by Pam Uphoff
"Really?" Gode smirked at her, "Perhaps you should show us these hot springs after all."
"I'll grab a bottle of wine," Zammara winked, "There's some with a reputation you wouldn't believe!"
***
"Let them sleep in." Bail advised Rufi in the morning. "Young twits like that haven't our kind of endurance."
"Old gods." Rufi stretched, a broad grin spreading across his face. "Those myths about witches are true. I'd almost forgotten."
The Tavern boys had their horses saddled, and they rode out, at a walk on the frozen road.
Bail looked over at him. "You know, I'd forgotten what a snot you were. You were so different a few postings later when we wound up serving together again."
Rufi started laughing. "Deflowering a witch as a life changing experience? Bail, do you realize that I might be a father?"
"D'you mean to say your other girlfriends never caught?"
"Not that they ever told me, and they would have." Rufi shrugged and eyed the swarms of little kids headed for the school. "How are those six wizard babies doing?"
"The oldest is almost two, the youngest a year and a half. Do you want to see them?"
"No. I'm just curious."
Bail spotted a spectacular blonde herding three of the toddlers, and called to her. "Never? Could I have a word?" He swung down off his horse. Rufi gave him a curious glance, then joined him on the ground.
The little blonde girl beside the woman looked them up and down and decided they were uninteresting, and ran off with the other kids. It looked like a snowman was under construction in the school yard.
"Do all the kids go to school every day?" Bail asked.
"No, or not the little ones, at any rate." Never answered. "We've got a meeting today."
Bail introduced Rufi, "Never was the witch that did the survey of the New Lands last summer, connecting the lava lands to the faults in the south."
"Your scout, and Dydit helped as well," she dimpled. "I'm afraid the runaway lovers and the God of Love weren't much help, although they were good company so long as you could keep Romeau from spouting poetry."
Rufi grinned, "We got a dose last night. Hmm, the God of Love? Well love does rot the brain, which would explain the poetry."
Her dark blue eyes sparkled as she laughed.
"I believe you're Happy's daughter, aren't you?" Bail asked innocently. Yep. Straight strong nose, square jaw, high forehead. She looked quite a bit like the whole royal family. Rufi was suddenly studying her intensely.
"The oldest," her eyes twinkled. "I don't have to explain about the wine to you do I, Captain?" She sobered a little. "It's odd, Ash being so much less remote, all of a sudden. Half of these children will know their fathers, when it used to be scandalous to even know their names."
Rufi shifted then, "You don't know who your father is?"
"Certainly not." she frowned a little, "Mother did say she caught first try, so maybe she knows," she shook herself a little. "Sorry to wander off like that, Colonel. At this point I'm tentatively planning on heading over the pass in the spring and mapping my way across. I especially want to see the central fumarole zone, and see if the other side is the same as this side."
"That would be very useful." Rufi stared at her a bit longer, then glanced at the school, "Umm, nice to have met you, Never. I, err look forward to seeing more of your work."
She gave them a bright smile and walked on.
Bail mounted, "Spectacularly good looking, isn't she. Cute little toddler, too. Congratulations, granddad. Baby looks a lot like Byson, don't you think?"
Rufi stopped dead with one foot in the stirrup. "Byson? Oh crap. He was almost as bad as I was at that age. And he's Heddi's son, they're cousins. Well, half cousins once removed. Heddi was King Haro's third wife's last child."
"He's married now, and there's nothing wrong with the little girl, so it's not a problem."
"Right. A bit late to worry about it, isn't it?" He heaved himself up on his horse and looked over at Bail, "What about you?"
"I was never a snotty noble, so the witches can't take credit for turning me into a responsible human being. On the other hand, Elegant's younger daughter is unusually dark skinned. One might almost think some wandering Farofo sired her. And I keep finding these excuses to come to the village."
"Always Elegant?"
"Yep. I think she's staked a claim."
"I'm going to have to find some excuses to get back here occasionally. Daughters and granddaughters. Wizards. Old gods." He snorted. "I think I'm glad all the magic is concentrated up here."
