The Way of Women

by Lauraine Snelling

  Sometime later, when he could move, he raised his head. “And so I began drinking.”

  “To forget.”

  “What else could I do? They wouldn’t let me kill him.”

  The mountain sighed in the knowledge that her travail had ended. Come see, come see, there is green sprouting through the ashes. My friends come seeking, nibbling at my seeds and sprouts that are washed clean by heaven’s water. I will live by the bounty of the Creator’s hands. Days passed and the sun shone through the haze of ash clouds fading thinner and thinner like worn cloth. Her grieving would continue, but seeds of hope pressed through the surface.

  JUNE 30, 1980

  How is she?” Jenn asked as Katheryn and Mellie came through the kitchen door.

  “I think stronger.” Mellie hugged her Bible to her chest, her favorite reading matter ever since she started at Genesis and was reading all the way through for the first time in her life.

  “Dr. Thomas said we might be through the worst. If only we can keep her from contracting any illness.” Katheryn set her purse on the counter and sighed. “My stomach aches in sympathy pains for all her throwing up.”

  Mellie leaned against the counter. “I heard one of the nurses say seventy days of vomiting is not unusual.”

  “Mr. Johnson called, just to check up on her. Wondered if she’d gotten his cards. I told him they had to be decontaminated first.” Jenn set her mug in the sink. “I’ll be on my way, then. Oh, Katheryn, I bought groceries. Stuff’s in the fridge and …”

  Mellie looked from one to another, sensing the change in the air. She followed Katheryn’s glance. The cup left in the sink. Katheryn moved to put it in the dishwasher, but Jenn beat her to it. Katheryn had a thing against anything left in the sink.

  Or anywhere else, for that matter.

  Sharing a house with two women was indeed a different lifestyle for her. She bent down and petted Lucky. “You are such a good dog.” Perhaps when they got to go home again, she should get a dog for Lissa. If Kitty would let one in the door. Harv had always wanted a dog.

  “ ’Night, you two. At least I think it’s night. Thank you both for all you do.”

  “ ’Night. I’m outta here.” Jenn picked up her canvas tote. “Call me if you need anything.”

  Mellie stopped long enough to watch her head out the door. Jenn, always smiling. Katheryn, now, that was a different story. Little things seemed to bother her more and more. Of course, it wasn’t easy having permanent houseguests. She’d be moving into that apartment by the cancer center in another week. Along with Lissa. They had to stay there for a hundred days for Lissa to be closely monitored. Would they all have to wear the gowns and stuff? She’d not thought to ask that yet.

  She looked at the message Jenn had left on her dresser. “Call the insurance company. Ms. Fairchild at extension 301.” She included the phone number. It was too late to call now, one more thing to do at the hospital. She and the phone booth in the lobby were getting to be close friends.

  Perhaps in the morning she could ask Katheryn if she could help with the weeding, or perhaps she should just go out and do some. If she could wake up early enough.

  Sometimes, while Lissa slept, she did too, in the chair by the bed.

  Just before she fell asleep, she heard a man’s voice downstairs. Kevin must have come by again. Good, that meant that Katheryn might be in a better mood in the morning.

  “Lord, if there is any way I can help her, will You please let me know? She is doing so much for me, and I don’t want to be a burden.”

  One good thing about being in Katheryn’s house rather than at home, there were no memories of Harv here. She couldn’t go sniff his clothes in the closet or his aftershave, she didn’t see his tools in the garage, nor could she reach across the bed to where he always slept.

  Sometimes she dreamed that this had all been a dream. But when she woke, she was alone.

  The next afternoon she walked into the hospital gift shop for a candy bar and saw friendship mugs on the display. One said, “Friends forever,” another, “Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookies of life,” and, “A best friend is a sister you choose.” She picked out two of the sisters kind.

  “Could you gift-wrap these for me?” Never had she done such a thing. To walk in to a store, see something she liked for someone else, and just buy it. Without it being a birthday or Christmas gift.

