by Shey Stahl
Willa glares at Scarlet. “You did not. I did.”
“Thank you,” I tell Willa. “How’d you know I’d be here?”
“I get credit for that at least!” Scarlet announces, still hugging me to her side. Then she stares at my hair. “What’s in your hair?”
I panic and grab at it, trying to see what she’s referring to. She laughs. “Please tell me that’s not what I think it is.”
Strong arms grab me from behind and pull me back against his bare chest. “It’s milkshake, Northwest. Not my cu—”
Twisting in his arms, I slap my hand over his mouth. “There are children present.”
He nods over his shoulder to River, who’s not paying attention to us. “She doesn’t understand.”
“I’m talking about Camden.”
He kisses my cheek. “Even he doesn’t understand what it means.” Moving around me, Tiller grabs a piece of banana bread from the counter and sits next to Camden. He nods to him but doesn’t say anything. Tiller’s not a morning person.
Camden smiles. “Good night, Wild Cat?”
Tiller grunts but doesn’t say anything and reaches for the coffee pot, pouring himself coffee. He looks so completely tired that his eyes are barely open. He pours me a cup and I shake my head. “Got some already.” I sit next to him, with my coffee in hand.
He stares at the iced coffee I’m becoming addicted to, thanks to Willa. She tells me I should thank Scarlet because that’s where her obsession came from initially.
Tiller’s voice is rough with lack of sleep when he asks, “Where’d you get that?”
My cheeks burn, thinking of why he only got two hours sleep last night. I point to Willa. “Her.”
He finally notices everyone around us. “What the fuck? Is this some kind of family meeting? Why is everyone here?”
Shade speaks first. “We have practice today. Time to perfect the triple, bro.”
Ricky laughs, moving around Shade with his hands on his shoulders. “Just because you pulled it off doesn’t mean we need to be making it a nightly show.”
That gets them talking about what they’re going to do in Vegas in two days. Conversation flows through the rest of breakfast. River tells me about all her gel pen tattoos.
“Just so I know for reference,” Camden begins, looking at Tiller as a chunk of banana bread falls from his mouth. “Were you going to say cum?”
Tiller doesn’t say anything at first, but then he stares at his empty plate. Camden ate his banana bread too. “Do you have a tapeworm? Why are you eating so much?”
“I’m growing. I’m eleven, and soon I’ll be going to puberty. Now what’s really in her hair?”
“You don’t go to it. It just happens. And the fact that you don’t know that, makes me question whether you know what the word ‘cum’ actually means.”
“Come, come, come!” Berlin squeals from her chair, tossing bits of banana bread at Ricky who’s trying to feed her.
Willa scowls at Tiller, yanking her kid out of her high chair. “Goddamn you.”
Tiller looks at her like she’s crazy and yells after her, “Like you’re any better, Willz.”
Beside me still, Camden pulls out a note from his pocket. “I can come with you.” Like how he grins and puts emphasis on the word come? Tiller finds humor in it. “My dad said so.”
Shade reaches over the kitchen island and takes the note. I notice his arms, inked to the point you can no longer see the color of his tan skin; it’s strangely glittery pink. River got him last night. I recognize the attempt at stars because she draws them constantly on everything from the walls to my car windows.
Laughing, Shade sets the note down. Tiller picks it up and smiles at Camden. “You wrote that.”
“Not true.” Camden reaches for what was left on Berlin’s high chair of the banana bread and eats that too. “He said I could go.”
“What would make you think we’d believe a handwritten note that we could take you to Vegas with us?” Scarlet asks, returning to the kitchen. I hadn’t even realized she’d left, but she’s dressed in jeans and a hoodie now, her bag on the floor beside her.
River moves from her stool to sit on Tiller’s lap with a handful of her gel tattoo pens. “Good,” Shade notes. “Draw on him for a while.”
She does. He lets her, while smiling and kissing her temple.
Camden groans, his head falling into his hands. “Come on! Please take me. I’m on Thanksgiving break.”
