Married...Again

by Stephanie Doyle

  Eleanor felt a sob escape her throat before she could control it. There, lying on the couch, was a living, breathing Max Harper. Suddenly it was real to her in a way that it hadn’t been before.

  As if she’d truly believed she’d been dreaming this whole time, only she wasn’t.

  Max was alive. And she’d spent the better part of their time together being a complete and total bitch to him because she was so damn afraid.

  “Hey, it’s okay.”

  He’d woken up. He must have heard her. Or felt the tears that were running down her cheeks and dripping onto his arms.

  Instead of getting up, he pulled her down on top of him. He was there, underneath her. A little leaner, a little bony, but still her Max.

  And she continued to cry. Even as he rubbed her back and made that shhhing noise she knew was something his mother always did. She buried her face in his neck and just let herself cry. For him. For her. For their marriage. For his parents. All the grief that she hadn’t realized had been stuck in her chest for years.

  Sadness she’d carried around because she had to.

  She rubbed her face on his shirt, not caring what she left there, and when she lifted her head, she could see his eyes. So warm, so full of that spark that had always captivated her attention.

  Eleanor didn’t think about what she did next. She didn’t think about the ramifications or how it might hurt later. She only knew that Max was alive and she could see that life in his beautiful green eyes, and she wanted it.

  She wanted to take it inside herself and revel in it.

  Bending her head, she took his mouth. If he was shocked by her sudden change of heart, he certainly didn’t let it deter him. His hands were in her hair, her hands were sliding up his shirt until she could feel the beat of his heart against her palm.

  He turned her so that her back was against the couch, and they were facing each other.

  This time his eyes said something else. Something that was dark and delicious and made her stomach drop.

  He bent to take her mouth again, brought her leg over his hip and pressed his entire body into her.

  God how she had missed this. Touching and feeling and bodies connected. That awful one-night stand had felt so awkward and wrong, there had been nothing enjoyable about it.

  This felt like something old and familiar, but at the same time, thrilling and new. She reached around his back and ran her fingers along his spine. Then she was shoving them into his jeans so she could feel his ass and remember what it was like to have Max Harper fully belong to her.

  “Nor... I can’t... I need...”

  She couldn’t hang on to his words. They were floating above her head while she relearned the things she used to know about him. That her nails in his ass cheeks drove him wild. That if she found a certain spot on his neck with her teeth, he would groan.

  His hands were between them pulling down the leggings she’d put on until she could help him kick them off. Then his fingers were there, inside her panties, stroking her, pushing her past desire. She was already so hot and slick.

  “Honey, please. I need you so bad. Tell me you want this as much as I do,” he said against her lips even as he continued to play with her.

  Yes, she thought. She needed more than his fingers. She wanted the thrill ride that always came any time she’d made love with Max. It was like riding on a motorcycle, or coming off the downside of a roller coaster. Sometimes it was slow and deep and intense. Sometimes it was fast and furious as if they couldn’t help themselves.

  “Yes, Max. Now. I need you inside me.”

  He pulled his head back and looked at her. “You mean that? You want that?”

  She nodded. Of course it was what she wanted. She was this raging ball of fire, and he was the only thing that would satisfy her.

  He hooked her one leg high over his waist then he moved his hands to his jeans. She heard the sound of the zipper, felt the press of his cock against her panties; then there was a tearing sound that told her, her panties were no longer an issue.

  With one heavy full thrust, he was buried inside her. It stung for a moment, not having been filled like this in so long, but then she tipped her hips toward him and suddenly they were once again like a lock and key.

  “Nor,” he grunted. “You feel so damn good.”

  She had no reply. There was nothing but the feel of him between her legs, thrusting hard and heavy. Belatedly she realized he had his hand under her top, rolling her nipple through the satin of her bra.

  “Baby...I need you to come for me fast.” He pressed his forehead against hers even as his hips continued to snap against her. “I can’t...I can’t wait.”

  Except she wasn’t thinking about coming, she wasn’t even thinking about the jolting pleasure that kept shooting through her in waves. All she was thinking about was the feeling of him deep inside her, pulsing, alive. It was something she never thought she would have again. A feeling she would never experience again. She was giddy with it. She pushed against him, desperate to take in more of him.

  “I can’t... Sorry, Nor. I have to...sonofabitch!”

  He slammed into her, like he had no control over his body, and it was joyous. She could feel herself explode from the inside, and the pleasure was unlike any orgasm she’d ever had. It kept rolling through her, like a sharpness that should have hurt, if it didn’t feel so incredibly good.

  Then it was over. She could hear the harshness of his breath against her ear. Could feel the pounding of his heart against her chest, between her legs. He was still inside her, and she wrapped the leg that was around his waist even tighter so that he would stay that way.

  “Babe, I’m sorry. That was over too soon, but...three years is a freaking long time.”

  She ran her fingers along his jaw. “Yes,” she whispered against his lips. “It is.”

  He laughed then and she laughed, too.