  She had the gaily wrapped boxes in a bag on her arm and was out the door when guilt leaped out from behind the post and grabbed her by the throat. She couldn’t breathe.

  No! I am not afraid. I can buy something if I want. It is not wrong. She felt her breathing calm, her heart settle back down.

  Next stop, the friendly telephone. When she hung up again, she stared at the wall. The insurance company would be sending her a check for five hundred thousand dollars, to arrive tomorrow. She’d given them Katheryn’s address. She would have to be there to sign for it. Five hundred thousand dollars. She’d never heard of having so much money at one time. Now I can pay Mr. Johnson back. The thought buoyed her steps as she ate the candy bar on the way up to the floor.

  “Hi, Mommy.”

  “Hi, baby.” She sat down in the chair and put her hands up against the plastic. Lissa did the same so they were palm to palm.

  “Need to snuggle.”

  “Me too. Just think, next week we’ll be together again.”

  “At home with Kitty.”

  “No, right near here.” That was another thing she needed to do, find out what kinds of things she could bring there, which of Lissa’s toys, her blanket, clothes. Did everything have to be sterilized first?

  “I’m hungry.”

  “That’s good to hear. I’ll call for something.”

  “Ice cream?”

  “How about a Popsicle?

  “ ’Kay.” Lissa sat cross-legged in the middle of her bed. For a change a bit of pink tinged her cheekbones. Her bald little head made bathing her easy, since they didn’t have to wash hair. The chemo took care of that. Mellie looked closely.

  “Hey, guess what? Your hair is growing back. You’ve got peach fuzz, no, longer than that.”

  Lissa scraped her hand over her head. “I don’t feel anything.”

  “Go like this.” Mellie held her hand about a quarter of an inch above her skin and moved back and forth.

  Lissa did so, and both she and her mother giggled.

  Never had Mellie heard a more delightful sound.

  When she saw Jenn and Katheryn, she burst out her news. “Lissa was laughing today, and her hair is growing back.” She paused. “And …!”

  “And what?” Katheryn and Jenn spoke at the same time.

  “And that call from the insurance company—the check for five hundred thousand dollars will come here tomorrow. I have to be here to sign for it.”

  First Katheryn, then Jenn hugged her, and then the three of them hugged together.

  “Group hug, group hug.” Jenn squeezed tighter. “I haven’t had a group hug since … since I don’t know when.”

  “Ah, Mellie, she is doing great.” Katheryn stepped back. “What a miracle. All this good news on one day.”

  “Oh, I have something for each of you.” Mellie dug the boxes out of her bag and handed them to her friends. She watched with delight as they each opened their box and pulled the tissue paper back to read the saying.

  “I never had sisters, but if I did, I’d want them to be like you two. Lissa and I, we can never say thank-you enough.”

  “You don’t have to. Our friendship is something special.” Jenn held up her mug and touched it to Katheryn’s. “Cheers to friendship, long and true.”

  “Thank you, Mellie.” Katheryn kissed Mellie on the cheek.

  “Yes, thank you. I gotta be off. Our girl awaits.”

  Our girl. Mellie hugged the words close. Harv used to say “my girls.” Harv, if you are watching, thank you. I’ll do my best.

  JULY 1, 1980

  What can
I get you to drink, sir?”

  “Coke, please.” Frank smiled up at the flight attendant. Attractive, nice eyes.

  She handed him a packet of peanuts, along with a cocktail napkin, then set the plastic glass on the napkin.

  He stared at the glass. First time he’d had a soda onboard in many a year. He opened the nuts and munched them one at time.

  You should have called, told her you were coming. I want to surprise her. Oh, you will. Are you sure this is the best course?

  Second-guessing, a bad habit and one he usually overcame. Now he had too much time on his hands. A five-hour flight to JFK and then a long ride into New York City. All he had was an address.

  What if she is out? I’ll wait. He handed the plastic back to the attendant and flipped his tray back up. He had work to do, right there in his briefcase at his feet. Work that would take his mind off the meeting ahead. Instead, he tipped his seat back and let his mind roam back through the years.

