Secrets & Saris

by Shoma Narayanan

  ‘I’m not ideal husband material,’ he said. ‘I’ve been married once before, I have a kid, and I’m not even sure how I really feel about you—it’s a complete recipe for disaster.’

  ‘I’m not sure how I feel about you either,’ Shefali said. ‘Sometimes I hate you. But then sometimes I think we could make it work. If both of us tried hard enough.’

  She looked up at Neil, and her expression was such a mixture of determination and vulnerability that he bent down and kissed her. The kiss lasted a lot longer than he’d planned. Shefali’s soft lips were an unbearable temptation against his own. It took his last ounce of self-control to pull away.

  ‘You’d be taking on a lot,’ he said warningly. ‘You saw what this morning was like—and that’s just with Bela and Nina around. You haven’t even met the rest of the family.’

  ‘And you haven’t met mine,’ Shefali countered. ‘Ten minutes with my mother and you’ll be wondering why you agreed to come within five feet of me.’ She hadn’t missed the look in his eyes, and little tendrils of hope were beginning to spring up. Perhaps he did care for her after all, and only some quixotic scruples were holding him back from saying it.

  ‘So we stay engaged, then?’ Neil said after a brief pause, and broke into his boyish, slightly lopsided and utterly charming smile. ‘Let’s go buy you a ring.’

  That smile had helped triple the ratings of his shows, and Shefali was far from being immune to it. For a few seconds she was too busy trying to control her heart-rate to grasp fully what he’d said.

  Then, when he took her hand and started pulling her towards the door, it sank in, and she yelped, ‘What? Right now?’

  ‘Why not?’ he said. Neil had always had a slightly reckless streak in him—he’d suppressed it ruthlessly for the last few years, but it was back with a vengeance now.

  Shefali balked, however. ‘Maybe you should take a day or two to think it over,’ she said. ‘I feel like I’m rushing you into this.’

  ‘You’re not,’ he said, bending down and giving her a swift, hard kiss that robbed her of all power to object. ‘I’m the one who’s in charge of the rushing. Now, come on—let’s go get you that ring. What would you like? Diamonds? Emeralds? Sapphires?’

  Shefali was already shaking her head. ‘Not diamonds,’ she said, thinking of the ring Pranav had got her—the one she’d sold before leaving Delhi.

  ‘I’m not too fond of them either,’ Neil said, and they looked at each other and laughed.

  ‘Let me guess—you got Reema a solitaire?’ Shefali said.

  ‘Marquise cut, with smaller diamonds by the side,’ he said. ‘Reema left it with me for Nina when she grows up.’

  A shadow crossed his face, and for a second Shefali wondered if he was having second thoughts. Then his expression cleared and he took her hand.

  ‘No diamonds, then. Let’s get to the store and see what they have.’

  It took them almost two hours, and trips to four jewelers, before they found a ring Shefali liked. It was in white-gold filigree, with no gemstones, and she fell in love with the intricate design as soon as she saw it.

  ‘That one,’ she said.

  The shop assistant gave Neil a quick look. Pretty much everyone in town knew Neil by sight because of the TV show and the frenzy in the local press around it.

  ‘It’s a nice ring, sir, but it’s not really for daily wear. It’ll be difficult to clean, and...’

  ‘And evidently you don’t think it’s suitable for an engagement ring?’ Neil cut in, sounding amused. ‘This is the one she likes, so we’ll take it.’

  ‘Can I put it on now?’ Shefali asked as they left the store. ‘Or do we need to tell our families officially first?’

  ‘I was thinking of a small engagement party,’ Neil said. ‘Maybe next week? That will give everyone time to get used to the idea.’

  Shefali’s eyes widened. ‘Wow—you don’t waste time, do you? Three hours ago you wanted us to split up. Now you’re planning engagement parties. Next you’ll be talking to wedding caterers and quarrelling about the decorations on the cake.’ In a way, his wanting to get engaged in a hurry was flattering, but she couldn’t help wondering if he wanted to make things official before he had a chance to change his mind again.