  “Next time, we can do it slower,” he said. “I promise.”

  Next time. As if this time was the start of something.

  That was the sucky part about spontaneous, out-of-your-mind sex. When it was over and you realized what happened, you had to deal with all the ramifications of what it meant.

  Like the feel of Max sliding out of her body. The gush of wetness between her thighs...

  “Holy shit!” Eleanor sat up even as Max was tossing her leggings over his head and trying to settle back on the couch with her.

  “No,” he complained as he tried to pull her down with him. “I want to snuggle. You know me, babe.”

  Then she pushed him with enough force that sent him falling off the couch.

  “Hey!”

  “Sorry...” she offered lamely, as she started doing the math in her head.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m not on the pill anymore. That’s what’s freaking wrong. And you didn’t use a condom.”

  “Nor, I haven’t used a condom with you since the first few times we had sex.”

  It was true. She’d been on the pill, they were in a steady, monogamous relationship. There had been no reason. Except she’d stopped taking the pill because...stupidly it made her sad to take a pill every day to prevent something that could never happen because she wasn’t having sex.

  She’d had her period almost three weeks ago. She could be erratic but, for the most part, she was fairly regular. Which meant she should be out of the danger zone.

  There were options of course.

  But as soon as the day-after pill came into her mind, she rejected it. There was no reason to panic. It was one time. She should be getting her period in a week or so. No reason to take any drastic measures.

  “I need to go home,” she said suddenly.

  “Nor, we need to talk about this.”

  “There is nothing to talk about. This was a mistake. I was
emotional and vulnerable.” She said this even as she pushed the long top down to her knees.

  “Hey...that makes it sound like I took advantage of you. That is not what happened here.”

  Eleanor looked at him. His jeans were still undone, and she could see his still semi-hard penis. Part of her wanted to sink to her knees and take him in her mouth; the other part wanted to run.

  “I wasn’t blaming you. I was trying to explain my own motivations. It was a weak moment. It happened. We need to move on.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? I don’t know if you realize it or not, but we nearly set the couch on fire. I haven’t come like that—check that. I’ve never come like that.”

  “You said...two years.”

  She was pulling her torn panties out of the crease in the cushions when Max grabbed her by her upper arms, forcing her to meet his gaze.

  “That had nothing to do with time. That was us. That has always been us. Why are you being so damn stubborn about this?”

  “Max, you can’t fix everything with sex! Yes, it felt good. Yes, we have chemistry, but none of that was able to keep us together last time.”

  “Last time I kept leaving you. This time I’m not going anywhere!”

  Eleanor shook her head. She couldn’t have this conversation while not wearing panties.

  “Please,” she said, knowing it sounded like begging, but having no other choice. “Please, I just need to go home.”

  He opened his mouth as if to argue but seemed to think better of it. There was nothing he could say that was going to take away the sudden panic she was feeling.

  “Okay.”

  The relief moved through her. So profound she felt the tears well up again.

  It was that sense of reprieve, of knowing that he was backing off that made up her mind.

  Max Harper was the worst kind of Kryptonite for her. And the only way to deal with Kryptonite was to get as far away from it as she could.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE we’re fighting about this,” Allie said, even as she was cutting the tomato for the salad she was preparing.

  “I can’t believe you can’t believe we’re fighting about this,” Mike fired back.

  Allie shook her head. “What is the big deal? You know how Mom is. You know she has to have that feeling of control at all times. This is just her doing her thing. If you’re going to get upset every time she does—”

  “No,” Mike said. “That’s not what this is about and you know it. Stop deflecting.”

  There were times she really hated him when he called her out on her shit. She was about to continue to do what he accused her of doing, when the doorbell to their home rang.

  They stopped and looked at each other. When you lived on a farm, it wasn’t like you had visitors dropping by casually to see you.

  “Did you invite anyone over?” Allie asked.

  Mike shook his head. “I’ll get it.”

  Allie rinsed her hands off. As she left the kitchen, she could hear voices in the foyer.

  One of those voices being her sister’s.

  “Eleanor,” Allie said as she made her way through the living room to the foyer. First, it was Thursday night, which meant a work night for Eleanor. Second, if she was in North Platte, she wasn’t in Denver. And third, Allie couldn’t remember when Eleanor had actually taken a day off work.

  Then she remembered the trip with Max.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” Because the only reason for Eleanor to be here had to be because of some tragic event.

  “Can I stay here...for a few days?”

  Allie’s jaw dropped. “You want to stay in Nebraska? For a few days? While Head to Toe is in Denver?”

  Eleanor pointed to the laptop case she had slung over her shoulder. “I can work remotely.”

  “Eleanor, is this about Max? What happened at the cabin?”

  Then her sister did something Allie hadn’t seen in three years. Tears filled her eyes, ran down her cheeks even as she tried to brush them away and her chin wobbled.

  Eleanor’s chin always wobbled when she was upset because, Allie knew, she was fighting every instinct in her body to not cry.

