Shadow of Time

by Jen Minkman

  Quickly, Hannah stepped out of the shower cabin and got dressed in a bikini top and a short skirt. Time to get out of here and leave the horrible memories of her nightmare behind for a while. Sitting in the wind and the sun on the beach would surely make her feel better.

  In the kitchen, she poured the last bit of coffee Ben had left in the pot. A cup of yogurt made for a nice, light breakfast. Hannah scooped up the creamy yogurt and stared out the window, pondering what stuff to bring to the beach today.

  Her thoughts came to a screeching halt when she spotted a familiar motorcycle coming up the road to their house, and her heart rate went up a few notches. It was Josh. What was he doing here? He wasn’t even supposed to show up here today!

  She swallowed hard. Her hands shook as she put away her coffee cup, walked toward the front door and then changed her mind, charging back to the kitchen table.

  Maybe he wouldn’t even come in. Maybe he would leave again when he saw Ben’s car wasn’t here. Maybe she should have put on some more clothes. A bikini top with a short linen skirt was definitely not in her top ten list of suitable outfits to conduct awkward conversations in. She’d been nervous about seeing Josh again for days, and this so did not help.

  At that moment, the door swung open.

  “Hey,” Josh said softly, stepping inside.

  “Hi,” she replied just as softly. She cleared her throat, edging toward the wall to get to the trash can and throw away the empty cup of yogurt she was still holding.

  “Ben’s not here,” she went on, looking back at Josh. A flush raced up her cheeks when she saw his gaze briefly slide over her breasts before settling on her face again.

  “Yeah. I, uh, saw that,” he stammered. “His car’s gone.”

  Hannah didn’t miss the hint of insecurity in his voice, and suddenly it dawned on her. Josh was nervous about this conversation, too. Maybe not as nervous as she was – she didn’t think it was humanly possible – but still.

  “Yeah,” she managed to croak out. “He went to Page. To pick up Nick.”

  Josh nodded, and took a deep breath. He stepped toward her. She stared at him like a deer trapped in headlights, and heard her own shallow breathing go way too fast.

  “I want to ... ” he started, and frowned. “Hannah, I want to say I’m sorry.”

  In the silence stretching between them, Hannah felt a stone grow in the pit of her stomach. “Sorry for what?” she finally said, her voice tight.

  Josh ran a hand through his hair and let out a nervous laugh. “Well ... for being so weird around you. For not knowing how to hang out with you anymore. I can see it makes you nervous. But I can’t help it.” He looked down to the tip of his feet. “I just wish I could be normal around you. You know, like we used to be.”

  Her heart beat wildly in her chest. So Josh thought she wanted things to go back to normal. Well, who could blame him? She’d frozen or freaked out whenever he’d tried to turn this into something more than it had been before. Here was her chance to make up for rejecting him when he had so clearly wanted to kiss her in this very same kitchen one week ago. She’d better not screw it up.

  Drawing a deep breath, she started out. “Josh ... I’m sorry, too. Sorry for not talking about what I feel.”

  He looked up, his gaze lingering on her face. She probably looked like a tomato by now, but she had to do this, blush or racing heart aside. “I don’t know how to hang out with you either anymore. And sometimes, I can feel you’re so absent. You know, you’re hiding yourself.”

  Damn her babbling. This was still utterly unconvincing. Hannah bit her lip, intently staring at the floor as though the manual to confessing your love was written there. Come on. She could speak two foreign languages, and she would be able to do this, too.

  “Look, I don’t see you as a brother anymore. Or ... or just a friendly friend.” There, she’d said it.

  Josh grabbed her hand. He took another step toward her. She looked up shyly. He looked surprised, in awe, almost incredulous. He gently caressed her cheek, letting go of her hand and touching the skin of her waist, slowly running his hand up to her ribs. A shiver ran through her. Her heart had never beaten faster than this. His brown eyes fastened on her.

  “Really?” he whispered, so full of longing it almost brought tears to her eyes. Josh bridged the small distance between them, pressing his body against hers.

