Loner

by Janine Infante Bosco

  “Good to see you’re still breathing,” I mutter, glancing at her balled fists.

  “It’s a shame you’re not,” she hisses. “Let’s get some things straight, Linc. First, you don’t get to call me that ridiculous nickname. My hair isn’t even pink anymore in case you didn’t notice. Secondly, you sure as fuck don’t get to make snide remarks about my life.”

  Didn’t notice? I noticed everything about her. From the change in hair color to the tattoos on her fingers that were new. None of them mattered though. Any version of Kelly is a beautiful one, even the battered one I’m looking at now.

  “What about your taste in men?” I interject, lifting my finger to point at the bruises beneath her eyes.

  “Off limits.”

  “Something you should’ve probably told the guy before you let him fucking smack you around,” I grunt.

  “Oh, please,” she says, rolling her eyes.

  There she is.

  “Stop pretending like you give a fuck about my life and concentrate on your own,” she shrieks, pushing the hair away from her eyes. Drawing in a deep breath, she continues. “Look, I promised my uncle I wouldn’t cause any trouble and unlike some people, I keep my promises. So, if we’re done sparing then, I’ll get out of your way.”

  Regret coils in my veins as she moves to sidestep my chair and I reach for her wrist. At the gentle touch, the live wire sizzles between us.

  There it is.

  “Don’t,” she pleads.

  “Don’t what?” I whisper, drawing soft circles on her skin with my thumb. Snatching her hand out of my grip, she takes a step backward and I watch her gaze wander over my chest. Her eyes go wide before they flash with pain.

  “Cursed love,” she reads, taking in the punctured bleeding heart tattooed between my pecs. I watch her neck as she strains to swallow before lifting my eyes to hers.

  Two years ago, when I walked out of her life, I didn’t have the decency to break her heart myself. I pussied out and had Sin deliver the message. At my request, he lied to her and told her I never loved her, that my heart still belonged to Savannah. He made her believe every word was a lie and every I love you, an automated response I trained myself to say. I left North Carolina wondering if she believed his lies. Now, watching her stare at the tattoo, I know for certain she did.

  It makes me want to tell her the brand on my chest is a tribute to her. The words symbolize the love I’ll always have for her. A love I was too cursed to keep. A love that I’ll feel forever but never be able to act on. The swords stabbing the heart and the blood that seeps from it are another symbol, signifying the pain I felt leaving her. The fucking pain I feel in my bones every morning I wake up and she’s not next to me. The pain I swallowed trying to forget her.

  The pain searing through me as I sit here, staring at her wishing we were still those two kids navigating life together.

  “Whoa,” a voice calls, breaking the silence between us. Closing the back slider, Wolf’s oldest son, Nico stands to the side watching me and Kelly with a conflicted expression.

  “Am I interrupting something?” he questions.

  “No,” Kelly says quickly, turning her back to me. Nico’s lips stretch into a warm smile as he starts for his cousin.

  “Pops said you were here but, I thought he was blowing smoke out of his ass as usual,” he tells her.

  “Get over here!” she exclaims, meeting Nico halfway. Spreading his arms wide, he catches her as she throws her arms around his neck. “Shit, when did you get taller than me?” she questions, squeezing him.

  “I’ve always been taller than you.” he points out, pulling back to look at her.

  “Yeah, well, I’m older.”

  “By six days,” he reminds her.

  Wolf has three sons and Nico is the oldest out of the three. Though the cousins rarely saw each other, they were thick as thieves, something I learned back in North Carolina when he visited for a week. Aside from sharing an age, they also shared several personality traits. Both were wild, a little reckless and didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought. Basically, Nico had a hankering for trouble just like Kelly.

  A week proved to be a long time for me and Kelly and we didn’t bother hiding our relationship from Nico. He knew we together and respected our decision to keep it from his father and the rest of the club. However, that respect died when I showed up in Brooklyn, sans Kelly. While his father had no problem splitting his loyalty between me and his niece, Nico sided with his Kelly. Not long after I became a permanent fixture in Brooklyn, the bastard cornered me outside the Vegas Diner one night and went to town with his fists, breaking my nose.

