Girl Alone: Joss came home from school to discover her father’s suicide. Angry and hurting, she’s out of control.

by Cathy Glass

  Joss nodded.

  ‘You’re being very brave,’ Amelia said.

  ‘She is,’ I agreed.

  Amelia paused, drained the rest of her coffee and then looked at Joss. ‘When I leave here I shall be going to see your mother and Kevin. I believe Cathy has explained this to you?’ We both nodded. ‘Then the police are likely to want to question your stepfather.’

  ‘He’ll lie,’ Joss said. ‘Like he always does.’

  ‘The police will be aware of that. They are highly trained and know which questions to ask to get to the truth. Is there anything else worrying you? Or anything you want to tell me that you haven’t told Cathy?’

  ‘Not really,’ Joss said.

  ‘I spoke to your mother on the phone this morning,’ Amelia continued. Joss immediately looked up. ‘One of the things she said was that for the time being she thinks it’s better for everyone if you don’t go home.’

  ‘Why?’ Joss blurted. ‘Better for who? Him? It’s my home and I want to see Kevin.’

  ‘I know, but we can’t be sure Eric won’t be there, and at present your mother is very upset. If Kevin is brought into care then I will arrange for you to have contact with him, but for now it’s best if you don’t go home until we know what is happening.’

  ‘That’s not fair,’ Joss protested.

  ‘We need to do what Amelia tells us,’ I said, lightly touching Joss’s arm.

  In the past I’d felt that Amelia had been naïve in the way she’d dealt with some of the issues relating to Joss, but now I felt she was handling this exactly right – sensitively but firmly, and telling Joss what she needed to know. Possibly she’d had a shock by what had happened, but she had a much stronger presence now, and I was seeing her in a new light.

  ‘And the same restrictions apply to seeing Eric as they do to Zach and Carl,’ Amelia said to Joss. ‘These are serious allegations and while Eric is being investigated you mustn’t have anything to do with him.’

  ‘I wouldn’t want to,’ Joss said.

  Then to me Amelia said, ‘Eric will be told not to contact Joss, but if he does try to see her, refuse and refer him to me, please. Don’t let him speak to her in person or on the telephone.’

  ‘I understand,’ I said. ‘What about Linda, if she telephones?’

  ‘She won’t,’ Joss said, scowling.

  ‘There’s no reason why Linda shouldn’t talk to Joss if they both want to speak to each other,’ Amelia said. ‘But obviously not if it upsets Joss. Perhaps you could monitor it?’

  I nodded.

  ‘School starts tomorrow,’ Amelia now said to Joss. ‘Do you feel up to going?’

  ‘Yes,’ Joss said without hesitation.

  ‘OK. But we’d all understand if you didn’t want to go this week. You’re under a lot of stress right now, and either Cathy or I would explain to the school.’

  ‘I want to go,’ Joss said.

  ‘All right, but remember you have to come straight home after school,’ Amelia said. ‘No going to Chelsea’s flat, or the shopping centre, or any of the other places you’ve been going.’

  ‘I won’t,’ Joss said. ‘I’m not daft.’

  ‘I know you’re not, love,’ I said, ‘but I’d feel happier if I took you and collected you in the car.’

  Amelia and I both looked at Joss for her reaction. There was a moment’s hesitation before she said, ‘OK.’

  ‘Good,’ Amelia said, with a smile, and she made a few notes. Then, checking her watch, she looked at me. ‘Cathy, if there’s nothing else, I’d like to speak to Joss alone now, please.’

  ‘Of course,’ I said, and immediately stood. I left the room, closing the door behind me.

  While they talked in private I took the opportunity to do a few jobs around the house that I’d put on hold with everything else that had been going on that day. I took the clean laundry upstairs and was distributing it around the bedrooms for the kids to put away when I heard the front door open and close as Lucy and Paula returned from shopping. I went to the top of the stairs and motioned to the living room. ‘Joss and her social worker are in there,’ I said quietly.

  They understood that they weren’t to be disturbed and came upstairs. We went into Paula’s room where they showed me their purchases – some teen novels, nail varnish and body spray, bought from their allowances. Lucy had also seen a leather jacket she wanted for her birthday, so I said I’d go into town with her as soon as we had the opportunity, probably next Saturday, and if it was suitable I’d buy it for her.

