Sublime Karma

by Peyton Garver

  Troy jogged with him. “You know you’re still hot for her.”

  Jake shoved in his mouthpiece and pulled on his helmet. Hot for Sarah? Wrong. From his position on the far end of the offensive line he snuck a peek back at the runners. Brie, on the other hand, maybe.

  He skimmed the crowd of runners until his eyes settled on Ryan Donnelly, the captain of the cross-country team. Donnelly’s probably already scoping her out. And, that bothered him.

  Chapter 3

  Brie walked onto the practice field, to the start line of the track that surrounded the football field, crowded now with students readying for after-school practices: cheerleaders, soccer players, football players, and runners. She shuddered, unable to keep that edgy, helpless panic in check. It had been there all day, but she’d been able to retreat inside herself. Though now? Now, she was forcing herself to reach out, or at the very least, join in.

  “Is this the cross-country team?” she asked one of the girls who was pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

  “Uh, does it look like the cross country team?” The girl shook out her ponytail.

  Brie’s smile faded.

  The girl’s eyes skimmed over Brie. “Jeez, I’m just kidding. Yes, this is the cross-country team. You don’t remember me, do you? Lunch? I went out of my way. Y’know, because you’re new?” She waited, again.

  Brie felt the heat flash through her face. Oh, yeah. Crap. She was the girl who had invited Brie to join her and her friends at lunch. Now, Brie second-guessed herself for rejecting the invitation. “I . . . I’m sorry. I didn’t know who—”

  “Forget it. It’s no big deal,” the girl snapped.

  “Natalie!” One of the other girls called out to her, and she left Brie standing there, alone, to go join her friends.

  Watching them, Brie chewed on her lower lip wondering how she could make it up to Natalie. She didn’t seem that upset. Massaging the palm of her left hand with her thumb, Brie sighed, looking away from them, back to the crowded field, taking it all in. She stepped back from the edge of the track to the sidelines, away from the growing crowd of runners who were waiting to get started.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry!” she blurted. She looked down behind her at the boy tying his shoe. “I didn’t see you. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m okay,” came his cherubic, scratchy voice. “Wait, you’re the new girl I heard about.”

  “Uh, what did you hear?” she asked.

  His crimson ears betrayed him. “Just that there’s a hot new girl,” he said, brazen despite his blush.

  Her eyes widened. What?

  He shrugged, watching their approaching coach. “Well, that . . . and Coach said we’d be getting a new girl on the team this week.”

  Their coach called the team together with a series of staccato whistles. “This is our new runner, Brie.” He motioned toward her. “She’s a senior, and she’s got some experience with distance running. She’s going to be a great addition to the team.”

  Optimistic, he’s never seen me run. She looked toward the girls. A couple of the them looked curious, and although some smiled, most seemed ambivalent and continued talking amongst themselves, Natalie included. Brie was hoping for a second chance with her. That was something she’d have to work on.

  Looking toward the guys, she found them to be more welcoming. Most just gave the obligatory nod, but a couple said, “Hey,” or “What’s up?”

  “All right, let’s get started,” Coach barked out. “Kelly, lead the stretching.” Then, with his clipboard in hand, he turned his attention to a guy who’d been standing behind him.

  The rest of the guys shed their shirts, tossing them to the bench before lining up with the girls to stretch. Brie stood in the back, and with her feet shoulder width apart, she bent at the waist along with the rest of the team, touching the ground in front of her while keeping her legs straight. After finishing off with hurdle stretches, everyone shook out their legs and arms.

  “Brie, right?”

  Brie looked toward the deep, smooth voice. A tall, confident guy with short blond hair sauntered toward her, pulling off his shirt.

  Oh, wow.

  “I’m Ryan. I’m one of the team captains.” He tossed his shirt to the bench.

  She couldn’t help sneaking a peak at his perfect abs. Her eyes darted back up to meet his, and judging by the heat she felt flash through her face, she was sure she was a bright crimson.