I hadn’t even noticed Thanksgiving was this weekend, but yet here we are going to be in Vegas for the week for the final two-night round of After Dark.
“Which makes sense that you should stay home with your mom and dad,” Shade adds, laughing. He knows they’re frustrating Camden.
“Stepmom,” Camden points out. “And my dad’s out of town.”
“Wouldn’t you want to spend it with your mom?” Scarlet asks, intentionally teasing him with the use of mom.
“Stepmom.” He slaps his hand on the counter. River takes a pen and leans over to draw a star on Camden’s hand. “And no. I hate her. She made me clean the bathroom yesterday.”
No definite answer is given to Camden, but I have a feeling they’re going to let him come. Everyone else is going so I wouldn’t expect them to leave him behind. But there is the fact of the matter he’s not family and technically they have no business taking him.
Scarlet nudges me. “Time for our spa day, girl.”
River jumps down at the mention of a spa day and runs. She hates them.
“Fuck off, Northwest.” Tiller wraps his arm around my shoulder. “No way. You’re not taking my girl.”
I smile and kiss the top of his crazy mess of hair. “You’re supposed to be practicing today.”
“I’d probably do a lot better if you’d—”
I shake my hand, untangling his hands. “Don’t give me that sex pout. I have to go get my hair done today. No time for sex pout.”
He frowns. “That’s just my face.”
“Your “fuck me” face.”
“I can’t help it.” He grins. “Say fuck me again.”
“No.”
Eventually I’m able to get away from Tiller and to the spa day with Scarlet. It’s when I return and I see River watching Tiller practice that I know for sure having him in her life is exactly what she needs.
Do you see her? She’s sitting on the very edge of the track with a helmet on, her stare focused, intent, captivated by the man soaring high above her under the lights of the track.
And in this moment, unlike the one where I found her alone, after the death of her parents, I pray she keeps this amazement she has for him. She doesn’t need to know the bad things he’s done. All she needs to know is he had a choice and he returned. In her hand, she has his shirt, holding it close to her face.
Swallowed by heartache once again, I remain out of sight, watching, her eyes light up when Tiller flies off the seventy-five-foot jump. Midair, he leaves the bike, only to catch the underside of the handlebars with the inside of his foot and raises his hands above his head, lifting his body as far from the bike as possible. Bringing the bike back to him, he rights his body and lands it.
River’s eyes, bright and excited, remain on him. Her auburn curls falling helplessly in her eyes under the helmet, completely enthralled with his every movement. I smile, watching him too, knowing he no longer turns to substances to calm his anxiety. He puts his restless ways into his riding and performances.
So much has happened in the three months since her parents died, and though sometimes it seems like forever ago, it really hasn’t been that long. I forget that at times like this. And I like to think it has to do with me, and the one holding her attention. While I agreed to one date, I knew when I made the agreement, it would be more. You can’t give a guy like Tiller just one date. He’s always going to want more.
I sit next to her and watch Tiller, Shade, and Roan practice doing side-by-side double backflips in unison, their m
ovements exactly the same. I’ve never seen them do that together, and it’s amazing.
I look to River. “That was so cool, huh?”
River giggles, bringing Tiller’s shirt to her face, hiding it. “They’re crazy.”
She crawls on my lap and I kiss the side of the helmet. “You missed these guys, didn’t you?”
She nods. “I love them.”
A child is something you can learn from. They believe in magic, pretend to play and find pleasure in the simplest of treasures. They hope, cross their fingers, and make wishes they believe will come true. And they recover faster and survive the worst.
Sometimes the future you thought you’d have, changes, rearranges, disassembles and you’re left with a choice. Sometimes it’s not the jump you’d ordinarily take, but sometimes the reward is far greater than the fear of falling.
Being given a child, it changes you, in ways you’d never expected. Most of it is from lack of sleep, but there is love too. This unconditional love that nothing touches. They can cry all night long, wake you up at 2:00 a.m. because their sock came off, throw up, pee on you, doesn’t matter. When they smile, you forgot all that.