  ‘It really does suit her,’ Paula said.

  Presently we heard Joss call from downstairs, ‘Amelia is going now!’

  I went down as Joss came up to join Lucy and Paula. Amelia was standing by the front door. ‘I really must go now to see Linda and Kevin,’ she said. ‘I’m late already. Joss is doing very well, and I’ll phone you or Jill as soon as I have any news.’

  We said goodbye and she left as she’d arrived – rushed off her feet and without enough hours in the day.

  It was now five o’clock. I went into the living room, closed the patio door, collected up Amelia’s empty cup and then went through to the kitchen to start making dinner. Adrian arrived home half an hour later and we all ate together at six, chatting and laughing, outwardly a normal, happy family enjoying their evening meal, if you didn’t know what had happened to Joss. I glanced at her every so often and thought she was probably putting on a brave face, although she did seem far more relaxed and amicable now the abuse she’d been suffering was out in the open.

  After dinner the children cleared away and then did their own thing, sometimes upstairs and sometimes downstairs, where I was. During the evening my thoughts often returned to what was unfolding away from my house. Amelia had been going to see Linda and Kevin. What had she learned from them? Perhaps nothing. Zach and Carl had been at the police station. Were they still there? What had they said? And Eric? Had he come home from work and found Amelia there? Or perhaps he was already being questioned by the police. I didn’t know. Foster carers often have to wait on the sidelines for news while important and life-changing decisions are being made, and the wait can be agonizing. I guessed Joss must have been thinking about what was going on too, although she didn’t say so until bedtime, when I went up to say goodnight.

  ‘I hope Kevin is all right. Do you think he’s still at home with Mum?’

  ‘I would think so,’ I said. Joss was sitting up in bed with her lamp on. I perched on the edge of the bed. ‘It’s a bit soon for any decision to have been made,’ I said, although I knew that if a child was in immediate danger, they could be removed quickly with an Emergency Protection Order.

  ‘I really want to see Kevin,’ Joss said.

  ‘I know, love, and Amelia said she’d arrange contact if he was brought into care.’

  ‘I hope he’s not,’ Joss said. ‘That’s his home and he’ll miss Mum. He’ll be with strangers … but I understand he has to be safe.’

  I appreciated how difficult and worrying it was for children when they or their siblings were brought into foster care, especially when siblings couldn’t be together.

  Joss looked tired and soon gave a small yawn.

  ‘I think you should try to get some sleep now – you’ve got school in the morning.’

  ‘It seems ages since I was last at school with everything that has happened,’ she said.

  ‘It does,’ I agreed. ‘Are you sure you feel up to going tomorrow?’

  ‘Yes, I want to,’ Joss said. ‘It’ll help take my mind off what’s going on. Miss Pryce won’t be my form teacher any more – we have a new one – but she said at the end of last term that I could still talk to her any time, if I wanted to.’

  ‘That was nice of her. She’s very caring. Do you think you will tell her what’s happened?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ She stifled another yawn.

  ‘Come on, love, snuggle down. You must be exhausted. I know I am.’

  Joss hesita
ted and looked at me, so childlike and unpretentious now she was shedding the layers of hostility and anger that had been her armour for so long. ‘Cathy?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes, love?’

  ‘I know you’ve asked me loads of times before and I’ve always said no, but can I have a kiss and hug goodnight, please?’

  My eyes immediately filled. ‘Of course you can, love. Come here.’ She moved closer and I encircled her in my arms, a child in need of protection and reassurance.

  We held each other for some time and when she eventually drew back she was smiling. ‘That was a nice hug,’ she said. ‘Just like Mum used to give me when I was little.’

  I smiled too. ‘Good, now snuggle down and try to get some sleep.’

  She lay down, resting her head comfortably on the pillow, and I drew the duvet up to her chin. She looked up at me, her hair trailing out around her on the pillow. I gently stroked away a strand from her face and then kissed her forehead. ‘Goodnight, love. Sleep well, and I’ll see you in the morning.’

