by A. R. Wise
“It’s been a hell of a winter,” said Laura as she closed the door behind us. As if to prove her right, the wind gusted, stinging our exposed faces. “Usually the winters out here in the flatlands are pretty mild.”
“Spring’s coming,” I said as I nestled my hands in my pockets. “I’d bet this is the last gasp of cold weather.”
“I hope you’re right,” she said and then offered nothing else, as if there was more to say but she just didn’t want to say it.
“Did Annie talk to you?”
She nodded and said, “Yeah.”
I expected her to offer an opinion, but she just stayed silent as she stared off into the cold distance. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I gave her the time she seemed to need.
“I want to say no,” she said before finally looking back at me. “I want to lock her up in here so nothing can ever hurt her.”
“I can understand that.”
“But I also want her to be happy, and locking her in this place is guaranteed to make her miserable.”
“I’m the same way. I can’t stand being locked up in a place like this. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t appreciate what you did for me. I’d be dead if it wasn’t for the Rollers. I just prefer being out there.” I motioned out into the wilderness that surrounded us.
“To finish your mission?” she asked, and I sensed distrust in her.
“No,” I said quickly, which was as much a surprise to me as it was to her. Despite how my life had revolved around my father’s missions for me, everything had changed once I saw the man that could be my twin. “I’m not sure what to think about any of that anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“You saw the man that looked like me, and that scar we shared.” I grimaced and toed at the snow. “That’s got me questioning everything.”
“Come up with any answers?”
“None that make much sense. Maybe he was a clone or something. Or hell, maybe I am. Maybe I’m not the same Ben that helped your daughter get out of that facility twenty years ago. Maybe I’m just some test-tube baby they created and implanted with the real Ben’s memories.”
She shook her head and said, “I don’t think that’s possible.”
“Did you ever think a man-made zombie apocalypse was possible? Because that sure the hell came to be.”
“Good point,” she acquiesced with a nod and a slim grin. “That must be a hard thing to deal with.”
I shrugged and said, “To be honest, it’s a bit liberating.”
Her expression revealed that she was confounded as she asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, my whole life’s been dedicated to killing those people. I felt a bit like a machine; just going forth to do my duty, and never caring who I hurt along the way. And then I find myself out here, searching for Jerald, and I happen to find Stubs and Harrison. Everything about the way I used to live my life would make teaming up with those two completely uncharacteristic for me. I never gave two craps about anyone else before, and then, all of a sudden, I found myself attached to a dirty old thief and a Red-world house pet.”
“I’m not following,” said Laura. “What does that have to do with the pilot?”
I’d been struggling to put the pieces together over the past couple months, and it all made more sense in my head than it did when I tried to explain it. “Maybe I’m just a clone, and they created me to come out here and kill Jerald. Maybe I never did any of that stuff I remember from before. That might be why I took in Stubs and then started traveling around with Harrison, two things I never would’ve done in the past.” I paused, expecting her to agree, but Laura stood in silent contemplation. “Sounds crazy, I know.”
“Yeah, a little bit. I would think that would be a bit of a mind fuck.” I always appreciated Laura’s brazen use of superlatives. She peppered her language with endearingly foul words.
“It is, but it’s also sort of liberating. I want to think that I’m a better person than the Ben that’s just an assassin roaming the world, looking for his next victim.”
“Then what is it you want to do if you’re not going to be hunting for your next target?”
“That depends on you,” I said. “I don’t know that I’d ever fit into a settlement like the one the Vineyard folks had, but I’m pretty impressed with the High Rollers. I like the idea of roaming around the area, keeping people that live here safe. If we can root out Jerald and his group, and if you’ll have me, I’d like to join the Rollers.”
“I think we need you more than you need us,” she said with a chuckle. “We’re not in the best shape these days.”
“Does that mean you’re okay with me heading out on a scouting trip with Annie?”
“Am I okay with it?” She seemed to find humor in the question. “No, I’m not okay with it. I’m scared to death. I hate the idea. I want to keep Annie here with me forever; locked up and safe from anything that might hurt her. But that’s not what she wants, and I need to stop trying to protect her.”
“She’s one of the toughest people I’ve ever met.”
“Yeah, but I’ve seen a lot of tough people get chewed up and spit out by this world.”
“I’ll do everything I can to keep her safe.”
“You’d better, or you’ll have me to deal with, and I’m a hell of a lot worse to have after you than Jerald or any zombie you’ve ever gone up against. I can promise you that.” She knelt and scooped up a handful of snow that she packed into a snowball. She gently tossed it at me and I scrambled to catch it as it smashed on my chest. The wet fragments fell between my fingers and she laughed at me. For just a brief moment I glimpsed a softer side of her that I hadn’t seen before. I could easily imagine her as the carefree mother of two girls in another life; one that hadn’t fallen apart.
