A Soldier's Secret

by Linda Style

  “When I was little, Joey, sometimes I felt so bad I used to cry myself to sleep, too. I didn’t know what else to do, and after a while, I would be so tired I’d finally fall asleep.”

  Under her hand, she felt his trembling subside, and a second later he sniffled and turned over, his brown eyes still filled with tears as he looked at her. Every time she looked into those eyes she had to force herself to remember the boy was Mac’s son and she was not in Iraq.

  “Did you miss your mommy, too?” he asked.

  Her stomach clutched. He missed his mother. Everyone he’d loved was gone, and he’d been sent to live with strangers in another country. Even the orphanage was probably more familiar to him than they were.

  “Yes, I did,” she said, reaching over to wrap her arms around him.

  “I try not to cry,” he said between sniffles. “But I can’t help it. I miss my grandmother, too.”

  Natalia held him closer, gently rubbing his back. “You don’t have to try not to cry, Joey. It’s okay to cry when someone you love isn’t there. And after a while you’ll feel a bit better.”

  After a moment, she felt him relax in her arms. Cradling him, she rested her head against the top of his, felt the wispy texture of his hair against her cheek. He smelled like fresh air and Irish Spring soap.

  “I was having a hard time sleeping, too,” she said. “So I was on my way to get a glass of milk. Would you like one, too?”

  She felt him nod.

  “Do you want to come along?”

  He nodded again.

  “Okay,” she whispered, putting a finger to her lips. “But we have to be very, very quiet so we don’t wake up your daddy.”

  His mouth tipped up on one side and a hint of a smile emerged.

  “Okay, c’mon. Let’s go.”

  They crept down the stairs, the night-lights on each end lighting their way, and once in the kitchen, she poured them each a small glass of milk. Joey hoisted himself to one of the stools. “Should I call you Mommy now?” he asked out of the blue.

  Her heartbeat quickened. She set his milk and two cookies in front of him, her mind scrambling for an answer. What do you say to a child who wants to call you Mommy? No, because I won’t be here very long?

  She sat on the stool next to him and rested her elbows on the counter. “I would love that, sweetie, but I know you already have a mommy that you miss very much, so let’s keep that name for her. And maybe, until you get more used to being here with us, you can just call me Natalia.”

  For a second, he looked as if he might cry again, so she quickly added, “Or you can call me Koko.”

  He looked puzzled at first, then giggled. “That’s a funny name.”

  “I know. It’s a nickname my father gave me when I was little. It’s a special name that only special people can call me.” She brushed a tearstain from his cheek. “And you’re very special, so you can call me that, too, if you want.”

  “My mommy used to call me Davey, but my grandmother didn’t like it. Did kids ever call you mean names?” he asked, then bit off half a cookie.

  She guzzled her milk, studying his expression, wondering where the question came from. “Uh-huh. They did. When I was about your age, I came from far away to live in this country, too. I didn’t fit in very well with the other kids, so they made fun of me sometimes.”

  Still chewing, he lifted his head.

  “Have kids called you mean names, Joey?”

  He nodded. “Some older kids at school called me names, but I didn’t know what they meant.”

  Adrenaline shot through Natalia’s veins and her protective instincts surged. “So, what did you do?”

  “Nothing. The teacher heard them and made them go to the principal.”

  “Good. That’s good. If that happens again, you be sure to tell your teacher, okay? And tell your father, too. He’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

  Joey nodded, then yawned.

  “And we better finish up and get you back to bed now before the sun comes up.”

  He finished his milk and downed the second cookie in one bite, and on their way past her room, she stopped and went inside, then came out and knelt down next to him. She handed him her teddy bear. “When I was a little girl and felt bad, this fuzzy bear kept me company and always made me feel better. If you want, he can keep you company, too.”

  He took the bear, ran a finger across the wings and then smiled.

  THE NEXT MORNING WHEN Natalia awoke, the light streaming into the room made her realize it was later than normal. She flew out of bed, pulled herself together in the bathroom, then tossed on some sweats and went downstairs.

