by Ruff, K. S.
Rafael looked thoughtful. “Actually it does… and it confirms for me that you need some time to sort through those feelings. Of course, I’m still going to do everything I can to ensure that you fall hopelessly in love with me. I don’t want you dreaming of a future with any other man.” Rafael drained his wine glass. He moved the food aside so he could stretch out on the blanket. He pulled me next to him as he did.
I rested my head in the crook of his arm as we stared up at the clouds. I reached for his hand, then studied his fingers as they twined with mine. “You really are an amazing man.”
Rafael sighed contentedly. “I’m glad you think so. Can I text you tomorrow to see how your first day goes with the new job?”
I smiled as I squeezed his hand. “Sure. Kadyn sent me a text earlier. He asked me to meet him at Fort Myer at six tomorrow morning. He wants to work on self-defense at the base since it’s on our way to work. I still have to go to school after work, so I won’t see him again until after class.” I shook my head. “I still don’t know how I’m going to juggle everything.”
Rafael pulled me closer. He kissed my hand, then tucked it against his chest. “I’ll be counting the minutes until I can see you again.”
* * * * * *
Kadyn met me at the front gate so he could sign me in. I left my jeep parked near the main entrance to the fort. Kadyn drove the rest of the way to the gym. I briefed him on the self-defense moves Rafael had been teaching me while we stretched out on the mat. We spent twenty minutes warming up on the treadmills before we returned to the mat.
Kadyn seemed pleased with everything Rafael was teaching me. He adjusted my straight punch so I was twisting my wrist just before the point of impact. He also told me to focus on hitting with the first two knuckles. Since Rafael was already teaching me to punch and block, Kadyn decided to focus primarily on kicking techniques. He felt Karate would strengthen my ability to defend myself. He demonstrated a front kick, side kick, back kick, and something called a roundhouse kick. He made me run through each kick until my movements became more fluid. My legs were shaking by the time we were done.
We parted ways when we ducked inside the locker rooms to shower and dress for work. By the time I was done, Kadyn was waiting for me at the entrance to the gym. I groaned when I saw him sitting there in his Air Force uniform. The guy commanded attention, even in sweats, but the uniform… It was impossible not to be affected by Kadyn when he was wearing that uniform. Kadyn stood as I approached him. “Hey.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, uncertain as to whether I should run screaming in the opposite direction or jump on top of him. Kadyn looked amused as I shot him a tortured look.
“They should shoot whoever designed that uniform,” I muttered under my breath. “It makes women stupid.”
Kadyn laughed as he opened the door.
I kept my eyes trained on the sidewalk as we walked to his car.
Kadyn opened the passenger door. He reached for my elbow to steady me as I stepped inside the car. “I’d like to take you to dinner when you get done with school. Do you want me to pick you up at your house or at the school?”
I risked a glance at Kadyn as he walked around the car. I waited until he was in the driver seat to respond. “Why don’t you text me the address for the restaurant, and I’ll meet you there right after school?”
Kadyn braced his arm against my seat as he backed out of the parking space. “That sounds good. I’ll text you the address when I get off work.”
I programmed the GPS on my phone to navigate me to the Seeds for Peace office. I didn’t want to risk making a wrong turn during rush hour. I looked up at Kadyn when I finished programming my phone. “Thanks for teaching me those kicks and for helping me learn self-defense. I should have asked you to teach me Karate a long time ago.”
Kadyn glanced at me. “I’m surprised you didn’t have your uncle or Lexie teach you Karate when you were a kid.”
I looked out the window and sighed. “I guess I viewed Karate more as a sport. I didn’t stop and think about how it might save my life. I had no idea so many people would try to cause me harm. If only I’d known then what I know now.”
Kadyn parked his car next to my jeep. “How could you possibly have known?” He stepped out of the car and walked to the passenger side while I gathered my things from the back seat.