  I didn’t hold a grudge.

  In fact, I respected the guy more for having Kelly’s back and when he took my ass to the emergency room, I confessed my truth. I told him my reasons for leaving her. I relived Savannah’s death and though the circumstances were different, I couldn’t watch Kelly suffer the same fate. It didn’t matter I wasn’t the same young kid making stupid decisions that ultimately cost a young girl her life, I was riding with the big dogs. I was making enemies hand over fist as a full-fledged member of the Satan’s Knights and harboring a secret that could destroy not only my life but the life of anyone associated with me.

  Nico didn’t approve of me breaking his cousin’s heart but, he understood my intentions and as a result, he admitted a truth of his own. He too wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps. Wanting more for his son, Wolf shut down the idea of Nico prospecting for the club. I was there when the father and son had their first falling out over the matter and remember Wolf’s words clear as day.

  “I bury brothers as often as I change my shorts, I won’t bury my son too.”

  Nico didn’t want to hear that and before the bomb, he started hanging around the Staten Island charter of the Freedom Riders Motorcycle club, hoping they’ll let him prospect—a little tidbit Wolf don’t know.

  Focusing my attention back to the present, I watch them continue to embrace. Nico’s eyes travel over Kelly’s shoulder and land on me.

  “Hey, man, how’s it going?”

  Returning my hands to my wheels, I tip my chin toward him in response.

  Ignoring me, Kelly wraps her arm around Nico’s demanding his attention.

  “Hey, why don’t you take your favorite cousin out and show me the sites. The last time I was here was when your brother Francesco was born.”

  Taking my cue, I glance at the clock. Any minute now, one of the guys will be here to drag my ass to therapy and I’m still in a pair of sweats.

  “I’ll leave you two to catch up,” I say, reversing my chair.

  “Here, let me help you—”

  “I’ve got it,” I snap.

  Pausing, he holds his hands up in mock surrender before glancing at Kelly.

  “Sure, I’ll be your personal tour guide,” he says, turning back to me. “But, first we have to take this guy to his physical therapy appointment.”

  “What?” Kelly asks, trying to mask the horrified expression on her face.

  “Nah, man, that’s okay,” I interject. “One of the guys will be here soon to pick me up—”

  “Dude, you didn’t hear?”

  “Hear what?”

  “When was the last time my father was here?”

  “I saw him yesterday morning,” Kelly offers.

  “Some shit went down last night with the club,” Nico reveals, jutting his chin toward the television sitting in the corner of the kitchen. “Fuck, don’t you people turn on the television? It’s all over the news.”

  Gritting my teeth, I glare at Nico as he continues to ramble on. Kelly moves across the room and turns the television on.

  “The motel Deuce and Ally were staying at got ambushed last night. The news is reporting a fire but the word on the street is they were attacked by a rival club. I don’t know all the details but, my father called me this morning from the 122nd Precinct. They took him, Blackie and Riggs in for questioning.”
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  “They keeping them?” I ask, threading my fingers through my hair.

  “Nah, you know the drill. They’re going to keep them there as long as possible, hoping one of them breaks.”

  “The news is reporting casualties,” Kelly says, glances over her shoulder. “They must’ve got wind of the other club because they’re naming a motorcycle club in Texas as the rival gang.”

  “Do you know if any of our guys were hurt?”

  “Deuce was shot but, Cobra’s girl was able to remove the bullet.”

  My mind immediately drifts to the illusive Yankovich and I wonder if this has anything to do with him. Did he set up this other club to take the fall? It’s not a stretch considering he set us up to believe the Corrupt Bastards were behind the bomb.

  “Apparently, Deuce’s old man was the president of this Texas club,” Nico reveals. “Some shit went down after he was killed and Deuce has been running ever since.”

  “How do you know this?”

