“I have to hear this.” Dr. Cassidy leaned forward. “There has to be a story there.”
“Another time, Tabitha,” Willa says with a naughty smirk that manages to be as shy and bashful as it is cocky. “I don’t think you can handle it today.”
“You’re probably right.” Dr. Cassidy fans her flushed face.
My eyes squint in Willa’s direction. “You’ve never brought this up before in an entire year of counseling?”
“If it was directly tied to you, Willa was always very vague about the details. But I was given the bullet points.” Dr. Cassidy picks her notepad and pen back up. “Royce, could you please share the conversation you had with your brother regarding his new marriage?”
“Do I want to? No.” I take a deep breath, finding anything dealing with Donny difficult to voice. “Donny was– is –my best friend. So you have to understand how hard this is for me. How much guilt and shame I carry over what I did to him, and how I feel he was justified in the pain he felt. It wasn’t his fault. Just another form of domestic violence I still don’t understand. But he did what he did, and if we hadn’t done what we did, none of this would have happened. But what we did, Willa and I, we did it out of love for Donny.”
“That wasn’t the only reason,” Willa interrupts me with the truth.
“Shush now. It’s my turn to talk.”
9 years ago
Marching into the living room with purposeful strides, I shout, “Get out!” at Sean. He just shrugs and walks out of the house, but I never hear his truck start up. Then a sick feeling sinks to the pit of my stomach. “Willa? Hey, Slap-Happy?”
Willa appears from the hallway, looking put out. “Would you like some coffee?”
“Do you even know how to make coffee?” Donny has the balls to ask.
“No.” Willa narrows her eyes at her new husband. “I ain’t stupid. I can figure it out. I can read.”
“Does your momma talk to your daddy like that?” Donny volleys back.
“What do you think? Daddy’s your buddy.” Willa wanders into the kitchen, never really answering Donny. Cupboards slam and water runs.
“I guess we’re getting coffee.” I sit down on the couch across from my brother. “Do you think Cora talks to Corbin like that?”
A snort flows in from the kitchen.
“Something tells me that hellcat is being good,” Donny grumbles, looking guilty and filled with regret. “Something tells me my palm is gonna sting a great deal.”
“Just don’t let Sean near her.” I point at the bruises Donny’s buddy left behind.
“This?” Donny points at his shiner and split lip, and another snort hits my ears. “Is a wedding gift from my wife.”
My neck jackknifes, hitching to the side so I can look into the kitchen. I find an innocent Willa humming to herself, coffee can cradled in her palms as she reads the instructions on the back.
“Don’t start beating on her,” I warn Donny. “I can tell Corbin has. A lot.”
“Girls like that,” Sean says from the front porch, voice flowing in from the open window. “They will test their boundaries. The girl knows better than to pull this shit with her daddy. You were too soft with her already, and she’ll own your nuts. Get a kid in her gut and give her something to do.”
“I’m the only one here who’s had a wife and kid.” I stomp over to the window and slam it shut. I lock every window leading out to the porch. “I don’t like how Sean influences you. It was you and Corbin for the longest time, then Sean came out of nowhere. If anyone has your nuts in a vise, it’s that odd duck.”
“I thought you hated Corbin?” Donny looks over his shoulder, watching his new wife like she’s invading his home.
“I do. That’s saying something, ain’t it? I like Sean when he’s not around you.” I lean forward to squeeze my brother’s knee. “What did you do, Donny? Why?”
“I–I–I…” Donny’s lost his voice again.
Willa sashays in, still humming to herself. She has a bowl of Cheetos tucked in the crook of her arm, the handles of two coffee mugs in one hand, and a bottle of beer in the other. This girl would make one helluva waitress. She plops a coffee mug in front of me, and then one in front of Donny. The Cheetos land on the center of the coffee table. She drops down onto the sofa next to me, getting into my personal space, and then twists the cap off the beer. She takes a large swig, sighs in pleasure, and leans back on the couch.
Donny and I stare at Willa like she’s grown a second head. “What?” She takes another swig. “I’ve had a rough day.”