  “Good morning,” she said, walking into the kitchen. Joey was sitting at the table with a glass of orange juice and Mac was at the stove. Seeing her, the boy’s eyes brightened, then he pointed to the chair on his left. “You can sit here.”

  “Thanks, Joey,” she said. “I will in a minute.” She walked to the counter and picked up the cup sitting next to the coffee pot. “For me?” she asked.

  Mac nodded, then whispered under his breath, “He’s talking.” Then he shrugged as if totally confused at the change in behavior.

  She grinned. “Did you tell your dad about our midnight snack last night, Joey?”

  He shook his head, so she took her coffee and went to sit next to him. “Joey and I couldn’t sleep, so we came down and had a glass of milk and some cookies together.”

  “The mean kids in school used to call her names, too,” Joey said.

  Mac frowned. “Too?” He glanced from her to Joey and back again.

  “All water under the bridge,” she said, then mouthed over Joey’s head, I’ll tell you later. She tickled Joey under his chin and whispered in his ear, “Let’s keep that stuff about me a secret. Okay?”

  Hesitant, Joey nodded.

  Mac just stared at the two of them as if absorbing what she’d said, then finally, he smiled. “And we wouldn’t want that, would we?” His words were laced with sarcasm.

  She’d have to tell Mac about what Joey had said about the kids at school, but now wasn’t the time. He’d get angry and make a big deal out of it.

  Joey looked from one to the other, as if assessing what to do. When Mac and Natalia laughed, he laughed, too.

  She could almost see the relief filling Mac’s body.

  “I’m glad we’re all in a good mood today,” he said. “Since it’s the weekend, and we’re on our two-days-off shift at work, I have a big day planned for us.” He glanced at Natalia. “Two big days, as a matter of fact.”

  Mac had no idea what magic Natalia had performed over milk and cookies last night, but it felt great to see Joey smiling and simply acting like a five-year-old kid. Mac had the feeling that even if Natalia balked at joining them today, she wouldn’t do it in front of Joey.

  “The first thing we’re going to do, though, is eat breakfast.” He loaded each plate with some scrambled eggs, bacon and country fried potatoes, and brought them to the table.

  Sitting next to his son, he said, “So, what’s your favorite thing to do, Joey?”

  The boy looked to Natalia before responding. “I like skateboarding.”

  “Do you know how to skateboard?” she asked.

  “Uh-huh. But I’m not very good.”

  “Well, I heard you might like skateboarding,” Mac declared, “and it just so happens that while I was doing some research, I discovered there’s a skate park in Sedona, and an exhibition where kids compete for prizes. Afterward, there’s open skating and an instructor available. So…”

  Joey pushed his food around on his plate, acting uninterested, but his head came up a bit more with each sentence Mac spoke. “So I thought we could go and watch the competitions, and when it’s all over, we could try it ourselves.”

  Apparently realizing Joey was looking to her for a signal, either positive or negative, Natalia said, “Wow. That sounds like a fun day. What do you think, Joey?”

  He stopp
ed moving his food and smiled, the first real smile Mac had seen since he’d arrived. “Do I get to do it, too?” he asked.

  Mac’s heart swelled. “Absolutely.”

  His cell phone interrupted the conversation. He reached to put it on Silent, but saw it was Mrs. Sharpton from the agency.

  “Sorry. I have to take this,” he said, getting up and going into the family room for privacy.

  “David MacAllister,” he answered on his way.

  “Hello, Mr. MacAllister. I just called to see how you’re all doing, and to set up an appointment for a visit.”

  “We’re fine, Mrs. Sharpton. In fact, we’ve got a big weekend ahead of us. When are you thinking you might want to meet?”

  “It has to be when Joey is there, so I’m looking at next Wednesday after he’s home from school. How about four o’clock?”

  “Sure. I’ll check with Natalia and get back to you if that doesn’t work.”

  “That’s the only day I have, Mr. MacAllister. If your wife can’t be there, then we’ll just have to do it without her.”

