by Louise Bay
“That’s an understandable concern though, isn’t it?”
“It is, but he’s so adamant that it’s going to happen. It might not. This could be good for Bethany. It could be good for him.” The more I thought about it, the more I thought that perhaps Gabriel was fighting the inevitable. “Apparently, she’ll get some kind of visitation, because she hasn’t been abusive and isn’t an addict or whatever. But Gabriel is fighting it so hard, and I wonder if . . .” I’d barely been able to let myself think about the reasons for Gabriel being angry. “He has such strong feelings; I can’t help but wonder if it’s covering up the fact that deep down, he wants her back. He wants his family back.” I wasn’t expecting it, but from somewhere, my eyes began to water. I had to swallow down sobs. “I can’t blame him.”
Hollie sat forward and grabbed my hand. “Autumn, are you in love with Gabriel?”
I shook my head. “I can’t allow myself to think about it. I’ll be off in a few weeks anyway. I’m going to lose him, whatever happens. It’s just . . . I think back to all those guys in Oregon that I used to date . . . They were just interim guys. I don’t mean that I didn’t like them, but they were for the moment. And Gabriel started off like that but now . . . Now I’m his interim girl. You know? The one he picks up as he’s passing through life from one serious relationship to another.”
Hollie squeezed my hand and I just tried to focus on not crying. God forbid, I stained this beautiful silk couch.
“And for once,” I continued. “I don’t think he was my interim guy, you know?”
Hollie’s face was full of sorrow. “I do know. It was what I was afraid of.”
“Usually, I can put a spin on things. Look to the positive. But now I’m in that house, with him, and I’m so happy.” My voice cracked and I took a breath. “I’m really, properly happy, Hollie. And I’ve been pretending to myself that it can go on like this. That I can be happy without having to spin anything for once in my life. That the present would last forever. And now I try to think of the positives of not living with Gabriel and Bethany. I try to think about how I’ll be better off when I go travelling and start a new job but when I do, I’m utterly miserable. There doesn’t seem to be a bright side without Gabriel.”
“You’ll find one,” Hollie said. “It’s what you do. You’ll find out how to make this work and how to move forward. I promise you.” She shifted closer and pulled me in for a hug, putting her chin on my head like she used to when I was a child. “In the meantime, we’re going to get out of here and I’m taking you day drinking.”
“Don’t be crazy. We need to pick your flowers.”
At that moment, the blonde lady was back.
“I’ve decided,” Hollie said, standing. “I want that one but with wisteria and cream roses.”
“As you wish,” she said.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “Is that even an option?”
“She’s sure,” the blonde lady said and gestured for the door. Apparently, we were leaving.
“I need you to do something for me,” Hollie said as we stepped out onto the sidewalk. She turned me to face her and put her arms on my shoulders. “I know I’ve spent our entire lives telling you to think about your future but now, I need you to focus on this moment. I want you to enjoy each day you spend with Gabriel and Bethany. I want you to take each new experience in London and squeeze everything you can from it. Forget about what might happen with Penelope or what Gabriel could be thinking. Stop worrying about what’s going to change when you start a new job or travel. Just enjoy. Just live. Just be.”
I exhaled as I thought about what she’d said. “Did you inhale too many flower fumes or something?”
“Maybe,” she said. “But it’s good advice all the same. Don’t ruin today thinking about tomorrow.” She linked her arm into mine and leaned into the road to hail a cab.
“Where are we going?” I asked as a taxi pulled over.
“We’re two American girls in London looking for a place to day drink. And we have a black Amex. We’re off to the American Bar at the Savoy, of course.” She ducked and climbed in. “They tell me there’s a slice of bright side with every cocktail.”
Thank God for my sister. She was always there to pick me up when I fell. And sometimes, like now, just as I was about to.
Thirty-One
Gabriel
That feeling I got the first time I laid eyes on Autumn—like my lungs had malfunctioned or my heart might need a nudge to restart—resurfaced every time she walked into a room. Even after four months of living together.
“You look so pretty, Autumn,” Bethany said.
“Beautiful,” I added as Autumn twirled around, the ruffles on her very short dress lifting as she moved.
“You promise to be good going to bed tonight,” Autumn said. She bent and kissed Bethany goodnight.
“And when I wake up, pancakes?” she asked.
“Pancakes for sure,” I replied.
“But Autumn will make them with blueberries.”
“Yes, I’ll make them,” Autumn replied, shooting me a glance that said Your daughter understands your lack of skill in the kitchen.
I gave the sitter my number again and headed out, taking Autumn’s hand as I did.
“She didn’t seem to mind,” Autumn said as we climbed in the cab. “That we were going out together.”
“Why would Bethany mind? She loves you.”
“I just wondered if she thought it was weird. What did you say when you told her?”
“I just said that you and I were going out to dinner.” Autumn and I had been careful not to show any obvious affection for each other when we were both with Bethany. We hadn’t had a conversation about it—it had just been an unspoken agreement. We never slept in each other’s bed. We never kissed each other good morning.
It was time that changed.