I grab the beer out of her hand. Tilting my head back, I drain the bottle in a couple of swallows. “Me too. Thanks.” I slam the bottle on the coffee table.
Willa glares at me, getting up from the couch.
“Grab another one, and I’ll drink that one too,” I warn. “Married or not, you’re a child.”
Petulant, Willa steals my coffee, takes a sip, grimaces, and then grabs the Cheetos bowl to wash the taste away.
“Why?” I beg my brother to answer. “Why did you do this to yourself?”
“Hey!” Willa yells at me, but I ignore her.
I lean to the side so I’m all Donny can see. “Why?”
“I needed a wife and Corbin needed money,” Donny whispers, not wanting us to hear the truth.
“Let me get this straight…” I sit back up. “You paid.” I look at Willa, remembering how she said she wasn’t cheap. “You took twenty grand out of Daddy’s trust to buy yourself a hillbilly child-bride, when you could have went to the bar and picked up any girl, even married ones, because you’ve got more than enough money to take care of a harem of wives. Explain this to me.”
“Sean was telling me–”
“Fuck Sean,” I snarl. “Leave him out of it.”
“Corbin has a wife and kids to feed, and we got more than we could ever need. So instead of lending him money we’d never get back, we made a trade. I needed a wife because I’d like some kids, and he needed some money because his disability isn’t enough.”
“Corbin is thirty-four-fucking-years-old and never worked a day in his life. What exactly is the nature of his disability?” I see Willa out of the corner of my eye. “Sorry. No offense.”
“None taken. My daddy is a worthless sonofabitch.” She crunches on a handful of Cheetos. “His only disability is being a violent, lazy drunk.” Willa looks at her new husband and says sarcastically, “No offense, but you have shit taste in friends. Brothers? That remains to be seen.”
“Wow…” I sigh while rubbing my sweaty palms on my jeans. “What’s this kid bullshit you keep spouting? Your wives left you because you didn’t want kids.”
“I want kids.” Donny gazes at me with earnest eyes. “Look how much I love Bren. My wives left because they couldn’t give me kids.” My brother looks toward the porch, and then shudders. “Kids are important to build a family. I want Daddy to live on in my children too.”
“Yeah, but why…” I look back to Willa, who’s watching us like a tennis match. “Her?”
“Sean said–” Donny raises his hand to stop my Fuck Sean. “I always went after older women, remember? Nicole was forty-five, maybe her eggs dried up. Corbin said his daughter was willing.” Willa snorts loudly. “So I decided the younger the more fertile.”
“Dammit, Donny!” I pound my fist against my thigh. “Sixteen is the age of consent. Corbin and Cora were the ones consenting. Why?”
“I won’t bug the girl none.” Donny looks guilty as fuck. He gestures to his maimed face. “These bruises were from Willa trying to get after her daddy. I didn’t want Corbin to snap and beat the piss out of her. I didn’t take advantage of her. After a minute or two, she said to get the consummating over with. So I did. It didn’t hurt her none.”
“She’s fifteen!” I shout in outrage. “How did your dick get hard?”
Both Willa and Donny glare at the sides of my face. “I’ll have you know–” Willa’s bitching gets cut o
ff by my brother’s, “Don’t even. I’m not a moron.”
“Brennan said the same thing to me earlier, and you two sounded exactly the same, but fuck if I get what you’re talking about.”
“You’re a guy who hasn’t gotten laid in three years. Your dick would have gotten hard,” Donny challenges me, and it makes me uncomfortable. “Not even you are that good.”
“But Willa’s so charming,” I mutter sarcastically. “How could I possibly resist this caustic creature?”
Calculating eyes baring me naked, “Don’t go there,” Willa warns in a sultry voice that utterly terrifies me. “You best hope I never take a shine to you.”
“Willa, please,” Donny whispers as softly as possible. He looks to the front windows. “You better hope Sean never hears you say that.” He reaches over to grip my hand, squeezing hard. “Don’t do it. Don’t go there. Sean might hurt you, but he’d surely kill Willa.”
“What the fuck?” I come to my feet in an instant.
“Sean is very loyal,” is Donny’s only explanation. “Don’t worry. He’ll leave when you do. He’s just being snoopy.”