  Her heart skipped a beat. Then his lips kissed her mouth, soft and warm. She closed her eyes and pushed herself up toward him to meet his mouth and kiss him back. Hannah heard him gasp for breath, pressing his mouth to hers more urgently this time. She circled his waist with her arms and slid up one hand under his shirt to caress the warm skin of his back. He pressed her up against the wall, letting one hand slide up her body and briefly cup her breast before landing in her neck. She moaned almost imperceptibly. Josh caressed the sensitive spot behind her ear, running his fingers through her hair.

  This was even better than she’d imagined. She’d never been kissed so cautiously, tenderly, tortuously slowly and sexily at the same time. This should never stop. Hannah softly pulled Josh closer and kept welcoming his kisses. They were like lovers who’d been separated for years, trying to catch up on what they’d missed in mere moments. She kissed him and caressed him everywhere, keeping her eyes closed to let this moment last forever. Somehow, it felt like their bubble would burst once she looked at him again.

  When Josh finally let go of her a little bit, he kept holding her, his face close to hers. Unwillingly, she opened her eyes and saw his up close.

  “I could kiss you all day long,” he whispered. He touched her cheek, his breath slowing down. “I’m scared. Scared I’ll have to talk when I stop kissing you.” He closed his eyes. “Scared I’ll have to explain to you why I behave so strangely. Why I’m so distant sometimes.”

  “Then don’t,” Hannah replied. “Don’t stop. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”

  Josh gave her such a sweet smile she felt butterflies flitting around in her stomach. He bent over and kissed her lightly on her cheeks, her forehead, her closed eyelids. She couldn’t bear the thought of letting go of him.

  “I’ve never felt so connected to anyone,” she whispered breathlessly into his ear.

  His arm slid around her waist. “I haven’t felt this for a long, long time,” he confessed in a husky voice, and for some reason, it didn’t sound strange. The way Josh was holding her conveyed so much love. It felt like he’d waited years and years for her to come back to the reservation.

  He gazed into her eyes. “Ayor anosh’ni,” he mumbled, almost inaudibly, pressing his lips to hers once more. Hannah closed her eyes and savored those words. He had always loved her, but now it was different. Now it was much more.

  Just then, a wave of dizziness crashed over her out of nowhere. It felt like someone had smacked her on the side of the head. In a flash, she saw Josh’s older face – the face from her dreams. The man who tried to save her night after night, whispering that he loved her in Diné Bizaad.

  With a start, she opened her eyes. The vision had been so life-like. She stared at Josh, and shivered when he stared back at her with the same amount of shock in his eyes. He stepped backwards, letting go of her hands.

  “Josh,” she stammered, confused. “What’s the matter? Have I done something wrong?”

  He bit his lip and shook his head, a look of muted sadness in his eyes.

  Hannah’s heart sped up again, but for different reasons this time. She couldn’t bear the thought of Josh shutting her out again. Anything but that.

  “Please don’t slam the door in my face,” she said flatly. “You know what I mean.” She would have liked to put more emotion in her voice, but the risk she’d suddenly burst into tears was too big. Too much had been going on lately, and she felt positively unhinged.

  Josh locked eyes with her, his gaze softening. He took her hand.

  “No, I won’t.” He stroked the back of her hand, sighing dee
ply. “Give me time.”

  “Okay,” Hannah whispered back, even though his sudden mood change baffled her. She smiled confidently. “I’ve got time.” No matter how strangely he behaved, he was worth having patience for.

  Suddenly, the sound of Ben’s Chevy disrupted their embrace. Hannah shot a glance in the direction of the open door. Her brother was just parking his car on the drive.

  “Ben is back,” she said.

  “Yeah.” Josh cleared his throat. “I didn’t come to see him.”

  She blushed. “Oh.”

  He smiled and turned a bit red himself, slowly letting go of her.

  “So, you want to sneak out before he comes in?” Hannah giggled nervously.

  Josh also started to chuckle. “Nah, that’s okay. I’ll stay.”

  When Ben and Nick stepped into the kitchen, Hannah was sitting at the dinner table and Josh was leaning against the counter, sipping the coffee she’d left there.

