The Purest of Diamonds?

by Susan Stephens

  ‘Leila?’

  She paled as Raffa took in everything at a glance. ‘I didn’t see you there.’

  ‘Clearly.’

  Her heart sank. Of all the opportunities she’d had, this was the worst possible moment. Her guilty face gave everything away and she could feel anger coming off him in waves. ‘Raffa, I—’

  ‘Let me get those,’ he interrupted. Turning his back on her, he spoke to the woman manning the stall, reverting to Spanish as he completed the transaction, effectively cutting Leila out so all she could do was stand back, feeling useless.

  Feeling worse than useless. Everyone on the island loved Raffa. They trusted him. He had said he trusted her. How did he feel about that now? What would these people—Raffa’s people—think of her? She only had to watch the way they responded to Raffa to know they loved him. He’d done so much for them, creating employment and bringing the island to life again. And she was a nobody carrying his child, a child she didn’t even have the guts to tell him about.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said automatically when Raffa swung around with her purchases. ‘I’ll give you the money.’ She held out her hand with a bundle of notes, but Raffa ignored them and directed a hard, knowing stare into her eyes instead.

  ‘Have you had some happy news from one of your sisters?’ he suggested in an icy tone. ‘Or a friend, perhaps?’

  Her shocked look answered everything he wanted to know.

  ‘You’re ominously silent, Leila. Are you buying baby clothes with an eye on the future?’

  Her throat was in knots. It should be so easy to tell him her news, but she’d left it too long to do so.

  ‘Well?’ Raffa prompted coldly. ‘Don’t you have anything to say to me?’

  This was so far removed from how she had imagined it would be when she told Raffa about the child they were expecting. She had intended to tell him quietly, confidently, with the aim of reassuring Raffa that she expected nothing from him.

  ‘Well, it’s a very nice gift, anyway,’ he said, hoisting up the bags up so they met her eyeline. ‘A very generous gift, in fact—so many outfits.’

  ‘I need to talk to you, Raffa. Can we go inside?’

  A brief dip of his head was Raffa’s only response.

  Was this the friend she’d thought she’d made, the tender lover who had helped create the child inside her? She had taken far too much for granted. She hadn’t known Raffa was overshadowed by his past, or what had gone into the construction of his new life. No children, he’d said. No children he’d meant. But as she planned to bring up their child alone, she was sure she could make things right between them—if only he would give her the chance to explain.

  Cold anger filled him. He had trusted Leila. He had confided in Leila as he had never confided in anyone before. And now this greatest truth of all and she had shut him out. How long had she known about the baby? When they’d been laughing and growing closer as they worked together, had she known then? Had she known before she came to the island? He always took precautions, and had assumed—

  Assume nothing. This was not the time to curse his uncharacteristic lack of caution. He had to know the truth. The thought that Leila might be scheming to trap him into some sort of arrangement tore him apart. Surely, she couldn’t have planned this, but could he trust his own judgement when wanting Leila was a madness he couldn’t control? He’d seduced her shamelessly, only to discover she had more passion in her than any woman he’d ever known. He’d lit that fire. And now he must live with the consequences.

  A baby. His child. Incredible. Why hadn’t she told him before now?

  He could hardly wait until he’d shut the world out of his study before rounding on her. ‘You must have known you were pregnant before you came here.’

  ‘You make it sound as if I planned this.’

  ‘Well, didn’t you?’ Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned back against the desk to view her from his great height, but instead of shrinking from him Leila grew in stature and took him on.

  ‘There’s no plan here. I was waiting for the right time to tell you.’

  ‘The right time,’ he echoed. ‘Tell me, Leila—when is the right time?’

  ‘Don’t,’ she warned him. ‘I’m not asking for anything from you. I’m quite capable of bringing up a child by myself.’

  ‘I don’t doubt it. Wasn’t that your intention all along? Didn’t you tell me when we met at Britt’s party that you wanted children, but you didn’t want the man?’

  ‘That was just talk and you know it.’