  He gives me a noncommittal shrug and shoves his hands into his pockets.

  “I know things,” he replies. “Seems like your boy Deuce got shot paying for the sins of his father.”

  The irony of Nico’s words isn’t lost on me and, my eyes find Kelly’s from across the room.

  Cursed love.

  Too cursed to keep.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Hating Linc didn’t negate the profound sense of helplessness I felt watching him grimace through the pain as he worked on restoring the strength in both his legs. From the sidelines, it didn’t look possible that he’d be able to walk in six to eight weeks. Even with full sensation in one leg, he was limited. He could bear twenty-five pounds of weight on his good leg and couldn’t even touch his toes of his bad leg to the ground. Strapped to some sort of thing that resembled a treadmill, he kept his bad leg bent and performed all exercises with his functioning leg.

  The physical therapist was pushing him hard, forcing him to kick his leg out repeatedly. By the third set, Linc was sweating like an animal and telling the therapist to go fuck his mother.

  “How long you think until he kicks the guy in the face?” Nico asks beside me.

  Not tearing my eyes from Linc, I question my cousin.

  “Why didn’t you tell me he was hurt?”

  “Would it have mattered if I had?” he counters, leaning his elbows on his knees. “I thought you were done with him.”

  “I am,” I defend, turning to face him. “But, when you called to tell me your father had a heart attack, you could’ve informed me that Linc was in a wheelchair.”

  “And when I told you about my father, you could’ve asked me to come get you out of whatever this mess this is,” he fires back, lifting a finger to point at the bruises under my eyes. “What the fuck, Kelly?”

  “I took care of it,” I tell him, looking back to Linc.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means I’m here, right? It means I’m no one’s punching bag, and I hightailed it out of there the minute that bastard raised his hands to me. I’m no damsel in distress, Nico. I’m not my mother.”

  “No one said you were,” he argues,

  “Actually, that’s exactly what you’re implying by asking me why I didn’t ask you to come get me. I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid.”

  “All I’m saying is, you didn’t have to. I would’ve been there for you and if my father wasn’t laid up in the hospital, he would’ve been too.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  “Did you at least get a few good shots in before you left?” he asks, winking at me to diffuse the tension.

  A smile ticks the corners of my lips.

  “What do you think?”

  We laugh for a moment before his gaze turns serious, and he tips his chin in Linc’s direction.

  “So, what’s the plan with Linc?”

  “There is no plan,” I tell him. “I’m just passing through until I figure what my next step is.”

  “You could stick around,” he suggests. “Find a job and make a life for yourself.”

  Looking at Linc, I shake my head.

  “I can’t stay here.”

  “Because of him,” he accuses.

  Drawing in a deep breath, I don’t answer him. Mainly because I don’t want to admit Linc still holds that kind of power over me. Living under the same roof with him is a test of my own strength and the reason, I’ve been doing everything in my power to stay out of the house since I arrived. Yesterday, I rode my bike to the city, spent the entire day scoping out the skyscrapers and then got lost in Chinatown. I didn’t even get a decent egg roll out of the deal.

  This morning, after seeing him struggle to get a mug out of the drainboard, I caved and offered to help him. His response was expected—well, to a degree. I expected the backlash of attitude. Linc doesn’t admit defeat. He doesn’t take to weakness, something he learned through years of mayhem and playing the Devil’s disciple. I watched him change before my eyes but, it never mattered at the time because when he came home and peeled the leather off his body, he was still the broken guy tormented by his youth.

  The guy who had a soft spot for me.

  He was a criminal on the streets but between the sheets, he was just the man who loved me. And, this morning his crude words reminded me of all the nights spent expressing that love. I don’t know what would’ve happened if Nico didn’t walk in when he did. As promising as the suggestion to ride his face sounded, I wouldn’t have taken him up on the offer. After all, I may be reckless and the queen of bad decisions but, I am not suicidal.

  What concerned me more than straddling Linc’s face, was staring into his eyes and being reminded of everything I lost. I could handle two black eyes but, I couldn’t stand the idea of those old wounds being split open. Yeah, sticking around was most definitely not an option.

