All In

by Simona Ahrnstedt

  Meeting the two legitimate daughters had actually been unexpectedly pain-free.

  She smiled. “Your half sisters?”

  “Exactly.”

  “How were they?”

  “Sweet. They laughed a lot. They’re a lot like Carolina. She is thrilled, by the way.”

  Natalia watched him. “That sounds nice,” she said, and something glistened at the corners of her eyes. He identified it quickly. Natalia was moved. He hoped that was good.

  “Apparently we own a castle in Skåne—my family does, I mean,” he said.

  She laughed. “I can just picture you as lord of the manor.”

  “You can?” he asked skeptically. Personally he had a hard time seeing himself as someone who lived in a castle. He wasn’t even sure he liked the outdoors.

  But Natalia nodded, and he thought that for the sake of this woman he could learn to like grass and animals and woods. If it made her happy, he would do it, because that was all he wanted—for Natalia to be happy.

  Of course, he’d bailed out Gyllgarn for her, the yellow castle she loved as if it were a person. Regardless of what happened between them, she would get it back. It was owned by a trust now, and there were some practical details left to work out, but essentially Natalia would get to decide about everything that pertained to Gyllgarn. He was lucky he’d been able to arrange it, he thought. Otherwise he would have been forced to stage yet another takeover.

  “I was thinking . . . ,” he began, approaching his goal.

  “Yes?” Her voice was calm, cool. She was a businesswoman who was used to tough negotiations, an intrepid talent who got back up, over and over again. He couldn’t afford any mistakes if he was going to win her.

  “If you don’t want me here because of who I am, because of what I’ve done, then I’ll respect that,” he said.

  Her hands were completely still on her knee. She glanced down at them, and her dark eyelashes fluttered. She was immobile, and David’s brain reminded him over and over again: Don’t lose her, whatever you do.

  For a bit he’d thought he had a chance. She’d seemed happy and a little breathless, but now she seemed less open. He kept going, his heart pounding like a sledgehammer against the inside of his ribs. This was the hardest thing he’d ever done. It felt as if there wouldn’t be any more chances besides this one, and he had so desperately little to offer.

  “I can’t undo anything,” he said quietly. “And maybe I’ve already messed everything up.” He put his hand on the table where hers had just been.

  “I want to apologize,” he said. “For everything I’ve done to you, for tricking you, for saying things, for doing things—to you and to your family.”

  “Thanks,” she said, but he couldn’t read from that short word how she was feeling.

  “I can’t take back anything I’ve said or done,” he continued. “And a lot of what we experienced together, I would never want to take back. The time I spent with you, Natalia . . .” Here he had to stop and breathe.

  She glanced up at him.

  “When we saw each other that first time . . . I can’t explain it, but I’ve never felt the way I felt about you with anyone else. I know I behaved badly. I know that, but you have to believe me when I say that I never intended to hurt you. And what we shared—that wasn’t part of some plan on my part, quite the opposite. It was the most authentic, genuine thing I’ve ever been part of.”

  Her eyelashes fluttered again.

  “I don’t know what to think,” she said. “You have a dangerous reputation.”

  “I know. Some of it’s true, of course. But I’ve never intentionally hurt someone—it’s all just been business.”

  “All of it?”

  “Yes, even Investum. In the end it was just business.”

  “But the other people?”

  “I actively sought them out and took revenge on them for messing with my family,” he said. “But just by beating them at business deals, not through violence, not through humiliation. I can’t take back what I’ve done, but I accept responsibility for it.”

  “My dad said you slept with someone’s wife, and I read that you tore down someone’s house. That sounds awfully personal, not like something that was just business.”

  “I agree, but it’s not true either. I wound up in bed with a divorced woman, and I let that worm-eaten house be torn down. I’m not a saint, but I’m not some revenge-crazed demon, either.”

  “Not anymore, you mean,” she said.

