by C. Shell
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance between persons living and dead, establishments, events, or location is entirely coincidental.
May 18 – End of junior year
Dear Diary:
I don’t even know where to start or how writing in a diary is supposed to go, so bear with me. Under normal circumstances, I would tell Cammy all my secrets and hash out my problems with her, but my issues are above her pay grade. Every time I try talking to her about Dex and Nate, she gets irritated and tells me that I’m making a mistake. She doesn’t believe that love can happen between more than two people. A year ago, I probably would have agreed with her. Things are different now.
I’m different.
I wouldn’t be able to choose between the two of them if they ever forced the issue. It’s all or nothing. At least for now. When we’re alone, my relationship with Nate and Dex rolls naturally. In public, we become one big mess. I’m always worried that if I look at Nate too long or if we sit too close that someone will figure out our secret.
At first, I thought I was the only one being paranoid, but Nate says he feels the same way. Our awkward encounters are going to be the thing that ends up outing us all. And the worst part is that I don’t know how to stop it.
I’m not ashamed to love them both, but I fear the effect my actions could have on my family. Jimmie isn’t stupid, he knows something is going on between the three of us, but he chooses to ignore it and act as if it isn’t happening.
Summer is coming, and Jimmie, Nate, and Dex will be going out of town for soccer camp. They will be gone for a little over a month. This will be the longest that any of us have ever been apart. The guys promise the time will go by fast, but I’m already having anxiety over it. Just thinking about it makes my belly feel queasy.
I’ve got to get ready for work. Till next time.
Addison
June 2 – I’m officially a Senior
Dear Diary:
It’s me again. School is out for the summer, and I am officially a senior. I should be happy, right? I am excited that I made it this far, but I’m also freaking out. So much is happening, so fast, that it’s hard to keep up. I’ve got to get my senior pictures taken, apply to colleges, and figure out how to pay for it all. On top of all that, my car broke down again, and the boys are leaving in a few days for soccer camp.
Cammy and Jimmie are back together. I’m glad that they no longer mope around, but their constant need to touch each other is grossing me out. I walked in on them in the bathroom getting it on yesterday and threw up a little in my mouth. No sister should ever have to see her brother’s lily-white ass. I’m thinking of buying him some spray tan next Christmas.
Nate and Dex are at home packing. We’re ordering pizza and watching movies over at Nate’s house tonight. I wish we could go to the movies together instead, but then we would have to worry about people seeing us together, and I would have to act as if Nate is only my best friend. The secrecy of it all is eating away at me.
Jimmie got a letter from Arizona State University the other day. It was one of his top five choices for college, and although he hasn’t formally said anything, I think he is planning on going there. I don’t know where I want to go yet. I haven’t spoken to Mom about it yet, but I am thinking of going to an art institute for photography. There is one in almost every big city, so my options are open on which one I attend.
I hear Mom calling me to dinner. Until next time.
Addison
June 18
Dear Diary:
The guys are gone, and I’m feeling empty without them around. I’ve picked up more shifts at the rink, but it’s not enough to keep my mind busy. Cammy is on a trip with her parents to Maine for the summer, which leaves me here alone with no one to hang out with. Yes, I would love some cheese with my whine. I’m in full pity party mode.
On another note, my mother has started dating. It’s weird seeing her go out with someone after all these years alone. She hums around the house and acts like a lovesick teenager. I love to see the permanent smile on her face. I haven’t met the guy yet, but she promises to make an introduction as soon as it becomes more serious.
Dad isn’t speaking to me, but I didn’t expect anything less. I’ve kept my word and won’t turn him in to the authorities, but that doesn’t mean I won’t stop karma form biting him in the ass. I let Nate send copies of the documents we uncovered to the families that Dad stole from. I figure it’s the least we could do and if they want to take Dad to court, then so be it.
Today is so hot. I took Peewee to the beach this morning for a short run. The little man loves water. He was covered in sand when we got home, so I gave him his first bath. “And god, does he snore!” The sounds coming out of him could wake the dead.
Break time is almost over, so I better get back to work. Till next time.
Addison
July 9
Dear Diary:
So much has happened since our last chat. Where to begin? For starters, Lindsey’s boyfriend has started coming up to work. You know who I’m talking about right? Nicholas!!!!
I don’t know what to do. If I tell the CW Boys, one of two things will happen. They will either demand that I quit my job, or they will skip out on their soccer camp and come home to beat his ass. I can’t let that happen.
I don’t have a problem quitting my job as long as I have another one lined up. I’ve been asking around and have put in a few applications, but I haven’t gotten a callback. Nicholas hasn’t done anything to raise the alarm. I tried talking to Seth, but that was a joke. He said that I needed to stop bitching and man up. I find it strange that Lacey must stay away from me, but Nicholas is free to walk around as he pleases. I guess the law around here doesn’t think attempted rape and drugging someone qualifies you as a bad person. Until things change, I’ve started carrying pepper spray with me.
