the house with a tight expression.

  “What is it, Arthur?” Nia asked with poorly concealed impatience. “We should hurry. We have no idea what might be going on in here.”

  “Exactly. I don’t like it, Ni. Something’s not right.”

  “Well, obviously. That’s why we have to go in.”

  Arthur shook his head. “But it’s too sweet, isn’t it? On the surface it’s fine, but underneath –”

  Nia’s voice gentled. “I know, Arthur. I can hear it. Under the harps, there’s a sound like – metal scraping metal.”

  In spite of herself, Gail tried again to hear what Nia was hearing, but only the chilly wind whispered past her ears.

  “You’re correct, Arthur. This magic is very likely malicious, but that’s exactly why I have to deal with before these poor people come home.”

  “These poor people may have cast the spell.”

  Nia shook her head. “It’s Connery’s magic.”

  “They might have been working for him.”

  “Then we’re one step closer to finding what we’re looking for.” Nia smiled. “Come along, Arthur. It won’t take long.”

  But Arthur didn’t come along. He stayed where he was, jaw working. He took one step forward, but then immediately retreated as if he had met with an invisible wall. “We shouldn’t go in there. I don’t know if I can go in there.”

  Gail wondered if their investigation would be stymied before it even got started, but then Nia burst out, “I have an idea! Arthur, you wait out here. If the owners of the house return, you can inform them that we’re inside. Better that they have some warning.”

  Gail looked sideways at her. “I thought you said he wasn’t supposed to talk to –”

  “Under the circumstances, I think it would be wise to revoke any restrictions on speech. Arthur certainly won’t go babbling any Academy secrets.”

  “Like you did about the predrawn spells?”

  Instead of taking offense, Nia just smiled sheepishly. “Yes, exactly.”

  “I don’t want you to go in there alone,” Arthur said, clearly steeling himself for another attempt at the steps. “I’ll –”

  “I won’t be alone,” said Nia. “Detective Lin will be with me and the more I consider it, the more I think one of us has to stay outside. If something goes wrong, you can go for help.”

  Gail knew rambling bullshit when she heard it, but she had to admit that Nia was a good rambler. By the time, she had finished, she had come around to a point that even Gail had to agree with. She didn’t know what was going on inside this harp-playing, cake-tasting house, but she was damn sure she didn’t want to find out unless she knew there was someone who would look for her and Nia if they never came out again.

  It looked like Arthur was coming to the same conclusion, albeit more reluctantly. He glanced back at the car with a mixture of nervousness and stubbornness then said, “If anything goes wrong, I’ll come in after you.”

  “No, you won’t,” Gail said before Nia could answer. “If anything goes wrong, you drive back to the precinct or the Academy, whichever you think will be faster, and get help. Otherwise this whole plan is pointless. Clear?”

  Arthur’s jaw clenched again, but he said. “Fine.”

  “Good.” Turning back to the door, Gail nudged Nia’s hovering hand off of the doorknob and grasped it herself. “C’mon, Illuminator Graves, let’s see what there is to see.”

  6

  Gail Lin

  As usual, Gail relaxed a little once she had a roof over her head, but she kept her guard up, taking just a few steps into the house before holding up her hand to bring Nia to a stop. She scanned the entryway for anything out of the ordinary. It looked like an average house for its neighborhood. Solid wood furniture, a few boring paintings, and good magic lighting. Nothing seemed particularly out of place.

  Except… Now, that she was inside, Gail found herself with the same feeling of wrongness that the magicians had felt outside. It’s probably just Arthur’s jumpiness getting to me. But even so, she stood still for another few seconds, taking the place in.

  It’s musty, she realized. That’s what’s odd about it. It feels like no one’s been in here for weeks, maybe longer. She ran a finger across a nearby table and her fingertip came away gray with dust.

  Nia didn’t seem to notice the strange combination of neatness and dirt, caught up in listening – or whatever she did – for the magic.

  “There’s something here,” she mumbled as she walked slowly down the hall. “It may not be what we’re looking for, but…”

  Gail followed her slowly, hand sliding under her coat toward her gun. The place was silent as a grave and smelled like it had been sprayed down with about a gallon of perfume. Why the hell would a place that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in weeks smell like a seedy dance club?

