Casualties of Love

by Denise Riley

  “You pretty boys need to keep it down and get some rest.”

  They all turned heads to see Jessica standing in the doorway with small smile on her face. Clearly she’d heard their exchange. Her naturally sultry voice had moved over Tyson like a soft breeze - one that was blowing right over his crotch. Tyson’s eyes ate up the vision of her. Her hair was pulled back, accentuating her features. She was fresh-faced, completely void of make-up, and in uniform, but she still managed to stun him.

  Collins let out a soft wolf whistle.

  “I’ll do anything for you darlin’,” Collins said to Jessica with a teasing wink.

  “Really? And, what would we tell your wife, sugar?” she teased back as she walked into the room. Collins gave her a sheepish grin. “But since you said anything, you need to rest,” she said talking to Collins. He held his hands up in surrender. She checked his leg and asked him if he was in any pain. Collins assured her he was fine as she looked over his charts.

  “You shouldn’t be out of bed at all.” Jessica was looking across Collins’s bed at Tyson with that statement. “I worked hard to keep you alive until you made it to surgery. Don’t screw up my handiwork.” Tyson’s expression had to have shown his surprise. He hadn’t known that she had worked on him in the field. “And you, Lt. Jones, need to stay off that ankle and stop stirring up trouble. I hear you’ve been flirting with the female PAs.” Marcus gave Jessica a “who me” gesture at which she rolled her eyes.

  “Come on, I’m rolling you back, Cpt. Kidd. Lt. Jones, please follow in your own vehicle,” she said pointing to his wheelchair.

  “Yes, ma’am,” Jones said.

  “Don’t ma’am me, sir,” she said as she started to wheel Tyson out of Collins’ room.

  Jones just laughed. He followed them until he saw one of their other teammates. He broke off the path to their room, despite Jessica’s protest, promising her that he wouldn’t make trouble. He did so with a wink, so Tyson hoped she didn’t believe what Marcus had said. She wheeled him back to the room and managed to help him get into the bed. He was surprised she succeeded because he wasn’t that much help, but apparently she had a lot of practice with that kind of thing.

  “So, you patched me up? Kept me alive out there until we got pulled out?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you know I was here; in country? Before you saw me?”

  “No. I was…very surprised to see you.”

  Tyson was glad she didn’t know. It had occurred to him that she might have known he was in Afghanistan and succeeded at avoiding him. As it stood, he had no idea if she would have tried to seek him out had she known he was in country with her. He didn’t ask. Wasn’t sure he would like the answer.

  “Thank you,” he said.

  “It’s my job, sir.” True, he thought, but he was grateful.

  “Still, thanks.”

  “Not a problem, captain.” Jessica adjusted his pillows and helped him settle in. She was close, standing near him at the right-side edge of the bed - close enough that he caught her light fragrance. He breathed her in. Lavender.

  “You don’t have to keep it up with the rank and file stuff.”

  “It’s protocol.”

  “I don’t want the protocol, Jessica.”

  He’d already said the words before he thought about what they might imply. He half wanted her to ask him what he did want, but he wasn’t sure he could actually tell her that he wanted her - even if that was the case. He wasn’t sure that wanting her was a good thing given the nature of their shared past...particularly the part where she had left him. Plus, he didn’t know what, if anything, was between them. So far they had only spoken a few words and he hadn’t even been able to process her comment about missing him. She had walked away, not the other way around. Why would she miss him?

  But, she didn’t ask. She looked away. He sensed her about to retreat and, on impulse he reached for her. He didn’t want her to move away, and he surprised them both by grabbing the front of her uniform. For a few seconds, he only stopped her departure. Then, he began to pull her in. Slowly. Deliberately. When he had her mouth hovered over his, he stilled the movement. Her hands were on the mattress on either side of his body. They stared until Jessica spoke.

  “You probably shouldn’t,” she said in a breathy voice.

  “Maybe not. But, do you want me to?”

  “Yes.”

