Shadow of Time

by Jen Minkman

  “There’s no turquoise bead in the bag,” Hannah pointed out.

  Josh laughed warmly. “No. You’ll get mine.”

  Hannah gave him a bemused look. Then she saw his hands fumbling for the small braid in his hair. He held it up in front of her. “Why don’t you take it out,” he said. It was the turquoise bead he always wore in his hair, together with the small red feather symbolizing his father’s clan.

  “But,” she stammered. “But that’s your ... thingie. You always wear that.”

  “That’s right,” he nodded solemnly. “It is my thingie. And now I’m giving it to you.” The corners of his mouth tipped up in a smile.

  “Well ... okay,” Hannah finally agreed, regaining the power of speech. She carefully took the bead from his braid, putting the red feather with the other feathers that had been in the paper bag. Mouth agape, she watched Josh weave the bead and the silver wire into a tiny shape in the upper left corner of the dreamcatcher, on top of the work she’d already done. He tied a knot, wove the white thread a bit further and then gave the ring back to Hannah.

  “Wow! It looks like a little butterfly,” she gasped, staring at the pattern he’d made.

  “No, seriously? What a coincidence,” he snickered.

  “Oh, shut up.” She pushed him playfully, unsure what attitude to adopt. This meant a lot to her. Josh had given away the bead symbolizing his clan to decorate her dreamcatcher. “Thanks,” she mumbled.

  He didn’t reply, but leaned into her and kissed her slowly and softly on the mouth. They were both completely silent for a moment. No sound was heard, apart from the radio in the kitchen playing a mournful piano tune. Josh put his hand on her knee and a tingling sensation ran up her thigh. He came closer still, his hair tickling her cheek, his other hand in her neck. If only she wasn’t holding that stupid dreamcatcher. All she wanted now was to fling her arms around his neck, press herself up against him and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. But if she dropped the dreamcatcher and started groping Josh instead, she’d probably ruin his work.

  Dazedly, she opened her eyes when Josh let go of her and ended the kiss. He rubbed his cheek against hers.

  “You shouldn’t lose the thread,” he whispered, his breath faster than usual. His eyes wandered to the dreamcatcher in Hannah’s hands.

  “When you kiss me, I always lose the thread.” She smiled shyly.

  Josh smiled back, his cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink. He gently caressed her upper arm and stared at his own tanned hand on her light skin. “When I start touching you, all I want is to hold you forever. But that feeling also scares me.” He looked up with uncertainty in his eyes, his voice wavering. “I haven’t opened up to anyone like this, not for a very long time.”

  Puzzled, Hannah blinked her eyes. Why did he sound like the Crazy Old Hermit in the woods? He hadn’t been a bachelor for that long. She took hold of his hand and looked into his dark, melancholy eyes.

  “I would like to, though. You can’t imagine how much,” he continued softly.

  Hannah nodded. “You need time. That’s okay.” Actually, it was completely crazy, but she could see Josh meant every word he said. He was battling some demons in his head, that much was clear.

  At that moment, Ben stepped out of the log cabin and sat down opposite Hannah and Josh. “Hey, that is one cool dreamcatcher! You made that all by yourself?”

  “Not the bead and the butterfly. But the rest, yes.”

  “Good to know. If you ever get tired of teaching high-school French to pimply teenagers, you could start your own New Age store selling those things.”

  Hannah chuckled. Silently, she worked on, finishing the weaving and helping Josh fix the three large feathers to the bottom of the ring. He stuck his tiny red feather under the large bead in the middle, and finally used the last bit of leather strap to make a loop at the top so she could hang the dreamcatcher from a peg. “Here you go,” he said, leaving it dangling on her outstretched index finger and pressing a kiss on the palm of her hand.

  “I can’t thank you enough.” Hannah was completely enthralled by the wonderful piece of Diné art she’d made almost entirely by herself.

  “You don’t know that.” Josh got a mischievous dimple in his cheek. “Why don’t you give it a try?”

  Ben chuckled. “He’s challenging you, sis. What are you going to do about it?”