  Neil stopped in the middle of the pavement and swung Shefali around to face him. ‘Look at me,’ he said, and when Shefali laughed he said, ‘No, I’m serious. Look at me.’

  She looked into his eyes, and her laughter stilled under the intensity of his gaze.

  ‘I care about you,’ he said. ‘I have since the day I first kissed you. But it took me a long time to come to terms with it. I’ve got so used to putting Nina first that I assumed I wouldn’t be able to have a serious relationship with anyone until she was a lot older.’ He paused, and then said, ‘I tried to keep telling myself that what you and I shared was just friendship and good sex, but it’s so much more than that.’

  He touched her cheek, and the light touch sent Shefali’s body up in flames.

  ‘Trying to walk away from you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I didn’t think I was right for you. I thought the only person I was hurting was myself.’

  ‘Care’, not love, Shefali noted, but there was no doubting his sincerity. And love was such an over-used word anyway. Perhaps this was a better foundation for a relationship than both of them claiming to be madly in love with each other? Though in her case it would be a simple statement of fact. She’d finally admitted to herself that she loved Neil. He didn’t return the feeling, but that was something she could live with as long as they were together.

  Her hand came up to grip his tightly. ‘I think we’re right for each other,’ she said. There was a lot more that she wanted to say but it could wait—this was the most important thing.

  ‘Right, so we’ll get engaged at a party next week, then?’ Neil said, taking her hand and resuming their walk towards the car. He gave her a mischievous look. ‘Unless you want some time to think it over?’

  Shefali shook her head. Her parents would want her to get engaged in Delhi, but she couldn’t stand the thought of the same crowd of friends and relatives who’d been at her first engagement party standing around and gossiping at this one.

  ‘Next week is fine,’ she said. ‘I’ll tell my parents. Will yours be coming down?’

  ‘I’ll have to tell them first,’ he said. ‘I’m sure they’ll come—it’s a long trip, and there are no direct flights, but they’ll want to be here. Not so sure about my sister, though. She’s on the tea estate, and it’s high up in the hills—we can patch her in on a video link.’ At Shefali’s puzzled look, he said, ‘We video conferenced Nina’s last birthday party so that my parents could see her cut her cake. It works quite well.’

  Shefali tried to imagine her own pomp-and-show-obsessed mother attending her engagement party through satellite link, failed, and began to laugh.

  ‘Your family’s a lot more tech-savvy than mine,’ she said. ‘Mine will expect to be flown down and met at the airport by a chauffeur-driven car, and they’ll turn up their noses at everything they see.’

  Neil tried not to look appalled. What little he’d heard of Shefali’s parents hadn’t endeared them to him.

  ‘You’ll have to break it to them gently,’ he said as they reached the car and got in. ‘Getting engaged to a divorced man who has a child isn’t what most parents plan for their daughters.’

  ‘Well, most parents don’t get their daughters engaged to men who walk out on the wedding day either,’ Shefali retorted, her eyes beginning to flash. ‘They’re hardly in a position to comment. If they don’t like it they needn’t come. Actually...’ She pulled her phone out of her handbag and began to dial her father’s number. ‘Let me tell them right now.’

  Neil had been about to pull out of the parking
lot, but he stopped the car. ‘Shefali, are you sure?’ he asked, his expression half-amused and half-alarmed. ‘You’re working yourself into a temper even before you speak to them.’

  ‘That’s what works best,’ she said, pressing the green ‘dial’ button on her screen. ‘Hi, Dad,’ she said, when her father picked up on the first ring. ‘You remember what I was telling you earlier? Well, I’ve decided to get engaged. We’re having an engagement party next week, and it’d be lovely if you and Mum could come.’ She waited for the expostulations to die down, and went on. ‘Yes, of course I’ll tell you more about him.’

  Neil took the car on to the main road, and began driving towards his bungalow. They needed to tell Nina and Bela Mashi as well, and it would be best to do it together. Judging from Shefali’s side of the conversation, she seemed to have things well under control.