  He shook his head. “Not ever,” he said, and that was the truth. He’d acted with a heavy hand, bordering on ruthless, but he’d never crossed the line. He’d never been so thankful for that as he was now. He planned never to lie to Natalia again; he’d made himself that promise.

  “I don’t know how you feel about me,” he continued. “But I want you to know something. I need to say this.”

  She glanced up at him and said, “What?”

  “I love you,” he said.

  She swallowed. “You do?” she whispered.

  “Yes,” he replied, simply.

  Her hands didn’t move, but at least she was still sitting in the chair.

  “But you hate my family,” she said.

  And David felt triumph within.

  Natalia was raising obstacles. That was good. He was used to overcoming obstacles. That was his area of expertise.

  “I’m tired of hating,” he said. “You were right all along. Revenge fossilizes you. I don’t want to fossilize. I love you,” he said again. There shouldn’t be any doubt whatsoever that he really meant it.

  “But it would never work,” she said. “I want to be able to see my mother, my brothers. How do you think that . . .”

  “I would never stop you from seeing your family. I would drive you there. And I would sit and smile and chat and be however polite you wanted. Or I could wait in the car. I would do whatever you wanted.”

  He raised his hand, placed it on top of hers. They sat that way for a little while before she cautiously turned her hand so they were palm to palm. He squeezed her hand gently, trying to convey through hand pressure and skin contact just how much she meant to him, just how hard he would try not to hurt her again. “I know how important your family is to you,” he said.

  “I don’t know,” she said hesitantly.

  She had doubts, but she hadn’t said no.

  He leaned forward, took hold of her other hand as well, and pulled both to him. “What don’t you know?” he asked softly. “Tell me. Give me a chance to earn your trust.”

  She looked him right in the eyes. She was so close that David could see those golden flecks in her irises. If she just leaned forward a tiny bit, he could kiss her.

  “I’m pregnant,” she said steadily, her voice not trembling in the least.

  David stopped.

  Well, he hadn’t seen that ball coming.

  “I’m sorry?”

  Natalia pulled her hands back and placed them on her knee again.

  “I’m pregnant,” she said calmly and added, as if there could be any misunderstanding, “with your child.”

  David blinked, slightly dazed.

  “How far along are you?” he finally asked. He didn’t actually have any idea about weeks and all that business, but the question seemed as good as any.

  “Eight weeks. And I’m planning to keep it,” she said, belligerence coloring her voice, giving it strength and resonance.

  Something started to come loose and break apart inside David, and he knew it would just keep going.

  This was what he’d seen, this strength. Natalia was going to be a magnificent mother.

  “But you said you couldn’t get pregnant,” he reminded her.

  “Yes,” she said slowly. “But apparently nature is unreliable in this regard.” She tilted her head slightly. “How do you feel? Are you mad?”

  Mad? David didn’t really know how to describe the feelings that welled up inside him, but mad didn’t come close.
<
br />   “You should have told me sooner,” he said. “I should have known. And you shouldn’t have had to be alone with this.”

  She smiled wanly.

  And he knew. There was a now for them, and there would be a later. There was a later for him and Natalia, and that meant he could lift mountains if he wanted to.

  Something spread through his body.

  A feeling he hadn’t known he could feel.

  Happiness.

  “I want to have kids,” Natalia said, as if to remove any potential doubt about what she wanted. But David had no doubt.

  He smiled. “Obviously this matter is already settled,” he said and decisively took her hand again. He squeezed it, and this time she squeezed back.

  “I very much want to have this child,” he said.

  “Okay,” she said. Her voice was a little dopey-sounding, as if she was having trouble catching up. He decided to take advantage of that.

  “Was there anything else?” he asked.

  “Huh?” She looked at him, confused, and squeezed his hand, hard. Her eyes were enormous.

  “Is there anything else stopping us?” he asked.

  “Stopping us?”

  “From becoming a couple.”

