Under the Stars

by Chelsey Nichole

  My eyes grew huge. I hadn’t told Colton that I got pregnant after the first time we had had sex.

  Dr. Evans left the room, leaving us alone.

  I didn’t have to turn my head upwards to know that Colton was just as shocked as I was, if not more.

  “You had a … You were pregnant.”

  It wasn’t a question and I didn’t answer. This was not the place to have this conversation. I grabbed my purse and headed out the door to the waiting room.

  “Don’t you walk away from me, Khloe Jean.”

  I ignored him as I continued walking.

  “You had my fucking child and kept that from me?” he yelled across the parking lot.

  I turned and our eyes connected. “I didn’t have your child, Colton. I miscarried at twenty-two weeks.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” The thunder off in the distant reminded me of the storms that were headed our way.

  “You never came back for me. When was I supposed to tell you?”

  “You could’ve written me, Khlo! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I would’ve been there for you, things would’ve been different.”

  “Come on, Colton, would I really have told you I was pregnant through a fuckin’ letter? And, I would never want you to be with me over a child, Colton. I want you to be with me because you love me. I was fifteen years old. I didn’t know what was going on or what I was supposed to do or not do. My foster parents told me if I had the child I couldn’t keep it and I thought it was better for everyone involved if I didn’t tell you.”

  Hurt and pity flashed through his eyes. “They couldn’t have made you give up your child … our child!”

  “I was fifteen, they could make me do whatever they wanted. But it doesn’t matter,” I said, turning around and getting in my car. “The baby never made it. It wasn’t supposed to happen.” I shut the door, letting the first of many tears slide down my cheek.

  I started my car and backed out of the parking spot. I looked in the rearview mirror to see Colton standing in the middle of the parking lot as it started to pour. The heavens above cried for us, reminding me that this was real. That even after ten plus years, I still mourned the death of our unborn child. He didn’t move as he watched my car drive off.

  JUNE WAS IN THE KITCHEN when I got back to her place, singing and cooking dinner. I walked past the kitchen and headed straight for my room. I needed to be alone to process all of this.

  I laid down in my bed, burying my face into my pillow as the tears fell easily. I wanted to be mad at June for telling him to begin with, but I was the only person I could be mad at. I had done this to myself.

  When I’d had the miscarriage at fifteen, I was so young, so confused. I remember crying for a week straight, not coming out of my room. After I had the miscarriage, my foster mom told me it was because I’d had sex before I was married and that was why the baby hadn’t made it.

  I’d hated myself. Hated what Colton and I had done, even regretted it. Did Colton deserve to know I had carried his child? Sure. But in my defense, he never came back. And I would never want him or any man to be with me because I was carrying his child. I took a long, deep breath. It was in the past; it was over. Nothing I could do now.

  “What the hell?” June asked, opening my door. “Oh my gosh, honey!” She walked over and sat next to me. “What is wrong with you?”

  I turned on my side and looked at her. “Everything. Everything is just going to shit.” I started crying again.

  “Okay, just breathe and tell me what’s wrong.”

  I took a deep breath. “I went to the doctor today to get my pregnancy confirmed, and Colton showed up because somebody told him.”

  “Khloe, he deserved to know. You can’t keep something like that from him.”

  “I wouldn’t have kept it from him forever, June.” I sat up. “Just enough to process it. While we were at the doctor’s office, she mentioned the miscarriage I’d had when I was fifteen.”

  June’s jaw hit the floor. “What?”

  “I got pregnant after Colton and I had sex for the first time, but I miscarried at twenty-two weeks,” I whispered.

  “And you didn’t tell him?”

  “And have him feel like he had to be with me?” I raised my voice, standing up.

  “You didn’t even give him a chance to decide. You did what you thought was best for him instead of letting him decide. Do you not understand it takes two people to create a child? Seriously, Khloe. You can’t keep shit like that to yourself. I don’t care what wrongs he made.”