“He better,” I grit out between clenched teeth. “I gotta get outta here before my head explodes. Does anybody need anything?”
“Surprise me,” Willa says with a bright smile. “My daddy forgot to pack my stuff.”
“Of course he did,” I mutter beneath my breath. “What about school?”
“I’m a married woman now.”
“Christ.” I stare at my brother, and we share a look. Both of us a heartbeat away from being ill. “This shit is what happens when you let assholes like Corbin and Sean influence you, Donny. This is not a joke. We’re stuck with Willa for life– all the Gillettes.”
My brother looks like he’s going to cry, so I back off.
“I won’t be mean to Donny as long as he’s not mean to me.” Willa sounds her age, and I can see the toll this is taking on her.
“I’ll leave you be. It’s your honeymoon, after all.”
My brother winces, but Willa snorts in reply. I swear she mouths, “I’m not a dog.”
Present
“What did you do after you left?” Dr. Cassidy asks, placing her pen on top of her notepad. “Did Sean follow after you?”
“Sean was already gone before I left the house. We were so focused on the conversation at hand, we didn’t hear him leave.” I squeeze the pillow in my arms, looking for comfort. “I picked my son up, and his little friend too. Both of them were wearing makeup, and I didn’t make them wash it off, which made Franny happier than a pig in shit. We played five rounds of Horse, because we had to play until Bren could win. Then I showed the boys the power of the bonfire. We told ghost stories and ate roasted hotdogs and toasted marshmallows all night. The next day Franny helped me pick out some stuff for Willa, and we delivered it. Bren took one look at Willa and thought she was his cousin, not his aunt.”
“Did that go well?” Dr. Cassidy tries to gauge Willa’s reaction.
“I felt guilty for all of the pretty things Royce showered on me, but was most thankful for the school books he brought. Later, Royce helped me study them. But on the second day of my marriage, I spent my time playing with Bren and Franny. It made me miss my brothers.”
“Oh, Willa…” Dr. Cassidy clasps her chest, like her heart hurts.
“Something good came out of it, though. Bren went to school looking for Wynn. Started trailing after him, wanting to know him because of me. It took Bren a few years to get Wynn to notice, but they’re as close as brothers can get now.”
“How does Bren see you, Willa?” Dr. Cassidy coaxes her to open up.
“I think… and this will sound odd because of how close in age we are. But I think Bren is starting to see me as a mother-figure. He didn’t at first when I came home from rehab. He was frightened of hurting my feelings. But now, it’s going smoothly. He listens when I speak, like he cares about what I have to say.” Willa starts to get choked up, and I long to protect her from the pain. “I like how Bren sees me. It makes me feel good. Makes me feel proud. That’s not something my brothers can give me. That’s only a form of respect your child can give.”
“You should feel proud,” Dr. Cassidy says firmly. “I know you barely hear me when I say that, but it’s still the truth.”
“I don’t– I don’t recognize this girl Royce is talking about. It’s like he’s telling a story about someone else. She’s not me and I’m not her anymore. But I don’t like who I am, either. I wish there was a way to bring back the parts of her I love, without bringing the ignorance with her.”
“Willa,” I pull her into my side, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. “We’ll keep rubbing the tarnish away every day, and she’ll shine through brighter and brighter. I promise.”
Tying One On
“Okay, here we go, boys.” I run my tie between my fingertips. “Every father should teach his sons how to knot a necktie properly.”
“I can think of a better use for that tie,” Kade grumbles underneath his breath, causing Wynn’s face to bloom a bright shade of red.
“Well, I’m sure. But seeing as how I’ve given you this lesson almost a dozen times, I fear you’d be the one being trussed up.” I yank a reluctant laugh out of Bren. Finally. The boy has been catatonic all week. Kade flashes me the stink-eye for embarrassing him. “So, ya put it around your neck like this…”
I swing the tie around my neck so the tails fall to my chest, then I shimmy it until the skinny side is longer. “Pay close attention. Now wrap the tail around from beneath, and tuck it up and over… just like this…” When I finish up the knot, I look up with a wide grin.
