Shadow of Time

by Jen Minkman

  The old man blinked. “What would you know about that?”

  “I know what message she wanted to carry out,” Hannah replied. “She was a missionary woman with faith in life after death. And the message she wanted to convey as a Christian woman can’t have changed much since then. ‘Love thy enemy.’ So why don’t you? Hate will disappear where there’s love. But more hate will only fuel the pain you feel.” Her voice had dried to a whisper. “Honor her memory that way. The only way she would have wanted.”

  Silence pervaded the room. The father closed his eyes for a second, a wistful smile on his lips. When he opened his eyes again, tears were spilling out.

  “She was so loving and peaceful,” he whispered. “So gentle. She didn’t deserve to die.” He turned to Josh, a new fire alight in his eyes. “Why did you do it? Why did she have to die by your hand?”

  Josh had turned pale. “I never wanted to kill innocent people. I would have preferred to see the Spaniards go without bloodshed, but it simply wasn’t possible. What else could we have done to save our country?”

  The skinwalker nodded. “I know your reasons. But war is a case of man against man, soldier against soldier... and it didn’t happen like that during the Pueblo Revolt. These were women. Innocent women. My beloved.”

  Hannah bit back her tears when she saw how Josh hung his head in defeat. He wasn’t getting through to them, and neither was she. The skinwalkers’ pain was still too recent. To them, this hadn’t been a battle waged for centuries. They were forever stuck in their own time, as their curse had weighed Josh down during all these years.

  “We won’t forget what you have done,” the father spoke in a cold tone.

  “Our curse will not stop. Not ever,” one of his sons added. “Remember that.”

  “Yes, it will,” Ben suddenly piped up. “It will stop. Right here, right now.”

  In utter amazement, Josh and Hannah turned around to face him. He sounded so confident and cock-sure that even the three yenaldlooshi eyed the boy suspiciously.

  “Ah, the hataalii,” one of the sons said affably. “Nantai, am I correct? You have fervently sought us out in your dreams and visions to help your brother. Well, at last. Here we are. How will you defeat us?” Despite his challenging words, a hint of insecurity gleamed in his eyes.

  “You don’t know our real names,” their father said. “You can’t touch us.”

  “I don’t need to,” Ben replied, a grim smile on his face. “For all I care, you can practice your black hocus-pocus until the day you die, but you will not bother us with it anymore.”

  The three skinwalkers were all standing now, looking at Hannah’s brother completely baffled, undeniable fear in their eyes.

  “What do you mean?” one of the twins spoke up uncertainly.

  “I now understand how to get rid of you. But in my previous life, I was blind to the solution.” Ben took a step forward, holding up his hands. “Josh has always had the power to lift this curse.” Turning toward his friend, he continued: “Trust me. Last night, I saw it in a vision when we were holding vigil in front of the cave.”

  “So what is it, Ben?” Hannah urged him on.

  Ben stared down the yenaldlooshi without blinking even once. “Guilt,” he spat out. “A guilty conscience. That’s what this curse draws its power from. That’s how these three bastards keep him in their clutches. The only reason Josh could be cursed and stay cursed was because he never forgave himself for murdering that Spanish woman. Of course, it’s understandable he would regret doing such a thing. But to him, it wasn’t just regret. It became a terrible burden. One he couldn’t let go of.”

  Everyone in the room was stupefied, including the warlocks.

  “You can only be cursed when you believe in it. When you’re open to the suggestion,” Ben continued, driving his point home. He locked eyes with Josh, using all his oratory talents to convince him. “Apparently, you feel as if you made an unforgivable mistake when you killed that woman. That’s why you inadvertently allowed these witches to target you. As long as you allow yourself to be a victim, they’ll be able to touch you. Let go of that thought. Refuse to feel guilty, and don’t let them blame you. That’s the key.”

  Hannah gasped for breath. Could it really be that simple? Ben sounded quite logical and convincing. In fact, no one could argue with his reasoning.

  “He’s not the victim here, we are,” the old skinwalker shouted at Ben. “You fool.” He sounded angry, but also slightly unsettled.

