Such Happiness as This

by Laina Villeneuve

  “That’s why I scare you?”

  “You don’t scare me,” Robyn fired back too quickly. That wasn’t true. Her attraction, so raw, did scare her. She was so used to feeling nothing that she was easily overwhelmed by her response to Grace.

  “Then what?”

  She couldn’t help but flash back to Barb standing with her on the same rock all those years ago. Their petite build was the only thing they really had in common physically, but the challenge Grace so easily hurled back at Robyn reminded her of Barb’s unbending nature, her insistence that their commitment be private, not one shared with family or friends. Robyn had deferred without the foresight of what she would ultimately lose by capitulating.

  Barb had sold it as a compromise, saying she didn’t think they needed to formalize their relationship at all. Robyn had wanted a wedding. Thus, a private exchange of their vows was meeting her halfway. Robyn realized with a shock how little Barb had actually offered and how much ground she had given up by agreeing. She was embarrassed by how grateful she had felt to Barbara for giving her what she did. Resentment boiled up in her, and she turned it full force on Grace. “I’ve dated you before.”

  Grace’s eyes grew wide with surprise. “How’s that?” she snapped.

  “I’m drawn to this…” Robyn waved her hands at Grace’s force that crackled in front of her, trying to put into words what she felt, “…energy, but it doesn’t work.”

  Grace seemed to be waiting for more, but Robyn sensed that the more she said, the more Grace had to use against her. She felt it safer to say as little as possible.

  “Why?” Grace demanded.

  “I know who I am. I’m a rock. I’m grounded. Stable. You’re this force that comes in and demands I move. I’m the one forced to change. I’m the one who gets hurt trying to bend. I’m not going to do it again.” She felt the way the landscape of herself had been weathered by the relationship with Barb. Having put the effect her commitment to Barbara had had on her into words settled her visibly. She couldn’t wait to get Isabel on the phone and share her revelation.

  Distracted, she dropped her guard. She didn’t sense Grace moving into her space until she was already there, one arm snaked around her waist and the other curled around her neck, pulling her into a kiss.

  Her body reacted on instinct alone.

  How could her lips be so warm when everything, everything was so cold? Her whole body lit up when Grace’s lips touched down. She gasped in surprise and Grace quickly took advantage, engaging Robyn’s tongue in a dance she thought she had forgotten. Grace’s hands left Robyn’s body, weaving through her hair to pull Robyn closer. Her arms blocked out the dimming afternoon light and Robyn was lost, bending to press her body to Grace’s.

  Her own hands betrayed her as they navigated from Grace’s shoulders to her hips, urging her to mold her body against Robyn’s own curves. Grace sighed into the kiss and slowly rocked her hips in response. Robyn wanted to unzip Grace’s jacket and slip her hands inside and feel her figure without the bulky coat.

  That thought snapped her out of action and back to reality. She did not know this woman but she knew very well the burn of stepping into the fire. She broke away, her chest heaving.

  Grace licked her lips. She placed a hand on Robyn’s chest as if to confirm how very much her kiss had affected Robyn. A sexy smile crept across her face highlighting dimples Robyn hadn’t noticed before. “Too bad you’ve dated me.” Her hand dropped slowly away. “I wouldn’t say no to a second serving of that.”

  Robyn watched helplessly as Grace climbed a few stairs before quickly disappearing on the trail. She wished that she’d been the one to take the first step. Now she was stuck waiting for Grace to get enough of a head start that she wouldn’t be tempted to watch her ass the whole way out of the park.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Humble

  Robyn much preferred the quiet atmosphere of area coffee shops to the bustle of the Lost Coast Brewery, but Jen had been so excited about getting to play fiddle for the local Cajun Zydeco band that she would at least sit through the first set.

  The citrusy Great White beer in her mug went down easily, and she found herself considering a second drink as she tapped her toe to the rowdy music. Unexpectedly, she recognized the opening drum intro to the next song. Her eyes found her tenant’s. Tight blue jeans and a bright purple vest made her almost fit in with the rest of the country-clad musicians. Jen smiled at Robyn and dug into the lively fiddling of Mary Chapin Carpenter’s “Down at the Twist and Shout.”