  ‘Goodnight, Cathy, and thanks for being here for me.’

  I kissed her again. ‘You’re welcome, love.’

  I came out and then went round the landing, going in and out of the bedrooms, saying goodnight and dispensing hugs and kisses to my other children, including Adrian. As big as he was, he still liked his goodnight hug and kiss, unless he had a friend sleeping over and then I knew not to embarrass him. I went downstairs, locked up, settled Toscha for the night and then had an early night myself. I was in bed by ten o’clock and was asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.

  I slept soundly, waking at 6.15 a.m. with the alarm clock. As usual on a school day I showered and dressed before I woke the children, and did they take some waking! It’s always a wrench for them to get up at the start of a new term, and they needed a lot of cajoling to fall into the school routine. Although I woke them in plenty of time, there wasn’t a minute to spare. Joss and I had to leave the house before they did and my departing shot was: ‘Will you all get a move on, please, or you’ll be late for your first day, and that won’t look good!’ But I trusted them not to be late.

  Most young people don’t want to chat first thing in the morning and Joss was no exception. She switched on the radio as soon as we were in the car, although I’m not sure she was really listening to it. Five minutes from school she turned it off and looked at me thoughtfully. ‘Do you think Kevin is going to school today?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes, I would think so,’ I said.

  ‘Even if he’s in foster care?’

  ‘Yes, the carer will take him, like I’m taking you.’

  ‘He won’t like that. Mum always takes him on her way to work,’ Joss said.

  ‘I know it will be a bit different, but he’ll be fine. Try not to worry.’

  How Joss was going to concentrate on her school work I had no idea, although I agreed it was probably better for her to be in school than at home with little to occupy her thoughts and only me for company. I parked the car as close as I could to the main entrance of the school and we said goodbye. As Joss got out someone called her name, and with a smile and a wave she went over to join them. I waited until she’d gone into the building before I drove away. On the way back I stopped off for essential groceries and then went home to await any news. The house was uncannily quiet with everyone at school. Toscha must have felt it too, for she kept wandering aimlessly from room to room as though looking for everyone.

  ‘They’re at school – they’ll be back later,’ I reassured her, and she answered with a meow.

  Although I was busy, with housekeeping, fostering training and paperwork, I was continually listening out for the phone and wondering how Joss was faring at school. The telephone didn’t ring until the middle of the afternoon, and I rushed to answer it.

  ‘Cathy, it’s Jill.’

  ‘Yes?’ I asked expectantly.

  ‘No news yet. I’m phoning to check you’ve remembered I’m due to visit you tomorrow morning at ten o’clock.’

  ‘Yes, it’s in my diary. I haven’t forgotten.’ This was one of Jill’s scheduled four-weekly visits.

  ‘I’ll phone you as soon as I hear anything, otherwise I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  ‘Yes, OK.’ With a feeling of anticlimax, I returned the phone to its cradle.

  When I collected Joss from school later that afternoon her first question was naturally, ‘Have you heard anything about Kev?’

  ‘Not yet. It could take some time for the social services to complete their investigation and decide what to do for the best.’

  ‘Miss Pryce came to find me at lunch break,’ Joss said. ‘She asked me if I’d had a nice summer.’

  I looked at Joss. ‘What did you say?’

  ‘That it was all right, but I’d had to talk to the police about some stuff that happened. I didn’t tell her what. I didn’t want to go into it all again. I’ve told you and Amelia, and the police, and I know I’ll have to see the police again, but I don’t want to keep going over it all. I’m not telling my friends either. I’m trying to forget it.’

  ‘I completely understand,’ I said. ‘But it was nice of Miss Pryce to ask after you.’

  Joss nodded and looked thoughtful. ‘I had to tell her about something else,’ she said after a moment as I drove. ‘She’s going to sort it out.’

  I glanced at her. ‘Oh, yes?’

  ‘Someone Chelsea knows has been spreading rumours about me, saying I got Zach and Carl into trouble and I’ve been telling lies about them. I told Miss Pryce and she said she’d look into it straight away.’

  ‘Good. That was the right thing to do.’

  Joss then changed the subject and chatted about her day at school, and the rest of it seemed quite positive.