  ‘Was it, Leila? How do I know it was just talk when I don’t know you? I thought I was coming to know you, but I was wrong. Most women are open about what they want from me—’

  ‘And I’m not?’ she cut in.

  ‘They ask—they get—they tell me what they’re prepared to give me in return.’

  A shudder ran through her. ‘I feel sorry for you, Raffa, taking part in such cold-blooded transactions.’

  ‘Grow up, Leila! We had sex. It was one night. It was never meant to be a lifetime commitment—’

  ‘But there was always that possibility—’

  ‘A possibility you hoped for.’

  ‘No!’

  ‘A possibility that could certainly have been avoided if you’d kept your legs closed—’

  ‘And you’d kept your pants on,’ she fired back. Launching herself at him, she tried to wrestle the bags from his hand. ‘Give them to me and I’ll happily go—’

  ‘Go where?’ he derided, holding them out of her reach. ‘Are you going to swim home?’

  ‘I’ll find some way to leave your island,’ she assured him, face tense, jaw clenched, her lips white with rage.

  ‘We’ve got a few things to sort out first, Leila—’

  ‘There’s nothing for you to sort out. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to explain gently—’

  He laughed in her face. ‘What? So you could help me to get over the shock? I don’t even know if it’s my child!’

  ‘Of course it’s your child! I was a virgin—’

  ‘What?’

  Raffa’s reaction stunned her. Hand over his face as if he couldn’t bear to look at her, he was clearly appalled.

  ‘What did you say?’ Lowering his hand, he stared at her in disbelief.

  ‘I was a virgin when I met you, and there’s never been anyone else.’

  She’d never known Raffa lost for words, but the way he looked now, bemused and drained of all emotion, was more frightening to see than any anger or derision of his could ever be.

  ‘You lost your virginity with me,’ he said, staring at her intently as if he had to get this fact set absolutely firm in his mind.

  ‘Yes.’ Her voice wavered. Her eyes filled with tears. The air around them was like a void, a black hole in space. And there was no way across that void, no way at all.

  This was his worst nightmare come true. He had stolen the most precious gift Leila had to give without even knowing it. And now a child would be born as a consequence of his actions. Parents at war on opposites sides of an unbridgeable divide was his worst nightmare.

  Consequences were a daily concern for him in business. He never made a move without planning forward first, but he had never had to factor such an almighty screw-up into his thinking before.

  ‘Don’t look at me like that,’ Leila begged him. ‘This isn’t what you think, Raffa.’

  ‘What do I think?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Leila searched for the right words to say. ‘Maybe you think I planned this? With your wealth and title I can understand—’

  ‘I thought that would raise its head at some point,’ he said angrily, though deep down he knew Leila cared nothing for his wealth and title, but he was too shaken up to stop. Nothing rocked hi
m, nothing touched him, but this had. She had.

  Pressing her lips together in despair, she shook her head. ‘That’s just it, Raffa. Your status doesn’t mean anything to me. I care about you, Raffa. I care about you—Raffa—the man. I even fooled myself into thinking we were growing close, could become friends—’

  ‘How convenient!’ He wanted to slam his hands over his ears so he didn’t have to listen to any more of this. ‘What form would this friendship take, Leila? Was it designed to butter me up before you told me you were expecting my child?’

  ‘I haven’t engineered any of this, Raffa—’

  ‘So you say.’ Leila’s voice had deepened with emotion and the expression on her face shamed him, but his circuit board was overloaded and what he needed most of all now was time and space away from her to think.

  ‘I can’t make you believe me, Raffa. I know the truth, and that will have to be enough for me. I must focus on my child. And right now?’ Heaving a sigh, she shook her head. ‘I’m not sure I want you to be part of my child’s life.’

  ‘That’s not your choice to make, Leila.’

  ‘Don’t look at me like that,’ she begged him quietly. ‘I won’t stand here and take your contempt, Raffa. I might not be anything special, but I’m not a piece of dirt attached to your shoe either.’

