The Collected Christopher Connery

by L. EE

  “If you say so, Nia.” Arthur fell back a pace, clearly satisfied to have gotten the last word. “Hopefully, the inside of the theater will smell a little better than –”

  The big man was faster than he looked. Before Arthur could retreat, his fist connected solidly with Arthur’s jaw.

  Stumbling backwards, Arthur collided with a man who had stopped to smoke. Unfortunately, this meant that he stayed upright long enough to take another punch to the nose.

  “Arthur!” Nia cried as Arthur sank to his knees.

  “Not so clever now, are you?” the big man snarled as he advanced on Arthur’s crumpled form. He managed to take two steps before he was lifted off of the ground and slammed into his redheaded friend. They tried to move apart, but were yanked several inches above the ground, crushed back to back by invisible wires.

  Several pedestrians stopped to stare as the two men cursed and squirmed.

  After quickly making sure Arthur wasn’t too badly hurt, Nia stepped forward, letting the ashy remains of the two spells fall from her hand. “Gentlemen.”

  At the sound of her voice the men stopped struggling.

  Nia smiled; hoping the pressure of the spell was making them consider just how pleasant breathing was. She reached into her handbag and pulled out her badge, holding it high so the light of the marquee gleamed on the silver and gold flame. “Do you know what this means, gentleman?”

  The redhead swallowed visibly. “You’re – you’re Academy.”

  Nia inclined her head. “Illuminator Nia Graves, at your service.”

  The redhead’s eyes almost bulged out of his head. He tried to elbow his friend despite their arms being lashed together. “You tried to chat up a fucking Illuminator. What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “I didn’t know!” The big man looked down at Arthur, who was slowly working his way to his feet. “He’s Academy too?”

  “Yes, and he will decide whether or not we press charges.” Nia snapped her fingers – it wasn’t necessary, but she thought it added a certain something – and the two men dropped on to the sidewalk.

  Several members of the staring crowd laughed.

  The two thugs got clumsily to their feet, clinging together like frightened children. Perhaps they expected Nia to tear them apart with her mind. Though she couldn’t deny the temptation, she knew they weren’t worth the paper. She shooed them away with one hand.

  “Go away. If my associate does decide to prosecute, we won’t have any trouble finding you.” She fixed them with her best glare, the one she employed whenever younger magicians she tutored mistook her friendliness for weakness. “And the next time you think about bothering a lady on the street, I suggest you reconsider.”

  The men just stood there, gaping like fish.

  Nia rolled her eyes. “Do I really have to say it again? Go away.”

  There was a confused cursing scramble as the men tried to run in opposite directions without letting go of each other first. Once they finally sorted out the tangle, they hightailed it down the street. The speed they managed was actually rather impressive considering how numb their legs must have been.

  Nia sighed, dropping her badge back into her handbag. She was sweating slightly under her coat. Of course, she had experienced such disgusting behavior before; even the Academy with all its emphasis on respect and decorum wasn’t immune, but she had never faced it alone before. Thank goodness she had thought to replenish her supply of predrawn spells that morning. The pavement was still too damp for chalk and –

  A small pained sound snapped her out of her thoughts. Turning, she saw Arthur bent over with one hand on his lower back and the other cupped over his nose. A young woman, a member of the dispersing audience, was helping him straighten up, but it was a slow painful process.

  “Oh, Arthur.” Nia hurried to his side and tried to pry his hand away from his face. “Let me see.”

  “I’m fine,” Arthur said thickly as Nia dragged his arm down. “It’s just –”

  Nia sucked in her breath as she saw the state of his face. “Just a broken nose? Arthur, honestly, I was going to handle it. Why did you get in the way?”

  “I wanted to help,” Arthur said, and though his tone was as defensive as it could be through his damaged nose, his eyes were hurt. “I couldn’t just stand there and let them hassle you.”

  Of course he couldn’t. Nia reached into her pocket for her handkerchief. “I do appreciate the thought, Arthur, but you could have stopped after the first insult.”

  “I never can,” Arthur mumbled into the handkerchief. “It was a pretty good one, though.”

