A Class Apart

by Susan Lewis

  “I see your admirer is still as generous as ever,” Nick said, as he walked into the sitting room and saw all the flowers about the place.

  “It’s like a bloody funeral parlour in here,” Bob grumbled. “I’ll be glad when he, whoever he is, runs out of money, or passion, or whatever it is he needs to run out of. Sitting here with all these damned flowers, I feel like a garden gnome.”

  “He’s jealous,” Ellamarie said to Nick. “I’ve told you, Bob, you can send me flowers too if you like. I won’t object.”

  Bob grunted, and went to sit down.

  The time passed quickly as they discussed the delivery and interpretation of the Famous Tragedy, until Nick suddenly realized that he was perhaps encroaching upon the valuable hours that Bob and Ellamarie had together. He looked slightly embarrassed as he announced that he really must be going, and was grateful to Ellamarie for making him feel that he didn’t have to rush off.

  “I’ll see you tonight,” he said, as he was leaving. “Last but one performance, eh? Soon comes round, doesn’t it?”

  “You’re not kidding,” said Ellamarie.

  “Just one thing before I go. I meant to ask earlier, how’s Kate? How did it go in Scotland?”

  Ellamarie’s face fell.

  “She’s all right, isn’t she?” said Nick, looking worried.

  “I don’t know,” said Ellamarie. “She seemed fine when we got back on Sunday, but I called her earlier, and she sounded, well, kind of peculiar. I think I’ll give her a call again now.”

  “Say hello to her for me?”

  “Sure. Look, I know you keep saying no, but why don’t you give her a call yourself? I’m sure she’d like to hear from you. It will do her good to get out again.”

  Nick shrugged. “I don’t know. We’ll see.”

  TWENTY-TWO

  Nick turned the car out into the King’s Road, and pulled into the traffic. The King’s Road was always busy, and it took ages just to get as far as Sloane Square. He turned into Old Church Street, and drove across to the Fulham Road, which was usually marginally better. Once in the Fulham Road, he had to drive past Neville Street. And almost before he knew he was doing it, he was indicating and turning left into it.

  He pulled up outside the large house where Kate had a second-floor flat, and looked up at the windows. There was no sign of life. As he pushed the bell, he felt as nervous as a schoolboy on his first date. He didn’t like calling in on people, unannounced, and he was beginning to wonder whether this was such a good idea after all, when Kate’s voice came over the intercom.

  “It’s Nick,” he said. “Nicholas Gough.”

  “Oh, Nick. What can I do for you?”

  “Well, I thought I’d call round to see how you were.”

  “I’m fine, thank you,” she said, and he heard her put the entryphone down again.

  Strange, it wasn’t like Kate to be rude. He was wondering whether he should ring again, or just go away, when someone came out of the door. The man nodded at Nick, and he caught the door before it closed again.

  He climbed the stairs quickly, and then hesitated outside her door. What if she really didn’t want to see him? But she had sounded strange, and Ellamarie had been worried too. Maybe he should try once more.

  He knocked loudly and waited. There was no reply, so he knocked again, and still there was no reply. He knew she was there, and she must have guessed that it was him knocking, so why not come to the door? The answer seemed obvious. She didn’t want to see him. He turned to go, but then something made him try just once more.

  Still she didn’t answer, and he pressed his ear to the door. There was no sound coming from within.

  “Kate!” he called. Kate!”

  Then suddenly the door jerked open, and she was standing there. She looked annoyed, and it was clear that she didn’t want him to come in.

  “Yes?” she said.

  “Um, I was in the neighbourhood, thought I’d drop round.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s not really convenient at the moment.”

  “Oh, I see. I’m sorry. I should have phoned first.”

  “Yes, but it was nice of you to bother.”

  “Don’t mention it. I’ll see you around, I suppose.”

  “Yes,” she said. “Goodbye.”