  No hesitation. Tyson might have growled. He couldn’t be sure, because he was too busy pressing his way into her mouth. She tasted as good as he remembered; better maybe. Sweet. Intoxicating. Singularly Jessica. Her tongue brushed against his and he tightened his grip on her shirt. She sank into him, ending up half seated-half lying at the side of his bed. Her upper body was leaned into his torso. Her right hip was next to his hip on the mattress.

  Tyson moved his hand from her top and put it on her waist. He put his other hand at the back of her head. He spread his fingers wide and dug them into the base of her bun. Unthinking, he ripped the band away and freed the silky hair that he had once spent hours rubbing between his fingertips. He felt the hair spill from its confines to fall about her shoulders and face. The soft scent of lavender wafted around them.

  The kiss was a duel. Fencing tongues. Attacking and retreating. Giving and taking. They went back and forth for longer than either of them was aware. Tyson’s only measure of time was the ever increasing tightening in his crotch, which indicated to him that it was time to touch bare flesh to bare flesh, to sink into Jessica’s warm body. When her hands gripped his thick neck, they seemed to check themselves. They pulled apart, though it wasn’t a significant distance. Tyson stared into her eyes and wished he could trust everything he saw in her gaze.

  He slowly moved his hand from the back of her head to caress the side of her face. She leaned into his palm and moved her right hand down to rub her thumb across his bottom lip. Her other hand stroked the pulse point at the side of his neck. He smoothed her thick hair back, reacquainting himself with its texture and feel.

  “Why did you stay away the last few days?” he asked. He had not meant to ask, hadn’t meant to indicate that he’d noticed her absence or had been looking for her to come by.

  “I don’t work here. Help out sometimes, but I’m a combat medic, 68 Whiskey. I was with my unit. Not staying away.”

  “You don’t work in the infirmary?” Tyson asked with a slight frown.

  “No.”

  “Then why are you here?” he heard himself ask. He searched her eyes.

  Tyson watched emotions he wanted to ignore but couldn’t pass over Jessica’s features. She sighed and he felt her breath against his face and lips. Then, she closed her eyes, and, with that blink, a single tear slipped between his thumb and her cheek.

  “Because you’re here,” she said to him. She opened her eyes to look at Tyson, and what he saw ripped his insides to shreds.

  “Jess,” he said, his voice rough. Another tear. Another kiss. “What the hell happened to us?”

  Chapter 5

  Jessica never got around to answering Tyson’s question. Lt. Marcus Jones returned to their shared room and burst the bubble of intimacy they had been floating upon. It was a good thing too because one of the PAs was on his way to check on Tyson’s thigh wound. Marcus had blocked the doorway and Jessica had quickly disengaged herself and restructured her hair before the PA had noticed...she hoped. True, she was assigned to a unit, but as part of the trauma team, she still had to work with many of the people at the military hospital. She was already dodging questions about West Point. She didn’t want to have to dodge questions about why she was making out with the Officer who everyone now knew she had known at West Point.

  That kiss had been amazing. Clearly, her conscious mocked. It’s been a week and you’re still thinking about it. She had not realized how much she had missed it – being with Tyson, being held by him, touched by him. Nothing had changed. He was still as sexy as hell, could still send her body into frenzy. She’d
been young and inexperienced when they had first started dating. Not a virgin, but her first time had not been a pleasant memory. She had been with a boy from high school that was more interested in bragging about being the one who had finally breached “Fort Watts” as they called her. She’d thought he was really into her, but it had been about notching his proverbial bedpost. But, Tyson...

  He had taught her how to love. Together they had learned what she enjoyed, what truly set her body on fire, what she needed to find fulfillment. She had learned how to pleasure him, memorized the things that would bring him to his knees. In the past few days, Jessica had tortured herself with those memories. Now, she sorely longed to test just how much she remembered about how to satisfy him.