I had no idea what that feeling was until I held a little girl in a lilac blood-splattered dress and comforted her. I had no idea until I didn’t make her change out of the dress for a week in fear I’d upset her. That’s unconditional love.
I’m not sure what to make of Vegas. It’s so completely different being here with Amberly and River, my family I suppose. That’s what you’d call them, wouldn’t you? Don’t get ahead of yourself. I didn’t ask Amberly to marry me and in reality, we’re pretty far from that point in our relationship.
My nerves are all over the place. Remember the anxiety I have? I don’t know why, but now it’s worse than ever before. I can’t place why exactly, just that it is.
The lead up into the two-night show is what does it for me. Maybe because I care now? I always cared, whether I wanted to admit it or not. Don’t tell anyone.
We drove to Vegas and I haven’t slept in two days. Once we arrive, it’s crazy with interviews, photo shoots, and signings. Nobody listened when I said I didn’t want to do them. I’m pretty much forced into rooms and told to sit there and be nice.
They hyped the event so much even I wasn’t sure I could live up to it, and you know I’m pretty confident on my level of ability on a bike. Night one’s a disaster and while my runs are solid, they’re not enough to compete with Shade.
Tonight, I need to make up for it.
Before the show, I walk out on the track to check out the ramp setup with Shade and our mechanics. Auden, Shade’s mechanic, is worried about the length of the ninety-foot gap and the clearance overhead while Ledger, my new mechanic, he’s checking out the Red Bull girls. Goes to show you maybe I shouldn’t have made any changes. But in all honesty, I felt bad for the poor nearly divorced fool and brought him along.
Shade nudges my arm. “You gonna do a triple?” he teases.
Ricky walks up, kicking up a chunk of dirt with the tip of his shoe. He leans down, checking the consistency of it. “No, he’s not.”
I smile. I don’t tell them either way, but I never actually practiced the triple and unlike Shade, I’m not here to do the unthinkable. I’m here to shock them. And while I know a triple will, that’s Shade’s thing.
Looking over the tight track, I’m impressed with how they managed to set up inside the MGM Grand. Initially they’d planned to do the show on the strip itself, but Vegas police wouldn’t go for it in fear someone would get injured.
Once the show begins, Amberly catches me. She’s not working the merchandise trailer, but instead watching from the Red Bull suite with River. How’s that for family? They’re watching me.
I’m in the makeshift tunnel that separates the riders paddock from the waiting zone where I’m you know, fucking freaking out and thinking maybe I might get sick in the garbage can next to me.
I look at her. She’s fucking beautiful, isn’t she? Wearing skin-tight jeans that leave little to the imagination, her bright green top hangs low enough the tops of her perky tits are visible. I stare at them, thinking of all the things I’m going to do to her when we’re back in the hotel room.
“Are you nervous?” she asks.
I avoid the question. “Where’s River?”
Amberly wraps her arms around my shoulders. “Scarlet took her up to the suite.”
“I’ve been thinking. You need to quit your job.”
She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Why?”
“Two reasons.”
She laughs. “And they are?”
“River needs you.”
“And the second?”
I’m almost ashamed to admit this, but then again, I’m not at all. She needs to know being in love with me comes with requests. And every now and again, they’re not related to sex, or are they? “I know what I thought every time I saw you bend over that table to hand someone a part or a fucking T-shirt and I’ll be goddamn if I’m going to let anyone else entertain those ideas anymore.”
“You’re so possessive it’s adorable.” At least she finds it cute and doesn’t want me arrested. Her lips press to mine. Once. Twice. That’s all it takes to get me distracted. Twisting, I back her up against the wall. My thoughts are all over the place, but one remains calming. Her being here and the fact she’s finally mine.
I drop my mouth to her tits, devouring the taste of her innocent skin against my tongue. Flattening my tongue, I let the cool metal of my tongue ring slide over her chest. She squirms as an, “Oh God, Tiller I want your cock in my ass,” or something to that effect leaves her pretty mouth. I’m not sure. It’s actually fairly loud in the tunnel with the dirt bikes revving nearby. But I’m sure it was something like that. Do you believe me?
