Sidelines (Wounded Hearts #1)

by S. M. Smith

  “There are people who look up to and admire you, too, you know.” His words, so purposefully spoken, hold the power to make me blush. Although, in my defense, this summer Texas sun will make anyone turn beet red in a heartbeat.

  “Where would you like to go for lunch?” I ask, grasping at any change of topic.

  “Jump in the truck and I’ll take you over. We can pick up your car later.” He pulls it open but I hold my hand up to stop him.

  “How about I just follow you.” I push the door closed while he blows a slow, steady breath through his nose. His pouting would be adorable if I were allowed to let myself think that way.

  “Fine. I’ll see you there.” He reaches for my car door and opens it for me. He keeps up his traditionally stoic façade while he closes my door and hops in his truck. As soon as we get on the road, I flip the air conditioning to the coldest setting and try to freeze my bubbling insides. I need to cool off, and not just because we just spent the last forty-five minutes out on the field. I remind myself of all the reasons I should be distancing myself from Logan the whole drive to the restaurant, but the moment he pulls into Maria’s all reasonable thought is gone. I should have known this is where he’d want to eat, and that thought opens my eyes to how well I’ve really come to know and understand Logan Lassiter. While that strikes confidence in my ability to put out a great article, it scares me because simply knowing this much about him speaks to his level of trust in me.

  Another thought halts me from even getting out of the car.

  He’s being way too open about his feelings for me. His very nature is to hide his personal life from the rest of the world, so why would he risk his personal feelings for me with all the PDA. He wouldn’t unless he were serious and expecting so much more.

  Reality is a punch to the chest that knocks the breath out of me.

  A knock on my window startles me, causing me to jump so high I hit my head on the roof of the car. I have to take a deep, lung-filling breath as he opens my door for me.

  “You ready?”

  Carefully, I let the breath out and nod, trying to convince myself I’m over analyzing everything. Logan is growing as an individual. He may have a school boy crush on me, but he’s just getting more and more comfortable with me as a friend, and I can always use more friends.

  “What’s wrong?” He frowns as we walk through the door and he pulls his shades off.

  I shake my head, bringing myself back to the here and now. “Nothing. Just running through my to-do list.”

  A hostess escorts us to a table and I promptly pick up the menu and try to at least look like I’m analyzing it instead of him.

  “And what all do you have left?”

  “Um, well, I will meet with Drew tomorrow to get his quote. Then I have a conference call with Carrey and Oliver to get quotes from them when I get back.” I look up in time to find his face impassive and expressionless. If there are any jealous feelings of any sort toward my spending time with his older brother, he’s holding them in.

  “And when is your flight?”

  I try to push down the stomach that now wants to reside in my throat. “Thursday.”

  “This Thursday?” His eyes widen, a hint of fear in his eyes.

  Wishing I had some water for my suddenly dry mouth, I just nod and pick up the menu again. The atmosphere crackles around us as we wait to place our orders. Once the kind waitress retreats to put our order in, I grasp at anything to pick our conversation back up, but all I’m drawing are blanks. Logan fiddles with the wrapper for his straw, wheels in his head visibly turning.

  “So I’m not all that surprised this is where you wanted to have lunch.”

  He looks up at me, my words lost on him for a second. “Why is that?”

  “How many times have we had Maria’s since I’ve been in town?”

  He grins bashfully. “But you see, Maria’s food has just the perfect balance of protein and the right kind of carbs.”

  “And which kind of carbs are those, pray tell?”

  His smiles stretches across his face, just like the truth he’s about to tell.

  “The kind made with love.”

  And just like that, he’s made me laugh.

  “It’s totally worth the extra time in the gym.”

  I sigh. “I’m not going to lie, I kind of miss your gym.”

  His brows furrow. “Why’s that?”

  “Ever since I saw that snake behind the inn yesterday, I don’t dare leave my room without being fully covered. And it’s way too hot to run in pants out here.”

  This time he laughs, a rich, full belly laugh.

  “It’s not that funny. You’ve instilled an overly-cautious—bordering extreme—paranoia in me.”

  “Well, you know you’re always welcome to come to the ranch and use the gym whenever you like.”

  His kind invitation breaks the easy-going feeling we were working toward and I almost sigh in relief when my phone buzzes in my purse beside me. I check it to see if I can just ignore it for the time being, but when Walt’s name peers up at me from the screen, something inside tells me I need to take it. I flash it to Logan and he encourages me to take it, so I stand and rush out the restaurant.

  “Hey, Walt.” But he doesn’t hear my greeting over the coughing fit he’s having on the other end of the line. When he seems to calm down, I pounce. “Please tell me you’ve seen Doctor Estes since we last spoke?”

  He clears his throat and I can practically see him shaking his head. “I’m fine, kiddo, just got something tickling my throat, is all. How’s my girl?”

  “I’m worried about you. I’m going to be home in a few days and we’re going to have some serious words if I find out you haven’t been to see the doc by the time I get there.”

  “Relax there, Allie Cat. I’ve got an appointment to see him tomorrow afternoon.”

  “Good. And what are you doing to take care of yourself in the meantime?”