  But in the days that she had seen Tyson since the kiss, they had not again ventured into that realm. They had talked and, sort of, become reacquainted. It was like they wanted to know each other again, but they were each wary and cautious when they talked. Then, they’d end up crashing into some awkward dead end, because she couldn’t come clean. Like yesterday...

  “Are you ever going to tell me what happened?” he had asked.

  She had been checking his wound while they engaged in small talk. Jessica had not been surprised by the abrupt change in subject or the direct question. She had been waiting for him to ask her outright.

  “I hope so,” she had replied. Jessica had been sincere not flippant, but he had taken offense.

  “What the fuck does that mean, Jessica?”

  She had frowned at him, looking up from the leg she’d been re-bandaging.

  “Just what I said and don’t curse at me,” she had warned him in a hard tone. He had never used coarse language like that with her in the past...at least not in anger.

  “Look, I’m sorry, but talk to me. You used to be able to tell me anything.”

  She had refrained from reminding him that that had been six years ago, thinking that it probably wouldn’t help given that she was the reason for the long separation and the painfully evident emotional distance.

  “I know that.” She had turned from his with a sigh.

  “What? You don’t trust me with the information?”

  Jessica had turned back toward Tyson.

  “I have always trusted you, Tyson. You know that.”

  “You sure? You walked away without being honest with me. You say you want to tell me what happened, but you won’t. Doesn’t seem much like trust, Jess.”

  “Have you considered that maybe I don’t know how to tell you? That I’m just barely holding on here? I know it seems simple to you, Tyson. Like I can just shout it out and get it over with. But, it’s not an easy thing. It’s not an easy thing to think about, much less tell.”

  He seemed to sense she was upset, and had reluctantly decided to let it go.

  “At least tell me what you’ve been doing all these years. How did you end up in the enlisted ranks?”

  She had looked at him for a minute - quiet and unsure if he had been hedging bets for more.

  “Come on, Jessica. Give me something.”

  Jessica had hesitated, but eventually she had started talking and found she wanted him to know about her life since being with him.

  “I, um, went back to school after...after I was home for a while. Actually, the next fall I went to Georgia Southern. Had my hours transferred and really didn’t have to do much leveling until I got into my major. Almost everything counted toward the degree. I finished up in Biology-Pre-med. I decided on that, ah...a few months after I left the Academy.”

  “But why enlist? You got a degree. Why didn’t you try to go through a ROTC program at Georgia Southern or some kind of OCS?”

  Jessica had known he didn’t understand why she would not have tried to become an officer candidate. She hadn’t really known how to explain it to him, but she had tried.

  “I wanted to be in the Army. You know that it’s something I’ve wanted since I was a kid. And at that time, I, um, needed to get away. I needed something to focus on. So, I enlisted. Did Basic. Trained to be a combat life saver.” She had directed her gaze to him.

  “How did your grandmother take it? I’d guess she was thrilled you left the Academy. She never wanted you in the military. I can’t imagine her being happy to see you sign up after having left West Point.”

  “She wasn’t as thrilled about me being back home as you might think. But you’re right, enlisting didn’t help our relationship any,” Jessica had stated.

  “An your dad?”

  “Daddy was...fine with whatever decision I made.”

  “You’ve obviously worked hard. Making Sergeant in what seems like a pretty quick progression. And you’re soon to be considered for E-6. Why not train for officer status?”

  “I don’t really want it.” She had continued on at his look of frustrated confusion. “Look, I don’t regret it. There are things I regret, Tyson, but being an enlisted Soldier instead of a commissioned officer is not one of them. I love what I do. One day, I’ll go to medical school, maybe even after this tour, but for now I’m happy with my job.”

  “And your life, Jessica? Are you happy with that?” Tyson had asked.

  “Sometimes,” Jessica had said softly. She had looked at him closely. “Other times, there are things I wish I could change.” She had paused before asking, “Are you, Tyson? Are you happy with your life?”