On another note, I miss the guys something terrible. We FaceTime almost every night, but it’s not the same as having them here with me. Dex said that top college coaches have been showing up to watch them play. All their hard work is finally paying off. I’m proud of them.
Mom says that I need to buckle down and start getting serious about college. I know she means well, but I’m not ready to make that decision yet. Every time I start looking at brochures I get teary eyed knowing that the guys and I will more than likely go our separate ways after graduation.
Wait…
Peewee just chewed up mom’s slipper. Got to go. Until next time.
Addison
July 21
Dear Diary:
Two days until my family will be back together. Mom is going to pick up Nate, Dex, and Jimmie from the airport when they arrive. I offered to go with her, but she’s heading straight there after work, so I’ll meet them at the house. I can’t wait.
It feels like forever since I saw them. Cammy is back and rocking a dark tan. I was worried about how her mother would do on the trip, but Cammy reassured me that she took her medicine the entire time, relaxed, and had very few anxiety flare-ups. I’m glad that things went so well. Due to her mother being bi-polar, the last time they enjoyed a family vacation was when she was six, and they took her to Disney World.
I did something the other night that is entirely out of character for me. Despite the rumors Lacey likes to spread, I’m not very experienced in the bedroom. I mean, Dex was my first and only and that was less than a year ago. While on FaceTime, Dex and Nate talked me into having phone sex. I was scared and reluctant at first. Then they started directing me on things to do, and one thing led to another. I’m not going to lie, it was hot! Just listening to Dex’s sultry voice commanding me and Nate’s sexy moans were enough to send me over the edge.
The whole experience was a wake-up call to what he, Nate, and I are skirting around. If phone sex is scary for me, then how will I be able to handle a mé
nage relationship? A one-night, wham bam thank you ma’am, is one thing, but a whole relationship seems almost impossible. There are so many obstacles in our way. What scares me the most is that we could ruin the friendship we’ve built. When I call them my family, I mean it literally. Nate and Dex have been in my life since I was a little girl. I can’t imagine not having them around. It’s like we’re standing on a ledge and one wrong move could send us plummeting to our death. Sounds gruesome, but it’s accurate.
I’m not chickening out. I just think we need to be more careful. Now, if only I could get them to understand my fears and slow down, we might have a chance to figure this all out before it implodes in our faces.
Till next time.
Addison
Chapter One
Staring out the window, my leg bounces in anticipation. Mom should be arriving anytime now with Nate, Jimmie, and Dex in tow. I’m nervous and excited all at once. It’s like I’m a rollercoaster and my cart has just ascended to the top of the hill; I’m suspended in that one moment where everything is calm right before gravity takes over and pulls you back down.
“If you don’t stop tapping your foot I’m going to go upstairs and steal every pair of shoes you own.” I throw Cammy a disbelieving glare. “Keep it up, woman,” she laughs. “You don’t scare me.”
“It feels like a lifetime since we’ve all been in the same room together.” I wring my sweaty hands in my lap. “What if Nate and Dex have changed a lot over the summer? I can’t be held accountable for my actions if they walk through that door a different person. Jimmie included.”
Cammy straightens from her slouched seat on the couch, her pert little nose wrinkling in confusion. “You’ve talked to all of them on the phone enough times to know that you have nothing to worry about. Where is this coming from?”
I pick at an invisible piece of lint on my shirt. “I don’t know,” I answer truthfully. “I just…” A heavy sigh slips from my lips. “Summer has a way of changing a person.”
“Physically?” she asks with a gleam in her eye. “You’re not seriously afraid that they will come home a couple pounds heavier or a foot taller?”
“No,” I groan. “I’m talking about the stuff that goes on inside them.” Putting this into words is a lot harder than I thought it would be. “What if Nate and Dex don’t want me anymore? They’ve had a lot of time alone to think about this crazy idea of us all being together. Maybe they’ve changed their minds and are waiting to tell me in person.”
Cammy rolls her eyes. “You’re delusional.”
“I hope so.”
My inner freak out grinds to a halt as I hear the sound of tires crunching over gravel. I don’t have to look out the window to know that my mom is back with the guys. Cammy looks up with excitement dancing in her eyes.
“Should we run out and greet them or play it cool and make them come to us?”
I rub my hands down my jean-clad legs and shoot her a skeptical look. “It won’t matter. If they want to see us, then there won’t be any stopping them. Might as well save our strength” As if to prove my point, a rumble of movement can be heard outside right before we hear the sound of the front door swinging open. Next comes the pounding of feet heading in our direction. Dex and Nate remind me of two heat-seeking missiles searching out their next target.
Dex appears in my doorway first. His eyes roam over my body as if searching for something. Nate steps up beside him and replicates his movements. I squirm restlessly in my seat watching them watch me. Dex leans against the frame and raises a single brow in my direction.
That is all the push I need to jump up and run to them. Nate catches me first, and I crawl up his body like a spider monkey, holding on for dear life. I hug the hell out of him. “I missed you,” I whisper into his ear.