  “Okay. No problem,” he said. “Wednesday at four o’clock it is.”

  The woman said goodbye and clicked off. He didn’t know if the time and date she’d mentioned was good for either him or Natalia, but it was going to have to be. He would change his work hours if he had to. He couldn’t expect Natalia to do the same, though if she wasn’t there, he had no clue how Joey would react.

  When he went back into the kitchen, his son was carrying dishes to Natalia, who was putting them into the dishwasher. “There,” she said. “Good job.”

  “Hey, thanks, you two.” He reached to ruffle Joey’s hair, but the boy inched back slightly. Mac had taken for granted that the good mood extended to him, but apparently it didn’t stretch that far.

  “I hope you don’t plan on leaving immediately,” Natalia said. “Serena and I have an appointment with the people doing the music for their wedding next weekend. It shouldn’t take long, though.”

  Joey’s smile faded, and Mac thought he saw panic in his eyes. Was being alone with him all that bad? “How long?” Mac asked. “The exhibition begins at eleven o’clock and it will take a half hour to get there and find a parking place.”

  “The appointment is at nine, and shouldn’t last more than an hour. I’ll be back in plenty of time.”

  Joey seemed to be shrinking into the wall behind him.

  “No problem,” Mac said. “We have guy stuff to do. We still have a few boards to pound in the tree house.”

  Natalia turned to Joey. “That’s great. I love tree houses. Be sure you guys make it strong enough for big people to come inside.” She knelt down to give him a hug.

  The boy stood stock-still.

  “We’ll be sure of that, won’t we, Joey? And you can show Natalia what you’ve done when she gets back,” Mac said, posing the question so his son would think he was doing something for Natalia.

  Joey nodded, but just barely.

  Mac walked over and flicked on the light in the garage. “Hey, kiddo. See if you can find a hammer out there in my tool chest. We’ll need to get started, in order to finish before we go to the skateboard park.”

  Joey looked at Natalia, who nodded encouragingly, and then, almost dragging his feet, he made his way to the garage.

  “That call was from Mrs. Sharpton at the agency. She’s coming on Wednesday at four. I hope you can be here, because if you can’t I’m in deep trouble.”

  “That’s five days away. A lot can happen in five days.”

  “I know. But I don’t want to take any chances. I really need you here.”

  Natalia nodded. “Okay. I’ll check the schedule. We may not even be on that day.”

  “Good. I hope not.”

  She gave him a quizzical look. “I hope this isn’t going to be how we function from now on. Mountain Air needs people who can be there without question. If there’s going to be a problem, we’ll need to reassess some things.”

  “Captain Wentworth is fairly flexible.”

  “Captain Wentworth won’t be running the place for much longer. I will.”

  “And you run a tight ship.” Mac smiled. “I know that. Believe me, I know.”

  Her expression turned serious. “When lives are at risk, yes, I do. I wouldn’t operate a rescue business any other way, and neither would you.”

  At that moment, Joey came in with the hammer and, standing straight and tall, handed it to Natalia.

  “Here’s the hammer, Mommy.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  THE TRIP TO SEDONA BEGAN like three people going to a wake. But as they participated more and more in the activities, first watching the competitors, then trying it themselves, Joey loosened up and began to laugh and cheer, and both Natalia and Mac breathed a sigh of relief. By the time they went home, they were all laughing.

  It had been a great day, one Natalia would never have imagined enjoying. Joey had come out of his shell, but still clung to her side. She knew Mac well enough to know it bothered him terribly. It was simply a matter of time, she’d told him, but she wasn’t so sure.

  When it was time for bed, Joey asked her to read him a story. She suggested they both come up to read, and that, too, had to bother Mac.

  When the boy was still awake toward the end of the book, she said, “I must have been in the sun too long because I’m getting a headache. I think I better let your daddy read for a while so I can go to bed myself. I want to feel better for another big day tomorrow.” She kissed him on the forehead and handed the book to Mac.

  As she got up and started for the door, Joey said, “I’m tired, too. You don’t have to read anymore.”