Kadyn held out his hand as I stepped out of the car. I was surprised when he gave me a hug, since public displays of affection weren’t permitted when in uniform. He smiled as he steadied me on my feet. “I hope you have a good day at work.”
I glanced back at him as I unlocked my jeep. “Thanks, Kadyn. I hope you have a good day too.” I threw my gym bag on the passenger seat as I hopped into the jeep. Kadyn followed me through the gate, but I lost him in a sea of traffic as we merged onto I-395.
* * * * * *
I had just stepped foot inside my office when Sammi popped by to let me know I had to go to the travel clinic to get Hep A and Hep B shots, which were required for travel to Ukraine. I spent most of the morning at the clinic.
Shae, Sammi, Cory, and I spent the rest of the day in a team meeting strategizing about the training for Ukraine. We needed a good picture of their socio-economic climate and any political issues that might lead to conflict. We planned to map these conflicts so we could use them for our lectures and simulations. We generated a list of research and development tasks, then divided them all up.
I was struggling to stay awake by the time school ended, so I grabbed a Starbucks before meeting up with Kadyn at the Melting Pot.
He was waiting in the parking lot when I arrived. He climbed out of his car when I pulled alongside him. “Hey, Kri,” he greeted as I jumped out of the jeep.
I met him on the sidewalk. “I see you’ve already changed out of your uniform.”
He pulled me in for a hug before opening the door to the restaurant. “I took a change of clothes to the office. You look nice. How was work?”
I rolled my eyes, then laughed. “I’m wearing the same thing I was wearing when we left the gym, only I’m a lot more wrinkled! Work was good, except for the shots they made me get for the trip to Ukraine.”
Kadyn spoke with the hostess. She made a notation on her reservation list, gathered two menus, and led us through the dimly lit restaurant. Steam rolled from a number of tables. Cheese and chocolate scented the air. The hostess motioned us toward a round booth. She handed us the menus as we took our seats. “Your server will be with you shortly,” she noted before walking away.
Kadyn glanced at me over the top of his menu. “Have you been to the Melting Pot before?”
I shook my head as I eyed the table next to us. “What is it, fondue?”
Kadyn nodded. “We have three courses: a cheese fondue; a main course with steak, seafood, and vegetables, which can be cooked in an oil or broth based fondue; and a dessert fondue.”
The waitress arrived with a pitcher of water. “Welcome to the Melting Pot. My name is Emma. I’ll be your server tonight.”
I glanced at Kadyn as Emma filled our glasses with water. “Can we order the spicy cheese fondue?”
Kadyn laughed. “I knew you’d pick that one. Are you okay with a broth based fondue, instead of oil, for the second course?”
I smiled. “That sounds perfect.”
Kadyn looked at Emma. “We would like to start with the Fiesta Cheese Fondue. For the main course we’ll have the Fondue Fusion with the Mojo broth.”
She nodded. “What would you like to drink?”
Kadyn glanced at me questioningly.
I smiled. “Two Sprites?”
“We’d both like Sprite,” he confirmed for the waitress.
Emma turned the burner on in the middle of the table before disappearing around the corner. She returned a few minutes later carrying a large tray loaded with glasses and bowls. She set our drinks on the table before tossing the ingredients from the bowls into a small metal pot. Jalapenos quickly scented the air. On
ce the fondue was mixed, she returned with apples, tortilla chips, and bread.
My eyes met Kadyn’s from across the large booth. “This is really nice. Thank you.”
Kadyn dipped a tortilla chip into the cheese sauce. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that we’re dating again. That friend of yours is quite the negotiator.”
I reached for my Sprite. “I’m really sorry about all that. Do you feel like you were bulldozed into this?”
Kadyn’s face grew serious. “I’m here because I want to spend more time with you.”
I stopped toying with my straw. “Do you think we’ll ever be able to go back to the way things were?”
Kadyn shook his head. “No. I don’t think we can go back to the way things were. This last year has changed us both considerably, but that doesn’t mean a relationship between us won’t work or that it won’t eventually prove even better.” He shrugged. “We won’t know until we try.”
