Book Read Free

I Like You

Page 18

by Amy Sedaris


  Fold in cracker crumbs, mixing well. Fold in crab-meat. Make crab cake in desired portions and refrigerate until ready to cook.

  Panfry in canola oil until lightly browned.

  Serve with sauce made of mayonnaise, sugar, lemon juice, and fresh dill.

  Courtesy Patricia Hogg.

  CLUSTER HAVEN’S PEPPER MILL CHEESE BALL

  1 stick of butter

  1 8-oz. package of cream cheese

  1½ cups of grated Cheddar cheese

  2 T of grated onion

  2 T of coarsely ground pepper (To get really coarse pepper, I put peppercorns in a dish towel and bang it with a mallet on my floor.)

  Combine your butter and cream cheese. Add in the Cheddar and onion. Mix it really well. Form it into a ball and roll it in the pepper. Refrigerate. Serve at room temperature on a Ritz.

  CHEESE PUFFS

  1-½ cup of butter

  ½ t of salt

  Dash of freshly ground pepper

  1 cup of flour

  4 eggs

  3 oz. of shredded Swiss cheese

  Combine 1 cup of water and first 3 ingredients in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Add flour all at once, then beat over low heat until mixture leaves sides of pan, about 1 minute. Remove from heat and continue beating for 2 more minutes until cool. Add eggs, beating after each until mixture has a satin sheen. Stir in the cheese, refrigerate mixture. It’s easier to spoon out mixture on a greased cookie sheet in mounds from a tablespoon.

  Bake in 375-degree oven for 20 minutes.

  YORKSHIRE PUDDING

  Remove your roast from the oven but leave oven on. Save all the fat and drippings from your roast while it is resting.

  Beat until well blended:

  2 eggs

  1 cup milk

  1 cup flour

  1 teaspoon salt

  Pour a ladle of the piping hot pan drippings into muffin pans (just enough to cover the bottom). Pour batter on top, about up to the halfway mark.

  Bake for about 15 to 20 minutes but check in on them at the 10-minute mark to make sure they are rising and popping.

  Serve right away with your roast beast.

  (This can be made in a 11 x 7-inch pan and cut into squares.)

  NEPTUNE’S HUSH PUPPIES

  1-2/3 cup (stone ground) cornmeal

  1/3 cup all-purpose flour

  2 teaspoons baking powder

  1 teaspoon baking soda

  1 teaspoon salt

  1 teaspoon sugar

  2 teaspoons black pepper

  Mix all ingredients together. Then whisk together and add to dry mixture:

  2 eggs

  1 cup buttermilk

  ½ cup onion, finely chopped or grated

  Optional: 1/8 cup finely chopped jalapeño pepper

  Mix well. Gently drop heaping tablespoons of batter into shortening or vegetable oil at 375 degrees F. Fry until golden brown, turning if necessary.

  Courtesy of Jennifer McCullen.

  GREEK BEANS

  1½ pounds of green beans

  3 tablespoons of olive oil

  1 bunch green onions, chopped

  1 small onion chopped

  2 carrots, peeled and chopped

  2 crushed or minced garlic cloves

  Oregano, basil (maybe about 1½ teaspoons each)

  1 28-ounce can of crushed tomatoes

  ½ 6-ounce can of tomato paste

  1 bouillon cube (optional)

  Salt and pepper

  Wash beans. Sauté onions, garlic, and carrots in oil and bouillon (if using). Add can of crushed tomatoes, oregano, basil, and beans. Add ½ cup of water.

  Cook covered on low heat for 45 minutes. Take lid off and add tomato paste, then cook for another 15 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste.

  REFRIED BEANS

  2 medium yellow onions

  5 cloves garlic

  5 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

  4 27-ounce cans pinto beans

  1 11.5-ounce can V8 juice

  2 teaspoons cumin

  1 teaspoon celery seed

  1 teaspoon oregano

  5 bay leaves

  ½ cup Pasilla/Ancho Paste (see recipe, below)

  2 7-ounce cans chopped green chilies

  Sauté chopped onions and garlic in olive oil. Add rinsed pinto beans, V8 juice, seasonings, Pasilla/Ancho Paste, and green chilies.

  Cover and simmer for an hour, stirring frequently to prevent burning at the bottom of the pan. While beans are cooking use a potato masher and mash the beans in the pot.

  Serve as main dish topped with chorizo sausage. Or serve as a side dish topped with Cheddar cheese. Very spicy.