I wanted to take Autumn out to dinner—not to her sister’s house but dinner, just the two of us. I didn’t want to fuck her on the kitchen table anymore. I wanted her bent over a bed or naked in the shower. I still had a daughter I didn’t want to confuse. But I also had Autumn, who I wanted to spend time with. I slid my hand up her bare leg. “You’re stunning.”
“It’s a little short,” she said. “But I’ll take Hollie’s hand-me-down Balmain any chance I can get.”
“It’s gorgeous on you. You heard it from Bethany.”
“Then it must be true.” She sighed and tightened her grip on her bag.
“You nervous?” I asked.
“Not exactly. I just was worried how Bethany would be. And it’s a relief she’s not weird about it.”
“She was never going to be weird.”
She shrugged. “Anyway, where are we going?”
I put my hand on her thigh, pulling her closer to me. “The Savoy,” I said.
“Oh, I like it there. How weird is it that I’ve been to the Savoy before?” She shook her head. “I’m getting a little too used to the good life.”
“You deserve regular trips to fine hotels. You deserve everything good in life.”
She looked at me and tilted her head. “You’re wonderful.”
Her words filled me up. I hadn’t realized the size of the hole inside me until Autumn had come along. She’d filled it and I was overflowing. I wanted to lock in what we had now. Freeze time and spend the rest of my life like this, with Bethany and Autumn.
But tonight, I’d settle for the Savoy. I had an entire evening planned. And dinner was just one part of it.
When we pulled up, one of the doormen opened the cab and helped Autumn out.
“Mr. Chase,” one of the staff said as we entered the hotel. “Let me show you to your suite.”
“What’s this?” Autumn said. “I thought we were going to dinner.”
“We are,” I said as we headed to the lifts. “A private dinner.”
When we arrived on the top floor, the butler assigned to us opened the door to the royal suite and began to show us
around. There were various seating areas, a bedroom, a dining room, and a bar. The table had already been laid, ready for our meal.
“When would you like to eat, sir?” the butler asked as he opened the bottle of champagne on the bar.
“Give us thirty minutes,” Gabriel said.
“Make that an hour,” Autumn added. “I want to enjoy this view before we eat.” She looked directly at me, not taking in the London skyline at all.
I knew that feeling. As much as the city lights were beautiful, nothing matched watching Autumn.
The butler left and Autumn looped her hands around my neck. “You got this entire suite just for dinner?” she asked.
“Well not just dinner,” I said. “I just wanted to be with you. I love my daughter, but I wanted to have some time with you that wasn’t stolen or hidden or tucked away.”
That unintended pout of hers parted. “I like that idea.” She dropped her hands and stepped back. She reached under her dress and shifted her hips, pulling down her underwear. The black lace landed on the thick carpet and she stepped out of it, tilting her head before she said, “Wanna take in the view from the balcony?” She held out her hand.
Instantly I was straining in my trousers, desperate to be inside her.
I slid the balcony doors open and stepped toward the edge of the terrace. The wall separating us from the city was waist height, and I wrapped my arms around Autumn as we looked out onto the city. Impatiently, she ground her arse back into my crotch.
“Out here?” I asked. She turned around and looked me in the eye as she nodded. “You want me to fuck you in front of eight million people?”
She reached for my fly, but I turned her back around.
“Hands on the wall.”
She groaned, turned on by my words as she always was. “I know you’re so wet that my cock is going to slide so deep into you,” I whispered into her ear as I unzipped my trousers. “And I barely have to lift up this dress to get inside you. It’s so short. Is that what you were hoping?” I nudged at her entrance and she pushed back.
“So impatient for me.” I pushed her hips back a little and pressed her forward from the waist before sliding my hand onto her shoulder to keep her in place. I thrust in hard and deep. Wanting to give her what she wanted and wanting to have her as quickly as I could.
It wasn’t New Year’s Eve, but I swear fireworks burst into the sky at the perfect pressure of her pussy around me.
“Gabriel,” she cried out.
She was right. It was so good. So fucking amazing. Her heat, her breath, that scent of almonds was all exactly how it should be. I pulled out deliciously slowly, before thrusting up hard and fast. And again. And again. And again. Jesus, I wanted to do this forever. I wanted to fuck this woman until I was ninety and barely able to stand.
“All those people out there in the city. You think anyone can see us? You think anyone knows how wet you are? How my cock is driving into you over and over and over?” I wanted everyone to know. I wanted to take a full-page ad out in the Times. Write it in the sky for the entire city to see. I reached around to her clit and slid my fingers between her folds. Her legs buckled. This is how I loved Autumn—weak with need for me.
“I love fucking you,” I whispered into her ear. “I love making you tremble, making you weak, making you scream.” I loved being with her. Seeing her with Bethany. I loved sitting with her and talking. I loved . . .
“I love you fucking me too,” Autumn said breathlessly. She turned her head, looking up at me as if I were everything to her. And I wanted to give everything I had to her. She should have everything she ever wanted. And more.
I groaned, shoving deeper, clamping my hands over her hips to hold her still so I could get closer. She reached back, at nothing in particular—she wanted more. I grunted, trying to hold my orgasm off and give Autumn what she needed. I fucked harder, deeper, faster. On and on I drove into her, ignoring the clamoring of my climax rattling my bones, wanting to be let out. She froze as she reached the precipice and then began to shake as she fell over the edge, falling into my arms as she collapsed. I stilled and bent over and held her. We just stood there, London as our backdrop as our heavy breaths evened out.