  ‘How should I behave towards you, Leila?’ His head was still ringing with everything she’d told him. ‘Like the love of my life? Like a woman I’ve known for years and have planned to have a baby with? Or a woman I slept with once, who gets herself knocked up?’

  The slap came out of nowhere.

  Seizing her wrist an instant before her hand connected with his face, he held her motionless in front of him as a bolt of fury flashed between them.

  ‘I don’t expect either of those things,’ she assured him in a low, cold voice. ‘I expect you to treat me with the respect due to the mother of your child, and nothing more. I don’t expect anything from you in the material sense. I never have, and I never will.’

  ‘Really?’ He almost laughed.

  ‘Don’t mock me, Raffa. And don’t judge me by the standards of anyone else you might have known. Whatever you think of me, I won’t allow you to ride roughshod over me.’

  ‘So what do you want, Leila?’

  ‘Nothing. Not from you,’ she assured him with icy calm. ‘I’m going to keep this baby and be a single mother like so many other women, and I’ll get by.’

  ‘Without me in the picture?’ He laughed. ‘You are naïve.’

  ‘Naïve, Raffa? Or does the fact that I don’t need you hurt your pride?’

  He ground his jaw as a very real and primal fear rose up inside him. Reason had no part to play in that fear and it was centred around the birth of his child, and the safety of the woman in front of him. ‘I don’t remember you consulting me about any of this,’ he said as blood pounded in his head.

  ‘I don’t need to consult you, Raffa. I’m not your employee. This is my body and my baby.’

  ‘Our baby,’ he shot back. ‘There’s a very good reason for my not wanting children—’

  ‘Well, why don’t you tell me what it is?’ she exclaimed.

  No. He could never do that. The guilt haunted him. It disabled him. ‘All you need to know is that I don’t want children. I never have and I never will, and this little surprise of yours hasn’t changed anything.’

  ‘Can’t you explain why you feel so strongly?’ Leila begged him.

  As she reached out to touch him he pulled away. ‘You have no idea what you’ve done.’

  Shaking her head slowly, Leila raised her wounded gaze to his face. ‘So what are you suggesting, Raffa?’ she asked him quietly. ‘Are you asking me to get rid of this baby?’

  He reeled mentally at Leila’s mistaken interpretation of his words. ‘What type of man do you take me for?’

  ‘That’s just it, Raffa. I don’t know what kind of man you are. I thought I did, but I was wrong. I don’t understand why you’re so set against having children. Is it me?’

  ‘No, it’s...’

  ‘I can’t understand why you’re so horrified at the idea of me giving birth,’ Leila exclaimed with frustration when he fell silent. ‘And if you won’t tell me—’

  ‘I won’t tell you, because it’s none of your damn business. I’ve told you more than enough already.’

  ‘Because we trust each other,’ she insisted, staring up into his rigid face. ‘Or we did.’

  ‘Trust takes time to build, Leila, and can be lost in a heartbeat.’

  ‘Is that what happened to us, Raffa?’

  ‘What do you think?’

  Raffa’s words were like a series of slaps hitting her in the face. By the time they both fell silent her head was reeling with confusion and hurt. This was the last thing she had wanted when she told Raffa about the baby. They had shared so many things, and they had grown close while she’d been on the island; that wasn’t an illusion. Friendship might have taken over from passion, she was quite prepared to admit that, but both were dead now. And she had so wanted this to be a special and tender moment between them. If only she could get to the bottom of Raffa’s horror at the thought of her giving birth. If only she could bring him back to her. His behaviour was so unreasonable there had to be something more eating away at him, but unless he was prepared to tell her, they would never be close again.

  Her hand moved instinctively to cover her stomach, as if she could protect the tiny life from all the emotion swirling round it. ‘The last thing I had intended was to upset you, or shock you. I kept waiting for the right moment—the perfect moment, but it must have passed me by. Please forgive me.’