  I sighed. Damn her. “Well, I was young. My foster mom told me I’d have to give the baby up for adoption, then after I miscarried, she told me it was because Colton and I had sex before marriage.”

  June shot up off the bed. “You have to be fucking kidding me. What a stupid bitch!” She started pacing the room.

  “Call her what you will, but I was young. I didn’t know any better. I was so depressed for weeks. I thought about writing Colton to tell him, but I tucked it away. I really didn’t want to tell him through a letter, and I didn’t want anyone else to know about it, because I thought I’d killed the baby—his baby. Our baby.”

  “I get that. But if you’re carrying someone’s child, that shit needs to be told. You can’t keep that to yourself, and you shouldn’t have to. Colton is a great guy and would make a good dad. Don’t deprive him of that because you aren’t sure how to feel about the subject.”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  “Khloe, I love you. And I’ll always support you and I’ll always be on your side, but you should know me well enough right now to know that I’m a straight shooter. I’m not going to bullshit you. I tell you like it is and I’ll tell you when you’ve messed up.”

  I laughed as I wiped the few tears away. God help if she wasn’t telling the truth.

  “But Khloe, you have royally fucked up! You ran Ben away for Colton, and now you’re running off Colton. If things are over with you and Ben and you want to be with Colton, then be with him. You deserve every good thing this shitty world has to offer. You used to think so highly of yourself, Khloe. I’m sick of running Colton off because you don’t want to see him. No more. Get your shit together and be happy.”

  I smiled. She was right. She was so freaking right!

  “Plus,” she put a hand on my belly, “I need a niece or nephew to spoil.”

  I laughed, putting my hand over hers on my stomach. “I love you.”

  “I know you do. You’d be in a shit storm if I weren’t here to clear it all out for you.” She pulled me into a hug. “Now get your butt out here for dinner and then,” she pulled me back, locking eyes with me, “you’ll call Colton and get all this figured out, then kiss and make up.”

  “Yes, Mom,” I teased.

  AFTER DINNER, I DECIDED to go for a run. I grabbed my phone and sent a quick text to Colton to meet me in the neighborhood park. I put my earbuds in and started my run. Katy Perry drowned out the night as my feet stomped into the pavement.

  I had butterflies in my stomach, hoping Colton would meet me. I needed to talk to him, to clear this up. June was right. I deserved to be happy, and Colton made me happy.

  I reached the spot where I’d asked him to meet me, but he wasn’t there. I sat down at the end of this cul-de-sac in the street. My lungs burned, but I welcomed the pain.

  I laid down, pulling one ear bud out as “All of Me” by John Legend came on. The rain clouds had cleared, giving way to a beautiful sky showing all the world’s stars. They were bright, twinkling like they were talking to me.

  “I still remember the first time I saw you looking at up the stars.”

  “Where’d you come from?” I asked, not looking up.

  “Rode the motorcycle.”

  I smiled. That was a turn on, I thought. “I heard one pull up, but I didn’t know you owned one,” I said, sitting up.

  “I sure do.”

  He walked over and laid down beside me. I la
id back down, our bodies close.

  “I looked out my window and there you were, lying on your roof and staring up into the sky. I kept wondering what you were looking at, why you were so attached to the night sky.” He laid down beside me, crossing his hands on his stomach.

  “It’s amazing. It’s calming,” I whispered.

  He grabbed my hand. “Khlo, I know that we’re going to have our problems, and I know we’re not perfect, but I also know I’d rather be imperfect with you than perfect with anyone else.” He turned his head to look at me. “When things go to shit, you can’t run. You can’t leave me. I’ve spent all this time without you, and I realize exactly what I’ve been missing, and I never want to miss it again.” He circled the pad of his thumb over my hand. “I missed you, Khlo. I missed us.”

  Beside me was the most beautiful man I had ever met. He had a heart of gold, and even though I’d pushed him to his breaking point, even though he left for twelve years, he showed back up and took my heart back just like he did so long ago.

