by J C Hartung
He knew it was a bad week for him to ask anything of her, plus, he promised he’d stay away. Could he justify his hunger to see her with the hunger in his stomach? He’d argued that case with himself now for two days; he didn’t think either argument was getting him anywhere.
He stood back and admired the simple pulls that would accessorize a dining room suite he had designed for a repeat client. He was ahead of schedule by two weeks. That was a first. Not that he was late or made his clients wait, but this focused, he chuckled as he thought, he had never been.
He needed a break, some fresh air and a drink. He’d check on the tile and then see if he could find something kicking in the back of his fridge that he could eat.
The tile looked good; he got that tingling sensation because he could see it all coming together. Matthew was coming in the next two days to finish up the electrical and as soon as the grout set and the bathrooms were installed he could start nailing down the floor. He wanted as little traffic as possible to trample those new boards, so he figured he could have it all down by the end of next week, if he pushed himself and the plumber. That too was well ahead of schedule, which wasn’t all that settling as he had yet to hit any big snags in the project. But who was he to complain, he laughed, he just wanted to sleep in his bed again.
His fridge was empty so he ignored it and went back to the shop to set the last of the pulls in place on the sideboard for the dining room suite. Once he’d done that he headed back up to his office, he thought maybe, though it was a stretch, he could call the box of cereal on his desk lunch.
He heard his phone buzzing on the desk as he started up the stairs. He knew he wouldn’t make it but he gave racing up the steps a good effort regardless.
He missed the call, which didn’t bother him until he saw the number accompanied by Raina’s laughing face on the screen. He listened to the voicemail as he kicked his feet up onto the desk, then he laughed, grabbed his keys, jumped into his truck, and headed into town.
It was after the lunch rush so he didn’t think his turning up immediately after her call would be a problem. But it turned out he couldn’t have been more wrong. There wasn’t an empty seat and it looked as though every hand was needed.
She looked at him apologetically, and when she took his take-out order, she apologized repeatedly.
“I’m sorry; it was slow when I called.” She snuck him through the door to the kitchen and had him sit by the counter as she prepared his order.
“No worries. How’s your week going?” he asked, as he watched her pack up enough food to tie him over until the next evening.
“I’ll be thankful when the weekend is over,” she exaggerated the word thankful and then laughed at herself. “Sorry, that is really an awful attempt at humor!”
He laughed in spite of the joke, mostly because he was happy to be with her, and a little because she had executed the joke with humorous flair. As he laughed, he sorted out a way to see her and make life a little easier for her.
“So I know it’s a school night, but how would you feel about me making you supper tonight?”
“Linc, you’re right it is a school night.” She blew a breath into her bangs, punctuating her exasperation at her schedule. “I can’t get away tonight.”
Her eyes met his with a hint of annoyance and even more frustration. He leaned in closer. “It just occurred to me that after a long day here, you probably have to go home and make supper. So, I was actually wondering if I could swing by and make you and Oliver supper at your house.”
Her expression was priceless and the sharp knife in her hand froze before she could cut the panini she’d just grilled for him in two.
“I’ll take your silence as an absolute, yes. Now, is there anything Oliver won’t eat?”
She whispered one word. “Olives.”
He chuckled. “Alright, I can guarantee that wasn’t going to be on the menu. I’ll come around 4:30, maybe you could have a nap and I’ll distract Oliver with my crazy cooking skills.”
She still hadn’t moved, so he took her hand and removed the knife. “I don’t need this cut,” he said, taking the sandwich from her hand and placing it on the box filled with the rest of the food he’d eat later. “Is 4:30 good?” he asked again.
She nodded.
“Great! See you in a bit.”
He winked, took the box in one hand, the sandwich in the other and walked out of the kitchen. He laughed to himself all the way to his truck and on to the grocery store, where he had some preparations to make.
They were late. So late, that by the time they pulled up next to the house, Linc’s truck was parked and he was sitting on the steps waiting.
She flashed him an apologetic look and watched Oliver bounce from the car over to where Linc waited.
“Mama said you’re making us supper! What’s in the box, Linc?” he asked.
“That is a surprise for the chefs!”
Raina jingled the keys, and unlocked the door and watched them walk through towards the kitchen. Linc put the banker’s box filled with what, she could only imagine, on the counter and swatted her hand away when she tried to sneak a peek inside.
“No hints. Now if you will give the chefs some room to work, we’ll call you when supper is ready!”
“You’re serious!”
She was obviously stunned by his actions. He simply smiled, set Oliver on the counter next to the box and with a humorous hand movement, shooed her away.
She eyed him skeptically but obeyed. She moved towards the stairs slowly but stopped before she made her way up to look back at the two as they lifted the lid on the box. She saw Oliver’s eyes bulge open and simultaneously saw him lick his lips. She chuckled and then climbed the stairs.
She kicked off her shoes and let her body sink into the soft edge of her bed. She was exhausted, but not sure what to do with herself in this new and unnerving situation.
