Kev

by Mark A Labbe

  “You saved our parents.”

  “Our parents?”

  “Yeah, mom and dad.”

  “You’re not my brother. I don’t have a brother.”

  “I’m not your brother, dummy. I’m you. Don’t you remember? What am I saying? Of course you don’t remember.”

  “What are you talking about?” I said.

  “Never mind. Look, you need to get mom and dad to agree to send you to Camp Calistoga or they are going to be killed.”

  “What?” I cried, looking around to be sure my parents weren’t nearby. I didn’t want them to think I had gone crazy, and I believed that talking to the voice in this way might make them think I had gone a little bonkers. Luckily, they weren’t around.

  “Who is going to kill my parents?” I said.

  “Our parents. I don’t know, but unless you get them to send you to that camp, they are going to die.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  “Positive. In fact, you are going to have to save them right now. Somebody just delivered a package. It is a bomb. You have to save them, Kev. Then you have to get them to send you to camp.”

  I didn’t need any more talk to get me moving. I rushed out of my bedroom and into the kitchen where I found my mother and father. My father had a package in his hand.

  “Don’t open that! It’s a bomb!” I cried, running over to my father and grabbing the package from him, throwing it into the corner. “We have to leave,” I cried. “Now. Please. It is a bomb.”

  Without asking any questions, my parents followed me out of the house, into the back yard. Seconds later, the bomb exploded, tearing a huge hole in the back wall of the house.

  I looked at my parents, who were looking right back at me, amazed, but maybe not terribly surprised. They both took me in their arms, hugging me tightly and kissing me, thanking me for saving them over and over.

  Amidst all of the hugs and kisses, I managed to get out, “You need to send me to Camp Calistoga or someone is going to kill you.”

  They asked no questions, which I thought odd, but didn’t question. They agreed to send me to camp, and three weeks later, they dropped me off at Camp Calistoga, a small suitcase in hand. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my birthday wish had come true.

  There, I met Clive, my bunkmate, for the first time, or so I thought, and so he led me to believe. We immediately hit it off, spending all of our time together. When we had free time, we would play on a large boulder by a pond. Clive called the boulder Proth, but would never explain that name.

  It did not take long for Clive to invite me to play The Show, my first challenge on that show causing my death and rebirth, although I thought I had only blacked out. I remember coming to on the rock after Clive had basically strangled me to death, not fully aware of what had happened, and asking Clive to explain. He would only say, “You lost. Do you want to try again?”

  I faced many challenges on The Show, most of which resulted in injury of some sort, injury that quickly healed, a fact that did not strike me as particularly strange. I had always healed quickly, and believed that everyone else did as well.

  As our time at camp drew to a close, Clive told me he would be attending a private boarding school in Connecticut, a school not far from my home, and he begged me to get my parents to send me there. I had absolutely no reservations about this. In fact, I prayed my parents would send me. They did.

  I loved boarding school, primarily because Clive was my roommate, and now my best friend, a friend I swore I would never forget, a friend I would have forever.

  When not in class, Clive and I spent all of our free time together, rarely playing with any of the other boys in our school. Nobody ever said anything about it.

  Clive and I played The Show that first year many times, and many times I suffered terrible injury, always healing, and often forgetting that I had been hurt at all. Sometimes, Clive would say things like, “Do you get it yet?” or “Do you understand?” I never really picked up on this, usually responding with, “You are a kook.”

  Toward the end of the school year I asked my parents if Clive could stay with me for the summer, and, of course, my parents agreed, happy to see I had made a friend.

  That summer, Clive and I spent most of our time in my fort. Upon first seeing the inside of the fort, Clive said, “This will not do. Where are the toys?”

  All I had in the fort was my table and chair and my journal and pens. I preferred it that way, but gave in, Clive and I raiding my bedroom, bringing my best toys, many of which I had long forgotten, out to the fort.