"I wrote up, as close to word for word as I could remember, what they said last night." Bail told him.
"When did you find the time?"
Bail laughed. "Early this morning. Maybe I should have let you sleep in with your lieutenants. You appear to have gotten the full treatment. At least I have sense enough to stick to older women."
"Older? You do realize that they could be thousands of years old?"
"I don't think so. Well, maybe Answer and Blissful. But the rest of them were born here, since the war," he blinked in the bright morning sun. "The Auralian war sixty-four years ago. Do you suppose we could get any of them to write a history book?"
"I don't know. I hadn't realized how . . . normal Harry and the Auld Wulf were, for gods."
Bail nodded. "Yes, that was a bit scary last night. Really bad poetry."
Rufi whooped and spooked his horse. Reined him back gasping for breath. "Damn it Bail. I'd forgotten about your appalling sense of humor. What did he say, the heat of man, and something about doing everything wrong?"
"I suppose I shouldn't complain about a god's poetry." Bail shrugged.
"Ah, all right. When I think about gods, I suppose Lady Gisele was more what I pictured. Some one seriously uncanny. Not a bad poet with plumes in his hat." Rufi sobered. "I guess a Duke's rebellious son herding sheep is rather unimportant, compared to a comet that fell to Earth and killed everyone except the inhabitants of three or four towns. So let's go talk to a mere wizard or two."
***
"Frankly?" Dydit filled his mug with hot tea and sat down across from the two officers. Nil had taken their horses and left them alone. "It felt all foggy and hard to think. I was in a bad mood, and horny as all hell for what felt like oh, ten, twenty years. Something like that. He says I was a goat for nearly seven hundred years, and I suppose he'd know. Although he had a 'stupid' spell of his own. And it's not a real goat either. It's a nightmare of a goat.
"At any rate, as Maleth's apprentice I was under his control in a seriously magically controlling way. A master needs to be able to stop his apprentice if he starts doing something really dangerous.
"At least that's what everyone says. Said. Nil doesn't seem to have any desire to control me in that fashion. Maleth did, and that was why I had to be a goat for so many years. Once the spells Nil put on me started breaking, Maleth started reeling me back in. When he died, it freed me, and I ran like hell. The other six had already fled. Maleth had wanted to kill Nil, so he stayed up here.
"I haven't had any contact with them since Maleth's death."
The colonel looked him over pensively. Dydit resisted an impulse to squirm.
"The other's had . . . goat feet when they were human, and human hands when they were goats."
Dydit nodded. "I did too, until Nil showed up and started showing me how to do magic properly. I hadn't realized how sloppy Maleth was."
"Some of that was a result of the brute force spell breaking." Nil stomped snow off his boots and hung up his jacket. "I'm surprised that the older wizards don't know how to clean up spell shreds, though."
Dydit snorted. "It might have something to do with the way you interweaved the spells to support each other, and the raw power you put into them." Nil had taken an awfully long time putting up the officers' horses. One of them was a stallion, so he'd probably picked out a couple of mares to keep him company. The old wizard really had gone horse c
razy.
"Well, there is that."
"I want to see this nightmare goat." The colonel leaned across the table, challenging him.
Dydit shrugged and started unbuttoning his shirt.
"What do you do with your clothes, while you're a goat?"
"Nothing. Goats don't care. I try to remember where I left them, and change back close to them. Gets embarrassing, otherwise. And expensive." He shucked his boots, slipped out of his pants and opened the lid.
He laughed at the expressions on their faces, and reared up, put his front hooves on the colonel's shoulders and looked down on him. The poor idiot grabbed him by the horns. Dydit fought down an evil impulse and kept his head and horns still. The colonel removed his hands and cursed, looking at the bleeding cuts. Dydit closed the box and latched it.
"Like I said, a nightmare version of a goat." He pulled his pants on before grabbing a clean rag and salve for the colonel's hands. He wiped it on one hand, then the other, then switched to the dry end of the rag and wiped it off the completely healed shallow cuts.