  ‘Well, for starters, his name’s Neil Mitra,’ she said. ‘Yes, the guy who comes on TV. Yes...Yes...No, I hadn’t seen the show before I met him, Dad. He was here shooting a section of his next show and I ran into him by accident.’

  There was a pause, and Neil could hear an agitated female voice join the conversation.

  ‘No, Mum, he’s not Punjabi. He’s half-Bengali and half-British.’

  Pause...

  ‘British, mum—his mother’s...’ She raised an eyebrow at Neil and mouthed, ‘English? Scottish? What?’

  ‘English,’ he mouthed back.

  ‘English,’ Shefali said into the phone. ‘Yes, English. His parents met at Oxford.’ She paused as her parents shot more questions at her.

  ‘His father has a tea estate, I think,’ she said, ‘but he’s retired now. Neil’s sister manages the estate.’ She looked at Neil for confirmation and he nodded.

  There were some more squawks from the phone.

  ‘I don’t know, Mum!’ she said exasperatedly. ‘Wait, I’ll ask him. She wants to know if you’re Hindu or Christian,’ she said.

  ‘Well, neither,’ Neil said, looking a little bewildered. ‘I’m not particularly religious.’

  ‘What do you put on government forms and stuff?’

  ‘Hindu.’

  ‘He’s Hindu,’ Shefali reported into the phone. ‘And he lives in Mumbai, so I guess I’ll be shifting there too. As soon as I can arrange it with the school.’

  The squawks emanating from the phone had lessened in intensity, so Neil assumed that her parents were OK with the news so far.

  ‘Tell them about Nina,’ he said softly, bracing himself for their reaction.

  Shefali nodded. ‘Dad, Mom—there’s one more thing, and it’s important, so listen to what I’m saying carefully.’ There was a muted sound of assent from the phone. ‘Neil has a daughter—no, Mum, listen to what I’m saying. He’s not married. I wouldn’t be getting engaged to him if he was, would I? The laws against bigamy are pretty strict.’

  She took a deep breath.

  ‘Nina’s one of my students. She’s four years old, and she’s adorable. Neil and her mother split up years ago, and they’re still on good terms.’

  There was a long pause as her parents digested that piece of information. Shefali found herself digging her nails into her palm. Perhaps telling her parents when Neil was around had been a bad idea. Lord knew what her mother would come out with now, and if she said something about Nina Shefali knew she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from hitting back.

  ‘Shefali, do you love him?’ her father asked finally, and the words sounded odd coming from someone who’d always been a very contained and formal person.

  ‘Yes,’ she whispered, looking at Neil and knowing that it was true. Caring was all very well, in its place, but what she felt for Neil was something far more elemental.

  ‘Well, that’s all that’s important,’ her father said. ‘And we’ve always wanted a granddaughter, so tell Nina and Neil that we’re looking forward to welcoming them to the family.’

  ‘Thanks, Dad,’ Shefali said, and she felt tears well into her eyes. All her life she’d felt her father’s love was dependent upon her toeing the line and doing what he wanted. She’d misjudged him—it looked as if things were going to turn out well after all.

  But she’d temporarily forgotten her mother.

  ‘I suppose it’s OK,’ her mother was saying. ‘He seems to be from a good family, and he’s doing well—and after that whole thing of your wedding being cancelled and you leaving Delhi like that I guess a divorcé’s not such a bad deal. I’ve been asking around, and it’ll be difficult to marry you off now that you’ve said no to Amit and people know you’ve left town. I knew that was a bad idea. Everyone just assumes that you were at fault in some way...’

  ‘Mallika, stop running on,’ her father said, to Shefali’s intense relief. ‘If Shefali left home it was because she didn’t get the support she needed from her own parents and she thought she’d be better off on her own.’