  Nia laughed. “It was probably as clever as they could understand.”

  “I know my audience.” He managed a smile though the blood from his nose was beginning to soak through the handkerchief. “You sure scared the hell out of them.”

  Nia smiled modestly. “They were probably just as scared of what you would do once you got up.”

  “I could bleed on them.”

  Chuckling, Nia took Arthur by the arm, thanked a woman who had stopped to help, and pulled him gently toward the theater, searching for a dry spot of pavement she could use to draw a healing circle. “Here.” She gently pushed Arthur under an awning and drew the circle around his feet.

  Arthur swayed slightly as the magic took effect. Then he rubbed the bridge of his nose and winced. “Damn,” he said, his voice more or less back to normal. “He hit me really hard.”

  Nia straightened up to check her handiwork. It wasn’t perfect, but it was the best she could do with a circle that small. Arthur’s nose was back in alignment, but there was still a nasty bruise on his jaw. When she reached up to inspect it, Arthur turned his head away.

  “It’s fine.” He prodded the bruise with an expression that was half-grimace and half-smile. “It’s a badge of honor.”

  Nia shook her head, but all she said was, “Would you rather skip the movie and go back to the hotel?”

  “Not a chance. I didn’t get punched in the face for nothing.”

  Apparently, the broken nose had improved Arthur’s mood. She teasingly told him she would file that away for future reference.

  That made him laugh.

  The movie was good. A little silly at first, but Nia quickly found herself caught up in the story. As they were walking back to the hotel after, Arthur told her that she had looked like she wanted to climb into the screen. She reminded him that he had looked just the same.

  Buoyed up the excitement of the film, Nia made them stop to collect Marianne’s hat on the way back. They took turns wearing it as they walked to the hotel, making sure to shoot contemptuous looks at any passerby who appeared to question its unique beauty.

  They were both laughing by the time they reached the hotel. It was Nia’s turn to wear the hat and she swallowed her laughter just long enough to give the doorman a solemn nod before both she and Arthur fell giggling into the lobby.

  “Okay, tell me the truth, did you see a movie or just spend a couple of hours at a bar?” Nia turned sharply and saw Gail watching them both from exactly the same chair they had found her in earlier that evening. This time she had a notebook open in her lap; the visible page was covered in small neat writing.

  Her lips quirked upwards. “I like your hat.”

  “Oh.” Nia snatched Marianne’s hat off of her head, almost tearing off her flower hairpiece in the process. “It’s a gift for a friend.”

  Gail’s eyebrows rose. “Do you like this friend?”

  “Not particularly.”

  That earned her a laugh and another disconcerting flush on her cheeks.

  Closing her notebook, Gail got to her feet. “Are you two ready to eat? I reserved us a table close to the band. I thought –” She broke off suddenly, eyes narrowing as she took a closer look at Arthur’s face. “What the hell happened to you?”

  Arthur rubbed his bruised jaw. “There was a – a small confrontation.” He rolled his eyes when Gail glanced at Nia. “N
ot with her. There were a pair of idiots outside of the movie theater. Nia took care of them.”

  “Arthur helped,” Nia added.

  “I helped by distracting their fists with my face.”

  “Well, it sounds like you got out of it okay, but…” Gail’s face creased with worry, the smile lines around her eyes vanishing. “I should’ve come with you.”

  “Oh no, I handled it! It was no problem.” The words were out of Nia’s mouth before she realized how defensive they sounded.

  “I never doubted it. It’s just too bad there had to be any trouble at all.” Then another smile broke across Gail’s face. “Though thinking of it, I guess I should be more worried about the thugs who bothered you. How fast did they run, princess?”

  “They removed themselves from the situation with remarkable alacrity.” Nia couldn’t hold back a satisfied smile.

  “I’ll bet they did.” Coming from anyone else that probably would have sounded patronizing, but Gail was looking at her with an honest grin. For a moment Nia wondered if perhaps she wasn’t the only one being silly.

  Then Arthur took the ugly hat and put it back on her head.