  He’d taken her for granted. Any fool could see that. But she’d been only a kid. He’d never thought of her as more than a friend.

  Until she showed up at the mountain. Talk about a punch right to the solar plexus. Seeing her turned the sunshine on, sun that he hadn’t seen for a long time.

  He fast-forwarded past the scene at Barney’s. That one he’d replayed far too often. So, what was keeping her in New York? He’d have sworn she planned to stay in Washington, right near home, in fact. Never once had she mentioned her life in New York, at least not with any longing. If she considered the Big Apple her home, she’d done an Oscar-quality acting job.

  She’d said she loved him. Like a brother? He shook his head. Not with the sparks that flew between them. Nearly burned him a couple of times.

  What to say when he got there? Jenn, I’m sorry. I’ve gone through rehab and turned my life around. You don’t have to worry about me getting drunk ever again. Could he say never taking a drink again? Yes. I can.

  He landed at JFK and lifted his carry-on out of the bin. Two pieces of luggage but a lot of baggage, much of which he’d been dealing with in the last weeks.

  He caught a cab into the city and gave her address. Sometime later, they drew up in front of a glass-and-brass building with a canopy clear to the street.

  “Thanks.” He added a tip and stepped out onto the sidewalk. If this was the place, she’d been doing right well for a skinny little girl from Longview, Washington.

  A man in a navy coat that reached mid thigh and gold-trimmed epaulets on his shoulders greeted him.

  “May I help you, sir?”

  “I’m here to see Ms. Stockton.”

  “I’m sorry, sir, she’s not here.”

  “I’ll wait.”

  “No, I mean she has moved.”

  “Do you have a forwarding address?”

  “No sir.”

  And if you did, you’d not tell me either. That’s the kind of protection you are paid to give. “No phone number, no nothing?”

  “Correct, sir. The moving van took her things three days ago.”

  “I see.” Frank thought a long moment. There was nothing else in New York he wanted to see. “Can you call me a cab, please?”

  “Certainly, sir, and I’m sorry. Are you an old friend?”

  “Yes. Since childhood.” And tonight I’m feeling very old.

  The man blew a whistle and a Yellow Cab pulled up to the curb.

  “To the airport,” Frank ordered as he settled in the backseat. How soon would it be before he could be back on a plane, flying the only direction that counted. West. Toward home.

  Several hours later the flight attendant stopped beside him. “What can I get you to drink, sir?”

  “Bourbon and water.”

  Another bag of peanuts, another napkin, but this time a glass of ice and water and a small bottle of Jim Beam. The label gleamed in the spotlight over his seat. He broke the seal with a twist of the wrist and poured the amber liquid into the glass. It swirled and spread as he shook out the last drop.

  Ignoring the voice clamoring and screaming in his head, he lifted the glass and inhaled. Ahh. Setting it down again, he moved it in circles on his tray table. The liquids had melded now, the ice cubes knocked against each other, companionably, inviting him to toss one back.

  He stared at the drink. She wasn’t there. Surely one drink would not matter. He’d find her. She was worth the wait.

  “Here, miss.” He handed her the untouched drink and let his seat back. Thanks seemed too small a word, but he sent it heavenward anyway.

  “She went to Seattle? Whatever for?”

  “Lissa, the daughter of the woman she met here, is in a cancer treatment program up there. Jenn went up to help.”

  “When is she coming home?”

  Clare shrugged. “Not sure she is.”

  “Well, I’ll be. Here I fly clear to New York, and she’s not a hundred miles away. You got an address for her?”

  “You sure she wants to see you?”

  “I got to take that chance, don’t I?”

  Clare touched his arm. “Good luck, Frank McKenzie. I’ll be looking for some good news when you come home.”

  “You’d better say a prayer or two. She was mighty upset last time I saw her.”

  “Frank, I spent most of my life praying for her and you, too, more than you know. Congratulations on your new direction. God bless you, boy, God bless you.”

  “Yeah.” He waved the paper with the address. “Thanks. In Seattle, well, I’ll be.”