  We played The Show much less than we had played while at camp or at school, now spending most of our time playing with toys or going on adventures in the woods behind my house, a constant source of joy.

  Near the end of the summer, Uncle Joe flew up in his airplane and took Clive and me down to his farm in Macon, Georgia. Prior to arriving there, I told Clive nothing about my Uncle’s collection of model planes, wanting to surprise him. Needless to say, when Clive saw my uncle’s collection he was blown away.

  We spent the first two days with Uncle Joe, learning how to fly his model planes, Clive proving quite adept at this. I proved to be far less adept, crashing three of Uncle Joe’s planes, basically destroying them.

  On the third day, I took Clive to the park down the street, the park across from a field, a field on which stood and old, abandoned barn, a barn my uncle had instructed us not to visit.

  Clive and I surveyed the park from the top of the fort. I looked out to the edge of the park, across the road and then over the field to the old, abandoned barn, wondering what was inside. My uncle had told me it was over a hundred years old.

  “We should go to the barn,” said Clive, his eyes also on the barn.

  “Uncle Joe told us not to,” I said.

  “Come on, Kev. It will be fine. I’m sure there is nothing in there other than rats and hay.”

  “I don’t know,” I said. I saw a girl come out of the barn, heading our way. “Who is that?”

  “I don’t know,” said Clive, a strange tone in his voice. “I think we’re going to find out, though.”

  We stayed at the top of the fort as the girl approached, finally making it to the base of the fort, saying, “What are you dummies doing up there?”

  “We are waiting for you,” said Clive.

  “Well, the wait is over, isn’t it?” said the girl, now climbing to the top of the fort.

  She reached the top and faced Clive and me, giving us a full examination before saying, “Well, Kev, are you going to kiss me or not?”

  I glanced a Clive, now wearing a sly grin on his face, looked at the girl, and said, “What?”

  “You’re my husband, aren’t you? Give your wife a kiss,” said the girl.

  “How do you know my name?” I said.

  “He doesn’t remember a thing, does he?” said the girl to Clive.

  “Not one thing,” chuckled Clive.

  “What are you guys talking about?” I said, terribly confused.

  “Rules are rules, Kev,” said the girl. “Now are you going to kiss me or not?”

  I gave the girl a tentative peck on the cheek and pulled back. Looking down, I saw a ring on one of her fingers, a small, silver band with an amethyst. I remembered that ring, but did not know how.

  Fully aware of the fact that I often forgot things, I didn’t think it that odd that I would forget the girl. However, I found her exchange with Clive quite perplexing. Clive knew this girl. I was sure of it. How did he know her? “Do you two know each other?” I said.

  “I would say we all know each other now, wouldn’t you agree?” said the girl, a perfect non-answer, and one that I accepted, perhaps because I believed I would get no better answer.

  “What rules are you talking about?” I said.

  “The Rules,” said Clive. “Don’t worry, Kev. You’ll figure it out.”

  “Figure what out?” I said, now curious again.

&n
bsp; “Things and stuff,” said the girl. “Do you two bozos want to do something fun, or are you just going to stand at the top of this fort all day?”

  “Like what?” I said.

  “Why don’t we go to Uthio Minor and have some green tea? Maybe that will help you with your memory problems,” said the girl.

  “Uthio Minor? Where is that?” I said.

  “About thirty-seven billion light-years from here,” said Clive.

  I looked at Clive and saw the sly grin still plastered on his face, and then looked back at the girl and noticed a softer, almost sad smile.

  “You two know each other, don’t you? Are you playing a trick on me?” I said.

  “Why don’t we go to Uthio Minor, Kev,” said the girl.

  Space distorted and the park disappeared, now replaced by a beach lined with hundred foot tall palm trees. Not far away, I saw an outdoor bar of sorts. Behind the bar, I saw a creature that looked like a giant bug. Had I seen that creature before? Didn’t I know its name?

