When To Let Go

by Sevilla, J. M.

  His nightmares scared her. The only time she had seen this level of pain on someone’s face was when her dad told her and her siblings about his past. Except this was almost worse, because it was also accompanied by a whimpering noise.

  Ryder startled her by shooting up in bed, gasping. He looked around the room, confused, not registering where he was. When his eyes fell on her it seemed to click.

  “Were you just touching me?”

  His voice wasn’t threating or even mad sounding, but it still had her feeling guilty, like she should lie and say no.

  She nodded a yes, whispering, “Sorry, I was trying to help.”

  “I don’t need you trying to fix me Maggie.”

  “I wasn’t…” she tried defending herself.

  “You are,” he argued. “You’ve been doing it this whole trip.”

  She kept her mouth open, too stunned to speak.

  Ryder reached around for the remote, turning the television off. He got up, heading to the bathroom.

  “I was only trying to become friends,” Maggie explained to his back. “You’re close to everyone in my family but me. I thought maybe if we got to know one another you might stop disliking me, or I could figure out what happened to make you feel that way in the first place. I hoped I could try to make it right.” She got up, wounded, “I just wanted us to be friends. As far as touching you? Get over it. I only did it because nobody should have to have nightmares the way you do. I wasn’t trying to ‘fix’ you. I couldn’t ignore them any longer. I’m sorry I cared.”

  Maggie fled to her own room, not wanting him to see her tears. She shut her room door that connected to his and locked it.

  What was so wrong with her wanting to get to know him better?

  Ryder stared at Maggie’s closed door, wanting to go after her.

  He had been such a jackass. She hadn’t done anything wrong. If it had been the other way around, there was no way he could listen to her having nightmares and do nothing about it.

  He should go apologize.

  He didn’t. Instead, he went to the bathroom, changed into sweat bottoms and a comfortable shirt, and got back in bed. Ryder remained awake, staring at the ceiling.

  He was confident he had just ruined whatever bond had formed over the past few months between them. It hadn’t been much, but he had begun looking forward to the end of the day, when it would be just the two of them doing what ever Maggie had planned. Maybe it was time he learned to let others touch him, to allow people in instead of closing himself off. He was tired of living in the darkness.

  Chapter 43

  Mistletoe and Holly

  Ava's hands trembled around the container of cupcakes she was holding in the backseat of her parent's car.

  It was Christmas and they were headed to the Baxter’s for dinner.

  Wesley would be there.

  This would be her first time seeing him since he left. It was wreaking havoc on her insides.

  He had found an excuse to not come home for Thanksgiving, basketball practice or something, but Ava knew it was because of her. So did everybody else. It had been the most awkward, uncomfortable day of her life.

  When they parked outside of the Baxter's house, Ava wasn't sure if she could get out. How was she supposed to act around him? Would it be awkward?

  Of course it would be. How could it not?

  “You coming?” Her mom asked, waving her on from outside the car.

  Ava could barely manage a nod.

  With wobbly knees and a sudden lightheadedness she exited, following her moms to the front door. Mrs. Baxter opened the door with a big Christmas greeting, ushering them in. They headed to the kitchen. Ava kept her eyes straight ahead, not allowing herself to glance around, afraid she'd see him.

  Her moms and Mrs. Baxter were animatedly talking.

  Ava didn't hear a word of it as she set her cupcakes down on the counter. She knew she had to turn around. She couldn't stay standing with her back to the room all day, no matter how much she wished she could.

  The sound of his laughter prickled her spine and it took everything in her to not place a hand over her heart, wanting to stop the pain. She had spent countless nights dreaming about that laugh.

  She turned around with as much confidence as she could.

  There he was, leaning back into a cushioned armchair with an arm slung over the back, laughing and chatting with Violet, Maggie, and Parker.

  She couldn't do this. It was all too familiar, too real.

  Her moms went over to the four, giving them all hugs. They had seen Parker that morning when he came over for breakfast and gifts, but they still hugged him as though it had been ages.

  Ava smiled as best she could, not looking at anyone directly, “Merry Christmas, everyone.”

  “Merry Christmas,” the four said, not quite in sync.

  Parker was the only one to give her a hug, whispering in her ear, “Sit by me today.”

  She nodded into his chest, finding comfort in his familiar smell. She was so thankful for her brother.

  She took the loveseat that was next to the couch where Maggie and Violet were sitting. Across from her was Wes. She kept telling herself to pretend he was family, just like Parker and Ryder were.

  Ava looked around the room, “Where’s Ryder?”

  Parker frowned, “He’s not coming.”

  The thought of it deeply saddened her, “He can’t be alone on Christmas.”

  “That’s what I told him.”

  “We should bring him cupcakes later,” she suggested. There was no way her brother was spending the whole day isolating himself. Not when he had family who loved him.