  He didn’t draw attention to her breach, instead he motioned toward the tall, slender girl with dark brown hair, the one who had led the stretching. She was talking to Natalie.

  “That’s Kelly,” Ryan moved closer to Brie. “She’s the other captain. Until you walked on, she was the only senior girl.”

  When Kelly looked toward them, Ryan’s grin widened, and with smirking eyes, he lifted his chin in a nod at her.

  Kelly threw a glare at Brie before tossing her ponytail and turning away.

  Brie felt her face heat up again. Huh? She looked from Kelly back to Ryan. She didn’t want to be in the middle of whatever game Ryan was playing with Kelly.

  Still holding his grin, he looked at Brie. “Don’t let her get to you.”

  Brie was thankful when she heard Coach’s booming voice. “You’ll be running the trails today,” he said. “Captains . . . Ryan, five-mile park trail. Kelly, your choice: three-mile flat, or two-and-a-half mile with Suicide Hill.”

  “Three-mile flat,” Kelly responded.

  Looking forward to a grueling run, Brie opted for the five-mile trail.

  Coach dropped a fistful of tongue depressors on the bench with a couple pens. “Line up.”

  At the line, Ryan leaned toward Brie. “See those sticks coach dropped? At the end of the run, when you cross the line, Coach’ll call out a time. Find the stick with your name on it, and write the time and distance on the first empty blank on the stick.” With a hint of a smile, his eyes held hers. “Coach’ll record your stats later from the stick.”

  Unable to look away, Brie gave a slight nod as her lips twitched up.

  “Go!” Coach Miller yelled, clicking his stopwatch.

  Brie settled into the comfortable pace Ryan had set, and in a zone she listened to her own rhythmic breathing and the steady sound of her feet hitting the packed earthen trail as she let her mind wander.

  “Brie, you missed your turn.” Ryan inhaled through clenched teeth, nearly a half mile into the run.

  “Huh?” Startled, she glanced at Ryan. “I thought you were running the five-mile.”

  “I am. The girls are running the three-mile.”

  “What, the girls? Oh, no,” she groaned, looking back over her shoulder. The girls were nowhere in sight, and the boys were already separating, pacing themselves into several different packs. Coach neglected to mention that the boys ran separate from the girls. Of course, Brie was the only one who would have needed that announcement. “Now they’re really going to hate me,” she moaned.

  “Stop talking,” he snapped. “Save your breath. When you get tired and fall back, keep up with the last pack so you don’t get lost.” Those were his last words before he picked up the pace.

  Last pack? I don’t think so. Brie managed to keep Ryan in her sights even when she did lose ground. Then, at about four hundred meters before the finish line, she watched him pull ahead of the others in his pack, sprinting to the end. When they followed suit, Brie knew she had to as well. Pouring everything she had left in her, she sprinted passed the finish line, alone. And, although she ate their dust, it was an admirable finish for her and well ahead of the last pack.

  Unsteady and breathing heavy, she felt her blood pulsing through her hot face. With her legs still wobbly and tingling, she put her hands on her knees for support and bent forward, until she felt steady.


  Ryan, slick with sweat, walked to where she had just straightened, and without a word, he gave her a high five and an approving nod.

  She briefly met his admiring eyes, but looked humbly back at the ground. She didn’t want him to know she’d gotten another peek and was thankful her blush would go undetected since she was still overheated from the run. When he continued passed her, to retrieve his shirt from the bench, she looked back up, watching his glistening back and shoulders in awe.

  “Turn in your sticks before you hit the showers,” Coach bellowed. “Donnelly, get over here after you cool down.”

  Raising his hand in acknowledgement to Coach, Ryan nodded.

  Brie looked from Coach to Ryan. Donnelly … Ryan Donnelly. She stared at him, watching him snatch his shirt from the bench, wipe the sweat off his face, and walk toward Coach.