  PASILLA/ANCHO PASTE:

  10 dried pasilla and ancho peppers

  Cut the dried ends off the dried peppers and remove the seeds and ribs. Rinse and place in a small saucepan. Cover with 1 inch of water. Simmer, covered, on low heat for 30 minutes. Add water as needed. Puree in a blender to make a thick paste.

  Courtesy of Lisa Sedaris.

  SOUTHERN GREEN BEANS

  People go crazy for these. I serve them with barbecued chicken, sweet potatoes, and cornbread.

  ¼ pound of salt pork and 1 strip of bacon (you can use either or both)

  1 pound of green beans, trimmed

  1 cup of water

  1 onion, chopped

  2 T of butter

  Brown the salt pork and bacon in a pan. Add the beans and everything else. Cook for 3 hours.

  Southern Green Beans

  NONNY’S RICE

  5 cups of white basmati rice

  2 sticks of butter

  Saffron

  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

  Boil water with a good amount of salt.

  Wash rice in a large bowl with cold water. Swish it around with your hand and pour off cloudy water. Add more cold water, swish around with your hand and pour off cloudy water. Repeat until water is clear. By the time you finish this, the salted water will be boiling. With a slotted spoon, add rice to boiling salted water.

  Wait till the water comes to a boil again. Let it boil for 3 minutes, then start testing it. There is a short window of time before the rice becomes overcooked, so be quick.

  To test: take one or two grains out, bite it. When the rice is half done (soft on the outside, still hard on the inside), quickly drain it. Don’t overcook! Five minutes is too long.

  Have your roasting pan with lid ready. You will need a completely sealed cover because you are going to steam the rice and you don’t want to loose any steam. After you drain the rice, put it in an airtight roasting pan, adding a 1/3 cup of water. Cover and cook for 1 hour.

  Meanwhile, take a large pinch of saffron and put it in a shot glass. Half fi ll the shot glass with boiling water from the rice. Let it sit while the rice is baking in the oven.

  After one hour, remove rice from oven. Add 2 sticks of butter and dump the shot glass of saffron and water in the pan. Cover and shake the pan rigorously to evenly distribute butter and saffron. Fluff with fork if you can’t lift the pan to shake it.

  Courtesy of Beatrice O’Shana.

  SPANISH RICE, POR FAVOR

  ¼ cup oil

  1 onion, chopped

  ¼ cup celery, chopped

  1 garlic clove, minced

  1 1-lb. 13-oz. can tomatoes w/liquid

  1 t salt

  ¼ t dried basil

  ½ t pepper

  1 cup rice

  Heat oil and cook onion, garlic, celery until softened.

  Add tomatoes and seasonings. Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally. Simmer for 5 minutes. Stir in the rice, cover, and simmer about 20 minutes until the rice is tender and all the liquid is absorbed.

  Note: Ground beef can be included. Just cook that up first, then do your onions and garlic.

  Eat it rapido, rapido!

  JOHNNY’S CORNBREAD

  1 cup Martha White self-rising corn bread mix

  1 medium yellow onion, chopped
r />   1 teaspoon salt

  1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar

  ¼ cup olive oil

  1 egg, beaten

  1 cup buttermilk

  2 tablespoons oil (for pan)

  Preheat oven to 500 degrees.

  Mix all ingredients in large bowl; batter will be quite thin. On stovetop, heat a 10-inch iron skillet to smoking and water beads up and rolls around. Swirl the pan with the 2 tablespoons oil. It should smoke. Sprinkle the pan lightly with salt. Pour in batter. It will sizzle. Transfer to upper third of preheated oven. Bake 15–20 minutes or until top crust shows cracks. Broil 2–4 minutes until top is brown. Turn onto cutting board, cut into slices like a pizza, and eat immediately.

  It’s great with a cup of grated extra-sharp Cheddar cheese and chopped jalapeño peppers, for Mexican corn-bread. Substitute the vinegar in the recipe for pepper juice.

  Any cornbread mix will do, I guess, at least in the South, but I know they change recipes for stuff in the North. The mix is cornmeal, flour, salt, and leavening— some combination of baking powder and baking soda, I suppose. No sugar. Sugar is heresy for the cornbread indigenous to my micro-region in the most remote area of North Carolina, Stanly County.

  Courtesy of John Newman.

  BAKED SWEET POTATOES OR YAMS

  The difference between a yam and a sweet potato is that the yam is sweeter and moister and darker in color but the two are interchangeable.