She swiped her hands dry and then her smile faded. “You’ll head out after the next time we have a few warm days in a row. After the snow melts. You’ll have a week to get out there, see what you can find, and get back here.” She stepped closer to me and started to clean the snow off my jacket. Then she put her hand on my shoulder and looked sternly into my eyes. “I’m trusting you, Ben, and I don’t make a habit of putting this much trust in anyone. Don’t let me down.”
* * *
Harrison had been uncharacteristically quiet since I told him about my plan to go scouting with Annie. It was late that night, after the majority of the others that shared our room had fallen asleep, when he nudged me awake to discuss what was weighing on his mind.
“You up?” he asked in a hoarse whisper.
I grunted something amounting to confirmation, although I think I’d been dozing. I could hear Stubs at my feet, snoring louder than anyone else in the room. I pushed my toes into the pup’s side in an attempt to quiet him down, but he just rolled to his other side, growled a bit, licked his lips, and then started snoring just as loud as before.
“Can I ask you a favor?”
“Sure,” I said as I wiped drool from the corner of my lips. “What’s up?”
“I want to go with you on this scouting trip.”
I shook my head and said, “Sorry, buddy, but that’s not…”
He interrupted me, “Not on the scouting part. I won’t go with you to the airport. I just need to go check in on some old friends.”
It was too dark to see more than just a vague outline of his shape beside me. “Who?”
“There was a family that I used to help out, and I want to make sure they’re okay.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Out near where Hanger used to be. They set themselves up in a water tower by one of the trade routes. I told you about them before.”
I shook my head and said, “No you didn’t.”
“Yes I did, but you probably thought I was full of shit.”
“You usually are.”
“Whatever,” he said as he adjusted his position, rustling the sheet that we shared. “I just need to s
ee the kids. They depended on me, and I need to check in on them. I figured that since you’re headed out that way, I could tag along.”
“Wait,” I said as I recalled something the old man had said to me when we first met. “Were these the disabled kids you said you used to take care of? I do sort of remember you talking about that, and you’re right, I did think you were full of shit.”
“It’s the truth,” he said, sounding slightly wounded by my disbelief. “They’re the reason I got banned from Hanger.”
I hadn’t heard this story, and urged him to continue, “What happened?”
“They got kicked out of the town, and I got kicked out with them.” He seemed content leaving it there.
“Why?”
“They made mistakes.” He corrected himself, “So did I. Same sort of mistakes I’ve been making my whole life.”
“Drugs?”
“It’s not crazy to think some folks need an escape from a world like the one we got stuck with. I got caught stealing poppy, but it wasn’t for me, swear to God. I was getting it for one of the older kids there. He’d been in an accident, lost his arm and busted up his face; barely lived through it, and they had him doped up on poppy while he was getting better. Poor kid got hooked pretty good. Some folks just have that edge in them. You know? Like a fish that can’t help but take a bite on any shiny hook hanging down in the pond. He got the itch, and I was the only one there that understood what he was going through. But things got out of hand, and we got booted out along with some of the other kids he’d been palling around with.”
“Is that why everyone calls you a thief?”
“One of the reasons,” said Harrison. “I won’t lie, I got caught sneaking off with some things in the other towns too. I’m no saint, Ben. No saint at all. But a lot of the stuff I stole went to help those kids in that tower. They didn’t deserve what happened to them.”
“Why didn’t they just move to one of the other towns?”
“Too much pride,” said Harrison. “They were sick of feeling like other folks had to take care of them, and wanted to do it on their own. Easier said than done.”
One of the other people in the room grumbled and tossed, wordlessly informing us that our midnight conversation was disrupting her sleep. I tried to speak quieter, “It’s not up to me if you can come along. That’s Laura’s call.”
“Well, I’d appreciate it if you got the okay from her. If she says no, then I’ll go on my own, by myself. I’m not a prisoner here.”
“Guys,” said the woman that we’d awoken, “if you need to talk, do us all a favor and do it somewhere else.”
“Sorry,” I said. “We’re done.”
* * *
Winter held on longer than any of us expected, and Laura’s insistence that we wait for three consecutive warm days began to irk her daughter. Annie was more anxious to leave than I was, but she also knew better than to argue too vehemently with Laura in fear of causing her mother to change her mind.
Annie and I were outside with Laura, watching a stream trickle through the hills and pull away chunks of ice from its banks. “See,” said Annie as she scooped up a handful of the water and then let it fall between her fingers. “The snow’s melting.”
Laura glanced up at the mountains that were nearly hidden by the foothills. Only their snowcaps were visible from where we stood. “I don’t know, Annie. The mountains are still white.”
“And they will be through most of spring. You’ve lived here long enough to know that,” said Annie. “Even the trees are starting to bud. It’s time. We can’t put this off forever.”
“Are you absolutely positive that you’re feeling better? How’s your shoulder?”
“It’s fine,” said Annie as she rotated her arm.
“And what about you, Ben?” Laura asked me as if hoping to hear that I wasn’t ready. “How’s your rib? That was a hell of an injury you had when you…”
“He’s fine,” said Annie for me.
I agreed, “I’m back to fighting shape.”