"Yes. I will certainly add that to the sorts of things I have nightmares about." The colonel frowned at the jar of salve.
"Lady Gisele made it. She promised me there was no aphrodisiac in it." Dydit shrugged. "Keep in mind that I was the youngest and smallest of the goats. Maleth was nearly double my weight, and that translated into an even bigger goat, not just a fatter one. Orgaphos probably comes close to four hundredweights. Nil keeps dragging me outside for sword practice, but when push comes to shove, I generally do better in a fight if I go all goaty. I don't know if they are the same or not." He finished dressing, and frowned at Nil. "Are you going to go do something about them?"
"I'm very much of two minds about whether they shouldn't just be left alone." Nil admitted. "So I'm taking the easy way out. Let the King decide. If he wants them dead, I'll go kill them."
Dydit boggled over the concept of King Nihility deferring to and obeying a mere human king. "So, I guess I'd better not plan on joining the mapping expedition this summer?"
Nil rubbed his chin. "There's always too much to do. Best leave the mapping to the Army, I guess."
***
Back at the Tavern, the two local troops were chatting with Harry and reported that the Lieutenants had staggered in and gone straight to bed.
Bail was perfectly happy to spend another day here, and was not the least surprised that when the witches finished whatever they were up to, he wound up back in Elegant's bed. Happy had scooped up Rufi. No doubt the colonel would be glad of the time to get to know Never and the little girl.
At some point, he asked curiously, "I never did hear what happened to your Mayor."
Elegant chuckled. "Are you certain you want to know?"
Bail winced. "How bad can it be?"
"The Sheep Man figured out how to break the spell she was under, and she flew away." Elegant giggled, probably at his expression. "Nil says that she is not the only dragon alive now, but refuses to speak further on the matter."
***
"We travel everywhere with the colonel, watch his back, you know?" Noe was the senior of the three troopers, and did most of the talking. In this case to some really cute girls.
Pepi and Col nodded agreement, "Very important man, our Colonel." Pepi told them.
Noe smiled at the young women, could they possibly get lucky two nights running? He scratched the little cut on his right wrist. Last night a group of young ladies and a couple of their boy friends had invited them over to the local grange barn after dinner, for a bit of song and dance. Good bunch of musicians here, and three of the girls had been happy to lead their dance partners off into the hay loft for some extra fun. He supposed the barn was the local necking spot, at least during the winter, but he'd heard something from the snotty young lieutenants . . .
"I hear there are hot springs up in the hills a bit? You girls ever go up there in the winter?"
That brought some giggles, and they swapped some calculating thoughts. One took a peek into the kitchen and another stepped outside for a minute.
"What's up with the scouting?" Noe asked, the one that stayed.
"Oh, some people think they own the hot springs," her friends came scampering back, grinning wickedly. "But since they aren't using them, I don't see why we couldn't show them to you."
"I told the others, they may come up too. C'mon, it'll be fun! "
And so it was. The steaming pools of water were cooled to just the perfect temperature by melting snow up hill. They smelled a little fruity, like someone had poured wine in the hot water. Actually there was an empty wine bottle bobbing in the water. No matter, it wasn't like wine would contaminate the water.
***
Rufi was the first down to breakfast and blinked disapprovingly as Never brought out a pot of tea and cups.
Bail walked down the stairs and looked at Never in surprise. "Do all the witches work in the Tavern?"
Never grinned. "It's not work. It's a contest. Now, could I interest you officers in pastries or bacon and eggs, or both?"
Rufi frowned. "I don't understand the economy of the area. Do you need to work?"
"Oh, the witches collectively own the High Mountain Gemstone Company. It's basically a front to pay the taxes without anyone knowing where the diamonds come from. We all have different ways of making money apart from that. Then the Sheep Man sells wool, the Auld Wolf sells wine, the Mages sell all their extra produce, plus they mine as well. We used to run the valley like a big family, but there are too many of us for that any more. We've all got money in cash and bank accounts."