  Blushing, Hannah threw her arms around Josh and snuggled up against him.

  “Thanks,” she mumbled against his neck, kissing him just below his jawline. His arms pulled her closer, and she was where she belonged.

  Later that night Amber, Ivy, and Emily joined them for drinks. Ivy told them stories about her visit to Window Rock earlier that day. “Our parents also want to visit Canyon de Chelly. That’s going to be a two-day trip at least.”

  Amber nudged Emily. “You want to join us? I bet my parents wouldn’t mind.”

  “Yeah, sure! I’ll be off a few days next week. I’m sure I can fit it in.”

  Hannah sat up when she heard the name of the canyon from her dreams. She’d been there years ago, together with Ben and their mother when she was fifteen. Actually, she was dying to know what it looked like now. “Sounds cool. Can Ben and I join, too?”

  “Of course you can. The more, the merrier.”

  “What about you?” Hannah asked Josh. Would she be able to remember anything important when she visited the place with him? Not the happiest memories, probably. If Amber’s theory was correct, she’d decided to break up with him in a previous life near that canyon.

  “No, I don’t think I’ll have time. I still have to go to Tuba City to take care of college stuff. I also want to check out a couple of student rooms on campus, so I’ll stay over at a friend’s and be gone for two days.”

  “Are you looking forward to going to college after summer?” Ivy asked.

  Josh nodded enthusiastically. Hannah listened to him talking about his plans to get a degree and start a school in Kayenta. He wanted to make sure more young people would rediscover their roots and say no to gangs and drug abuse.

  “Are drugs such a problem on the rez?” Amber asked, sounding a bit shocked.

  “Yeah, especially meth,” Josh said grimly. “Methamphetamine. Cheap as dirt and just as widespread. One of my cousins from Chinle got addicted to the stuff a few years back. She’s cured now, but she was still psychotic for a full year after quitting meth. Terrible substance.”

  “How did she manage to stay off drugs?”

  “I helped her.”

  “Really? I didn’t know,” Ben piped up in a surprised voice.

  Everyone was silent, looking at Josh expectantly. “Yeah, I organized a two-day ceremony for her,” he mumbled. “A hataalii eradicates the evil from someone’s body by using sandpaintings, sacred chanting, and a prayer circle of friends praying for the patient.”

  “Did Sani help you?” Emily inquired.

  “Yes. Although he didn’t join me to Chinle. He instructed me how to go about things, and he made me a jish to use during the ritual. That’s a hataalii medicine bundle,” he explained to the others.

  The conversation buzzed on for a while, but Hannah couldn’t focus anymore. She’d shared a look of surprise with Ben when Josh told them about the ritual he’d done for his cousin. The fact Ben had never even heard the story before, was telling enough – once again, it was clear there were big parts of his life Josh didn’t want to share with anyone except Sani. It all came back to the old man in Naabi’aani who obviously had such a big influence on Josh. She’d only seen him from a distance, that day at the rodeo, but she hadn’t forgotten that Sani had ruined her chance to dance with Josh that day because he’d suddenly needed his assistance. Of course, it was ridiculous to be jealous of some old medicine dude, but still – that old medicine dude knew more about Josh than she did.

  “I’m going home,” Josh announced when the sun had set. The moon was rising in the night sky, almost full.

  Ben tapped his
shoulder. “You want to take the tent and the ground sheet with you?”

  “On my motorcycle? You’re full of good ideas.”

  Ben laughed. “Oh yeah, I forgot.”

  “I’ll take them with me in the Mustang. I’ll drop by tomorrow.”

  “I bet you will. Can’t stay away from my sister, can you?”

  Josh thumped Ben on the back with a huge grin, said goodbye to the others and then slid his hand into Hannah’s. She got up and followed him down the steps, beaming with pride because everybody saw them holding hands.

  They sauntered toward the motorbike, and Hannah leaned against the rear wheel. “Look, the moon is almost full,” she said, looking up.