  Nia was still moving forward at an alarming pace, displaying a distressing lack of the timid cringing that Gail usually associated with Illuminators.

  “Hey,” she whispered. “Wait up a sec –”

  “Oh dear, can I – can I help you?”

  Gail took a step back, hand dropping from her holstered pistol as she looked at the woman standing at the top of the stairs.

  She was around forty, pretty, with a round pleasant face and lots of reddish-brown hair wound in curlers on the top of her head.

  “Oh, hello!” said Nia without missing a beat. “We didn’t think anyone was home. No one answered when we knocked.”

  Well, that was one way to excuse breaking and entering. Their victim was apparently too confused for fear or anger, because she only took a few steps toward them and repeated, “Oh dear, can I help you?”

  Gail decided she should take over before Nia started asking her if she had any magic lying around – wait, could magic lie around? Oh, forget it, she’d ask Nia later. “Sorry for intruding, ma’am. We just noticed something odd outside and thought we should come in to see if you needed any help. I’m Gail Lin, a private detective employed by the Academy, and this is –”

  Nia curtsied deeply before gesturing to the pin on her lapel. “Illuminator Nia Graves at your service, ma’am.”

  Oh, of all the overdramatic… Unsurprisingly, the woman’s eyes flashed wide and her hair nearly leapt out of the curlers. “An Illuminator? Oh dear, oh dear…”

  “Please don’t worry!” said Nia, waving her hands in a very uncomforting manner. “We were simply passing and thought we should take a quick peek inside, because –” She bit her lip, clearly considering her next words carefully – or so Gail hoped. “Um, you don’t happen to have any unregistered magicians staying here, do you?”

  Hopes completely dashed.

  The woman nearly fell down the stairs in her surprise. Bounding forward, Gail managed to catch her before she broke her neck. She allowed the woman to lean on her arm as she steadied herself on the bannister. Now, farther into the house, Gail could detect another odor under the heavy flor
al perfume – a smell like rotting meat.

  What the hell is up those stairs?

  “Don’t worry, ma’am,” she said as she held back a grimace. “We just wanted to make sure you were all right. Why don’t you sit down for a bit and let us make sure everything’s in order?”

  “But Detective Lin –” Nia subsided when Gail shot her a look. There would be time for questions when the woman wasn’t fluttering around them like a bundle of exposed nerves in a floral nightgown.

  “I’m sorry.” The woman smiled tremulously at Gail. “I was just taken by surprise. You – you said you thought there was some trouble? Oh dear.”

  “I doubt it’s anything serious,” Nia said, perhaps realizing that jumping straight into ‘are you harboring any criminal magicians?’ was a bit rash. “I just noticed some magical activity here and wanted to – um – neutralize it before it caused you any difficulties.”

  “Magical activity?” The woman shook her head. “Oh dear, no, I don’t see how that could be.”

  “Sometimes things get enchanted by mistake,” Nia explained. “As I said, I don’t think it’s anything dangerous, but – well, it would certainly be better to have it unenchanted, wouldn’t it?”

  “Oh, yes! Well, I assume so.” The woman’s eyes were brighter now and she was getting some color back in her cheeks. “But I’ve never had an Illuminator visit before. Why don’t I make you some tea before you start looking?”

  “Oh, I don’t –” Before Nia could finish her refusal, Gail caught her eye over the woman’s shoulder and nodded hard. While Nia was drinking tea with the homeowner, Gail could poke around. “I – oh, yes, thank you.”

  The woman led the way down the stairs, looking much sprightlier now that she had recovered from her shock. As Gail passed Nia, she leaned over and whispered, “Just keep her talking for a bit, while I take a look around.”

  “You don’t even know what you’re looking for,” Nia whispered back. “I should be the one –”

  “Yeah, maybe, but she’s not interested in having tea with me. She wants to tell her friends she drank tea with an Illuminator. Now, go on. If I find anything even remotely weird –” well, weirder than what they’d already found “– I’ll come get you.”