  The song flooded the already crowded dance floor. Robyn had no desire to join in, happy to sit watching. She was surprised to see Kristine take the floor with a beautiful blond woman. From the way they moved together and a bigger version of Caemon’s smile lighting her face, Robyn knew that her friend was out with her wife. When Kristine’s eyes found her, she felt guilty for staring so long, pulled by the obvious energy between them. She tried to watch other couples but constantly slipped back to the pair who out-sparkled everyone.

  “Robyn!” Kristine shouted as the song closed. She steered her wife over to Robyn’s table. “I’m surprised to see you here!”

  “One of my tenants is fiddling tonight,” Robyn explained.

  “She’s wonderful!” the blonde said. She extended her hand. “Gloria. So lovely to finally meet you. Caemon talks about you all the time.”

  “He’s a charmer,” Robyn said. “You two are kid-free tonight?”

  “Thank goodness for grandparents,” Kristine said. “Come upstairs and join us!”

  “Yes do,” encouraged Gloria. “We’re in the back where it’s not so loud.”

  Robyn hesitated but remembered Isabel encouraging her to be more social. “I’ll join you after I grab another beer. Anything for either of you?”

  They waved off her offer and eeled their way through the crowd to the stairs. She hovered at the bottom of the stairs until she caught Jen’s eye, letting her know she was heading up, so she’d be able to find her in between sets. That done, she climbed the stairs and looked for Kristine and Gloria.

  She was not expecting to see Grace. She kicked herself for hesitating when their eyes met, sure that Grace was replaying the kiss on Wedding Rock. That same sexy smile played on her lips, and she cocked her head to the side, her loose hair swinging off her shoulder and exposing her neck.

  Robyn gulped. Just as she was hoping she could sneak back down the stairs, Gloria saw her and motioned Robyn in their direction. Robyn’s feet obeyed, carrying her to the table and closer to the skin exposed by Grace’s very low-cut blouse.

  “How nice to see you again,” Grace said sweetly when Robyn sat down next to Kristine. The way the three had clustered around a corner of the table to face the band, Robyn ended up sitting almost across from Grace.

  “Again?” Gloria asked.

  “I didn’t know you knew each other,” Kristine said.

  “We went hiking together last weekend,” Grace explained.

  “Not together,” Robyn clarified.

  “We were both at Patrick’s Point and kept bumping into each other.”

  Did she have to put so much sauciness in her voice, Robyn wondered. “Just once,” she argued. She set down her drink and rubbed her shaky hands along her thighs.

  “But it was the highlight of my hike. Wasn’t it yours?”

  There was that smile again, lighting up Robyn’s pleasure sensors and freezing her mouth.

  Kristine and Gloria followed the back and forth like a tennis match, shared confusion on their faces. Obviously Grace had not told them about the kiss.

  “There’s no recapturing the thrill of your first time out on Wedding Rock,” Robyn finally answered.

  “We’ll see about that,” Grace responded quickly, holding Robyn in her gaze long enough to make Robyn regret again that she’d allowed Grace to leave first, thus putting her in a position of power. Having made her point, Grace shifted her attention to Kristine. “Before you left,
you were saying something about the gallery in Houston.”

  “Yes. They loved that rodeo series I did. I’m sending them several prints and they said to let them know when the website is live, so they have it as reference.”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful news. Sorry I haven’t put more time into the website.”

  “I know you’ve been busy at school. Please don’t feel bad if you need to refer me to someone else to finish it up.”

  “Are you kidding,” Grace laughed. “And lose my excuse to come visit that yummy baby? How is my little Eliza?”

  “Settling into a more doable schedule now,” Gloria answered. “We take turns getting up for the night feeding. It’s amazing what an uninterrupted night of sleep does for a person.”

  “How do you manage that?” Grace asked, pointedly staring at Kristine’s chest.