  Josh followed her gaze and smiled. His arms circled her waist and he pulled her against his body, stroking her back, trailing his fingers down along her spine. His lips kissed her forehead. Her heart raced when she felt Josh gently rubbing his nose with hers.

  “That moon is beautiful, but you ... ” He watched her from up close, his eyes sweeping her face. “You are so much more radiant. You make the sunlight stick to your skin. It stays on you, caressing your face, playing with your hair, kissing your mouth.” His fingers acted out what his voice was telling her, and when his mouth landed on hers, Hannah groaned softly. Her heart was beating so fast she felt it would spin out of control. When Josh talked about her, she seemed beautiful like never before. Only he could pull off telling her stuff like this without sounding sappy.

  Josh let out a sigh, then let her go with a look of regret on his face. He gave her a last peck on the lips and started up his motorbike.

  Hannah watched the red taillights recede in the distance when he drove away. For a split second, they reminded her of the glowing, red eyes of the skinwalkers in her dream. It made her shiver. In that moment, the full moon looked ominous, associated as of old with people magically transforming into animals.

  No, she had to stop thinking these dark thoughts. The nightmares had stopped bothering her, now that Emily had given her the medicine bundle. The dreams and the curse were bound to stop altogether the minute she went back to Las Cruces at the end of summer break. She didn’t want to wonder anymore why she was being chased by supernatural beings. She just wanted to be happy, and enjoy the love running through her veins like liquid sunlight.

  “I knew everything would work out fine between you and Josh,” Nick said.

  They were sitting in his uncle’s garden with a late breakfast and a pot of tea. “You should have seen him during our trek. Whenever Ben or I mentioned your name, his face would light up like a light bulb.”

  Hannah smiled, sat back in her chair and finished her cup of tea.

  “So what’s up with the strange visions you were having?” Nick then asked curiously. “You strike me as a lot calmer than last week. Is it because of Josh and his good influence on you?”

  Hannah instinctively reached for her medicine pouch. It was tied around her waist, hidden under her pants. It was a hot day today and she was only wearing a tank top, so she couldn’t hide the jish anywhere else. She hadn’t really talked to Nick since last week. Funny how her anxious feelings seemed more like a bad dream to her now.

  “They don’t bother me anymore,” she quickly replied. “Ever since Josh helped me make a dreamcatcher, they’re gone.”

  The dreamcatcher had been above her bed since Friday night. She hadn’t seen the skinwalkers in her dreams anymore, nor had she experienced more flashes from the past. That last bit was somewhat frustrating. By now, she was dying to know what was true of Amber’s theory about past-life experiences. She’d spent a lot of time together with Ben and Josh in the past few days, and she’d caught herself staring at Josh trying to recall his older face from her dream. Would he really look like that when he grew older? It wasn’t entirely implausible.

  “I’m happy to hear that,” Nick said. “Only goes to show old traditions have more value than modern society thinks. Dreamcatchers should be standard fare for therapists and psychologists.”

  Hannah smiled and got up. “I’m going to hang out at the lakeside. Want to join me?”

  Nick shook his head and pointed at the piles of notes and books gathered on the table with a grimace. “It’s not a question of wanting. Duty calls.”

  “I’ll catch you later then.” She hugged him when they said goodbye at the front door. “If you have any questions, you know where to find the Diné experts.”

  Whistling to herself, Hannah got into the Datsun and drove down to the lake. She decided to sit at the exact same patch of beach she’d sat before. It was a scary idea to go back to the place where she had her first encounter with the skinwalkers, but that was exactly why she wanted to do it. Facing her fears was the best way to overcome them.

  Hannah parked her car – on the exact same spot as last time, on purpose - and grabbed her bag from the passenger’s seat, clutching the pile of magazines she’d bought in Page this morning in her other hand. After climbing the hill that separated the lakeside from the road, she made her way to the same rock that had been her picnic spot last week.

  Contrary to last time, there were other tourists on the beach. She could make out a family with a picnic cooler and a brightly-colored beach umbrella in the distance. Hannah let out a relieved sigh. Facing her fears was all very well and good, but the presence of other people definitely made her feel safer.