  “Come on,” said the girl, taking my hand and leading me to the bar, Clive following after us.

  We sat at the bar, and the bug came over to us and said, “Hey, guys. I take it you’re here for green tea.” The bug looked at me. At least, I thought it was looking at me. “You remember me, Kev?”

  “Um, no. Where are we?” I said, a little nervous, more than a little amazed.

  “We’re on Uthio Minor, dummy,” said the girl. “This is our home.”

  Home. This was my home. Was this my home? I didn’t reject the idea for reasons that escaped me. “Would you please tell me what’s going on?” I said.

  “No can do,” said Clive. “You’re going to have to figure it out on your own.”

  “Why?” I said, suddenly annoyed. I wasn’t used to people toying with me this way. Most people who knew me were quite helpful when my memory acted up. Why were these people--well, two people and a bug—messing with me?

  “Tell you what,” said the bug. “Why don’t you have a green tea?” The bug turned away from us, preparing three green teas. I looked at the girl and said, “How do I know you? Can’t you tell me that?”

  “You have always known me. You know, I hope I didn’t just break the rules,” said the girl.

  “Nah,” said Clive. “Anyway, don’t you think this has gone on long enough?”

  “What has gone on long enough?” I said.

  “You’ll see,” said the girl.

  “Who is the bug?” I whispered to the girl, wondering if I should call the bug a bug, not wanting to insult it.

  “His name is Brok. Ring any bells?” said the girl.

  Brok served us three glasses of vaguely greenish liquid. I picked up my glass and gave it the sniff test. This was definitely not green tea, or, at least, not any green tea I could remember. “What is this?” I said.

  “You should know, Kev,” laughed Brok. Was that a laugh? It sounded more like gurgling mixed with squeaks.

  “You know,” I said. “I’m getting pretty sick of this. Would somebody please tell me what is going on? How did we get here? Who are you? Where are we?”

  Brok, the girl, and Clive all looked at each other, as if they were debating telling me something.

  “Drink your tea, Kev,” said Brok.

  I took a sip of the tea, experiencing a taste both familiar and new. I heard the sounds of children laughing and playing, followed by a voice, which said, “Hello, Kev. Welcome to The This Might Surprise You Experience.”

  I looked around for the source of the voice, a woman’s voice that I had heard many times before. The girl patted me on the back and said, “It’s in your head, Kev. Just relax.”

  “Now, listen closely,” said the voice. “You are in grave danger. The entire universe is in grave danger. All creation, including you, might soon come to a very sudden end if you don’t get your act together. Do you understand, Kev? Do you understand?”

  “No,” I said. I looked at the others, at the expectant looks on their faces.

  The world went dark and then in a matter of seconds a countless number of thoughts and visions entered into me. I experienced my life, a life lived an infinite number of times, a confusing and often frightening life. I remembered the girl and Clive. I recalled Bri, the Proth Sphere and Jesus. I remembered Aputi and then every living soul that had ever inhabited any of the infinite universes that ever existed. In that instant, I remembered absolutely everything and knew exactly who I was.

  The moment passed and I found myself staring at the girl and Clive, my memory fading, total understanding turning into total confusion.

  The world disappeared, and I appeared in my house in Connecticut, in my bedroom, standing in front of my desk, a black cube with a blue button in my hand. I pressed the button once and nothing happened. I pressed it twice and, again, nothing happened. I pressed it three times and appeared in a city on a river. I pressed it four times and felt a little dizzy. I paused before pressing the button five times, perhaps knowing what would happen. When I pressed the button five times the world blinked and I found myself back at the bar on Uthio Minor.

  “Do you understand, Kev?” said the woman’s voice. “Do you understand?”

  “Understand what?” I said.

  “Oh well, I tried,” said the voice.

  I looked at the girl and Clive.

  “Well?” said the girl.

  “Well what?” I said.

  “Oh my God, this is never going to end,” said Clive.

  “What are you talking about?” I said.