  Is it too much to ask you to put your dishes in the dishwasher?” Both fists glued to her hips, Katheryn glared at Jenn.

  “Sorry, I’ll take care of it.”

  “Never mind, I will.” Katheryn’s nostrils flared. She took the mug, David’s favorite, one she’d not used since—She stared at the mug in her hands. The stupid cup, he’d never put it in the dishwasher in all the years since Susan gave it to him. WORLD’S GREATEST DAD and a fishing pole. A fishing pole. They’d gone fishing, for crying out loud. Traded their lives for a few stupid fish and the vain hope of healing. Katheryn choked on the fury burning her insides.

  “Why couldn’t he have taken the Valium?” Like the mountain herself, Katheryn could no longer hold the flow within. Grief mushroomed, dragging out the rocks of despair, melting the walls of ice she’d built to protect her heart.

  “Who?” Jenn stood beside her.

  “David, dragging Brian up there, going to see The Lady.” She rounded on Jenn, as if to attack. “The Lady who killed my husband and my son. Why couldn’t he have gone to Mount Rainier? Stayed home? I tried to get him to stay home, but he wouldn’t listen. And now they are gone, and I’m all alone.”

  Mellie took the cup from Katheryn’s shaking fingers and set it carefully in the dishwasher.

  “I want them to come back. Please, God, if You love me, let them come home.” Katheryn slid down the cupboard door and huddled against the cold wood. “There could be a mistake, let them come home.” She covered her face with her hands, but Jenn knelt beside her, taking Katheryn’s hands, warming them with her own.

  Joining them on the floor, Mellie put an arm around Katheryn, and like a child seeking its mother, Katheryn burrowed into Mellie’s shoulder.

  With the three of them locked in one another’s arms, Jenn and Mellie rocked the woman between them as she wept deep, tearing sobs that shook them all.

  Nothing could be said, only arms that comforted, hands that soothed, and hearts that cared. Tears poured down their faces. Jenn rose and fetched a box of tissue, handing Katheryn a handful.

  Much later when the storm passed, Katheryn asked, “How am I going to live with never knowing for sure?”

  “You will. And perhaps they will find something to tell you.” Jenn handed Mellie the box of tissue.

  “And if they don’t?” Katheryn sat up, still propped against the cabinet. With bent knees and feet flat on the floor, she stared down at the kitchen tiles.

  “In the mi
litary they call it MIA, missing in action.” Jenn assumed the same position as Katheryn. “I should know—it was three years before they found my brother’s grave.”

  “Vietnam War?”

  “Uh-huh. Thought it might kill my dad, too.”

  “Thanks, you two. Sorry I was being such a snip.”

  “Oh, is that what you call it?” Jenn tipped her head back. “I had a better word.”

  “Rhymes with witch?”

  “Something like that.”

  Mellie sat cross-legged in front of them, elbows propped on her jean-clad knees. “I’m glad you let us be with you. I mean, you have helped me …” She shook her head. “I can’t begin to count all you’ve done for me.”

  “That’s different. I like helping people.”

  “Right, but when the shoe is on the other foot …?”

  “I know. Katheryn the capable. My mother’s favorite saying, ‘Don’t ever let them see you cry.’ ”

  “Things any better with her?”

  “Give me a break. My mother wrote the book on difficult.” Katheryn pushed herself to her feet. “Anyone for a cup of tea, and then I have to get Mellie back to the center.”

  “After all, tomorrow is the day.”

  “The big day. Lissa goes to the apartment.”

  “Thank You, heavenly Father.”

  Still masked and gowned, the nurses were wheeling a masked and gowned Lissa down the hall.

  “You’re going to a new apartment, sweetie. We have it all ready for you.”

  “Will Kitty be there?”

  “Sorry, no, but the big Kitty will be waiting for you.”

  “And my poster?”

  “Yup.” Jenn carried Harvey the bunny and her canvas tote full of cards.

  “Look, balloons.” Lissa pointed to the door.