  Robyn looked away, flustered by Grace’s bold behavior. Even more than on the hike, Grace seemed like a storm to be avoided.

  “She pumps the goods before she turns in.”

  The three women continued talking about the new baby’s nursing habits, leaving Robyn wishing that she’d stayed downstairs where she could see the band. She could still enjoy the music, but she missed being able to watch Jen bow. She noticed the lull in the conversation but didn’t realize they were waiting on an answer from her until Kristine said, “I told her we’ve never talked about jobs.”

  “Oh,” she said, realizing she’d missed a question directed at her.

  Gloria looked apologetic. “Baby details aren’t for everyone.”

  “I don’t mind,” Robyn said honestly. “I’m retired coast guard.”

  “Were you posted here?” Gloria asked.

  “For the last part of my career. I served at the Motor Lifeboat Station on the north end of the bay, but I spent my summers with my grandparents in Arcata when I was young and always had my eye on settling down here permanently.”

  “That’s why we’re here,” Kristine said. “Gloria feels the same way about Eureka since this is where her family is.”

  “Was the place you live in now your grandparents’?” Grace asked.

  “Yes,” Robyn said.

  “Wait, you’ve been to her place?” Kristine asked Grace.

  “That’s where my quartet rehearses.”

  Kristine smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand, and turned toward Robyn. “Your tenant the fiddler.”

  “She’s leaving out how she’s an artist as well,” Grace said. “Robyn made that bowl I admired in your kitchen, Gloria.”

  “Did you really? I keep telling Kristine to take it to the barn to give back to you,” Gloria confessed.

  “I would but you keep using it,” Kristine teased.

  “Please forgive us for keeping it so long.”

  “No, no,” Robyn said, embarrassed by the attention. “I meant it as a gift. Not the most appropriate baby-welcoming gift…”

  “Perfectly appropriate,” Gloria corrected. “I’m sure we’ll have it long after we’ve moved along all of the baby clothes and accessories. Thank you. I’m so glad we don’t have to resort to stealing it.”

  “I’m glad you like it.” Robyn rotated her glass between her palms, wanting the conversation to shift but unsure of how to make it happen. She had always hated to have the attention focused on her, preferring to keep a low profile. In her mind, expectations followed acknowledgments, and she had spent her time in the coast guard trying to avoid both, much more content to fade into the background and get on with her duties quietly. Facing reporters after a dramatic rescue always took more effort for Robyn than the rescue itself. Here with her friends, she worried that Grace would use the opportunity of Gloria’s praise to pressure her to make more than a hobby out of her craft. Thankfully, the band saved her by taking their first break of the night. She excused herself to find Jen and say goodnight so she could retreat from the social gathering that made her feel like she had to be on ready alert.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Standing in front of the carvings on Robyn’s front door, she heard its creator yelling up the stairs for Jen. Grace couldn’t hear Jen’s reply but waited patiently knowing full well that it was her presence on the front porch that caused Robyn such angst. She smiled as she pictured the strong woman debating with herself about how to deal with the situation.

  The door handle turned quickly but only just enough to disengage the tongue from the jamb. Grace tentatively pushed the door inward and almost laughed out loud to see Robyn scuttling to the kitchen.

  “It doesn’t smell like anything is burning,” Grace said, humor in her voice.

  Her words stopped Robyn in the doorway. While Grace’s blood thrummed at the memory of the kiss they had shared out at the state park, she realized that it was mean to tease. She turned to mount the stairs. Wanting to know more about Robyn, she risked a peek into the dim living room. In the wide doorway to the left of the staircase hung a string with upside down metal nesting bowls spaced in four-inch increments with a small brass stick hanging at the very bottom of the string.

  Intrigued, Grace laid down her cello and grasped the stick, striking each of the bowls, the tones deepening as she pinged from the smallest on the bottom to the largest, the size of a small cereal bowl, at the top. The precise pentatonic scale of the bowls rang out and reverberated inside of her. Unable to resist, she tapped out a short melody before she gently released the striker.