  He didn’t reply. He couldn’t reply. He was empty inside. He closed off from feeling because he didn’t know any other way. He had lived behind emotional barricades since he was a child. How could he ever be a fit parent? His life didn’t allow for children. He was always driving forward to seize the next opportunity, or to close the next deal.

  ‘Parents at war are my worst nightmare,’ Leila said, echoing his own thoughts on the subject. ‘But perhaps we can be friends, Raffa. And if you really don’t want any part in this, wouldn’t it be better for me to return to Skavanga without any more fuss?’

  ‘Fuss?’ Repeating the word, he tossed it around in his mind. He wanted all the fuss in the world to surround Leila on the day she gave birth. ‘And you want to go back to Skavanga?’ he said distractedly, already making plans to appoint the top people in their field to attend her—but here. Here on the island.

  ‘In your current mood,’ she said quietly, ‘I’d be relieved.’

  He was slowly coming out of the dark tunnel into the light, from the past to the present, and now he was fully focused on Leila he couldn’t believe how controlled she was, how calm. But Leila had always been the one fixed point in a turbulent sea of siblings.

  And the child had changed her. It had given her a new inner strength. No more the mouse in the shadow of her siblings, Leila had emerged as a warrior in defence of her child. But if she thought she could keep this baby away from him and disappear out of his life for good, she was wrong, though he would never promise her more than he was capable of giving. ‘I accept full responsibility, of course, but that doesn’t change anything between us.’

  ‘I don’t expect it to, Raffa.’ Leila’s gaze remained unswerving on his face. ‘I’m quite capable of handling this on my own. I have a duty to tell you, and that is all.’

  ‘How sensible of you.’

  ‘And how cold of you,’ she countered, staring at him with concern in her eyes. ‘We’re talking about a child, Raffa, and yet your manner is so distant we might be discussing a deal you may or may not want to buy into. I’m not sorry this happened. However inconvenient a baby might be for you, I can’t wait to hold my f
irst child in my arms. And I will never regret being pregnant.’

  He held up his hand. ‘I promise you that you have nothing to worry about. As far as all the practicalities are concerned I’ll have my lawyers draw up a contract between us.’

  ‘A contract?’ Leila shook her head. ‘That’s your answer to everything, isn’t it, Raffa? Get the lawyers to deal with it—delegate, distance yourself, don’t engage your emotions in any way. The stroke of a pen is far easier and much safer than risking your heart.’

  ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about. I pay lawyers to handle my problems.’

  ‘But this isn’t a problem,’ Leila insisted with a sad laugh in her voice. Embracing her stomach, she added softly, ‘This is a baby, Raffa.’

  ‘I delegate so I can get on with the job of keeping thousands of people employed,’ he informed her with biting calm. And now he needed space and time to plan. Walking around her, he headed for the door.

  ‘That’s right, Raffa—run away!’

  He returned in a stride and stood staring down at her, but instead of recoiling she reached out to him. ‘I wish I could help you, Raffa.’

  ‘Help me?’ He speared a glance at her hands and she lowered them to her sides.

  ‘Perhaps you expected me to be more sophisticated,’ she said, stopping him at the door. ‘Perhaps you expect me to treat this lightly, to smile prettily and move on, accept a large cheque each month in lieu of your attention, as if I’ve scored a double—a baby and a wealthy patron.’

  ‘I expect you to be honest with me. Is that too much to ask? Dios, Leila. You’ve been on the island how long?’

  ‘I swear to you—I was trying to choose the right moment, and I thought I’d found it. I was coming to find you, but then I saw the stall selling baby clothes and I was distracted. I couldn’t resist—’

  She stopped and her eyes filled with tears. He knew then that the tiny clothes were innocent reminders to Leila of the small child who would wear them and as such they were more than baby clothes, they were Leila’s promise of the future. He wanted to embrace her, to tell her it would be all right, but, unlike Leila, the thought of an impending birth filled him with dread. He had the additional concern of being responsible for a child when his own father had ruined so many lives, and, even if he could do better, how could he balance his responsibilities of running a multinational corporation with being a father?