  She looked at him with that look that always found its way inside him, and David didn’t dare breathe.

  Natalia didn’t say anything. She furrowed her brow and looked away.

  “Natalia?”

  “Yes?”

  “Do you love me?”

  She looked back at him again.

  “Yes,” she said simply. “I love you.”

  David exhaled an enormous breath. He felt himself dissolving into a smile, a joyous grin that spread across his whole face and might never go away.

  Natalia loved him—thank goodness. He squeezed her hand and planned not to ever let it go.

  She sniffled. “And now I think I’m probably going to start crying,” she continued. “I hardly ever used to cry, before, but now I do it all the time. Hormones, you know.”

  “Okay,” David said, his voice trembling a little.

  “Yes,” she said, her voice not trembling at all.

  He lifted her hand and kissed it for a long time. Natalia put a hand on his cheek, and he breathed in the scent of her. There wasn’t anyone else, just the two of them. He leaned over and her lips met his. It was a new kiss, a for-real kiss about serious things and the future.

  And everything was perfect.

  65

  Wednesday, September 10

  “Hi, sorry you had to wait, but I’ll see you now. Come on in.”

  Natalia stood up, straightened her purse over her shoulder, and followed the assistant into a brightly colored office. She’d never been here before, but she recognized the room number from several magazine articles. Its occupant often posed for photos here.

  Meg Sandberg, with her bright-red hair and purple jacket, smiled and shook her hand. “I’m glad you could come. Are you done considering?”

  Natalia nodded.

  “And?”

  “I’m very flattered by your offer. I have tremendous faith in my abilities, but what made up my mind is that I’d have you as a mentor.” Natalia smiled at Meg and added, “I’ve always admired you.”

  “I’m so pleased. You should know that you were my first choice for this position.”

  “Yes, so I heard.”

  “When the headhunters said you were interested, there was no one else I wanted.”

  “Yes, you made an offer very quickly,” Natalia said.

  “Working for me is going to be different from working for J-O or for Gustaf.”

  “I know.”

  “Well then, welcome aboard.”

  And so it was decided. Natalia had a new job.

  She was the new major accounts manager at Nordbank, one of the two largest banks in Sweden. Without asking anyone for advice, without hesitating, and without knowing whether she might be suffering from delusions of grandeur, she’d accepted this unbelievably prestigious, demanding position. Because it was a really high-level job, she thought, as Meg shook her hand again and smiled at her with those bright-red lips. A significant step up, considering how young she still was. Not to mention that she’d be part of the bank’s managerial team, responsible for almost a fifth of the bank’s earnings, with fifteen hundred employees reporting to her, and would answer directly to this fantastic boss, managing director Meg Sandberg. Basically, it was a job a lot of people would kill for.

  “I’m looking forward to an inspiring collaboration,” Meg said.

  “Same here.”

  “Then I’ll see you in two weeks. What will you be doing in the meantime?” Meg asked as she walked Natalia to the door.

  Natalia smiled. “I’m getting married.” She glanced at her watch. “In just a few hours, actually.”

  Later that same day Natalia stepped out of the shower, dried herself, and rubbed on lotion before pulling on her new French underwear. She carefully undid the cotton fabric that the hairdresser had wrapped around her head to protect her freshly styled hair.

  “Do you want to see it?” she asked Åsa, who was sipping champagne and lounging in an armchair. Åsa had already changed, and she looked even more stunning than usual, in a knee-length Elie Saab dress in cool colors. Lebanese things suited Åsa, Natalia thought to herself, in more ways than one. They’d spent the last few hours getting their hair and makeup done before returning to the suite David had reserved for her, the finest suite the Grand Hôtel had, complete with complimentary champagne, a Jacuzzi, and a 360-degree view of Stockholm.

  Natalia carefully opened the protective cover that surrounded her wedding dress. She held the dress up so Åsa could admire the craftsmanship.