  “Colton, this wasn’t supposed to happen like this,” I breathed. “I was supposed to get married to a guy who swept me off my feet, then be married for a couple of years before having a baby. I’ve done this all out of order, and I’ve completely screwed up.”

  “I know that, and I’m so sorry, Khlo. But now that you’re pregnant, we really don’t have a choice.”

  “I know,” I whispered as I turned my head to look back at the stars.

  “But I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay with you. We’ll make it work.”

  “Do you even want to get married, Colton? Do you even want children?” When we were younger, we always talked about running away together and eventually getting married, but that was twelve years ago. Did he even want the same things anymore?

  “I want whatever will keep me with you,” he said, bringing my hand up to his mouth, placing a gentle kiss on the outside of my hand. “As long as I’m with you and I’m taking the journey of life with you, I’ll adjust.”

  “But I want you to be happy, too.”

  His blue eyes were filled with happiness and hope. “I’ll always be happy with you, love.”

  I took a deep breath. I couldn’t push him away. What we had was special and I wasn’t going to deny it any longer. I deserved to be happy. I deserved to be happy with Colton.

  “Okay.”

  Colton grinned. “Okay? As in okay, you’ll work this out with me? As in okay, you’ll stop running when things go to shit? As in okay, you love me?”

  I sat up, crossing my legs and leaning back on my hands. He was amazing, and all mine. “Okay as in I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.”

  He quickly stood and pulled me up and into his arms, spinning me around until we were both laughing so hard. I loved his carefree spirit. I loved how he loved me.

  “I’ve been waiting so long to hear those words come out of that sexy mouth of yours,” he said as he bent down and crashed his mouth to mine.

  I gently massaged his head, feeling his short hair tickle the inside of my hands. My stomach started to do flips as his tongue slid into my mouth, dancing with mine. I swallowed his moans, which were primal and such a turn on.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered into his mouth between kisses.

  “Shh, baby. It’s all in the past,” he whispered back. He pulled back, sitting me on my feet and allowing me to regain control before releasing me. “Come home with me. Stay the night.”

  I couldn’t imagine being without him now. I nodded. “I need to get some clothes and my car for work tomorrow.”

  “And after work tomorrow, do you promise to spend the weekend in my bed … naked?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “There’s no other place I’d rather be, Colton.”

  “Good. I have an extra helmet. You up for it?”

  “Are you serious? I love motorcycles!”

  “Come on, sexy.” He smiled as he grabbed my hand and led me to his bike. It was a flat black sport bike with red wheels.

  “Honda CBR 1200. She’s my baby.” He wiped his hand across the gas tank. “You ready?”

  “More than ever,” I said as he handed me a helmet. I put it on and he helped me buckle it. He climbed on, and I swung my leg over the back.

  “Hold on tight, love,” he said as I crossed my hands around his lower stomach. I intertwined my hands together, resting them on the gas tank.

  The bike roared to life as he started it, revving it a few times before clicking the gear shift into first gear with his foot. I squeezed tighter around his waist as he pulled out of the neighborhood and onto the main road.

  This was really happening. After so many years, we were finally here, finally with each other. Getting pregnant wasn’t something I intended to do so early, but nevertheless he calmed my fears, assuring me that he was here for the long term. He’d promised he wouldn’t give up on me and I believed him.

  We whipped through traffic. It was late and there weren’t that many cars out on the roadway. I loved the feeling it gave me, like we were invincible and floating above everyone and everything. It wasn’t long before he pulled up to June’s house. The lights were still on and I swung a leg over as I got off.

  He shut off the bike, threw the kickstand down and hopped off, helping me take my helmet off. “Have fun?” he asked.

  “Oh, yes,” I said, grabbing my phone out of my back pocket. “You’ll have to take me out more often.”

  “Maybe. Gotta remember you’re now carrying precious cargo,” he said, looking down at my stomach.