He sent Oliver to the living room, knowing it wouldn’t take long for them to throw supper together. A little pre-supper Lego building was always a good idea in his opinion. He left Ollie on the carpet and raced up the stairs.
“Hey,” he said. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking slightly lost and extremely tired. She raised her head at hearing his voice.
“Hey.”
He didn’t ask if he could enter, and as she merely watched him cross to her and kneel at her feet, he imagined she was fine with it. “Why don’t you rest for a while. We’re going to play a bit of Lego and then get supper going, maybe in half an hour.”
She nodded, still not speaking a word. He smiled up at her.
“You alright?”
She nodded again, but she didn’t trust the words that were bouncing around in her head.
“Okay, rest. We’ll come get you when we’re ready.”
He ran both of his hands down either side of her face and kissed her forehead. “Rest,” he ordered, and then closed the door behind him.
She didn’t know how to relax in this situation; knowing that Linc was just down the stairs making Lego houses with her son. So instead of trying to sleep, she ran herself a steaming hot bath, poured in bubbles to froth up around her and she sunk in. She tipped her head back over the edge of the bath, groaned as the water leached the exhaustion from her bones, and she fell asleep in the warm, fragranced paradise.
She floated back to reality at the first knock and giggle outside the door. Then she realized she was sitting in a pool of barely tepid water.
“Mom, supper’s ready!” Ollie chimed through the door.
She roused herself to drain the water, and she turned the shower on hot to wash her hair and warm up. “I’ll be down in five minutes.”
It was closer to ten but neither of the boys cared. They were sitting at the table, which she noted, had been set properly; lacking nothing. There were even two candlesticks, and a vase of flowers at the side.
“Well, haven’t you two been busy,” she commented. Indeed it appeared they had been
. There was a stack of waffles, a plate of bacon, an assortment of fruit and all the coordinating accompaniments.
She sat opposite the two and waited for them to begin. Oliver grabbed a waffle and added a giant dollop of whipped cream to its center. He looked at her with the biggest smile he could muster.
“Linc said I could have whipping cream and syrup if I ate lots of fruit too!”
She glanced Linc’s way, amused by the deal the two had struck. She couldn’t argue with the sense the deal made.
“Okay.”
The three dined in sweet fashion, and she had to admit the waffles were good. Even better, it was lovely to not have to think about making more food.
When they finished, Linc sent her off with Oliver to get him ready for bed, while he did the dishes and cleaned the mess they’d made.
As they were going through their bedtime routine, she couldn’t help but think how his plan had worked out to benefit each one of them. She’d indulged in guiltless rest, Oliver received focused attention, and now that he was in bed drifting away into dreamland, Linc got her.
She leaned on the entrance to the kitchen while she watched him make the final swipes across the table with a clean dish towel. He noticed her standing there and turned his attention fully to her for the first time since he’d arrived. Her smile warmed him through.
“That’s good enough.”
He looked around and thought it looked pretty much exactly how he’d found it earlier; sparkling clean.
“Thanks for sharing your kitchen! It felt really good to do something normal.”
She laughed and sat on a stool by the counter. “Linc.” She shook her head and stared him down.
He threw the rag in the sink and pulled a chair next to hers. “Raina,” he said, mimicking her tone.
“Normal?” she inquired. She didn’t know how any of this could feel normal to a single guy who didn’t have a five year old to contend with each day.
He took her face in his hands, met those smoky eyes with a smile and kissed her. “It’s the best normal I could ever imagine.”
She saw what was in his eyes, and not a drop of her hesitated to believe his words, but still, disbelief resonated in her words. “You mean that, don’t you?”
He stood, and when she placed her hand in his, he led her to the living room and sunk them into the corner of the sofa where a fire warmed the air.
They sat together until each of their breathing melted the others into a rhythm all its own.
“How was your day?” she asked. He could hear the smile and laughter that emphasized her question.
“It’s ending a whole lot better than it started.”
She shifted and threw her legs over his so she was essentially facing him. “Problems at the house?”
His finger traced down the side of her face, his expression serious. “No problems with the house. I just woke up alone, cold, and uncomfortable on the floor of the barn’s loft.”
Her immediate smile dazzled him and her laugh reeled him in. He drank her up; her movements, her sounds; everything about her.
Her expression sobered when she realized his intent. He pulled her with him; into a world where the idea of him next to her like this every day was a possibility. It was a possibility that she could not only imagine; she could see it. It was a vision so startlingly clear, she could hear her own voice, asking him to give her love.
With their lips still brushing she tried to make sense of it. “Linc?”
He responded by resting his lips on her forehead. “Is this what it feels like to fall in love?”
His eyes, so clear, so in control, fixed on hers. He could see into hers and she was almost there with him. But something continued to hold her back. So he kissed her gently once more and encouraged everything she already knew. “I hope so, and if not, it’s ok. I was estimating it would take a few more weeks to get you there completely.”