I reached for a tortilla chip and swirled it through the melted cheese. “When were you planning to tell me?”
Kadyn’s brow furrowed. “Tell you what?”
I pulled the chip from the sauce and watched the cheese drip back into the pot. I was trying to avoid looking at Kadyn. “That you wanted to be more than friends. You seemed content with the way things were until you learned about Rafael.”
Kadyn didn’t respond until I met his gaze. “I was trying to give you time to get over Michael. I wasn’t expecting Rafael to show up. I didn’t even know the guy had feelings for you. He’s Michael’s brother for crying out loud. And, just for the record, I still think that’s really messed up.”
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t argue that it wasn’t messed up because I knew full well that it was.
Kadyn folded his arms across his chest and leaned back in his seat. “I don’t like being second choice.”
Guilt nipped at me. “You were my first choice,” I responded softly.
Kadyn’s eyes narrowed. “Until Michael forced you to Paris so he could seduce you.”
I closed my eyes as I fought against the grief and regret that accompanied those memories. “I never expected to fall in love with Michael.”
Our conversation stalled as Emma removed the cheese fondue. She brought back a tray filled with steak, seafood, vegetables, and a number of other ingredients. She explained the procedure for cooking the various items as she prepared the broth.
Kadyn’s eyes met mine as she walked away. “And now I’m playing second string to Rafael.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know that that’s true. I just… Rafael asked me to date him when I didn’t think I could have a relationship with you. God, Kadyn. I’ve spent months trying to convince myself that I can’t be in love with you… that we can only be friends. And now that you tell me you want to be more than just friends, I’m finding it hard to backpedal on Rafael. I promised him I’d give him a chance, and I don’t know that breaking that promise is the right thing to do.”
Kadyn reached for his Sprite. “Do you love him?”
I sighed. This whole question of love was far more complicated than I’d ever dreamed it could be. “I do love him, but I’m not in love with him. I care deeply for both of you, and I don’t want to hurt either of you.”
A pained look flitted across his face.
I reached for his hand. “Kadyn, I love you too. I never stopped loving you.”
Kadyn withdrew his hand from mine. He speared a piece of steak with his fondue fork and dropped it into the broth. Steam swirled around our table. “Explain to me how you can love two men at the same time.”
I stared at Kadyn through the steam. I wasn’t sure whether he was referring to my feelings for Rafael or Michael. Still, I felt he deserved an answer. “I don’t know. Parents are capable of loving more than one child. I can love more than one friend. Is it really that far-fetched to think someone can love two different men?”
Kadyn pulled the steak from his fork. He dropped a number of vegetables into the pot before leaning back in his seat. He appeared to be struggling with his thoughts.
I tried to capture his eyes. “You’re not my second choice, Kadyn. I just need some time to sort through my feelings for you and Rafael. I’ve made bad decisions in the past, not once but twice… first with my ex-husband and then with Michael. I want to make sure I get this one right.”
His eyes grew sad. “But what if there are no wrong choices, Kri… just different ones?”
I fell back against the seat. “I hadn’t really considered that possibility.”
Kadyn shot me a sympathetic look as he patted the seat next to him.
I grabbed my Sprite and slid across the booth.
He reached for my hand just as the waitress returned to clear our plates. His thumb traced tiny circles on the inside of my wrist. My eyes fell closed. I had forgotten what Kadyn could do with the simplest of touches.
Kadyn squeezed my hand. “Which fondue would you like for dessert?”
Heat flooded my cheeks as I forced myself to meet his gaze. “Why don’t you pick?”
He smiled. “How about s’mores?”
I leaned my head against his shoulder. “That sounds wonderful,” I responded sleepily.
Emma smiled as she continued clearing our plates. “Good choice. The s’mores fondue is my favorite.”
Kadyn slipped his arm around my shoulders as she went to gather the ingredients. “What would you like to do Wednesday night?”