Dex moves in behind me and presses his heated body against mine. Not missing a beat, I lean back into him, his touch setting every nerve in my body on fire. I soak up every hot second of their attention. My fingers curl into Nate’s shirt as my body clenches in want. Having both their arms wrapped around me is the best feeling in the world.
We stay in that compromised position for I don’t know how long before common sense finally kicks in and I peel myself out of their hold. I glance around the room, grateful not to find my mother anywhere around.
“We need to be more careful,” I say softly. “I think we should probably put down some ground rules.”
Dex laughs. “We’re barely home for five minutes, and she’s already bossing us around.”
With hands on my hips, I narrow my eyes at him, which earns me a chuckle from Nate. Reluctantly, I give into a grin. “I missed bantering with you two,” I admit. “FaceTime is nice, but it’s not the same as having you here in person.”
“At least you had a normal summer. We’ve spent the summer sweating our asses off and sharing a dorm room with your brother. I swear the older he gets, the worse his snoring becomes. There were a few nights I was tempted to smother his ass if he didn’t shut the hell up.”
My eyes bucked. I totally forgot about my brother and best friend. Looking around the room, I find that we are entirely alone. “Where did everyone run off to?”
“She skipped out about the time you jumped out of your chair. I saw her darting into Jimmie’s room. It’s been a long summer. I don’t think we will be seeing them come out of there anytime soon.”
His words paint a vivid picture that has me wanting to scratch my eyes out. “I made some lunch. I thought you might be hungry after your long flight.”
“Famished.” Nate’s eyes shoot down to mine, and the heat in them scorches me from head to toe. “I could eat for days,” he hummed. Nate’s innuendo turns my blood to liquid fire. I don’t even realize I’ve moved until my chest brushes up against his. The friction from his shirt has my nipples pebbling to hard nubs and my breasts begging to be touched.
Dex’s answering chuckle breaks through the sexual tension swirling around us. I blink up at them, then around the room. “We need to get out of here before we do something we can’t take back. There are too many eyes and ears around my house.”
“We can be quiet,” Dex taunts. “If anyone will be making too much noise it will be you, Jelly Bean.”
“Let’s go eat before Mom starts wondering where everyone ran off too.” I push past them and walk out of the room before either can make good on their challenge.
I find Mom out on the back porch with the phone up to her ear talking in hushed tones. The sparkle in her gaze is telling. It must be the new boyfriend. The urge to spy on her tugs at me, but I hold back and give her some space.
“What are you going to feed me?”
Dex’s rich voice startles me. For such a large guy he sure can move as silently as a panther when the need strikes. I reach into the cabinet closest to me and pull out some plates to pass around. “Mom made hamburgers and fries.” I nod to Nate who is standing by the refrigerator. “Would you mind pulling out the condiments and some sodas?”
“Aye Aye, Captain.”
I burst out laughing and proceed to fill the plates with food as Nate hands them to me. “If only you always took orders so easily,” I bite back.
“I like you bossy,” Nate retorts. “You can tell me what to do any day of the week as long as you are prepared to reciprocate when it’s my turn.”
Heat creeps up my neck and warms my cheeks. “Down boy,” I tease. “My mother is just outside.”
“She seemed different on the ride over,” Dex says. We all glance out the back window in time to see my mom’s head thrown back in laughter. My stomach dips as I zone in on the lock of hair she keeps twirling around her finger and the new makeup colors she’s started wearing last week.
“My mom went and got herself a boyfriend.”
Nate’s eyes get big. “Seriously?”
I swallow my bite of hamburger before answering. “Yep, and Jimmie doesn’t know yet, so don’t go spilling the beans until Mom is ready to tell him.”
Dex moves from his spot at the kitchen island and slides onto the barstool next to me. “Why the secrecy? I don’t think he'll care.”
“Probably not, but Mom is worried, nonetheless.” I lean over the counter and grab the ketchup bottle. I squirt a big dollop of it on my plate before doing the same for Dex. “It took me walking in on her trying to wax her legs to figure out that she has a mysterious guy in her life.”
“There is nothing nicer than a fresh pair of waxed legs,” Nate muses.
I gape at him, the French fry I was about to eat long forgotten. I hate waxing. I tried doing it once on my bikini line the summer before ninth grade and ended up with a painful second-degree burn. How he forgot about that, I don’t know. More importantly, whose waxed body has he been enjoying?
Dex’s raucous laughter cuts through my internal thoughts. Nate glances up, and I slice him with a scathing look I never thought myself capable of achieving. “What?” He looks completely lost as to why I’m upset.
I’m too angry to speak, so I take my frustration out on my food. I bite into my burger with newfound vigor. “I know why Jelly Beans upset,” Dex boasts.
“Why?” Nate glances between the two of us in confusion.
I huff in annoyance.
“Do you remember that one summer when Jelly Bean got that horrible burn?”
Nate blinks. “Yeah.” He scratches at the scruff on his face. “It was some new suntan lotion or something like that, right?”