  He turned away, feeling angry at her abruptness. And then he heard a baby cry. He was confused at first, thinking it was coming from somewhere upstairs, but it sounded closer. He turned back, and Kate, her face wide with alarm, tried to close the door. The terrible suspicion hit him like a hammer. He managed to wedge his foot against the door in time, and pushed it open.

  “Let me in.”

  “No!” Her voice was nearly hysterical.

  “I heard a baby.”

  “Don’t be silly,” she snapped. “You’re imagining things.”

  “Then let me in.”

  “No. I told you, it’s not convenient right now,” and she started to push him out again.

  The baby cried again, loud screams, leaving him in no doubt that it was coming from inside her Oat. He looked at her, and saw that she was frightened.

  “Oh my God,” he breathed. “What have you done? Let me in, Kate,” and when she tried to close the door again he pushed her roughly to one side, and marched into the bedroom.

  Even though he had heard it, it was still a shock to see the baby lying there on the bed, its tiny face red from screaming, and its legs kicking around in frustration. Kate came into the room and stood beside him.

  “Whose is it?”

  Kate went to pick her up. “She’s mine,” she said, hugging her fiercely.

  Nick closed his eyes. What the hell was he going to do now? He looked at her, and saw the fear in her eyes. His heart went out to her in her pain.

  “Oh, Kate, she can’t be yours.”

  Kate’s face began to crumple. She hadn’t really believed that the baby was hers, and she knew that eventually she would be taken away. But not yet, please, not yet.

  Nick steered her into the lounge. The baby had stopped crying, almost as if she could sense what was going on around her. Nick sat them both down on the settee, then perched beside them. Tears were standing in Kate’s eyes, and he was thankful to see them. Maybe she did know that what she had done was wrong after all.

  “Why did you do it, Kate?”

  Kate opened her mouth to answer, but he stopped her.

  “I’m sorry, that was a stupid and senseless question. I know why you did it. Just tell me when.”

  “This morning.”

  “Where?”

  “I can’t remember.”

  The baby started to cry again, and Kate looked down at her. “She’s hungry.”

  “Why don’t you give her to me, and go and get her some milk or whatever it is she needs,” he said. “How are you going to feed her?”

  “I’ve got a bottle, I bought it this morning. And some nappies. I’ve taken very good care of her.”

  Nick smiled. “Yes, I’m sure you have.” He went to take the baby, but Kate held back.

  “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt her.”

  His eyes were so kind and understanding that Kate let the baby go. She went to warm some milk, and Nick cradled the child in his arms. He was disturbed by the turmoil inside him. He had to decide what to do. He looked at his watch. Time was getting on, and he was due at the theatre in an hour.

  Kate came back into the room and, taking the baby from him, sat down and began to feed her. Nick didn’t ask if she was giving her the right milk, he wouldn’t know anyway. But what he did know was that he had to get the child back to its real mother, and quick.

  “You will have to give her up, Kate, you know that, don’t you?” he said, softly.

  Kate didn’t answer, she remained intent on the baby.

  “You do know that, don’t you?” Nick insisted.

  She nodded.

  “I think we’re going to have to call the police.”

 
; Kate’s expression turned to terror. “No, please! Not the police.”

  “But who else? We must find the child’s parents.”

  “I know,” said Kate. “I didn’t mean to keep her, you know. I only wanted to hold her for a while. I just had to hold a baby. I just had to, Nick.” She started to cry.

  “I know,” he said, taking her in his arms. “It hasn’t been easy for you, has it?”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know. But we’ll have to think of something.” He looked at his watch again. He couldn’t just leave her here like this. “I’m going to call the theatre. I’ll have to tell them to prepare my cover.”

  She looked confused.

  “My understudy,” he explained. “I can’t leave you.”

  “No,” she said. “No, don’t leave me.”

  He rang the theatre, and luckily managed to find Bob. “I’m round at a friend’s,” he said. “I’m not going to be able to make it tonight.”

  “What do you mean you can’t make it?”

  “Something’s happened, I just can’t come in. Can you prepare the cover in time?”