I ran my fingers through the condensation on my glass as I sorted through the options. I didn’t want Kadyn thinking he needed to wine and dine me. Our relationship no longer needed that. More than anything we needed time together… time to simply be together. I glanced up at him. “Why don’t we order take-out and watch a DVD over at your place? Dinner will be my treat.”
Kadyn nodded. “That sounds good. I’ll grab a movie when I get off work.”
I tried not to yawn as I snuggled closer to Kadyn. “My class ends at six, so let’s plan for six-thirty. I’ll stop by China Delight and pick up the usual on my way over to your place.”
We watched Emma mix chocolate, marshmallow cream, and a number of other ingredients into the fondue pot. She set the fondue on fire before sprinkling graham cracker crumbs over the top. She stepped away briefly. When she returned, she was carrying a silver platter filled with strawberries, bananas, cheesecake, marshmallows, pound cake, and brownies.
My eyes grew wide as I took it all in. “Wow. We should have just gone straight to dessert.”
Despite all the options, Kadyn and I reached for the same strawberry. He laughed as he relinquished the berry. I swiped it across the top of the chocolate and held it up to his mouth. He smiled as he took a bite. I flagged Emma down for some coffee, then Kadyn and I settled in to enjoy the rest of the dessert.
Kadyn pulled me from the booth when it became apparent I could no longer keep my eyes open. I was completely exhausted. I gave him a hug when we reached my jeep. “Thanks, Kadyn. Dinner was wonderful.”
His left hand fell to my hip as he crooked a finger under my chin. My breath caught as his thumb caressed my bottom lip. He stared at my lips as he spoke. “I’ve missed being with you, Kri.”
My hands fell to his chest. I stood breathlessly suspended as his lips hovered over mine.
He reached for the nape of my neck and fit his lips to mine. His tongue swept through my mouth as he drew me into a passionate kiss. I linked my hands behind his neck and tried to relax into the kiss. It had been nearly a year since Kadyn had kissed me like this.
Kadyn pressed me against the jeep as he deepened the kiss. I stilled when he hardened against me. My body was responding to his, but it was being tempered by something. I gently broke the kiss.
I tried to mask my confusion as I studied Kadyn. Something wasn’t right. I struggled to put a name to it as Kadyn kissed me on the forehead and tucked me inside the jeep. I drove home in a daze. Despite our history together, my relat
ionship with Kadyn suddenly felt all wrong. Why?
* * * * * *
I woke to the smell of coffee. Rafael sat on the edge of my bed. He was wearing a black fitted tank top and sweats that hung low on his hips. “Good morning, beautiful.”
“What time is it?” I grumbled.
He chuckled softly as he stroked my back. “Five-thirty in the morning.”
My eyes slid closed as he continued rubbing my back. “Didn’t you get my text last night? There’s no way I can work out this morning. I’m exhausted. My arms still hurt from the shots I had to get, and I’m not even sure I can stand after all the Karate kicks Kadyn made me do yesterday.”
Rafael laughed. “Don’t worry, princess. I didn’t wake you to make you work out again. We can take a day off or hit the bag tonight.”
My eyes flew open. “We’re not working out?”
He shook his head.
I fluffed my pillows and scooted up in bed. “Then why are you here so early?”
Rafael smiled as he handed me a cup of coffee. “I wanted to spend some time with you before we go to work. Why don’t you throw some yoga clothes on and grab your mat? It’s beautiful outside.”
I took a sip of coffee, then glanced at him questioningly. “You just said you wanted to spend time with me. What are you going to do…watch me do yoga?”
Rafael’s eyes glittered with amusement. “As much as I’d enjoy that, I thought I would join you. I need to incorporate more stretches into my workout. Besides, when I was watching you do yoga the other day, you made it look very relaxing. It looks like it might be good for reducing stress.”
I bolted upright, nearly spilling my coffee. “You want me to teach you yoga?”
Rafael laughed. “Yep. Seems like a fair trade since I’m teaching you self-defense.”