  She’d just finished reading the first article in her New Scientist magazine when a blue, plastic ball came out of nowhere and flopped down onto the sand in front of her feet.

  She looked up and saw a girl of about eight years old running toward her from the other side of the beach. Smiling, Hannah picked up the ball and waited for the little girl to reach her. She saw two other girls, slightly younger, running after their sister. At least she assumed they were sisters, because the three girls looked very much alike.

  Hannah cast a glance aside to the family with the picnic cooler – two boys were playing beachball with their dad. They sure had a lot of kids.

  The oldest girl now stopped in front of her. “Hello, miss,” she said politely. “I am sorry we almost hit you. Can we have our ball back?”

  Hannah held it up to her. “Of course you ... ” she started out, and then stopped breathing. The hair on her arms stood straight up. She stared at the child in front of her incredulously. The girl had a strange eye color. Yellow-brown. Her sisters, appearing on either side of her, gazed back at her with the same disconcertingly wolfish eyes.

  What in the world was happening? Who were these girls?

  The girl aged about six standing on the left giggled, and her sisters did the same. They all watched Hannah’s face with unnerving focus, staring straight past her outstretched hand holding the ball.

  A cold hand closed around her heart. They were not children. She could see it. She could sense it. She could tell from every move they made, from the mocking smile present on each of their faces.

  “Thank you,” the oldest girl in the middle said, and her hand touched Hannah’s fingers when she took the ball from her. Hannah closed her eyes, breaking into a sweat. The light touch sent a horrible shiver through her body. That kid better stay away from her. If the girl dared touch her again...

  She balled one hand into a fist, then stopped, her heart lodged in her throat. What the heck was she about to do?

  “Come on, let’s go,” the girl on the right said, turning around. She darted away, laughing at the top of her voice, and her sisters followed suit. Their laughter sounded challenging, ominous, provoking. Hannah saw them running in the direction of the picnic cooler. Her stomach churned. She got up, her legs trembling. A sense of unease pervaded the air around her. She didn’t even want to know anymore whether the girls belonged to the Happy Beach Parasol family or not. She had to get off this beach, right now.

  With shaking hands, she stuffed the magazines into her bag and ran up the hill to get to her car. Still shivering, she crawled behind the wheel and slammed the
door shut with an angry thud, blindly staring at her hands clasped together in her lap.

  Something had been wrong with the three girls. The looks they’d given her, the way they’d talked to her and mockingly laughed at her – it couldn’t be a coincidence. Or could it? Oh my God. She’d almost hit one of them. Used violence to scare away kids. Little girls. What would the parents have done if they’d seen that? If those people with the umbrella had even been their parents.

  Defeatedly, Hannah rested her head on the steering wheel and started to cry. When would this nightmare end? Emily’s medicine bag might not be enough after all. Or maybe she was just really going nuts after all, seeing things and being spooked for no reason.

  When Hannah got home, she found the log cabin empty. No one was there for a bit of mindless chit-chat to take her mind off things. Hannah read Ben’s text message telling her he’d decided to drive to Page for some shopping.

  Fortunately, she would meet up with Josh today. He would pick her up around noon to visit Antelope Canyon.

  The sound of his Ford Mustang surprised her as she was busy making toast with jam in the kitchen. A wide smile appeared on her face. He was early. Apparently, he couldn’t wait to see her either.

  With butterflies flitting around in her stomach, Hannah walked out the door to welcome him. Josh just strolled up the lawn in dark blue jeans and a slim-fit brown shirt, wearing the same sunglasses he’d worn on the day they had bumped into each other at the gas station. He had a black Stetson on his head and brown cowboy boots on his feet. He looked absolutely stunning. Hopefully, she wasn’t drooling by the time he walked up the steps to the porch and locked her in a warm embrace. Hannah put her head on his shoulder. This was just what she needed after her strange morning on the beach.

  “Hey, honey,” she whispered.

  “Hi, she’at’eed.” He called her his girlfriend in his own language now. It still made her blush.