Laura knelt beside the stream and stuck the tips of her fingers into it. Then she recoiled and cringed as she said, “It’s so cold.”
Annie was quick to counter, “It always is. It’s coming down from the mountains.”
Laura stood and wiped her hands off on her sweatshirt. I could tell that she wanted to argue with her daughter, but then her expression relaxed into concession and she offered a pained smile as she nodded. “Okay, you’re right.”
Annie couldn’t stop from grinning and she looked over at me in excitement.
“But this isn’t going to be the same as before, Annie,” said Laura to temper her daughter’s eagerness. “If you get in trouble, there’s not going to be a settlement nearby to run to. You’re going to be on your own out there. And even if you see any traders on the road, you’re going to have to assume they’re working with Jerald.”
“We know,” said Annie.
“And there’s something else,” said Laura. “You’re not going to be happy about it, but this isn’t up for debate.”
“What?” asked Annie with a reticent and angry tone.
“We’ve already started setting up New Vineyard, and by the time you get back the refugees will all be out there. And you’re going to go stay there with them.”
“What are you talking about?” asked Annie, more dumbfounded than perturbed. “What about fighting Jerald?”
“I’ve already talked with Billy and Zack, and they both agree with me. New Vineyard’s going to need a trained scout…”
“What about Arthur?” asked Annie. “I thought he decided to go to New Vineyard with David.”
“He did, because his leg’s still a mess. He’s no use as a scout.”
“Why does New Vineyard need a scout?” asked Annie.
“The things you learned from The Department are important. They’re going to need your help training some of their people. Look, Annie, there’s no point in arguing about this. I’m not making this decision to try and protect you, I’m making it because it’s the right thing to do. The reason you’re going on this scouting trip is because you were right; you’re the only person we trust to do it. And that’s the reason we need you to train others to do the same, just like Jules and The Department trained you.”
Annie’s expression was tense, and her lips pursed, but she didn’t argue. She just said, “Fine. If that’s your decision.”
Laura was about to say something, but she hesitated. I suspected that she’d come up with a hundred different reasons to delay us, but she acquiesced with a solemn nod. “When were you thinking of leaving?”
“As soon as you say yes,” said Annie.
“And are you taking Harrison?”
I nodded and said, “If you’re okay with it. The group he wants to check on is west of the airport. It shouldn’t take us too far out of the way.”
“Did Billy give you a map?” asked Laura.
“Yes,” said Annie tersely. She was still ruminating on Laura’s decision to pull her out of the battle against Jerald. I know that Annie had been driven by revenge, and not having the opportunity to attack the man that killed Kim was torturing her.
“And he drew you a few paths out to where you’re headed?”
Again, Annie was curt, “Yes.”
“Just know that Jerald’s people are going to be out there looking for you.”
“It was me he wanted,” I said. “If I end up getting caught, then maybe he’ll stop hunting the rest of you.”
Laura scowled at me before saying, “Let’s not test that theory. Especially not when my daughter’s tagging along for the ride.”
“We won’t get caught,” said Annie.
“Give me one more night,” said Laura as if pleading with us. “Will you do that for me? Let me have Abe get your gear together, and leave tomorrow morning as long as it’s not snowing. I’ve got a bad feeling that winter’s not quite done with us yet.”
“If that’s what you
think’s best,” I said before Annie could respond. I knew that Annie had been hoping to leave this morning, and had already packed the gear we would take. I didn’t think it would hurt to wait another day, even though my new partner was anxious to set out.
Annie sighed, but relented. “Okay, we’ll leave in the morning.”
4 – Staying Behind
Billy Hendrix
I tried to stand, but fell right back down into my wheelchair.
“You can do it,” said Jill as she stood before me, her arm draped over her bulging belly. She insisted that she was only six or seven months pregnant, but she looked ready to pop to me. Of course, I’m no expert on pregnancy.
“I can’t,” I said, dejected as I fell back into my chair. “I fucking can’t, Jill.”
“Bullshit,” she said. “I saw you walking around earlier, when you and Abe were getting things together for Annie. If you can get up and walk around for him, then you can damn well do it for me.”
“That’s different.”
“Oh yeah?” she asked, more annoyed than intrigued. “And how’s it different?”
“I was helping get them ready for their trip, that’s work. That’s important.”
“And this isn’t? Am I just wasting my time here trying to get you healthy? Is that what I’m doing?”
“Jill, that’s not what I meant.”
“Sure it is,” she said as she crossed her arms and glared down at me. “That’s exactly what you meant. You don’t give a shit about what I’m trying to do for you.”
“Oh my God, Jill,” I said, weary of the argument that had just gotten started. “That’s not what I meant and you know it. For crying out loud, I thought one of the benefits of getting pregnant was that you got off the rag for a few months.”
She guffawed, and then shook her head. “You did not just say that to me. I will pick you up out of that chair and beat your pimply white ass for…”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I said with my hands raised. I chuckled and then leaned forward to grab her hands. “Come here, Jill. I’m sorry.”