Didn’t think so. Whatever. She still wants me. The heat of her pussy tells me so.
An official yells out, “Ten minutes!”
Amberly grins, whispering, “Show me the true meaning behind Wild Cat.”
See, that I heard clearly. No question. And that translates to she definitely wants my cock in her ass later. Growling out a breath, I’m reminded of the way she sucked my cock in my truck the other night and how I spread milkshake all over her pussy and then ate it.
The images push me forward, drive me to continue kissing her. I should stop, but I can’t. Or maybe it’s that I don’t want to because this girl fucking owns me. I should be mentally preparing myself, but here I am trying to fuck my girl against the wall. Not much has changed, has it?
Cupping her face with one hand, I bring my mouth back to her lips, deepening the kiss, my body pressing her into the wall behind her. She wraps her legs around my waist and moans at the contact. I press forward again, and even with the thick fabric of my riding pants, she feels what she’s doing to me.
Giggling, she pushes back. “Okay, brakes, buddy.”
“Brakes are for pussies,” I grunt out, rubbing against her for the friction.
I don’t plan on stopping and I’m silently calculating the time it’d take for me to get us both off, and if I have time to do so before my run.
It’s Willa who makes me stop. “Oh, for Christ’s sake,” she yells, coming around the corner with Camden, who’s been following her around like a puppy dog. Yeah, we brought the little shit. Only because Willa promised his dad she wouldn’t let him out of her sight. “Stop it and get back to your bike.”
Amberly physically shoves me away from her. “Yeah, stop.”
I smile and reach in my pants, adjusting myself.
“Good luck!” Amberly yells, running down the hall, her heels clicking on the concrete.
I wrap my arm around Willa and rub my face against the side of her cheek. She punches me in the ear. Straight up fuckin’ punch to the head. I see stars.
I rub it, glaring. “Was that necessary?”
She nods. “Very.” Then she points in my face. “If they interview yo
u, please remember your daughter’s watching.”
Do you notice the way my heart kicks when she says daughter?
I do. Nodding, I follow her to my bike. Camden hands me my helmet. “If you win, can I have this?”
I stare at the helmet, and then him. Not that I won’t, but I ask, “Why?”
The innocence in his eyes shine and his smile breaks through. “Because you’re my best friend.”
Camden shouldn’t have forgiven me for the way I treated him. Hell, Amberly shouldn’t. But they both did. You can tell a lot about someone in what they chose to see in you.
Do I look focused?
I’m not really, because I’m in the staging area, waiting for my run when guess who approaches me?
Rod Mulin.
I didn’t want to talk to Rod. Having a conversation with him is about as appealing as having lunch with Alexandra. But still, and maybe to piss me off, he approaches me before my run.
“Listen,” he begins.
I wink, shifting my position on the bike. “I probably won’t.”
“I know we have our differences.”
Differences? Ha. That’s funny. I raise an eyebrow. “Fuck you. They’re not differences.”
His face reddens. I’ve pissed him off. “I’m sorry, okay. I was a kid and I made a mistake. I think maybe you could relate to knowing what a mistake is like.”
Goddamn. Of course he said that. I shake my head. “I don’t care what you’re reasoning is. That’s your issue.”
I wave to Ricky in the distance. He approaches, leans in over the running of my bike. “What’s up?”
I give a nod to Rod, still staring at me. If he’s waiting on forgiveness, I’m not giving it to him. He doesn’t deserve it. “Get him out of here.”
Ricky leads him the other way just as they begin to announce me.
“Ladies and gentlemen, riding a Honda, competing out of Pasadena California, here’s your X Games gold medalist and 2014 X Fighters world champion, the Wild Cat. . . Tiller Sawyer!”
The spotlight moves to me and I wave to the crowd. Closing my eyes, my hands are shaky on the handlebars. I take another deep breath and roll through the launch zone. The next few seconds, my mind floods with thoughts. Ones I can’t decipher. It’s images of me destroying my life over the years and one overshadows the rest of them. It’s when I look up at the Red Bull suite and know who’s watching me.