  “Yeah, gotta get used to that.” I smiled. “Come on.” I grabbed his hand and walked to the front door.

  June was sitting on the couch with her glass of wine, watching TV. “Well, well, well. Look who the cat dragged in,” she said as she took a drink.

  “Very funny.” I let go of Colton’s hand. “I would introduce you two to each other, but that seems to have already happened.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m staying at Colton’s this weekend. Just getting a few things.” I walked back to my bedroom, grabbing a bag. I tossed clothes inside to get me through the weekend, even though I hoped I wouldn’t need many. I giggled to myself as I thought of our pending weekend.

  I grabbed my toiletries and headed back into the living room to find Colton and June chatting about football. “Shouldn’t have started that conversation, Colton.” They both paused and looked at me. “June will never shut up.” I laughed.

  “Whatever.” She laughed, taking another sip of her wine.

  “Are you ready?” Colton asked, his voice husky.

  “Sure am.”

  “See ya later, June.”

  “Be safe you two … even though it doesn’t even matter anymore!” she yelled quickly as I shut the door.

  We both laughed. “I’ll follow you,” I said as we walked to the driveway. I got in my car and waited for Colton to back out and start his bike. I backed out and followed him to his house across town. “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz started to play on the radio and I turned it up, losing myself in the lyrics.

  We pulled up to a huge, mansion stucco style house that set about two blocks from the ocean. His house had giant windows lining the house. The driveway was long as it led around to the back of the house. I parked by his bike, unable to take my eyes off of his house. I turned off my car, grabbed my bags and stepped out.

  “Colton…”

  He took off his helmet and looked at me. “You act like you’ve never seen a house.”

  “You have such a nice looking house,” I locked my car and followed him to the front door.

  He smiled as he unlocked the front door. “You’ve only seen the outside.”

  He opened the door and I gasped. I walked into the foyer which had marble flooring. It was beautifully decorated. We started walking as he took me on a tour of the house. Modern pieces lined the house. A staircase led up to a catwalk that overlooked the living room. The west wing had a kitchen w
ith all up to date appliances, and a dining room with a huge mahogany table. The east wing had an expansive library and an office. Out back, a large in-ground pool and hot tub invited you to swim.

  “The pool’s heated as well,” Colton said, winking as he finished the downstairs tour.

  He pulled my hand back, leading us inside and upstairs. Each bedroom had their own bathroom with huge, walk-in closets. There was also a theater room with a very large screen and black recliners to relax. After that, he walked me into his bedroom. A giant four poster bed was in the middle of the room with a black bedspread. He had a matching dresser and a desk with an iMac on top of it.

  “Your house,” I breathed, unable to form any additional words.

  “Pretty amazing?” he asked, setting my stuff down. “Sleep in here?”

  I nodded, walking to the en-suite bathroom. The bathroom had marble floors and countertops which made it that much more beautiful. In the middle of the bathroom was a jacuzzi tub that could easily fit three to four people inside. I opened the glass door to the walk in shower. It had a large sprayer at the top and four sprayers perfectly lined around the shower. I wanted to test the bathtub and shower out now.

  Colton walked up behind me, snaking his arms around my waist, kissing my neck.

  “This is … beautiful,” I said, knowing that didn’t even come close to how truly amazing this was.

  “The house is so much better with you here.” He said between kisses. “Bath?”

  “I thought you’d never ask.” I turned, kissing him on the lips.

  He smiled as he unhooked his arms and walked over to the bath, turning it on.

  “Towels are over there,” he said, pointing to a door next to the shower. I opened it and grabbed two towels and a washcloth before walking back over to him and setting them down on the step by the tub.

  I peeled my clothes off and stepped inside. Colton grabbed a remote off the countertop, pressing a button and sitting it back down. “Let Her Go” by Passengers started playing through invisible speakers in the room. I smiled, sinking a little further into the water. I loved this song.