I wasn’t ready for it to be over. I wanted her to know how I felt. I wanted her to know how I wished I’d met her before. Before I’d been married. I wanted to have shared our entire lives. I wanted her history. Since the instant sizzle of our first meeting, it had felt as if we were destined. As if resistance was futile, because she’d been made for me. And I existed just for her.
I straightened and she turned in my arms. I lifted a leg and pushed into her again. I started to fuck, just small, intense movements, claiming her in front of the entire city. In a weird kind of way, I hoped people could see. Everyone should know we were together.
“You’re so beautiful,” I said, slowing. “Gorgeous.”
She looked at me, her face turning serious for a second as she pushed her fingers into my hair. “So are you. Inside and out.”
She tipped her head back and I clamped my mouth down on her delicious skin, wanting to consume her. I trailed my teeth down to her collarbone and sucked and bit every exposed inch, like I needed to make up for the time we’d not been together. How had I lived without her for all the years that came before her? I wasn’t sure I could even remember my life clearly without her. Wasn’t sure what it was like before I had something to come home to at night when I’d missed my daughter’s bedtime.
She tightened around my cock as my teeth sank into her throat again. And I slipped my hands over her silk-covered breasts, squeezing her hard nipples. She shuddered against me and this time the pressure on my cock, the friction, the drag of her perfect heat was too much, and I exploded inside her with a groan.
I held her against my chest as we recovered our breath.
“Gabriel,” she sighed, her voice so soft it faded in the noise of the city. “My Gabriel.”
I was glad she knew it. I was hers.
Thirty-Two
Autumn
I pushed the dollhouse back to where it lived by the window. I’d pulled it out to the middle of Bethany’s bedroom for her to play with it more easily during Penelope’s visit. Directing everyone’s focus seemed like a good idea, since it helped avoid strained silences or Bethany getting whiny. So far, we’d dodged any awkward questions such as Why do you want to be my friend? and Why does Jade always sit back and never play? and Why do you always cry when you leave? Long may it continue. I’d have to remember to tell the new nanny when she arrived. She’d be here in less than two weeks.
“Is it time for lunch yet?” Bethany asked.
“Yes, let’s just tidy up from you and Penelope playing and then I can fix you something.”
The second visit had gone without a hitch. And Penelope had made Bethany laugh as she made up voices for the dolls that occupied the very grand house Bethany had stuffed full of furniture. Everyone was happy. Especially me. I swear the Savoy had put something in the water that made my soul float. Or maybe it was just being with Gabriel. Whatever it was, I’d been walking on cotton candy since the weekend. Even being forced to wear a turtleneck on a hot day to cover the marks Gabriel had left on my neck didn’t worry me. It was worth it to be reminded of Gabriel’s mouth on my skin.
The doorbell rang from downstairs.
“I’ll get it!” Bethany cried.
“I don’t think so,” I said. It would only be a courier delivering something, but Bethany wasn’t about to start answering the door at four years old, even if she could reach the locks standing on her step stool. “It might be those new pens I ordered yesterday,” I said. “If you want, we can draw your daddy a new picture for his office. They have glitter in them, and you know he’s sure to like that.” I held out my hand and we went downstairs to get the door.
“Glitter? He loves glitter.”
“Right?”
“Shall I draw his favorite dinner?” she asked, making me laug
h.
“That’s a good idea.”
“He really likes peas.”
Where did this kid come up with this stuff?
I opened the door and my heart dropped to my stomach when I came face-to-face with Penelope.
What was she doing back here? And where was Jade? I flicked through the possibilities in my mind. Was she going to force her way in and snatch Bethany? I’d persuaded Gabriel to ditch the security guard. Maybe that had been a mistake. I took a breath. Perhaps she’d just forgotten something?
“Sorry to disturb you,” she said, looking at Bethany. “Hi, Bethany.”
“Hi,” she replied and cocked her head. “Have you come to play again?”
Before Bethany could invite Penelope in, I interrupted. “Bethany, can you go and get your paper out for the pictures? I’ll be there in a second.” I put on my calmest voice and a fake smile. She’d know, but hopefully she wouldn’t cause a fuss. She shrugged and headed back down the hallway.
I turned back to Penelope. What could she possibly want?
“I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you making our play dates so relaxed,” she said.
“Okay,” I replied, bracing myself for the real reason she was here. She could have said that in front of Jade.
“Bethany is obviously well looked after by you. And it’s nice that she’s got someone to care for her until . . .” Something behind her eyes stopped her from finishing her sentence. “I’ve missed so much of her growing up,” she said. She clasped her hands together, her fingers jittering like she was either nervous or in rehab. “I’ve only realized how much I’ve missed since I started seeing her. I have so many questions. There’s so much I want to know about her.”
It was hard not to feel sorry for her. Bethany was a lovely child and three years was a lot to miss of anyone’s life, let alone someone as young as her daughter. “I understand,” I said.