  Ben shook his head. “The biggest fools in this room are the three of you, because you won’t allow time to heal your wounds. And foolishly, you insist on visiting your misfortune on someone for centuries on end, making the past seem like today. But frankly, the past isn’t really relevant to Josh’s mission anymore. There’s enough stuff to fix in the present as it is. Navajo Nation needs him. Poverty, uranium pollution, unemployment, drug abuse... things that reach far further than one death in a long-forgotten war. A war that prevented your culture from being completely obliterated, by the way. No Pueblo Revolt, no Navajos. It’s that simple. Josh was doing what was necessary. It’s regrettable that there were innocent victims, but it isn’t Josh’s fault.” He turned to Josh. “It isn’t your fault,” he repeated, putting emphasis on every word.

  Josh slowly grabbed Ben’s hand, giving him a look of wonder. The silence between them stretched for several minutes. And in those minutes, a halo of light seemed to grow around Josh, pushing back the shadows in the cave. His power was coming from inside, but it was fuelled by Ben’s presence next to him. When he finally let go of his friend’s hand, Josh had dispersed the chilly air from the room with his newly-found aura of confidence, driving the cold from Hannah’s bones, setting her soul on fire. With her heart thudding in her chest, she saw how Josh turned around to face his tormentors again.

  The skinwalkers’ taciturn power seemed to drain away as Josh took a step forward. “I am letting this go,” he spoke clearly. “I have to be here, now. You have no power over me. Not anymore. What has happened isn’t just my fault.” The fire slowly began to die down. “It’s not my fault,” he repeated more quietly to himself, sounding staggered and elated at the same time.

  In the darkness slowly crawling out of the cave, Hannah heard a voice bounce off the walls like a rustle of wind. “You are free.”

  Ben, Josh and Hannah watched in incredulous wonder as the skinwalkers took off their coyote furs, casting them into the fire. Their figures melted into the shadows dancing on the wall of the cave, the flickering flames devouring their disguises along with their magic. The masks on the wall crumbled to dust. The coldness disappeared from the air around them, the atmosphere trembling as if shivering with pleasure. And then, the room fell silent. The skinwalkers were gone. Their threat had vanished.

  In the end, Ben broke the silence. “Freaking hell. I was right,” he stammered.

  “But you sounded so...” Hannah blinked. “You weren’t sure?”

  Ben shook his head, his face still pale.

  “But I was,” Josh said solemnly. “You were right, Ben. No curse will hold on an unbeliever. And deep down, I always felt I deserved it. And it was wrong to think that. But it’s over now. Really over.”

  He let go of their hands, walking over to the fire in the middle of the cave, which was still burning faintly. “Give me your medicine pouches, please,” he whispered, holding out his hand.

  The leather pouches were tossed into the flames.

  “Naalíl sahanéinla. Seetsádze tahee'ndeenla. Neezágo nastlín,” Josh quietly recited. “Your curse has been taken away from me. You have taken it away. Far away it has gone.” And with those words, he finally relinquished the curse he’d been carrying for hundreds of years.

  Hannah’s gaze swept over Josh, taking him in. He looked young, lively, almost ordinary. An ordinary guy in an ordinary world that still wasn’t perfect, but would now offer him a home full of people who could love him without endangering themselves. She p
ut her arms around his waist from behind, pressing her cheek against his shoulder. “I’ll stay with you,” she whispered. Her eyes sought out the bear’s gaze. Shash was still observing them all from the sidelines. In her eyes, there was a question only he could read there.

  “He’ll come back one more time,” she heard him speak inside her mind. “There is still one important task awaiting him.”

  “And you can follow him, if you want,” the blue butterfly added, dancing and fluttering in the air, flying toward Hannah and landing on her hand.

  Yes, she did. Hannah smiled. For some reason, it almost felt like the two totem animals were marrying them. The butterfly flew back to the bear and the owl circling Shash’s head.

  Ben tapped Josh on the shoulder. “Who’s the owl?” he asked curiously, pointing at the colorful group of spirit guides.

  “He’s yours,” Josh replied, and Ben understood immediately. Staring at his own totem animal, he shook his head. “Bizarre,” he mumbled.