  Scrub sweet potatoes or yams. Lightly grease their skins and put them in an oven at 400 degrees. Bake for about 45 minutes.

  To mash them: Boil sweet potatoes, drain, and mash. Add butter, salt, and pepper, and a little nutmeg.

  MASHED POTATOES

  2 pounds of peeled, quartered potatoes

  ½ cup of milk

  4 T of butter

  Boil in salted water until tender. Drain your potatoes and mash or press them. Add the milk and butter, salt and pepper.

  MASHED TURNIPS

  3 pounds of white turnips, peeled and sliced

  ½ stick of butter

  Salt and pepper

  Mash the turnips. Add the butter and salt and pepper.

  FRENCH FRIES IN OLIVE OIL

  Make these fries like you normally would only be extravagant and use olive oil instead of vegetable oil. It will take twice, maybe three times, as long but be really really, good. Top with salt. Treat yourself.

  EXCELLENT STUFFED POTATOES

  6 large baking potatoes

  1 onion, diced

  1 medium green pepper, diced

  1 stick butter

  1 teaspoon salt

  1–2 tablespoons cream

  1 teaspoon fresh or dried rosemary

  ½ teaspoon pepper

  Paprika, for garnish

  Serves 4.

  Bake your potatoes in an oven for 1 hour.

  Meanwhile sauté onion, pepper, and rosemary in your butter, until limp. Then add your salt, pepper, and cream and heat until just before it boils. Take off heat.

  Remove potatoes from oven when tender. Cut them in half lengthwise. Scoop out the centers, leaving the shells intact. Mash insides and then add the cream mixture. Mix well. Fill the shells with the mashed potato mixture and dot with butter. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes. Sprinkle with paprika and serve at once.

  From Cooking with Love and Paprika by Joe Pasternak.

  BAKED BUTTERNUT OR ACORN SQUASH

  Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

  Cut your squash in half lengthwise (for butternut— for acorn cut in half ), scoop out all the seeds and fibers. Place in a shallow baking pan cut-side down, add ¼ cup of water. I stab the outside of the squash, but I’m not sure why, or even if it’s right.

  Season with a lot of pepper and salt and bake for about 45 minutes or until tender, checking by inserting a knife. When ready, scoop out the insides and place in a bowl or pot and season with salt and pepper and butter. You can add brown sugar, but I don’t. Mash up with a fork and then warm on stove until you need it. This too can be made ahead of time and just reheated.

  DAD’S OVEN-ROASTED VEGETABLES

  3 peppers, 3 different colors, seeds removed cut into ½-inch wide strips

  2 red onions, cut into wedges

  2 zucchini or yellow squash, cut into ½ -inch slices

  1 eggplant, trimmed into 1-inch chunks

  ¼ cup olive oil

  ¼ cup Italian flat-leaf parsley

  2 t fresh thyme leaves

  Salt and pepper to taste

  Spread all the vegetables in a roasting pan and top with the oil.

  Bake at 400? turning often, for about 40 minutes. Optional: Add fresh spinach in the last minute and mix it in. Also, you can make a pan using all root vegetables, like sweet potato, parsnips, carrots, celery root.

  Boil rigatoni in salted water. Drain and toss with vegetables. Top with parsley. Optional: Garnish with roasted pine nuts.

  This is good with or without rigatoni.

  FRAZZLED LEEKS IN SNAPPING OIL

  2 cups of leeks (the white part), julienned

  1½ cups of olive oil

  1½ cups of flour

  Salt

  Put the leeks in the flour and shake off the excess. Place the leeks in the hot snapping oil, for about 4 minutes until they look a little frazzled. Take out using a slotted spoon and place on paper towel like you would French fries. Top with salt.

  STEAMED CARROTS

  Put carrots in a steamer and steam.

  CRYING MUSHROOMS IN PHYLLO

  About 10 phyllo leaves

  ¼ lb. butter

  ½ lb. chopped mushrooms

  ½ t salt

  Pepper

  ¼ t dill

  4 oz. cream cheese

  ¼ cup sour cream

  ¼ cup plain yogurt

  ½ cup plain breadcrumbs, ground

  Some parsley

  1 minced scallion

  Juice of ½ lemon

  Sauté the chopped mushrooms in some of the butter. Remove from heat, add cream cheese to hot mushrooms. Toss until the cheese is melted. Add in everything else but the remaining butter.