  “I don’t know where he is.” Bob sounded angry. “This isn’t like you, Nick. You were all right this afternoon.”

  “Oh yes, I see,” said Nick. “Yes, yes. That’s right, and if you tell Ellamarie, she’ll know.”

  “Ellamarie?” said Bob, completely baffled. “What’s she got to do with it?”

  “Oh, I spoke to her about it earlier. Yes. Yes, if you just tell her I’ve done as she asked.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “At the door,” said Nick, willing Bob to understand.

  “At what door?”

  “Hers!” said Nick, through clenched teeth. He glanced back at Kate, but she was intent on the baby. “It’s Kate,” he whispered.

  “Who?”

  “Think!” Nick almost shouted.

  “Did you say Kate? What about her?”

  “That’s right. The performance, well, I think it can be sorted out.”

  “Is she all right?”

  “No,” Nick answered, with relief.

  “What’s happened?”

  Nick didn’t answer.

  “Is she there with you now?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you need some help?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Can you tell me anything?”

  “No.”

  “Oh God,” said Bob, exasperated. “What the hell has happened? Shall I find Ellamarie?”

  “No, not yet. I’ll let you know.”

  “Ring me as soon as you can.”

  “OK, then,” said Nick. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks. “Bye.” He put the phone down, and turned to see that Kate was watching him.

  “Was that Bob?” she asked, and he nodded.

  He ran his fingers through his hair, and looked at her in despair. Just what was he going to do now? As he went to sit down again he saw that the baby was sleeping. “What shall we do?” he asked, almost as if he expected the child to answer.

  “I don’t know,” said Kate.

  “Look, try starting from the beginning, tell me what happened.”

  Kate inhaled deeply, and caught her breath on a sob. She reached out and clutched at his hand, and he squeezed hers, trying to reassure her. “It’s been so awful, Nick,” she said. “Ever since I’ve been out of hospital it’s been like one long nightmare, except when I wake up, it’s still there. It just won’t go away. Everyone said it would get better, that soon it would get easier, but it didn’t. And I wanted my baby so badly, Nick, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for what I’ve done.” She caught her breath again, and Nick slipped an arm round her, in an attempt to give her some comfort.

  “Daddy did his best to make me feel better,” she continued, “and it was very nice of Ellamarie to take me to Scotland, but you see all I needed was to hold a child. I needed to feel one close to me. Hold its hands, and feed it. Comfort it when it cried, and give it all the love I could. Do you know what it’s like, Nick, to want a child so badly that your arms ache from emptiness? To have your heart feel as though it will burst unless it can give the love it has inside. Do you know how it feels to be haunted by the tears of the child you have murdered, the child you have wrenched from life, before it even had a chance?”

  Nick shook his head. What could he say?

  “And then Daddy said the other day that one day we would have a baby, the two of us, and we could love it and share it, and bring it up together. And no one would hurt us any more.”

  Nick looked at her curiously. That was a very strange thing for her father to have said.

  “So I thought that maybe, if I was going to have one one day, then why not now? Not that I ever meant to keep her, but I couldn’t wait for one day to come. And now I’ve held her in my arms, it doesn’t feel any better. It only feels worse, and if I can’t keep her I feel like I’m going to die. I just want her to be mine. I already love her, like she was mine.”

  Nick found that he had to swallow the lump in his throat before he could speak. “Had you made any plans about what you were going to do next?”

  “I was going to tell my father that we had the baby he wanted, and I thought he might be pleased. But I can see now that I was wrong, and I don’t suppose I really believed that I would ever go that far. I meant to take her back, really I did. But I kept putting it off, I didn’t want to let her go. And then I couldn’t remember where I had taken her from. It’s as if the whole thing was a dream, and now I can’t remember very much of it.”

  “Look, I don’t see that there’s anything else we can do, we’ll have to ring the police.” He felt her stiffen, and he rushed on. “The baby’s parents are bound to have reported her missing by now, they’re probably going out of their minds with worry.”