  Slammed from behind, Brie fell forward, meeting the hard, rubberized surface of the track with her hands and knees. She closed her eyes and sucked in a sharp breath at the searing pain. What the—?

  “Oh, sorry,” came Natalie’s pert voice behind her. “Watch where you’re going, Stace! You knocked me into the new girl, drooling over Ryan.”

  Rising from the track, Brie wiped her skinned palms on the sides of her shorts, ignoring the abrasion on her knee. A glance back told her that Natalie and another girl were now flanking Kelly, who glared back at Brie. Her eyes darted back to Natalie, in question. So that was it? No second chance?

  Natalie looked away. Was there any regret? Natalie, Stacy, and Kelly were the only girls still hanging around. Was she the reason? The rest had long since headed to the locker room. Since running always brought out the beet-red color to her cheeks, Brie was sure they couldn’t detect her embarrassed blush. Then, flipping her ponytail, she turned away from them, sealing the divide.

  Brie shuddered, inspecting her hands. She could still feel the burn on her skin and only wished it hurt more. She traced the tiny, thin scars on her palm, the series of three threadlike lines under her thumb, and her mind wandered to her other escape. She shook her head, clearing her thoughts, found her stick on the bench, and recorded her time. She approached Coach and Ryan to turn it in. They stopped talking, but Ryan gave her a reassuring smile as Coach Miller accepted her stick.

  She cast her eyes from Ryan’s. He didn’t see me fall. He couldn’t have. He was facing the other way. Heading back to the gym, she sensed Coach and Ryan still watching her. Why?

  At her locker, she slipped out of her sweaty clothes and wrapped a towel around her before grabbing the small plastic container that held her body wash, shampoo, and conditioner. She paused. Kelly and Natalie, already out of the shower, but still wrapped in towels with their wet hair slicked back, stood at the end of her alcove of lockers, staring at her. With her head held high, Brie shouldered passed the two girls. She heard a single grunt come from one. Which one? She couldn’t tell. Nor, did she care.

  At least by the time she got out of the shower, the crowded locker room had thinned. She pulled on her sweatpants, socks, and hoodie, slipped her feet into her sport slides, and massaging the scars on her palm, she sat staring at her locker, waiting for the calm that eluded her.

  What am I doing here? She shuddered. How am I going to make it here, in this school? The urge was there again, so soon, as if there had been no relief yesterday. The need had consumed her all day. No. Not yet. Not here. Not now. But, she craved it. She closed her eyes, clenched her jaw, and then took a sudden deep breath through her nose, breaking her trance. She snatched her backpack, and headed out of the locker room.

  “Brie.” Ryan stood up from the first row of bleachers in the gym and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

  She stopped. “Yeah?” Uncertain, she looked for Kelly or Natalie. There were only a few people hanging around. Three cheerleaders watched them from the opposite side of the gym, but Brie didn’t recognize anyone else from cross-country.

  “You going out the front way? So am I.” He nodded in that direction. “Come on. I’ll walk you out.”

  “O—kay,” she said, on edge at the possible repercussions of being spotted with him.

  “Great run today,” he said.

  “Yeah, it was. I really didn’t know the girls ran separate.”

  “Don’t worry about that. Some competition will be good for them.”

  Competition running? Or, competition—for you? She smirked at the thought.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Nothing.” She bit back her smile.

  “But, really? You thought the girls’ team ran with the guys?”

  “Uh, yeah. I’ve never run on a team before. I didn’t know there were two separate teams. I mean, everyone was out there, together, with one coach.”

  “Yeah. The girls’ coach quit, right before the season started. It’s kind of a rebuilding year for them. No glory in that. They practice with us, for now. Coach Miller is still trying to find a replacement coach for them.” He paused. “You really never ran on a team before? You could’ve fooled me. You’re good, really good. Maybe there is hope for the girls this year.”

  “Running is a release for me. I mean, I’ve been running for years, with my brother, Leif.”