She smiled. “So confident. So smooth.”
It was her gentle touch and soothing presence giving him comfort this time. He’d shaved and she had the pleasure of feeling his smooth face beneath her fingers. She took her time tracing over and contemplating every part of his face. Then her eyes fell on his, and she asked for more. “Tell me the rest of your story, Linc. Please?”
Chapter Thirty-Six
She was fully aware she was still holding back, that the fear wouldn’t let her give herself over all the way. So instead of giving anger the power, she chose a different focus, one that wasn’t her at all. She thought the timing perfect; they were together, it was quiet, and feeling revived from her earlier rest, she knew she was alert enough to give him her complete attention.
He suddenly didn’t look as confident as he usually did. His posture stiffened, though she thought he had tried hard to deflect the shift with a smile. She thought he’d never looked so vulnerable, never looked so exposed. She instantly wanted to protect him, though from what she had no clue.
He got up and she watched him cross the room to add another log to the fire. When he returned he didn’t touch her, but he did look over at her.
She wanted the rest of his story, wasn’t that just comical timing. If she had taken the final step and told him she loved him just before, he would have laughed so hard at the way the universe seemed to call for life to work.
Her eyes watched him. He knew it without having to look. He just had to figure out where to start and what to say.
“It’s not a terrible story,” he started. “But I want to explain it in a way that is easy to understand.”
She shifted closer to him and took his hand, and that’s where she waited, and listened, and watched the fire dance in front of her. He told her about Cindy, the girl he’d loved through his boyhood and twentieth birthday, believing their future was one and the same. He explained how her leaving the way she did, had wounded him deeply, changed his plans, and caused him to reevaluate what he thought was important.
“Once I’d become mildly successful in the furniture arena my world shifted again. I had exposure in a few independent shops but things didn’t burst wide open until my work was featured in a design magazine. After that the boutiques approached me to carry my work. One in particular was on my list early on and had continually rejected me until one day they hired a new marketing company. Sophie wanted my work and she convinced them if they could get me, my work would change the state of the company and bring all the traffic they’d ever need.
“It changed them, and almost overnight she put me and this company on the map. It didn’t take her long to convince me that she was what I needed personally as well.”
He felt the weight of Raina’s hand in his and he stopped. He stopped because he didn’t want to explain about Sophie in a way that would make her out to be shallow and heartless, because his hand had a part in it too. He also didn’t want to explain his choices in a way that would frighten Raina away.
He looked at her for the first time since he’d started explaining, and she still appeared open and eager to hear what he had to say. Her eyes encouraged him to go on and assured him that she was going to sit right there next to him until he was through.
“Above everything else my family has always been the most important thing to me. Family is all I’ve ever really wanted for myself, that didn’t change when Sophie and I got engaged, but somewhere along the way I lost sight of what it meant to me.
“I don’t want to paint her as a terrible person but she certainly knew how to get what she wanted, and in a way that left you unaware you were being manipulated. If I’m completely honest, I don’t know if I was being manipulated as much as I conceded to her whims simply because I wanted to give her everything she wanted.”
“Linc,” she interrupted. He turned again to her and his brow was drawn into an expression she hadn’t seen before. “I don’t really understand what you’re trying to say.”
He smiled and pushed one hand into his hair which was refusing to stay off his face. Where were his s
mooth and articulate words when he desperately needed them?
“No, I’m probably not making much sense.”
“Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
He wanted to tell her, and he wanted her to know the deepest parts of him, the parts that he had always yearned to have filled. The empty holes in his own life that ached and could only be filled by a family that was his own. But he also wanted her in his arms at the end of the day, offering herself completely, freely and without the pressure or obligation of his desires.
“It was about two weeks before the wedding when Morgan had her last baby. Sophie was with me when I got the news, and though she protested under the pretense of being swamped at work, I dragged her to the hospital with me. She came in, but she was on the phone in the hall most of the time we were there. The whole family was there but she wouldn’t engage in the celebration. She barely acknowledged Morgan and didn’t care much for seeing the baby either.
“She eventually left after a call had to be handled in person. Later that night, when she finally got home, we fought. It was ugly when we finally let all pretense and illusions fall. I wasn’t turning out to be what she wanted me to be, and she refused to even consider what I was asking. We called it off, which was hard, but not as difficult as working together proved to be after all was said and done. People would randomly joke that at least we figured it out before we were married. But dismantling a life you anticipated having is harder than you’d imagine. We went through it all; it wasn’t just the house and everything in it that got separated. It was our friends drawing lines in the sand, and in my case, it was dissolving a work partnership as well.
“I knew I didn’t want to stay in the condo; it was never my idea of home in the first place. So most of the time I stayed in the studio above my shop or at Chris’s while I picked myself up and started over. I found new shops for my work and slowly started to build my life around the things I love. It didn’t take me long to figure out I didn’t want to be in the city, and after that decision was made it took only a little longer to find a place I imagined I could fit.”