  “It’s amazing,” Åsa said breathlessly and without any hint of sarcasm.

  “Like a dream,” Natalia agreed.

  The lines were clean and timeless. The dressmaker’s studio had worked hard to get it ready in just four weeks. Small covered buttons, details in the finest Solstiss lace, and a masterful cut made it a world-class work of art.

  “Any princess in the world would want to wear that,” Åsa said. “And the shoes,” she continued, staring covetously at the accompanying shoebox. “Lord almighty, those would be exactly my size if I cut off a couple toes.” She moaned at the slender, high-heeled creations. “I’m dying of jealousy.”

  Natalia hung the dress up on a hanger over a door frame.

  Åsa refilled her champagne while Natalia stood in front of a mirror and started touching up her lip gloss.

  Suddenly they were enveloped in silence.

  “I’m doing the right thing, aren’t I?” Natalia asked. She bit her lower lip. She hadn’t planned to say anything, but now the words were out there.

  Åsa sat up. “What?”

  Natalia stared into the mirror, and her own serious face stared back. Was she doing the right thing? It had happened so fast. David absolutely wanted to get married before the baby came, and given his sensitive history, she understood. And she was vain enough that she preferred to get married before she was a blimp, so it was going to happen like this: the wedding at the Grand Hôtel with just their closest friends present, dinner, and then a brief honeymoon. She and David were flying to Nice tomorrow. They would rent a car and then spend ten days in the French Riviera. Maybe it was cheesy, but she’d always dreamed of doing that, and September was the perfect time. But she and David had only known each other for two and a half months. What if she was making the mistake of her life?

  “Now you get wedding jitters!” Åsa said, sipping champagne. “Whatever happened to ‘Åsa, I’ve never been so sure about anything in my entire life’? Because that’s all you’ve been saying the last few weeks.” She leaned back again, and the pale colors in her dress shimmered in the autumn sun. “Although I’m glad you’re having a little bit of cold feet. Marriage is actually a ghastly idea. I’m certainly never going to get married.”

  “Don’
t say that,” Natalia said, stopping, her hand in midair. “Not now. You’re against marriage? Am I making a mistake? Åsa?” She wondered if she were experiencing some sort of hysteria.

  “Probably. But you learn from your mistakes. Or so I hear.”

  “Ugh, I can’t focus,” Natalia said, going back to studying herself somberly in the mirror. She fluffed up her hair and straightened her new underwear before putting on the dress. “You’re not much support.”

  “I know, but I love you,” said Åsa, getting up. “And I really want what’s best for you,” she continued, holding up the dress while Natalia carefully stepped into it. It was a short dress that came down to her knees, simple lines, but still very definitely a wedding dress.

  “But?”

  “No buts. This is what’s best, that’s what I mean. It doesn’t get any better than this.” Åsa started buttoning the small buttons down Natalia’s spine. “I’ve never seen two people love and respect each other as much as you two do.” Åsa wobbled a little, and Natalia heard fabric stretched dangerously tight.

  “Are you drunk?”

  “A little. Now stand still.”

  Natalia stood still while Åsa buttoned the tiny buttons, muttering to herself.

  “My mom hasn’t answered any of my messages,” Natalia said over her shoulder as Åsa concentrated on the last button. “She’s not coming.”

  “That’s really sad.”

  Natalia nodded. It stung.

  “And I assume there hasn’t been any word about your biological father?”

  “No.”

  She was going to have to deal with that, Natalia thought, but there were so many things changing right now, she could hardly keep up.

  “I got the job,” she said instead, turning to look in the mirror and playing a little bit with a loose strand of hair.

  Åsa sank back down into the armchair again. She filled her glass and raised it as if for a toast. At this rate Natalia’s maid of honor was going to be soused.

  “Congratulations,” Åsa said. “At least a dozen men are going to be seriously pissed off that you got that specific job. I love it when you outdo those finance boys. You’re a real role model.”