  “My grandfather brought it back from Japan, along with his bride.” Robyn said from the kitchen doorway, not chancing closer proximity to Grace. “Some people mark their growth with pencil on a doorframe. Each summer I visited, the first thing I did was see if I could reach the next one up.”

  Grace waited, sensing there was something more. Robyn’s eyes found hers, and she seemed surprised to find her there listening. Without another word, she turned and disappeared out the back door. Puzzled, Grace climbed the stairs and entered the studio without pausing as she usually did to study the door with its glass inlays. “Lay it on me,” Grace said, plunking down her cello in Jen’s studio and waiting, hands on her hips.

  “What?” Jen said unconvincingly.

  “What you know about Robyn. Last time when I asked about her, you hedged. You know things.”

  “I do?”

  Grace folded her arms and eyed the clock. “Patty and Kim will be here in five minutes. Spill.”

  “It doesn’t feel right to divulge Mom’s heartbreak. Why don’t you ask her?” Jen suggested, busying herself in the file cabinet that held her sheet music.

  “Because she won’t talk to me. You know as well as I do that she didn’t even want to answer the front door just now.”

  Jen handed her a copy of the Ravel she’d tracked down, squinting her eyes as she considered Grace’s request. “The relationship she was in for a long time didn’t end nicely,” she said vaguely.

  “What’s her name?”

  “I’m so not telling you,” Jen said emphatically.

  Grace shook her head, remembering how awful it was to find out she’d dated Gloria’s ex. “This is a small town. I don’t want to inadvertently end up with Robyn’s ex.”

  “Oh, that won’t happen,” Jen said, busying herself with music stands that didn’t need adjustment.

  “What makes you so sure?”

  “Nothing.”

  “I won’t tell her you told me,” Grace assured her.

  Jen held her temples, clearly distressed. “It’s just that…I bet you know her because she works at the university.”

  Grace motioned with her fingers for Jen to continue.

  “She books all the shows at the Van Duzer.”

  “Barbara?” Grace said, sounding doubtful. “Barbara Rivers? That can’t be.”

  “It is.”

  “No. She just announced that she got married.” She raised her eyebrows, gauging Jen’s response. “To a man.”

  Jen sat, stunned. “She married him? Are you sure?”

  �
��You don’t seem surprised about the him part.” Grace still couldn’t match Robyn to the woman she knew from coordinating some projects for the gallery space in the foyer of the theater. She’d never had the impression that Barbara was gay.

  “Robyn already dropped that bomb, but I didn’t think…oh, no. I bet she doesn’t know yet.” She took in and slowly let out a big breath.

  “How long have they been broken up?”

  “Only a few months.”

  “Ouch,” Grace said, understanding a lot more of Robyn’s guardedness. She almost wished that she hadn’t asked. The doorbell rang, pulling Jen from the room. What had always felt like Jen’s studio suddenly felt like Robyn and Barbara’s home. She wondered what energy Barbara had contributed to the space and how she could have walked away from it.

  Then it occurred to her that Robyn had compared her to Barbara out on Wedding Rock. I’ve dated you before. How exactly was she like Barbara? They looked nothing alike. Though maybe the same height, Barbara was willowy in comparison to Grace’s trim yet curvaceous form. She conceded that they both looked professional, but Barbara accomplished that with a natural sleek elegance, her glossy black hair always swept up in a way that accented her suits whereas Grace felt like the work she put into coordinating her wardrobe and taming her hair seemed more contrived.

  She frowned, uncomfortable with the effort expended on comparing herself to someone she barely knew. That in turn reminded her that Robyn barely knew her, which added to the puzzle. At a loss, she decided that she didn’t want to be involved with someone who made such snap decisions anyway. Immediately, she heard her mother’s voice admonishing, sour grapes. Yes, she knew she would certainly grab Robyn if she could, but now she finally understood why she’d put herself out of reach.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “Happy birthday,” Grace said, placing a kiss on Kristine’s cheek as she slid a box of cookies onto the counter.