  Tyson went silent. And there had been the awkwardness. It has halted their conversation like a brick wall to a car. Jessica didn’t know why she had returned the question. Part of her had hoped he was happy. Regardless of how she felt, Jessica wanted Tyson to be happy. Another part of her had hoped that he regretted the loss of their relationship as much as she did.

  Tyson had also seemed surprised that she had turned the question back on him. He had paused a long time.

  “You don’t have to answer that,” Jessica had said to save Tyson from having to come up with a response to her question. Maybe it was also trying to save herself from the answer. “While you deserve an explanation, actually have a right to one, I don’t.”

  “No, I’m just trying to figure the way to answer.”

  He had studied her before continuing. Jessica had been just about ready to tell him to forget she had asked when he spoke again.

  “You know that I tried to stay connected,” he had said. “I couldn’t believe you were gone. It was hard to finish up without you. But I’d call, trying to keep what was between us...alive, I guess. Some days, we’d talk and it seemed like you were close to letting me back in. But, then, you cut me off. It hurt like hell, Jess.” His words had pricked her heart, but she had not interrupted him. “When you kept shutting me out, it hurt more to keep trying than to let go. So, I trained myself to live without you. I moved on.”

  He’d moved on. Wow, that had hurt to hear. Then, Tyson shook his head as if confused.

  “At least I thought I did,” he had said, as much to himself as to her, Jessica had thought.

  She had asked Tyson what he meant. She had wondered if it meant that there could still be something between them. But, he’d said he didn’t know and that he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted anything between them. That had hurt, too, but what could she really say except “I understand”? And, she did understand, even if it made her sadder than she could have ever expected.

  Jessica flipped over in her bed and blew out a breath of frustration over her thoughts. What was even more sad was that hearing him say that he’d moved hadn’t done a thing to curb her desire for him. She longed for Tyson. It was like her body had been recharged with his touch and his kiss. She could barely stop herself from reaching for him when they were together, from begging him to kiss her again, to make love to her again. At this point, she would settle for the simple caresses he seemed to offer without thinking. At unexpected times, he would brush his fingers across her flesh – a touch on her arm, a brush along her shoulder, a squeeze of her hand. He’d then catch himself and retreat, though it lef
t her wanting more, wanting to take things much farther. But, that might never happen.

  Jessica closed her eyes tight. It certainly wasn’t going to happen at the moment, so she had to do her best to settle herself and go to sleep. Her unit was going out again tomorrow and she needed to be on her game. She couldn’t do that if she spent all night thinking about Tyson Kidd...again.

  *****

  “Hey. Didn’t you promise to stop flirting?”

  Marcus turned toward the censuring voice to find Jessica Watts standing behind him. She was smiling. Marcus quickly assessed her features. She really was a very pretty woman. It wasn’t hard at all to understand her appeal and Tyson’s near obsession.

  “No. You told me to stop flirting,” he said with a grin. “I don’t think I ever agreed.” He walked toward her on his crutches.

  “Well, with all the attention you get, I can see why you wouldn’t,” Jessica said with a head nod toward the pretty young enlisted Soldier that had her eyes on him. Marcus simply shrugged.

  It wasn’t unusual. Marcus knew he was attractive, had been told so all of his life. He’d never seen the point in pretending otherwise or playing coy. He liked women, and he wanted them to know it. It was just his luck they happened to like him, too. He was also the type of guy that liked to have fun, though neither his looks nor his lack of potential company had led to very much fun lately. There wasn’t a shortage of willing participants. He just wasn’t interested. These days, Marcus stuck to just what Jessica accused him of – flirting. Nothing more than that. He wanted something meaningful, but hadn’t met anyone that motivated him to offer more than a few dates and casual sex. And frankly, he was getting bored with the no-strings-attached sex. Well, for the most part. A man did have needs.

  “Yeah, well it’s only flirting, so no worries. Are you headed to see Tyson?”

  Marcus could tell Jessica was a little thrown by his sudden shift in topic, but she recovered quickly. He was a little surprised she didn’t hedge in her answer.

  “Yes.”