  “But I haven’t hurt her,” said Kate.

  “I know. But they don’t know that. All they know is that she’s disappeared. You must give her back to them, Kate. Think how the mother must feel right now.”

  Kate looked down at the sleeping child.

  “Will you let me call the police?” he said. “Please.”

  “What will they do to me?”

  “I don’t know. But they will be kind to you. They won’t do anything to hurt you, I promise.”

  “Do you think they’ll lock me away?”

  “No, of course they won’t. They’ll probably want to ask you a few questions, but I’ll be here.”

  He watched her face, and he longed to be able to take some of the pain from her. She looked so frail and helpless sitting there, holding on to the baby, knowing she was going to lose it.

  “So,” he said quietly, “will you let me ring?”

  She forced a smile. “You won’t go, though, will you?”

  “Of course not.”

  The police came, and then the baby’s parents arrived. The mother looked ravaged in her grief and fear, and Nick’s heart went out to her too. Kate sat in her bedroom, talking with a policewoman, and Nick handled everything else. It was a nightmarish experience, and he was terrified at one point that the police were going to insist that Kate go with them.

  An ambulance arrived and took the baby and its parents to hospital, and the police stayed. Nick made them tea and coffee, while Kate stayed in the bedroom with the policewoman. When she finally came out, she shook her head solemnly to the others, and asked to speak to Nick alone.

  “This happens such a lot,” she said. “More than you think. They’re usually our most tragic cases. She needs help, she needs it very much. Are you her husband?”

  “No,” said Nick. “No, I’m a friend.”

  “Can you stay with her tonight?”

  He nodded.

  “Good. I’m afraid that this isn’t the end of it, though. Someone will be round to see her again in the morning. I think you ought to ring her doctor, maybe he can help. Anyway, she
shouldn’t be left alone.”

  “I understand,” said Nick. “What do you think will happen to her?”

  “I’m not sure yet. It really depends on the report of the police psychiatrist. But as she has so recently gone through such a traumatic experience it will be taken into consideration and they will treat her with care, please don’t have any worries on that score.”

  “Will she have to go away?”

  “Again, that depends on what the doctors have to say. But from talking to her, I think it might do her some good. That, or to have someone here all the time. She needs love, and care, and she needs rebuilding again. It won’t be easy, but what has happened to her has completely crushed her.”

  Nick looked at the policewoman. “I wasn’t the father.”

  “You’re not Joel, you mean?”

  “No.”

  “Thank God for that. Where is he now?”

  “I’ve no idea, and I don’t want to know. Look, if I say that I’ll stay here, all the time, and I won’t leave her alone, not even for a second, do you think they might let her stay?”

  “They might. Does she have any family?”

  Nick nodded. “Do they have to know about this?”

  “Shouldn’t they?”

  “I don’t think so,” he said. “I can’t explain, but I think it would be better if they didn’t know, at least for the time being.”

  “OK,” said the policewoman. “Well, it’s over to you for now. But as I said, someone will be round again in the morning.”

  “Right.”

  “Can you give me your name?”

  “Nicholas Gough.” She wrote it down. “And you are?”

  “Detective Sergeant Brown. And please, phone me, any time, if you think you need to.”

  “Thank you. I’ll remember that.”

  When they had all gone, Nick went into the bedroom and found Kate lying on the bed, asleep. He stroked the hair from her face; she stirred but didn’t wake.

  The next day Kate was taken off to hospital again. She probably wouldn’t have to stay long, the doctor assured Nick, but for the moment it would probably be for the best.

  Nick went with her, and stayed with her, until finally she fell asleep. All the time she held onto his hand, as if she were terrified that he might leave her. When he was sure that she was sleeping, he slipped his hand out of hers, and went to the phone. He had promised to ring Ellamarie as soon as he could. She and Bob had rushed round to Kate’s flat after last night’s peformance, and had sat up with him all night, only returning home when Kate had gone off to the hospital.