  “Let’s leave this place.” Suddenly, Hannah couldn’t stand being in the cave where she’d seen so many horrible things for one more second. “We’re finished here, right?”

  Josh turned around in the circle of her arms, and kissed her softly. “Yes, we are.”

  Together, they made their way to the exit. The cave was once again shrouded in darkness when Josh picked up the torch and left the place where they had lifted his curse. By now, the fire had simmered out, and the ghosts of the past dissolved into nothingness, as the light cast by the torch disappeared from the cavernous room.

  Time no longer cast its shadow on the three friends who had stuck together throughout the centuries.

  When they stepped outside, Hannah couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw it was late afternoon.

  “How long have we been inside?” she asked, looking at Sani questioningly. The hataalii sat cross-legged next to the last ikaah he had made before they’d entered the cave.

  He looked up and smiled at them. “Time runs differently here.” His eyes drifted to the burn marks on her arms. “You need herbs and ointment for those burns. Let’s go back to the village quickly.” He didn’t ask how the ceremony had turned out. It wasn’t necessary – their happy, glowing faces were telling enough.

  Once in Naabi’aani, the medicine man carefully bandaged Hannah’s arms. Josh’s parents came out to ask what happened, and their son quietly put them at ease. The joy radiating from his eyes when he looked at his parents made Hannah feel all fuzzy inside. This was the best gift that had ever been given to her – Josh would finally be able to explain to them what had bothered him all this time. He would never have to be afraid again. Sometimes, she loved him so much her heart couldn’t keep up with her emotions.

  “Care for a beer, shik’is?” Josh asked, once they were sitting in front of Josh’s hoghan, enjoying a pumpkin stew his mom had made for them.

  Ben looked up in surprise. “Is that a trick question? I thought you guys didn’t have alcohol on the rez?”

  Josh chuckled. “Well, I happen to know my aunt always keeps a few cans of beer in the fridge for Yazzie. Of course, my rebellious cousin tries to dodge the law of the rez. He says he can hold his liquor, and no one dares to argue.”

  Ben grinned. “Oh, I think he has just found the person to argue with him. That beer has got my name written all over it!” He killed his cigarette and got up to pay Yazzie’s parents a visit.

  After Ben left, Josh put his arm around Hannah’s shoulders. “I still can’t quite believe everything is over now,” he said in awe. “It’s incredible I can just sit here with you, hold you, without being scared.”

  Hannah sighed. “Yeah, I know. It still has to sink in with me, too. But that’s okay. We still have a full month to get used to the idea.” She kissed him. Would Josh know himself he had to come back one more time, having one more task to accomplish? She was dying to tell him she would stay with him – after all, the totem menagerie had approved of their future-life union – but maybe she’d overstep a boundary of secrecy by blabbing about it. She wasn’t sure.

  “We still have two full lives to get used to the idea,” Josh whispered just then, caressing her face.

  She smiled. “So, Shash told you?”

  “Yeah.” He sighed a sigh of relief, kissing her again. “I’m happy you’ll stay with me, shan díín.”

  By the time Ben came back with two bottles of beer, Emily had texted all of them with the plans for that evening. “What time shall we go to Page?” Hannah asked. “Em just suggested getting take-out pizzas and having a picnic in the park before the movie starts.”

  “We’ll go soon.” Josh got up, tilting his head toward his parents’ hoghan. “I want to talk to them for a while before we leave.”

  Hannah smiled at him as he walked away, and turned around to steal one cigarette from Ben’s packet. She looked into his eyes, tears suddenly welling up. “Man, I’m so happy you’re still alive,” she mumbled.

  “What did you see in that cave?” Ben asked quietly, softly rubbing her back.

  Hannah hesitated. She shook her head. “Actually, I don’t want to discuss it anymore. It was a terrible nightmare, and I’ve had too many of those this summer. Let’s forget it. We’re still alive, and that’s what matters.”

  That evening, in the park, Josh finally opened up to all of them. Movie fans poured onto the grassy fields of the park, the sun sank below the horizon, and the pizzas turned cold in their cardboard boxes, as the circle of friends from St. Mary’s Port, Page and Naabi’aani listened breathlessly to Josh’s life story.