  “Now, who’s the parent here, kid?”

  “Apparently me since you’re not willing to take care of yourself.”

  He harrumphs, causing another fit of coughs. Dread wads up like a snowball in me and I have half a mind to fly back tonight.

  “I’m okay, I promise. I’ll go see the doc tomorrow and get me some good meds to kick this and we’ll take that trip out to the coast like you’re wanting.”

  His confidence does little to comfort me.

  “I could catch a flight out tonight. I’m pretty much done, just need to—”

  “No, no. You stay put and get your article written. How’s it going anyway?”

  “Oh, it’s going. We just met with his high school coach and I got some great photos of him playing with the guys that will be on the team this fall. We’re getting some lunch now and then I’ll head back to the inn and type up this part of the—”

  “You’re having lunch with Logan? Right now?”

  “Um, well, yes.”

  “And why did you answer the phone?”

  “Because it was you calling. And I answered because now I know if you don’t go to your doctor tomorrow—”

  “Oh, give it a rest, Allie, and get back in there with that boy. Tell him, I said ‘hello,’ would ya.”

  I roll my eyes. “Walt.”

  “Listen, Allie Cat. I love you. More than I could ever express into words, but there will come a day when I won’t be here. And it’s every father’s dream to have his little girl find a man who can stand up for her and—”

  “It’s not like that between us,” I repeat, feeling like a broken record at this point.

  “Well it should be. I know few people who are as dedicated to the game as you are, and Logan sure fits that bill. Add in there that he’s a great player with great sportsmanship, and that speaks a lot about his character, Allie.”

  “I know, but—”

  “And you can’t tell me you don’t find him the least bit attractive.”

  “Well, yes, but—”

 
“So get back in there an enjoy a date with that stud of a wide receiver.”

  “You saw the post, didn’t you?”

  He huffs exasperatingly. “You know I’m not on the up and up like you kids with your Face-notebook and instant-whatever.”

  I don’t believe it. Not for a second. “Uh huh.”

  “Besides, even if I did see a picture of him gazing longingly into your beautiful eyes, I’d still want you to be happy and I think he can make you happy. That is all.”

  “Are you sure? Because I know his PR manager pretty well, and I’m sure we could find you some position on the ‘Let’s love Logan Lassiter’ campaign.”

  “Go eat your lunch. You’re starting to sound grumpy.”

  His banter makes me smile.

  “I love you, Walt.”

  “I love you, too, kiddo. And in case I haven’t told you recently, I’m awfully proud of you.”

  “Thanks. I’ll see you in a couple of days, alright?”

  “You got it. Now go fall in love with our boy.”

  I roll my eyes as I hang up the phone. Of course Walt would be Team Logan.

  When I get back inside, Logan is showing great restraint in not digging into his meal like I’m sure he would like to.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. Everything okay?”

  Walt’s words fill my ears, bringing a smile to my face. “Yeah.”

  “He see the post?”

  I pick up my fork and dig into my enchilada plate. Logan does the same, not taking his eyes off of me. After a moment, he appears to decide to let the matter drop, apparently for a more pressing topic.

  “So can I ask you a question?”

  I swallow a mouthful of rice and eye him playfully. “Only if you’ll answer one in return.”

  He purses his lips, not at all finding me funny. He sighs and asks his question anyway.

  “What would you say has been your most memorable moment for this trip?”

  Immediately our kiss yesterday comes to mind, but I push it away and consider everything else we’ve been through thus far. Everything from meeting his family for the first time to the cattle auction, to all the time I’ve gotten to spend with his sisters.

  “Oh, I got it.” He perks up, a hopeful glint in his eyes. “The square dance.”

  He eyes me considerately. “Which part?”

  I can’t help the ornery grin. “You. Square dancing.”

  “I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

  “Nope. It’s going in the article.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  “Oh, yes. It is.” I flash him a very firm “I win” smile earning myself a glare.

  “So what about you, what’s your most memorable part of my time here?” He sets his fork down and wipes his lips. He picks up his water and I’m afraid he’s going to say our kiss. Or worse not say anything at all.

  “Watching you dance in the rain.” Those eyes bore into me, sending unspoken messages. I try really, really hard not to read into them, but how can I not. They’re taking my breath away and I can only hope that they’re more romantic than embarrassing.

  “Thought I’d finally lost my mind, did you?” I choke.

  “Thought you finally looked free.”

  How could he know? The rain last night finally melted away years of feeling chained down by the dark spots of my past. I never in a million years would have guessed that I’d find people who’d make me feel whole and welcome and give me the strength to step out of the shadows. But I did in a little town in the middle of Texas.

  “I blame your sisters.”

  “For what?”

  “For making me insane.” I try to force a joking smile, but it feels wrong. Those words feel completely and utterly incorrect. I do blame his sisters, but for bringing me out of my own personal crazy.

  “Allie, you’re not insane. Far from it.”

  If only I could agree with him. I’m sitting at a Mexican restaurant, once again, with a gorgeous man, trying to convince myself this is a business lunch, but secretly hoping things could be different. Wishing that instead of a lunch to discuss the last of my assignment to make America fall in love with him, that we’d be on a real date where I could actually admit that I am falling for him. Having to ignore what my gut and heart are telling me is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and it is, quite literally, making me insane.