  ‘I should have known you’d take her side,’ her mother muttered. ‘I’ve slaved over the children, bringing them up alone while you were travelling all over the country, but of course when things go wrong you’re on their side. How old is this Neil anyway?’ she asked, switching battle fronts abruptly and taking Shefali off guard. ‘Must be in his thirties if he’s got a four-year-old. That’s not so bad—around ten years older than you. Though of course nowadays—’

  ‘He’s twenty-eight,’ Shefali interrupted before her mother could launch into a thesis on age differences between spouses. ‘Look, you can ask him the story of his life when you meet him. The engagement party will be next week, and we want you to be here.’

  Long pause.

  ‘No, we don’t want to get engaged in Delhi... Yes, his parents are fine with it... Yes, we do have hotels here, Mum. It’s not a village. We’re planning to have a quiet do at home, with just family and a few friends. You can stay with me—there’s lots of space... Yes, Mum... Yes, Mum. I’ll tell you as soon as we decide the date... Yes... Thanks, Dad. Love you guys too.’

  ‘That sounded as if it went quite well,’ Neil said after she’d rung off. ‘From the way you described them I thought they’d be extremely upset.’

  ‘Dad’s changed,’ Shefali said wonderingly. ‘He sounded almost human—either it’s old age catching up, or an alien spirit’s taken over his body.’

  Neil hesitated a little. ‘Or maybe he’s more shaken up by your leaving home than you think?’ he said.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I was thinking how I’d feel if I’d arranged a marriage for Nina and something went wrong and she left home. It would hurt very badly. I’d think I’d failed her, and I’d be willing to do anything to get her back.’

  Shefali gave him a weird look.

  ‘Are you channelling the same spirit Dad is? Because that’s almost exactly what he said—about failing me and stuff like that.’

  Neil shrugged. ‘Comes with being a parent,’ he said. It was at times like these that he felt immeasurably older than Shefali, despite the fact that there was only a one-year age-gap between them. ‘We’re home. Let’s go and break the news to Nina and Bela Mashi.’

  Nina took the news very calmly. As far as she was concerned the arrangement had been a done deal ever since she’d let both parties know what she wanted.

  ‘The entire universe conspires to give you what you want? Is that it?’ Bela Mashi asked, misquoting a line from a popular Bollywood movie in her heavily accented Hindi. ‘At least congratulate your dad and Shefali Teacher.’

  Nina obediently congratulated them, and then trotted off to watch something on TV.

  Neil’s parents’ reaction was far more gratifying, and so was his sister’s. Both his mother and sister insisted on speaking to Shefali, and after talking to them for a few minutes Shefali felt as if she’d known them all her life. Barbara Mitra was warm and fr
iendly, and Anita brimmed over with energy.

  ‘Of course I’m coming there for the engagement party!’ she exclaimed. ‘Even if I have to drive all the way.’

  ‘You won’t have to,’ Neil said, taking the phone from Shefali. ‘Though you might have to fly to Nagpur and drive down from there.’

  Anita groaned. ‘You had to hide yourself in a little up-country hole, didn’t you?’ she said.

  ‘Well, while we’re on the subject, you’re not exactly in a bustling metropolis either. It’s almost impossible to get through to you. I called the cell-phone company for help, and they said it takes a while to convert drumbeats to cell-signals.’ Neil put the phone down while his sister was still spluttering at him and grinned.

  ‘All the important people told?’ Shefali asked.

  ‘There’s only Reema left,’ Neil said. ‘I need to let her know, but it can wait. I’ll e-mail her tomorrow.’

  It was on the tip of Shefali’s tongue to ask why Reema needed to be told when Neil answered her unspoken question.

  ‘It’s part of our custody agreement for Nina,’ he said. ‘We need to inform each other if we shift cities, or remarry, or change jobs. But I’d have told her in any case. She’s been part of my life for so long, even though she’s not particularly involved with Nina.’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ Shefali said, but she felt a strange emotion—not jealousy, exactly, but a feeling that she’d missed out on so much of Neil’s life, when he’d been younger and less careworn. All those years had gone to Reema, and they’d been wasted on her.

  Feeling quite fiercely possessive about Neil, she went across the room, and planted a kiss firmly on his lips.

  ‘Hey, Nina and Bela might come in at any moment,’ Neil said, gently disentangling himself from her arms.