Rufi eyed her. "And what do you mostly do?"
"Now that I've advanced, I can find diamonds and garnets magically and shape metal. I also do a lot of weaving." She eyed him. "I understand you're going to mount a campaign against the goat wizards. I suspect you'd find a couple of triads of witches useful."
"King Rebo is considering whether to leave the wizards alone or tackle them before they find a strong base. I expect that we'll be sending at least a diplomatic team to the Cove Islands, to warn them of the danger. Perhaps I should speak to Answer about bringing some witches with us."
"Couldn't hurt. In the mean time, pastries?"
"Everything for me." Bail said. "And hot tea."
Rufi nodded, and frowned, watching her walk back to the kitchen. "Even illegitimate princesses don't work in Taverns."
Bail snorted. "I think I'll stand well back when you tell her that."
"Umm. Possibly bad timing, and poor ground to fight upon. Perhaps she'll come along with the Wizard hunters and I can divert her in Karista."
After melt in the mouth pastries and smoky peppered bacon and eggs perfectly turned, they walked across the street to Answer's home. Rufi stated his purpose and asked her opinion as to whether witches would be a valuable addition to the mission, and whether she'd be willing to send some of the witches, should the king decide to send a special embassy to the Cove Islands.
The old witch was upright and moved too smoothly to even call spry. "It could be a very valuable experience. We fortunately don't have many actual battles up here. And even more rarely have to exert ourselves magically. The Pyramid will discuss it, and send what we deem advisable with Nil."
They nearly bowed themselves out and found their horses saddled and ready to go. Rufi's men were red-eyed and tending to lean on the horses.
"Oh, not the three of you, too? I thought only officers trashed themselves two nights running." The colonel shook his head over the state of his troops, then mounted up and led the way out, and was kind enough to not look behind to see what sort of military order his escort was in. Actually, the two locals boys bothered him the most. Judging by their stiff expressions and stiff backs he didn't think they'd had a good homecoming. He worried that around and finally asked. "See all your old friends?"
Oscar winced, "Well, yeah, and apart from being shown the door by a former girlfriend, it was good to see everyone
."
Bran was nodding agreement.
"They don't approve of your joining the Army?"
"Mine don't." Bran shrugged, "I don't know how much you've picked up about, well, the village, umm."
"Witches, wizards, mages and old gods?"
Bran nodded. "My father and maternal grandfather are the two top mages. They had high expectations for me. Which I've messed up altogether. Not only am I not getting any further training, I'm not available to marry the girl they had all picked out for me. She's refused an alternate marriage and left the Circle. And she showed me the door."
Oscar shrugged as well. "I never had expectations, being an orphan. I just never thought things would end up so sour."
Bran nodded, and Rufi left them to their thoughts. The other five, well the lieutenants were looking alive again. The trio of troopers looked like they'd done a long forced march—except for the smirks. Well, as soon as the snow over the Pass melted, they'd be working hard enough to get them over anything.
***
Never held the gate for the kids and looked back. "Is there a problem, Grandmother?"
Answer looked up and blinked. "I was just thinking child. I genuinely have no idea what to expect of these children. I try to sort them in my mind, but I just don't know enough to plan."
"Well," Never considered the problem. "The two year olds, yes, they're a bit of a problem, aren't they? Let's see, four or five were sired by gods, two by a wizard, two by goats, and the rest—nineteen or so—by the visiting soldiers. Even the Mage babies. They must have been very surprised when their usually counter conception spells didn't work."
Answer chuckled wickedly. "I can almost forgive the gods their meddling for that! But what will our witch girls be capable of?"
"You know, we've got fifteen two year olds. When we organize them into triads it'll work out nice and even. Then we have Particular and Opinion's new daughters, with Catti and Zamm's due late this year. They said their first time as witches was very different." Never shook her head, "And Mother says she thinks she's taken again. She certainly looks smug."