  Paula, Lucy and Adrian were already in when Joss and I arrived home, and I asked each of them how their first day had gone. Adrian said fine, Paula said she was tired from having to wake up early and Lucy said her brain hurt from all the learning she’d had to do and that it shouldn’t be allowed. They relaxed while I made dinner, and after we’d eaten they read for a while and then watched some television. Around 8.30 p.m. we all began taking turns in the bathroom, ready for a reasonably early night. I find it always takes a few days to adjust to a new term and I too longed for the more relaxed routine of the holidays. When I said goodnight to Joss she said she wanted a kiss and a hug, as she had done the night before, and was sitting up in bed ready. Since the weekend I’d noticed Joss was making a bigger effort to integrate with my family, reaching out to us at every opportunity and wanting to be part of it. It was just a pity it had taken such a horrendous event to bring this about. I didn’t know how long Joss would be with us, but I thought it could be long term, as there was no chance of her returning home now. As she hugged me she asked again if I thought Kevin was still at home. I had to say I didn’t know, but that I was hoping to hear more when I saw Jill the following day.

  As it turned out I did hear more, although it wasn’t what I’d imagined it would be – events in fostering rarely are.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Missing

  On Wednesday morning, having taken Joss to school, I went straight home to prepare for Jill’s visit at ten o’clock. Jill was always very punctual, and part of her visit would be quite formal as she checked and signed my log notes, assessed my training requirements and made sure my fostering was meeting Joss’s needs. By 10 a.m. I had all the paperwork ready beside me on the sofa in the living room and was waiting for the doorbell to ring. Instead, the phone rang, and it was Jill.

  ‘Sorry, Cathy, I’m running late. I’m leaving the office now. I’ll update you when I see you, but I’ve just finished speaking to Amelia and I’m afraid it’s not good news.’

  Jill said a hurried goodbye and I was left to imagine the worst for the next agonizing half-hour – the time it took Jill to drive from her office to my house. When I answered the door she looked very serious and came in with a
no-nonsense, business-like efficiency.

  ‘Would you like a coffee?’ I offered as she strode down the hall towards the living room.

  ‘Not now, thank you, Cathy. Maybe later.’

  In the living room I returned to the sofa as Jill took one of the chairs. Placing her bag on the floor beside her, she then sat upright, hands in her lap, and looked at me.

  ‘Monday,’ she began, coming straight to the point. ‘After Amelia left you she went to see Linda and Kevin.’ I nodded. ‘This is what happened. Linda was, and still is, convinced Joss is lying – about Eric and Zach. Linda told Amelia that Joss has never liked Eric, bitterly resented his intrusion into the family and has often threatened to leave if he didn’t. She also said she thought Joss should have psychiatric care in a hospital, as she’s so delusional.’ I went to speak but Jill held up her hand. ‘I know, of course she’s not. Joss could do with some counselling, but she certainly doesn’t need hospitalizing.

  ‘Amelia spoke to Linda first,’ Jill continued. ‘Then she asked to see Kevin alone. Linda was reluctant to let her see him to begin with. She said she didn’t want him involved, as it was about Joss. But Amelia explained that when one child in a family discloses abuse then any other children are assessed as a matter of practice. Linda wasn’t happy and wanted to phone Eric for advice – she appears to rely on him heavily – but he wasn’t available, so eventually she agreed to let Amelia speak to Kevin alone. Kevin told Amelia there had been a lot of arguments in the family, between Joss, Mum and Dad – he calls Eric “Dad” – and it had upset him. He said he missed Joss very much and wished she’d come home so they could all live together again. He was unaware of Joss’s allegations of abuse. Amelia steered the conversation to Kevin’s relationship with Eric and much of it seemed positive. Kevin said he liked Eric; that he played with him a lot, helped him with his school work and bought him presents. But when Amelia asked him if there was anything he didn’t like about Eric, Kevin admitted that he didn’t like the way Eric put him to bed when his mother was out, and also didn’t like it when he had his bath. Amelia asked him what exactly he didn’t like, and Kevin said that he was old enough to wash himself and didn’t like having his private parts washed for him. He wouldn’t say anything further about Eric after that.’