  Melt the remaining butter to use for the phyllo.

  On a buttered baking tray, use half of the phyllo sheets and butter between each layer using a pastry brush.

  Apply the fi lling 3 inches wide and roll tight, tucking in the sides, and brushing the top of the roll with butter as well.

  Bake at 375 degrees for 25 minutes.

  BRUSSELS SPROUTS

  They shouldn’t be overcooked; they should look bright green. They will brighten up any plate, if you let them.

  Wash 1 pound of sprouts and take away any wilted leaves. Trim the stem and cut an “X” in the bottom. Steam them for about 8–10 minutes.

  When done, put them in a skillet with 2 tablespoons of butter and salt and pepper. Cover and cook for about 6–8 minutes, shaking them back and forth.

  MOUSSAKA

  You can use a marinara sauce instead of meat.

  MEAT SAUCE:

  Sauté in oil:

  1 chopped onion, 2 crushed garlic cloves

  Add:

  1 pound beef

  Stir this well, and add:

  1 cup canned crushed tomatoes, 1 tablespoon parsley ½ small can tomato paste, ½ cup white wine

  Salt and pepper, ¼ teaspoon cinnamon (optional)

  VEGETABLES:

  Mix together:

  ½ pound prepared eggplant (see below)

  ½ pound potatoes

  ½ pound zucchini (shallow-fried in oil)

  CREAM SAUCE:

  See Pastitsio, pages 79–80.

  TO ASSEMBLE:

  Grease whatever dish you are using, in my case 13 x 9 x 2 inches. Add a little of the red sauce to the bottom of dish.

  Place a layer of eggplant on bottom, top with a little of the sauce, sprinkle with a little cheese, then add a layer of potatoes and or zucchini and top with the rest of the sauce, adding a little more cheese.

  F
or the third layer, add whatever you have left of the zucchini and eggplant.

  Arrange evenly and spread the cream sauce and some cheese on top.

  I also add some toasted pine nuts.

  Bake for 1 hour at 350 degrees.

  PREPARED EGGPLANT:

  Slice the eggplant, leaving the skins on. Sprinkle with salt and let sit for an hour. Dry with paper towel, place in a baking dish, and brush with olive oil. Lightly brown under a hot broiler, turning once. You can also just shallow-fry in oil.

  CREAMED SPINACH

  Make a white sauce with 1 tablespoons of butter, 1 tablespoon of flour, ½ cup of milk. Wash, clean, and dry 1½ pounds of spinach. Add the spinach to the white sauce along with 1 tablespoon heavy cream, dash nutmeg, and salt and pepper. Just stir around in the pot until completely mixed together.

  ADULT BIRTHDAY DINNER SUGGESTION

  Cluster Haven’s Pepper Mill Cheese Ball Lamb Chops with Handles Hugh’s Scalloped Potatoes

  Steamed Carrots Baked Alaska

  Coffee

  HUGH’S SCALLOPED POTATOES

  1 tablespoon of

  minced parsley

  1 cup of thinly sliced onion 2-½ cups of thinly sliced potatoes

  1 teaspoon of salt

  1-½ tablespoons

  of butter

  3-½ tablespoons of flour 1 cup of milk

  Pepper

  Paprika

  1 cup of shredded

  Swiss cheese

  Boil potatoes and onion for about 5 minutes. For the cream sauce, melt butter. Add flour and milk. Add paprika, salt, and pepper. Stir, then add the Swiss cheese. Oil the bottom of a 9"x 12" baking dish. Place a layer of potatoes and onions, then a layer of sauce, then parsley. Alternate until finished with ingredients. Bake at 400 degrees for 35 minutes.

  Adult Birthday Dinner

  Italian Nights

  MANICOTTI WITH RICOTTA, CRÊPE STYLE

  MARINARA SAUCE:

  3 cloves garlic, finely chopped

  2 teaspoons basil

  2 tablespoons finely chopped parsley

  4 tablespoons olive oil

  6 ripe tomatoes, peeled, finely chopped, and seeded or 2 cans crushed tomatoes

  Salt and pepper

  1 beef bouillon cube

  2 teaspoons oregano

  Sauté boullion cube, garlic, basil, parsley, and oregano in olive oil until brown. Add tomatoes and cook slowly. Add a little hot water and season to taste.

  CRÊPES:

  3 eggs, room temperature

  1 cup flour

  ½ cup milk

  1 tablespoon olive oil

  Dash salt

 

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