  “Rules are rules, Kev,” said the girl, sadly.

  I wanted to scream.

  The girl and Clive both took sips of green tea and then drifted off into space for a couple of minutes, saying nothing. I looked at Brok, who said, “They’ll be back. Green tea.”

  I had no memory of my green tea experience and had no understanding of what the girl and Clive were experiencing.

  When they came out of their trance, they looked at each other and in unison said, “Surth Beta.”

  We appeared in a quaint city full of old buildings, many of which had glass fronts, through which we could see an assortment of alien creatures, some sitting by themselves, some in pairs. Those in pairs were all connected to each other by wires, a strange sight. Through one window, I saw a giant brain floating in a vat of liquid. I had a memory of that brain, a brain with no name.

  “Where are we?” I said.

  “Surth Beta,” said Clive. “You remember this place?”

  “I remember that, I think,” I said, pointing to the brain in a vat.

  The girl and Clive looked at each other, eyebrows raised.

  I noticed a strange centipede-like creature standing outside the door that led into the room that housed the brain in the vat. It was holding a sign that read, “Have total recall. Know everything (almost).”

  “Anything you feel like doing, Kev?” said the girl.

  Ignoring the girl and Clive, I approached the centipede and said, “I’d like to have total recall.”

  “Hey, Kev,” said the centipede. “Forgotten again, huh?”

  “Yeah, I guess. Can you give me all of my memories back?”

  “Well, not all of your memories, but enough to help you understand. Or you could go for the big package, but I wonder if that might be too much for you right now.”

  “What do I do?”

  “Follow me,” said the centipede, opening the door and leading me into the room with the brain in the vat. It connected an electrode to my temple and left.

  “So, Kev, what will it be? You want to have everything I have or just what you had all of the other times you connected to me?” said a voice, a voice I assumed belonged to the brain in the vat.

  I thought about that for a moment, a little confused. “What do you mean by everything?” I said.

  “All of the memories of all of the creatures that ever connected to me.”

  “How many is that?”

  “W
ell, let’s see. I think last time you were here I had about twelve trillion memory groups stored. It’s been awhile. I’m guessing I have somewhere around thirty-seven quadrillion now.”

  “Thirty-seven quadrillion memories?” I said.

  “No, groups of memories, one group for each instance a being connected to me, all of the memories of the being at that time.”

  “That sounds like a lot.”

  “Yeah, but you can handle it. After all, you have a class nine mind.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Tell you what, Kev. Take the big package. I think everyone will be happier if you do.”

  “Why?”

  “You’ll see.”

  “Fine,” I said. I looked through the glass at the girl and Clive, both staring at me. What were they thinking? Is this what they wanted me to do? What had gone on long enough? I had no clue.

  “Brace yourself,” said the brain.

  In a flash, an inconceivable number of memories became mine. I pulled the electrode off my head, now staring at the girl and Clive. I knew who they were, or at least who I believed they were when I had previously connected to the brain. I didn’t know what the rules were. I didn’t know Clive was Satan and that he wanted to end all creation, but I knew that something was up with him, and I felt quite suspicious of him. The girl, however, I felt nothing but love for. I felt bad about what I was about to do, but there was no choice.

  “I’m going to recreate the universe,” I screamed and then teleported to Earithon, into a small workshop on that planet, a planet almost identical to Earth. There I found the Proth Sphere hovering in a corner of the workshop.

  “Hey, Kev,” said the sphere. “Want to connect?”

  “I sure do,” I said.

  I knew that everyone in the universe was in on something, something that I might have created and then forgotten, and knew that the rules prohibited any of them from offering any material assistance. That included the girl, Clive, Bri, the Proth Sphere, and Jesus, although I had a vague memory of Jesus helping me once.

  I intended to recreate the universe in a way that would essentially force everyone to help me. I wanted to know, and in that instant, convinced I was playing some game, I desperately wanted to win.