  “With what the club has planned for him, it would probably do him a world of good if you stuck around,” Nico suggests, tipping his chin toward Linc. “If anyone can keep him on his toes and stop him from feeling sorry for himself it’s you.”

  Turning my head, a fraction, I narrow my eyes.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask. Lifting a hand, I dismiss the question and ask another one instead. “Wait, how do you know any of this? Did Uncle Al, finally agree to let you prospect for the Knights?”

  He laughs flippantly.

  “Yeah, right,” he admonishes. “I know things. Leave it at that.”

  “My God,” I mutter. “You’re just like your father.”

  “Keep it up and I won’t tell you everything I know,” he warns teasingly.

  “Tell me,” I demand, slapping his arm for extra emphasis.

  “From what I’ve overheard, they’re sending Linc into the devil’s lair. Over the last few months, the club has been attacked several times. The bomb was just the beginning.”

  “What bomb?”

  “Wait, how do you think Linc ended up in the chair?”

  “All your father said was that there was an accident and a lot of people were hurt.”

  “Someone blew up their clubhouse on the day of the president’s wedding,” he reveals motioning to Linc. “He was trapped under the debris.”

  “Oh my God,” I whisper, lifting my hand to cover the gasp.

  “Yeah, it was bad and the guy responsible is a sick fuck. He’s into some pretty sick shit too, like kidnapping little girls. A real scumbag.”

  “Where does Linc fit in?”

  “Well, the guy is a fucking phantom they can’t seem to catch but, he’s into cards. They’re going to try to send Linc into the card game he hosts.”

  “How does that help anything?”

  “I’m not sure it does,” he admits. “between you and me, I don’t think they know what they’re doing. If you ask me, they’re grasping at straws and he’s going to be the next one they bury,” he adds solemnly, drawing his gaze back to Linc.


  “Don’t say that,” I reprimand.

  “C’mon Kel, look at him. The man don’t give a fuck if he lives or dies.”

  The wounds I was trying so hard not to open, split wide at Nico’s words and I swallow the lump in my throat.

  “Why do I still care? I mean what’s wrong with me?” I grimace, realizing I’ve spoken aloud the questions I meant to ask myself. Eyeing Nico, I shrug my shoulders. “I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I hate that I still feel anything for the bastard and if you tell him that, I’ll kill you. Cousin or no cousin.”

  “For what it’s worth, I don’t think he ever got over you either.”

  “Wrong,” I deadpan. “You have to care about someone to get over them and Linc never cared about me. Not really. I was just someone he used to pass the time. Someone who made him forget the girl he really loved.”

  Nico looks at me for a moment before shaking his head.

  “For a smart girl, you’re really fucking naïve,” he mutters.

  About to question him, I get distracted when Linc curses loudly.

  “Fuck you,” he shouts at the therapist as he drops his body into the wheelchair. Panting through clenched teeth, he turns to me and Nico. “Get me the fuck out of here.”

  “Tomorrow,” the therapist tells him. “And I want you in a pool until we can put weight on those legs.”

  “Fuck you,” Linc repeats. “Fuck your pool. Fuck everything,” he calls over his shoulders as he wheels himself toward us.

  “See what I mean?” Nico says, rising to his feet. “He needs someone who isn’t afraid to put him in line. He needs you and, fair warning, I call dibs on front row seats to the show.”

  Linc doesn’t need someone to keep him in line. He needs someone to understand him, someone who can show him how to live again. He needs to learn to let go of the things he can’t change and embrace his blessings. Linc needs to remember how he felt when he was eighteen. He overcame the hopelessness he felt then and, he can overcome it now.

  Only this time he has to do it without me.

  I won’t make the same mistake twice. I’m not the girl I once was. I’ve learned from my mistakes and know no matter how hard you try to change someone, you can’t. They’ll never see themselves the way you do and all you can do is move on or at least try.