  “Hey!” Ben arched his eyebrows. “What are you doing here?”

  “Didn’t we agree to meet up here?” Josh asked, trying his best to sound clueless.

  “Uhm, no. We were going to come to you. In Naabi’aani. Which seems the logical course of action. To me, at least.”

  “Aren’t we supposed to pick up stuff at Yazzie’s?”

  “Nick and I offered to do that.” Ben grinned. “Idiot.”

  “Oh, well,” Josh shrugged. “I’ll join you guys then, since I’m here anyway.”

  “Are we leaving now?” Nick asked.

  “Yazzie won’t have our gear ready before eleven,” Ben said with a glance at the clock. “Let’s have a drink and run through the list to see if we have everything.” He turned to Hannah. “Are you going to the beach?”

  “Yes, in a minute. I want to make some sandwiches before I leave.” She got up and walked to the counter. The bread she wanted was to the left of the toaster, and she reached out for the jar of peanut butter behind Josh. Her arm touched his, and a pleasant tingling sensation shot through her body. She looked sideways. Josh returned her private stare, smiling slightly. Blushing, she looked away again.

  Wow. She felt so much better compared to half an hour ago. He really had the power to set her on fire. Such a shame he was leaving on a hike for a few days.

  Once Hannah had packed some sandwiches and cans of Coke in her beach bag, she went outside. Josh stood next to his motorcycle, explaining to Nick some things about its mechanics.

  Ben was strumming Hannah’s guitar, his feet on the porch railing and his butt on the garden table. “What was that look you shared with Josh in the kitchen?” he wanted to know, eyeing her with a playful smile.

  “What look?” she said innocently.

  Ben tilted his head to Josh, who’d started the engine and helped Nick to get on the bike. “How long was he here before I came back?”

  “Long enough,” Hannah replied with flushed cheeks. She couldn’t help grinning when Ben took her hand and squeezed it.

  “Great. I’m happy for you. Not to mention off the hook. This means I don’t have to pull off a full-blown ‘hit-on-my-sister-you-slowpoke’ propaganda program anymore.”

  Hannah burst out laughing. “Would you have done that for me? How sweet.”

  “Of course, sis.” He watched her seriously. “Feel better, okay? Promise me you’ll discuss things with Em and visit the police station.”

  “Yeah, will do.” She was looking forward to talking to Emily. At least now she had something nice to tell her best friend, besides sinister stalking stories.

  When Josh, Ben and Nick drove away to Wahweap at quarter to eleven, Hannah locked up the cabin and walked down to the beach, humming a tune to herself. Her problems hadn’t disappeared completely, but this morning had definitely cheered her up. A lot.

  Hannah was waiting for Emily on the porch, sipping from a glass of ice-cold water to cool herself down. She’d just returned from the beach.

  It had been nice to sunbathe all by herself, letting her mind wander. No one there to interrupt her reveries about Josh, and about the two of them finally falling into each other’s arms that morning. Unbelievable that he’d been just as insecure about the sudden tension between them. However, that insecurity didn’t explain all of his strange and detached behavior from before. Why had he tried to push her away? Was that just nerves playing up? She didn’t think so. She certainly couldn’t play it down to nerves that he’d stopped kissing her when she’d had the sudden vision of his older face from her dreams. Maybe he felt something had startled her?

  She looked up when the Greenes’ car pulled around the bend. Paul, sitting behind the wheel, honked and waved at her as he parked. A few seconds later, the entire family spilled out of the car, sun-tanned and looking upbeat. Except Ivy, Hannah noticed as she was walking toward her neighbors. Ivy looked sick.

  “How was Monument Valley?” Hannah inquired.

  “Absolutely beautiful,” Ivy replied. “But way too hot for me. I have a splitting headache. Amber thinks I’ve got heatstroke.”

  “Will you join us for dinner tonight, Hannah?” Sarah said warmly. “Amber invited Emily too, so it’d be sad if you were sitting all by yourself one door down.”