  She nodded, and Allie pulled her inside to the living room. The house had been Mike’s parents’ place before they retired to Florida, so the furniture was old and lived-in. Something Allie wanted to start changing as they made this more their home rather than his childhood home. But as nearly everything they had was going into the wedding, there was little left over to replace what was still functioning furniture.

  Allie sat with Eleanor on the old couch and looked at Mike.

  “You need anything from your car, Eleanor?”

  She nodded, and Allie could see the relief cross his face. Allie had no doubt he would take the longest amount of time a human could fetching whatever Eleanor had in that car.

  “There is an overnight bag...in the back seat. I’ll need to wash some things...”

  “No problem. I’ll be back.”

  “Talk to me.”

  Eleanor put her face in her hands and started crying again. After a few minutes of back rubbing and sympathy, Allie tried to press her.

  “Tell me what happened. Was it awful? Did you two fight?”

  Eleanor nodded, then tried to take a few deep breaths to get herself under control. “I don’t know why I’m crying. It was my decision. My call. I should feel relieved but instead...”

  “From the beginning, Eleanor. So I have some context.”

  “Max wants us to stay married. He wants to just pretend these three years never happened. No, that’s not fair. He says he wants things to be different. He says he’s different...but people can’t change. Not really. That’s what Mom always said.”

  “Not even people who have near-death experiences?” Allie pointed out.

  Eleanor glared at her. “I knew you would be on his side. But I had nowhere else to go. He doesn’t know about Mike’s farm. He won’t be able to find me here.”

  “First, I’m on your side. Always. Second, I’ve never known you to hide from anything.”

  “I’m not hiding,” Eleanor insisted. “I’m just...lying low. I called my attorney. She’s updating the divorce papers now. I think...he’ll be a little shocked when he receives them. Which is why I should not be where he can find me. Not at work. Not at Mom’s. And I—I didn’t want to be alone.”

  Allie heard the front door open.

  “I’ll just put your things in the guest room,” Mike called out, then took the stairs without bothering them. Another escape tactic, Allie thought. Really, men and tears. What was their deal?

  “Why is Max going to be shocked?”

  Eleanor winced.

  “Eleanor,” Allie urged. “There’s no point in holding back. Not with me.”

  “I told him I needed time to think. I didn’t know what else... I needed him to back off, and it was the only thing I could think of. He probably thinks there is still a chance for us...but I can’t. I just can’t go back there.”

  Allie nodded, sensing they were finally getting closer to the truth. “Does he think there is still a chance because you made it obvious you still have feelings for him?”

  Another scowl.

  This time she stood and paced the floor in front of Allie.

  “Feelings aren’t enough. Passion isn’t enough.”

  “Passion? Eleanor, did you have sex with Max?”

  The answer played out on her sister’s face.

  “Hookay.”

  Eleanor snapped at her. “Don’t judge me.”

  Allie held both hands up in surrender. “I’m not judging. I’m just trying to put all the facts together. You went away with him, you still have feelings for him, you had sex with him—”

  “
And now I’m divorcing him,” Eleanor finished.

  “Yeah, not exactly the conclusion one would arrive at. You have to see what’s happening here, Eleanor. You’re scared and you’re running.”

  “Of course I’m scared. This is Max! I have to completely shut down any and all emotions when it comes to him and think only in terms of what letting him back in my life would mean.”

  “That’s not happiness?”

  “Allie!”

  “What? Eleanor, I’ve obviously known you all my life. The happiest you’ve ever been was when you were with Max. And the most miserable you’ve ever been was when you left him. After he died...or we thought he was dead. You weren’t even you anymore. What happened—him being not dead—it’s a freaking miracle. A second chance that you probably shouldn’t have gotten. I understand why you’re scared. I just don’t understand why you’re rushing to make everything so final. What’s the hurry?”

  Allie waited for a response. Eleanor had stopped pacing, but it was strange because Allie couldn’t remember a time when her sister had looked so defeated.

  “You don’t understand,” Eleanor said dully.

  It was true. Allie didn’t. For one, she couldn’t imagine ever losing Mike. But if she’d lost him and suddenly he was back... That had to be playing mind games with her sister.

  “Okay. You’re right. You need me to be supportive Allie right now.”

  Eleanor looked at her as if she’d been granted a lifeline.

  “Yes. Please.”

  Allie nodded. “You got it.”

  “You’re sure Mike won’t mind if I stay a few days.”

  “I don’t mind if you stay a few days,” Mike said as he came into the living room. “But you should know Allie and I are fighting.”

  Allie rolled her eyes. “We’re not fighting fighting.”

  “We’re not agreeing, that’s for damn sure.”

  “What?” Eleanor asked.

  “Mom,” Allie answered as if that explained everything.

  “See, that’s where you are wrong,” Mike said, obviously frustrated. “This has nothing to do with your mother.”

  “What are you talking about? You’re pissed because she made decisions about the wedding without asking us first. I told you...that’s just what she does.”