  At first, he talked laboriously, but little by little, he loosened up, telling his friends who he was and what his task had meant to him. His monologue turned into a conversation with everybody around him as they cautiously started to ask him questions. Hannah blushed when Josh took her hand and invited her to tell her side of the story. Ben chimed in every once in a while.

  “I don’t think I even need to see a movie anymore,” Nick puffed, when Josh had finally finished talking. “This was excitement enough for one evening!”

  Emily still watched her clansman with a gleam of amazement and admiration in her eyes. “Say, Josh... Can I be your mentor when... when Sani won’t be there for you anymore?” she quietly spoke up.

  Hannah turned to her friend in surprise. Of course. Emily had had a partially traditional education to become a healer. She probably knew about the Shash legend already.

  “I know I’m not really the kind of hataalii you’re used to, but...” Emily backpedalled when Josh remained silent for some time.

  “Of course you can,” Josh interrupted her. “I couldn’t ask for a better one.” He smiled at her warmly.

  “You know what? You’re a total trickster, shitsílí,” Yazzie grumbled, chomping on a slice of cold pepperoni pizza. “I knew there was something fishy about you joining a band, picking up that guitar and playing like Slash in no time. And you feeding me that line that you couldn’t help ‘being so musically gifted’. Ha.”

  “Yes, shínaaí, you’ve seen through my ruse,” Josh joked. “In my previous life, I used to crank out Guns ’n Roses tunes together with Edward Hall. Hence the insane talent.”

  “You get my drift,” Yazzie persisted with a wide grin.

  “So, could you make some time to have another look at my thesis?” Nick winked at Josh. “I don’t think I’ll ever find a more suitable editor again.”

  “Leech.” Ivy shoulder-bumped Nick with a smile.

  “Oh, I think the movie’s starting,” Amber said, glancing over at the big screen. She snagged the last slice of pizza before Ben had a chance, giving half of it to Emily.

  Hannah let out a satisfied sigh, cozying up with Josh as they turned to face the movie screen. The ordinariness of things around her felt amazing, and the easy way Josh was now able to talk to everyone was a wonderful thing to behold.

  Of course, nothing in her life from now on would truly be ordinary. She was part of some
thing bigger, together with Josh. Gratitude swept through her as she watched all the common and yet special things happening around her. She saw Ben laughing out loud at the opening sequence of Austin Powers. She saw Amber and Emily cuddling up in front of her. She felt the heat of Josh’s skin on her own where his arms circled her waist.

  The rest of summer would be fantastic like never before.

  “We’re off!” Ben hollered, his voice rising a few notches on the last syllable. He waved across the lawn at the people on the porch of the neighboring house, while slamming the trunk of his Chevy closed.

  Amber, Ivy, and their parents made their way to Ben and Hannah to say goodbye. Emily had already hugged them goodbye a million times yesterday evening. Hannah and Ben would drive back to Las Cruces today. September was just a few days away, and their vacation was over.

  “We’ll miss you guys terribly,” Amber quivered once she was facing Ben and Hannah. She hugged Hannah. “I’ll see you in the fall, though. I’ll be here with Emily.”

  Ivy hugged Hannah and Ben tightly, Paul and Sarah shook hands with everyone, and then the Greenes got into their station wagon to make a final day trip before they left, too. They’d waited until Ben and Hannah were ready to say goodbye.

  Ben stared after the station wagon as it trundled down the sandy path. “I’m really going to miss them all. We were so lucky getting such friendly neighbors. Makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Not to mention all the love in the air all summer long...” A smile broke out on his face. “Wow. I’ll see Katie tomorrow.”

  Hannah patted Ben on the back, her gaze drifting to their own porch. Josh had just stepped out of the kitchen. He’d been helping them pack their stuff and tidy the cabin so they’d leave it in a clean state. Hannah wouldn’t be back here until her fall break, when her mother would join her for a trip to St Mary’s. A pang went through her heart. This was the moment she’d been dreading for a week. She would have to say goodbye to Josh and leave him behind for two months. It almost hurt physically.