  In the meantime, Ivy staggered inside to lie down. Paul and Sarah got back into the car to get some groceries in Page, and Amber joined Hannah on her own porch so they could talk without keeping Ivy awake. Amber’s eye was caught by Yazzie’s motorcycle. Josh had left it on the drive. “Hey, who left the bike here?”

  “Josh did.” Hannah couldn’t help blushing a bit. “He was here this morning.”

  Amber’s eyes widened. “Wait a minute. Why the flustered look?”

  “Well. He came here to talk. To me.”

  “Uh-huh,” Amber pushed. “So?”

  “So, he wanted to apologize for being so weird around me lately.”

  Amber arched her eyebrows and started to smile. “Yeah? So, did he succeed?”

  “Yeah, he did. I couldn’t be angry anymore when he kissed me.”

  Amber’s face split into a grin so wide it almost didn’t fit on her face. “Oh my God! Finally! That’s awesome, I’m so excited for you!”

  “I know, right? I’m so happy. But, I’m also still confused. All those weird dreams I’m having about him. And I can feel he’s shutting people out, but I don’t know why.”

  “Well, you have all summer to figure him out. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

  “Josh’s behavior is not what worries me most. It’s my nightmares.”

  “They’ve become worse?”

  Hannah fell silent. The last time she’d told Amber about her dreams, she’d only seen Josh and the primitive village under attack. In the meantime, the terrifying vision of the snowy landscape and the shapeshifters at Rainbow Bridge had come into the equation. Amber didn’t know about those things yet – only Emily and Nick had heard that story.

  “I can’t even sleep without taking pills anymore,” she sighed. “If I take a sleeping pill, I sleep so deeply I don’t dream. Or at least, I don’t remember it. But if I don’t take pills, I have such horrible nightmares I shout bloody murder in my sleep. Ben woke me this morning because I was screaming and crying in bed.”

  Amber shot her a perplexed look. “No way. So what the heck do you dream about?”

  Hannah shivered despite the heat. “I can’t really explain. There’s always an onmipresent feeling of danger. Soldiers are attacking the village, murdering people. But my last few nightmares featured these sinister apparitions looking like shadows. There’s always three of them. They stare at me, or ... ” She took a deep breath. “Or they change into some kind of monsters.”

  Amber had to let it sink in. She shook her head. “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t sound like a normal response to being harassed by a bunch of drunks. It’s almost like ... like you’re bewitched or something. You saw something scary when you went to Rainbow Bridge with us too, right? Some kind of vision? Emily mentioned witches when I t
alked to her about people without auras. Plus, some years ago I read a lot of stuff about voodoo and witchcraft where people cast a spell on you or jinx you. Something like that might be happening to you.”

  “What else did Emily say?”

  “I don’t remember exactly. She’ll be here any minute. Maybe we should wait for her. It’s better to discuss it between the three of us.”

  Hannah suddenly smiled, giving Amber a cheeky sideward glance. “Yeah, I heard you invited Emily for dinner. So what’s the deal between you two?”

  Amber’s face turned as red as her hair. “We have this thing,” she said shyly.

  “I guess you don’t want to tell me what kind of thing?”

  “You guessed correctly.” Amber snickered nervously.

  Grinning widely, Hannah got up to get a bottle of Coke from the kitchen. She was just pouring drinks for Amber and herself when she heard Emily’s old Beetle outside, coming up the road and screeching to a stop next to the cabin with a cracking exhaust pipe.

  “Hi!” she called out cheerfully and stepped up the porch. She hugged Hannah, quickly kissed Amber on the lips and sat down. “How’s your day been, girls?”

  “Good. I just got back from Monument Valley. It was fantastic,” Amber said.

  “And yours?” Emily turned to Hannah.

  “Can’t complain. I kissed Josh.”

  “Really?!” Emily’s voice shot up two octaves. “When?”

  Hannah spun the story of how Josh had visited her in the cabin that morning, finally making clear what he felt for her. Emily smiled broadly during the story, but Hannah saw a hint of doubt on her face as well. That was no surprise – after all, her friend had warned her about Josh’s inexplicable mood swings, and in all fairness, she was right. Still, it was probably not going to be a problem. Hannah knew she and Josh were cool.