  I’m too lost in my own inner turmoil to say anything else. We finish our meal and I have to fight him on allowing me to pay for my lunch. His chivalry only adds to the mess inside my head.

  “Thank you,” I finally acquiesce.

  “You’re welcome. I’ve enjoyed having you around, Allie. I hope that the next time you’re in San Antonio you’ll allow me the pleasure of sharing some good Mexican food with you again.”

  My heart skips a beat and I don’t know how to take his words. Was that a request for a date? Or just two friends getting the chance to catch up?

  “I’d like that,” I answer without really knowing which.

  Because if I’m being honest, even though I really hope it would be a date, I’d still settle on just being able to see him, even as a friend.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  The bell over the diner door jingles and a middle-aged lady with a pen stuck in the bun on top of her head smiles warmly at me as she crosses the room with a pot of coffee in her hand. It’s the quaintness of this town that has me dreading my return to California next week. At least that’s what I’m telling myself right now.

  “There she is.” Drew smiles over his frosted mug and pats the vinyl covered stool next to him at the counter. I can’t help but grin by his warm welcome.

  “Sorry, I’m late. I decided to walk and totally miscalculated how long it would take me to get here.”

  He grins mischievously as he picks up his mug. “Uh huh. You’re saying my brother didn’t have anything to do with your tardiness?”

  I try to fight, unsucessfully, the blush that wants to creep up my neck. We’ll just say I’m flushed from my early evening walk. “I actually haven’t seen your brother today.”

  Drew scoffs playfully. “You mean you two are not attached at the hip?”

  “Despite what the rest of America would like to believe, no we are not.” I shoot him a look before turning my attention to the eager looking waitress standing in front of us.

  “What’ll it be for you, sugar?”

  I glance at Drew’s glass questioningly.

  “Lila’s homemade rootbeer. You haven’t lived until you’ve tried this stuff.” He brings the glass to his lips and downs the rest of its contents before comically pounding the glass on the countertop. “Woman, pour me another one.”

  The waitress shoots an unamused look out of the corner of her eyes and he grins boyishly.

  “Please?” he adds sweetly.

  She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

  “I’ll have whatever he’s having, please.”

  “Including the blackberry cobbler a la mode?” she asks daringly. She dips her chin and her eyes dart to Drew’s empty bowl before eying me like I wouldn’t touch the excessive calories with a ten foot pole.

  “Absolutely.” Drew chortles loudly and slaps my back like I’m another one of the guys while the waitress grins approvingly and walks off to fulfill my order.

  “I knew I liked you, Mooreland.”

  “Oh really?” I turn to him questioningly.

  “Well, seeing you and my brother all cozied up these last couple of weeks has definitely improved my impression of you.”

  I just can’t get the red out of my cheeks no matter what I try to do to cool off, and he doesn’t miss it either. He leans in close, keeping eye contact and whispering over the dark, curly hairs that cover his face.

  “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.” He winks and I consider pushing him off his stool.

  “What secret?”

  The waitress places fresh mugs of the homemade brew
in front of us and I start to reach for my own but Drew’s words halt my every movement.

  “The fact that you two are more in love with each other than poor Disney could ever interpret in any of their convoluted princess movies.”

  “You think Disney creates convoluted princess movies?” I ask.

  “Don’t try and change the subject on me, Mooreland. I’ve seen the way you two are with each other. Old Walt Disney himself couldn’t even fathom a love as profound as yours.”

  The pit of my stomach bottoms out and suddenly I’m in no mood for rootbeer or cobbler.

  “It’s not like that.”

  “I’m going to swear and call bullshit on that.” The waitress makes one more pass and slides a bowl of warm blackberry cobbler topped with a heaping scoop of vanilla ice cream in front of me and I feel the build up of tears in the backs of my eyes. He picks up his mug, but stops himself from taking a sip. “Listen, I understand the circumstances y’all face in this, but can we cut the crap and just look at the facts in front of us? You two have had a fire blazing between you since the moment that first interview was aired. I’m willing to bet that since the moment you waltzed into town, my baby brother has bent over backwards to do whatever he can to woo you while simultaneously hold you at bay. He doesn’t like people up in his business and he sure as the day he was born doesn’t like his dirty laundry aired out for all of the world to see.”

  I take a bite of the delicious dessert, considering what Drew must be referring to.

  “Is that why he doesn’t want your parents to know about what happened with Cassady?”

  Drew visibly swallows and pulls his mug into his wide, calloused hands. “It’s more than that.”

  I wait, picking up the spoon and forcing another bite of the cobbler into my mouth so I won’t be tempted to speak. I want to hear this out. I need to hear this half of the story. Not for any blog, but for me.

  “What happened with Cassady was a total mistake. I’d like to say I was in a bad place and she pulled me through it, but the truth is that I was lost and lonely and starting something with her just led me down a path I’ll never forgive myself for.”

  “But Logan forgave you.”

  He subtly shakes his head and smiles sarcastically. “Although I’m immensely grateful for it, it’s not his forgiveness I need.”