  “Your brother? Does he go here, too?”

  She smiled. “No. He’s twenty-two.”

  He hesitated, but nodded. “Hey, I was wondering if, uh . . . if you were going to the school bonfire? I can give you a ride, if you want.”

  “Bonfire? Oh, yeah, it’s Thursday. Right?”

  “Yeah, Thursday. It’ll be behind the soccer field. You wanna go?”

  “I actually have plans.”

  “You do? For Thursday?”

  No, but why would that be so hard to believe? She nodded. “Mm–hmm.”

  He raked his fingers through his short damp hair. “Okay, well what about the homecoming dance next weekend? Will you go with me?”

  Wait, what? “The dance? Next weekend?” Biting her lip, she held back her smile, surprised he didn’t already have a date. Wow! He’s known me all of what, two hours?

  She wanted to say yes. He’d been so sweet at practice. But, remembering the look between him and Kelly, she was leery.

  “Yeah. So . . .?” His eager eyes locked on hers.

  Her heart raced. “Ryan, wow. Um, I don’t know. I don’t think I’m ready yet. I’m just kinda getting used to this place.” She pressed her lips together in a contrite smile.

  “Don’t worry about it.” He shrugged as though it wasn’t a big deal. “But, if you change your mind let me know. Okay?”

  She nodded. “Um, my ride’s here. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “Sure.” His slight smile reached his pensive eyes, leaving her flustered.

  Swallowing, she broke from his stare. “Okay then,” she shrugged her backpack further onto her shoulder and headed to the sleek black sedan with dark-tinted windows.

  When she looked back, he was still watching. She slid into the back seat and looked out her window, well aware he couldn’t see her watching him. Should she have said yes?

  “Wow, Brie. He’s a nice-looking boy. A new friend?”

  “Jeez, Mom. He’s the captain of the cross-country team.” Brie rolled her eyes, and then snapped, “I don’t have any friends here.”

  “Honey, this is your chance for a new start. Try not to self-isolate. Reach out and make friends. For goodness’ sake, just talk to people.”

  “Yeah, Mom, I’ll get right on that.”

  “Well, it certainly looked to me like he’d like to be your friend. Give people a chance, Brie. And, why are you sitting in the back seat? You make me feel like the help.”

  Brie scowled. “Where is Carlos anyway? Why are you picking me up? And, you know I don’t like you calling them the help. Maria and Carlo
s are there for me, a lot more than you are.”

  “I wanted to see you before Rick and I leave tomorrow to go to New York for next week’s charity fashion show. Is that okay?”

  “Whatever.” Relaxing back in her seat, Brie looked out her window. At least with them gone, Leif’ll come over for the weekend.

  “Mom, it would make it so much easier on me, and you, if you’d just let me drive my car to school. All the seniors here drive. Then, you or Carlos wouldn’t have to come pick me up every day. And, just so you know, if Rick shows up, I won’t get in the car with him.”

  “Brie, you know the deal. Make a concerted effort to be civil, and you’ll be driving.”

  “You mean kiss Rick’s ass, Mother?”

  “How was your first day, dear? Did you like your classes?”

  “My first day? It sucked. I liked my Art class.” Art. She unzipped the front pocket of her backpack.

  “Well, tell me about your Art class.”

  “There’s nothing to tell.” Brie rummaged around in the front of her backpack until she felt the cool, slim handle of the utility knife she had stolen. She slid the tool into the front pocket of her hoodie. Just knowing it was there gave her some relief.

  “See, this is what I mean. Making a concerted effort to be civil is what you’re not doing now. Honey, Rick really wants this to work.”

  Meeting her mother’s eyes in the rearview mirror, Brie glared back. Yeah, I bet he does. She shuddered before looking away. He may be your husband, but he’ll never be my father.

  “Just . . . try. For me?”

  Brie glanced back into the mirror, at her mother. No. She tightened her grip on the handle in her pocket and looked away.