Bren’s tie is crooked, but otherwise done correctly. I give it a tug to yank it right, and pat it into place. I lean forward, resting my forehead against his. “So proud of you, son. So proud.” I wrap my palm around the back of Bren’s neck and hold him to me for a moment, imprinting this slice of time into my memory bank. My son gets a bit misty-eyed, so I hand him a hanky.
“Thanks, Dad,” croaks from Bren’s throat, then he turns to have some privacy while he sniffles.
“And look at you…” Wynn flashes me a Gillette smile filled with big white teeth.
“Do I get a ‘so proud of you, son’ for getting my tie right?” Teasing me, Wynn puffs out his chest and grins. “You’re too short to do that forehead cuddle with me, though.”
“Ever the Golden Boy.” Kade grunts begrudgingly. “Does everything perfectly on the first try.”
“Hardee-har-har.” Wynn rolls his eyes.
“You’re jealous of your own boyfriend?” Bren flips around, tears drying on his cheeks but wearing a smile on his face. “You suck at everything, that’s why.”
I bite my tongue to stop laughing. Kade’s tie is wadded into a ball around his neck. “You’re more of a hands-on type of guy who takes a few times to learn.” I try to fix it and give up, yanking it off his neck. I grab another tie from my closet and do it myself. “There. You sure have grown up to be a handsome sonofabitch. I never met your daddy and momma, but they did good.”
“Lumberjack Casanova’s not very bright,” Bren teases. “College educated idiot who’s still a virgin and has never swung an axe.”
“Brennan,” I warn, knowing how easily Kade will take that to heart. “Some of us learn differently.”
“I’ve got a house, a semi-potty-trained pug, a job I love, a hot genius for a boyfriend, and a bratty-ass little brother. Who cares how bright I am?” Kade grumbles to himself about little assholes. “I’m doing good for myself.” He looks down at his discarded necktie. “Just not very good at this. I better go fetch my yellow bowtie.”
“Christ, no!” Brennan recoils. “You’re not going to embarrass us on our day.”
“How’d I do, Daddy?” Hayden tugs at my shirt sleeve. “I’m not gonna embarrass Uncle Wynn and Bren, am I?”
We all try to keep a straight face as I crouch down next to Hayden. “Perfec
t, son. It’s perfect.” I straighten his little boy clip-on tie, and then roll up his shirt cuffs to match how Kaden’s are above his thick forearms. “I think when your hair grows back in, it’ll no longer be Gillette blond.” My fingertips flutter across Hayden’s fresh, summer brush cut– a Kennedy tradition on the last day of school.
“I want hair like yours and Brennan’s but I wanna be big like Uncle Wynn,” Hayden puts in a request that ain’t ever happening.
“Sorry, Kiddo. You’re only getting half of that wish, so which are you gonna pick?”
“I wanna look like you,” he whispers softly like it’s a secret. “Even if I have to be short.”
“Wish granted.” I peck a kiss to his forehead, and then rise. “Being tall is overrated anyway. It’s easier to kiss girls when you don’t have to crank your neck.”
“That ain’t never been an issue for us.” Wynn hitches his thumb between him and Kade. “But it’s probably a good idea for Hayden.”
“Imagine either one of those fools kissing a short guy or girl.” Bren doesn’t look very far down to meet Hayden’s gaze, commiserating. “They’d look like a cast member from TLC’s My Giant Life.”
“Bitch,” Wynn whispers with affection.
“Franny’s wearing off on you, bro.” Bren’s eyes fill with tears again. “No more calling people a bitch. It’ll hurt too much.”
“Sorry,” Wynn mutters, looking away. But not fast enough before I see his nose wrinkle in a sniffle.
“Good God!” Kade rolls his eyes. “My high school graduation day was the happiest day of my life. You little shits are fucking nuts. I’m the certified fag in the room and I’m not bawling my eyes out because my boyfriend is moving in a few weeks. Man up, pussies.”
Kade stomps from my bedroom, boots echoing off the stair treads.
“In other words…” Bren’s gaze is locked on the doorway Kade just exited. “He’s gonna go hide out in the downstairs bathroom until his puffy eyes go down.”
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