  “Pardon me!” she squawked, snatching it off again. “I believe it is your turn, sir, not mine.” She held the hat out to him.

  He took it like it was a dead rat he had found on the floor of his bedroom, but he did take it. If there was one thing she and Arthur had agreed on as children, it was that turns were sacred. You never denied someone else their turn and you never failed to take your own.

  But luckily for him, he was spared taking his turn in the middle of the crowded lobby by Gail, who plucked the hat from his reluctant fingers to take a closer look at it.

  “This really is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. What did this friend of yours do to deserve this?”

  Insulted my brother, Nia thought. “She’s just – an extremely negative individual.”

  “I see.” Gail studied the hat from every angle then shrugged and set it on her head. She grinned at Arthur and Nia, looking so absolutely pleased with herself that neither of them could help their wild laughter.

  Flipping the hat off of her head, Gail tossed it back to Nia. “Let’s go eat. It sounds like the band’s already started.”

  As Gail led the way to the dining room, Nia ran the hat’s hideous orange flower through her fingers. Once again, she was struck by how good an idea this had been. One night of music, lights, and ugly hats before they had to get back to work, before they had to return to Connery, lying in wait upstairs.

  No, she reminded herself, we’re the ones chasing him. He’s the prey, not us. The warmth of the dining room pressed close and she unbuttoned her coat, happily smoothing the skirt of her crimson dress.

  Which, in this light, didn’t look like blood at all.

  29

  Gail Lin

  Thankfully, Gail’s usually belligerent client had been in a pretty sanguine mood that night and had only yelled at her for fifteen minutes before letting her explain the situation. Thankfully, this client didn’t know much about magic and seemed to dislike it even more than Gail, so a few, “the Academy wanted…” and “Illuminator Graves said…” took the fight out of him.

  “Well, tell her to hurry it up,” he’d said gruffly. “I have plenty of work for you.”

  “You always do.”

  Anyway, Gail was able to get him off of the phone in less than an hour – 56 minutes by her watch. She promised to check in once she was done with this job then promptly put him out of her mind. It was dinnertime, damn it. She was officially off the clock.

  The hotel’s food was good and their band was better. Xavier had a couple fine solos and both Arthur and Nia were impressed. It was a good time. Part of Gail would be sad to return to her own sagging mattress and nearly bare refrigerator when the case was done.

  A small part. The chasing Connery around part was still bullshit and she’d be happy to have it behind her.

  The band finished another song and they all applauded. Popping up together, Nia and Arthur even offered a standing ovation. Gail couldn’t help grinning as she looked at them. “What? Don’t you get live music at the Academy?”

  “Oh, certainly,” Nia answered, “but it’s – well, it’s just different, isn’t it, Arthur?”

  “It’s definitely different.” For all the teasing he gave his sister, Gail could tell by Arthur’s shining eyes that he was just as enchanted by New Crossbridge as Nia. She felt a small and probably silly glow of pride. It wasn’t like it was her city or anything, but it was nice to see that even Academy magicians with their giant libraries and tall stone walls could be impressed by regular layman entertainment.

  When the band broke between sets, Xavier hopped down from the stage to join them at their table.

  “Hi there,” he said cheerfully. “Did you have a nice time at the movie?”

  “Yes, we did, thank you!” Nia answered. “It was very good, wasn’t it, Arthur?”

  “Yes,” said Arthur, hand drifting absentmindedly to his jaw.

  The gesture drew Xavier’s attention to the bruise. “Hell, what happened? Did you get in a fight?”

  “He was defending me,” Nia piped up loyally. She smiled at Arthur. “Like Detective Lin, however, he’ll never admit to playing the hero.”

  Arthur stared at her, then at Xavier, then, when Xavier smiled at him, dropped his eyes to his plate. Gail picked up her glass to hide her laugh. Over drinks the other day, Xavier had asked her about “the good-looking doctor” she was working with. Based on his questions, she’d gotten the impression that he’d taken Arthur for the stern, intellectual type. Deciding she might as well help him maintain the illusion for a little longer, she set down her drink and said, “Hey, Xavier, take a look at this hat Nia bought.” She nodded to Nia. “Go on. A hat like that deserves to be seen.”