  She turned to see a stricken look on Mac’s face. Then he brightened. “We all had a busy day today and I’m tired, too. Sleep tight, son.” He brushed a hand over Joey’s shoulder, gave him an abbreviated hug, and then followed Natalia out of the room. Mac was closing the door when a very small voice said, “I don’t like the dark.”

  Natalia and Mac exchanged glances, as if thinking the same thing. Joey didn’t like the dark, but he’d slept with only a small night-light and the door closed every night because he’d been too afraid to tell them.

  “Okay,” Mac said softly. “I don’t like the dark, either. We’ll leave the door open. And remember, I’m right—” he looked at Natalia “—we’re right next door.”

  After waiting ten minutes in Mac’s room, watching a Seinfeld rerun on a small television, Natalia stepped out and peeked into Joey’s room, to make sure he was asleep before they went downstairs again.

  Mac went directly to the kitchen. Natalia followed suit. It had been a fun day, but emotionally draining. She was sure he felt the same.

  “What’s your pleasure?” he asked.

  “Hot chocolate would be good.”

  He grinned. “I hear you. Two hot, steamy cocoas coming up.”

  Feeling warm, Natalia opened the sliding doors that led from the family room to the wide redwood deck at the back of the house. The crisp, pine-scented air cooled her immediately. The moon shone big and fat on the tip of the tallest pine tree in the woods across the meadow, a scene that looked like a book cover. All it needed was a howling wolf on a hill in the background.

  A few moments later, Mac came back carrying a tray with two cups on it. “One for you, Mrs. MacAllister.”

  “When I hear that, I feel I should be looking for your mother.”

  “Me, too,” Mac said, handing her a fat mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows floating on top. Then he asked, “How about ‘Mommy’? How do you feel when someone says that?”

  Her throat closed. “I had no idea. No idea at all. In fact, when I was talking with him earlier, I suggested he call me Natalia…or Koko.”

  “Koko?”

  “It’s a nickname my dad gave me when I was a little girl.” Before her father decided she was too old to hug anymore, too old to be called by a pet name. “I was grasping at straws.”


  “And obviously, the straw didn’t work.” Sighing, Mac reached to brush a strand of hair from her face. “But thanks for trying.” He pressed his lips together, made a sucking sound. “How did everything become so complicated? I knew there would be a period of adjustment, but assumed he’d be jumping with joy to come here and be with me. I figured he’d want to be with me just because I’m his dad. And that I’d feel some incredible fatherly instincts because he’s my son. I assumed that you’d be in and out of here in a flash, and Joey and I would live a wonderful Disney life together, playing ball, fishing and going to Boy Scout events.” He swung around. “Man, was I wrong.”

  “It’s been what, four weeks, Mac? All those things will happen, but it takes time. Trust has to be built.”

  “So why are you so trustworthy and I’m not?”

  “I think that’s obvious.”

  He wrinkled his brow. “Not to me.”

  She walked outside and stood at the edge of the deck, leaned against the rail. “He lived with his mother and then his grandmother. He’s never had a father. He has no frame of reference. It’s perfectly normal that he’d attach himself to a woman. I’m just…like a surrogate mother. It doesn’t mean he won’t bond with you, but it’s probably going to take time.”

  “And that presents another problem.”

  She moistened her lips. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean it may take more time than you have.” He reached again to touch her hair, sending chills down her neck. “I’m grateful for your help, Natalia. But I can’t expect you to stay here until I work things out.”

  “Mac…” She moved closer, liking the feel of his body heat warming her skin. “Joey’s welfare is more important than any time schedule we agreed on. If I need to stay longer, I will.” She’d put in this much time. A little more wasn’t going to make any difference to anything in her life.

  As long as she could keep Mac from discovering her secret, everything would be okay. And so far, so good.

  The words had barely left her lips when he reached out and hugged her, and for a few brief moments, with her body warmed by his, she felt happy and secure. She felt at peace. He’d given her a day filled with laughter and fun. A day without a past. Today she’d thought only of Mac and Joey, and had reveled in their company.