  Biting her lip, Nia pulled the hat from her bag, holding it out with a mixture of embarrassment and pride. “It’s a gift for a friend?”

  Xavier took the hat in his big hands, gazing at it with something close to awe. “Do you –”

  “Like this friend?” Gail finished for him. “Nah, apparently she’s a pill.”

  “Ah, I get it then.” He tried to hand the hat back to Nia, but she – made mischievous by the martinis she’d been enjoying – waved it away.

  “Oh no, no, it’s Arthur’s turn.”

  “Nia,” Arthur hissed.

  “What? It is your turn.”

  “I’m sure it looks lovely on you, doc,” Gail couldn’t help adding with an evil little grin. “Maybe not as good as it looks on me, but you know, nobody’s perfect.”

  Arthur scowled at them both, but when Xavier – kinder by far than either of them – set the hat down at the table, he suddenly snatched it up and crushed it down on his head. Folding his arms, he scowled at his sister across the table. “Happy, Ni?”

  Nia, giggling into her hands, could only nod.

  Xavier was laughing too, but it was a friendly laugh and if Gail didn’t miss her guess, this break in Arthur’s Stern Doctor façade had only charmed him more. “I’d ask to borrow it for the next set, but I think the others might kick me out of the band.”

  “I don’t know,” said Gail with a sly grin. “You might start a trend and get the New Crossbridge elite wearing hats just like this one. You never know!”

  “I think he probably does,” Arthur muttered as he took off the hat and tried in vain to smooth down his hair.

  Xavier chuckled, picking up the hat again and tugging on the orange weed sprouting from the top. “Speaking of hats, I had a weird dream about them last night. I was back home, trying to get ready for work, but every time I walked out the door, I would realize the hat I had wasn’t mine and I’d have to go put it back.”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, Xavier,” Gail said. “But your dreams sound boring as shit.”

  Xavier could only shrug as he handed the hat back to Nia. “I’ve just never dre
amed about swapping hats before. Maybe it means something.”

  “It means you need to get out more, Rivers. That’s what it means.” As much fun as they were having discussing Nia’s hideous purchase, Gail figured that Xavier had come over to their table with a goal in mind, so she tossed him an opening.

  “So you’ve got a bit of a break now, Xave?”

  “Yeah,” said Xavier. “The other trumpet subs in for this next set.”

  “Looks like you’ve got some free time then. You want to sit down?”

  “Actually, I was wondering…” He gave Arthur a shy sidelong smile. “Gail told me this was your one night off from work, so I was just wondering if maybe you’d like a dance, Doctor Graves.”

  Arthur looked startled, as Gail had expected, but she hadn’t counted on the suddenly uncomfortable expression on Nia’s face. Considering how the Graveses usually interacted, she would’ve predicted giggling and teasing, but instead Nia was looking at her hands, mouth twisted like she’d swallowed something sour.

  Things only got weirder when Arthur said, “Well, I –” and glanced at his sister.

  Poor Xavier didn’t seem to know what to do with that either. Backing off a bit, he said, “It’s all right if you’d rather not. I probably ought to help out backstage during my off-set anyway, so…”

  “Oh, no, no!” Nia interrupted out loudly enough to turn the heads of several people at adjacent tables. After the outburst, she was again awkwardly silent, as if she had surprised herself by speaking. Then she cleared her throat and straightened her necklace. “You should go, Arthur. This is our evening off after all.” She turned a brilliant smile on to Xavier. “You’ll have to forgive him, he can be a bit shy.”

  Arthur’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “No, I can’t.”

  Gail had to give Xavier credit. Though she had assured him the Graveses were all right, she wouldn’t have blamed him if he had retreated, figuring he was about to step knee-deep into a puddle of crazy. But maybe out of respect for their friendship or maybe just because he thought Arthur was cute enough to be worth a little weirdness, he smiled again and said, “Only if you want, of course, but it’d be my honor.”