  “Works for me.”

  An awkward silence took over, everyone fidgeting. The only sounds came from the kitchen, the parents busy at work.

  Ava picked at nonexistent lint on her dress, daring to look through her lashes at Wes.

  He was playing with his phone, giving her a free pass to stare a bit longer.

  “Hey, mom!” Wes shouted, glancing up from his phone, eyes catching Ava’s. He stalled, staring back.

  “Yeah?” His mom called back. When he didn’t immediately answer she tried again, “Wes?”

  Eyes still connected to Ava, he answered, “Did you know the Kings were coming for dessert?”

  “I talked to Carol this morning.”

  “Cool,” Wes answered, finally removing his eyes to talk to his sisters. “X is bringing his girlfriend.”

  Everyone was now focused on Maggie.

  “I know,” Maggie announced. “Mom already told me. I can’t believe he’s still dating the same girl.”

  Maggie let out a laugh. Everyone there knew her well enough to know she was jealous.

  Xavier had met a girl the first week of his freshmen year. After the first date they had become inseparable. This was the first time they would all meet her.

  Wes reassured Maggie, “I’m sure it won’t last.”

  “Whatever,” Maggie dismissed him with a wave of her hand as though she didn’t care. “Speaking of boyfriends…” She smugly looked to Violet. “How’s yours?”

  Violet shot her the death glare.

  Parker had been reaching over the coffee table for a chip. He paused mid-bend before carrying on as though the comment hadn’t taken him by surprise.

  Maggie happily snagged a chip of her own, “Well?”

  “Great,” Violet quickly answered, kicking her sister’s foot.

  This was news to Ava as well.

  Maggie was still mad at her for breaking up with Wes, so the only way she ever got any information on the triplets was from her parents. What they knew was limited to whatever Mrs. Baxter shared, and Parker only talked to Violet about once or twice a month.

  Maggie and Ava’s strained friendship hurt. She hadn’t counted on losing her too. She should have, but she hadn’t.

  Violet changed the subject, sweetly looking to her brother, “Let’s ask Wes about his girls.”

 
It felt like someone had punched straight though Ava’s chest, ripping out her heart, ringing it dry, and then slapping her in the face with it before leaving it discarded at her feet.

  Wes rolled his eyes, “There’s not much to tell.”

  “I just thought Ava might want to know,” Violet’s bitter sarcasm was not lost on anyone in the room. “I mean, isn’t that what she wanted?”

  Ava knew Violet wasn’t her biggest fan after what happened, but she hadn’t expected her to be so blatantly mean.

  “Vi,” Parker warned, coming to his sister’s defense.

  Violet got up, “Okay, so that was a cheap shot. I’m not apologizing for it. That’s your job.”

  They all watched her leave to the kitchen, mouths gaped open.

  Parker actually started laughing and the rest of them looked at him like he had gone crazy.

  He threw a chip into his mouth, grinning, “She sure doesn’t hold back when she’s holding a grudge.”

  “College has been really helpful with finding her inner bitch,” Wes explained.

  “I heard that!” Violet shouted while everyone laughed.

  Ava didn’t want Wes to have an opportunity to talk about his girls so she excused herself, claiming she needed to make a call. What she really did was go outside to the area that faced away from the tracks and stared into the desert.

  She needed to pull it together. She couldn’t live her whole life being depressed over Wesley when it had been her choice to let him go in the first place. She needed to be happy for him. Truly happy, no matter what that entailed.

  Wes followed Ava. He was going to regret this later, but for now he needed to be near her.

  He found her hugging herself, staring off into the open desert. The urge to reach out and hold her was so strong he had to take a few steps to the side, making a nice gap between them.

  “There aren’t girls,” he informed her, knowing she didn’t deserve an explanation.

  Startled, she gasped, placing a hand to her heart.

  She didn’t look over at him, which kind of pissed him off, “So this is how it’s going to be now? You trying to pretend I’m not right here?”

  Ava put on a smile, turning his way, still not looking directly at him, “You’re right, I’m sorry. This is just weird.”

  “This is what you wanted,” he reminded her, looking away. Face to face was too much for him.

  “Your whole family hates me.”

  “No they don’t,” he tried making her feel better. She wasn’t their favorite person but they didn’t hate her. His next question he almost didn’t ask, but the need to know was eating away at him, “How about you? Are you seeing anybody?”

  She let out a short laugh as though the idea was ludicrous, “No.”

  “What happened to Erick?” He was surprised he managed to get that one out without clenching his jaw or getting fired up.

  She seemed taken back, not registering why he’d ask, then a lightbulb went off, “Oh, right. Nothing. He went off to college.”

  A small part of his body relaxed for the first time in months. If he ever found out she was dating someone he might just lose his sanity.

  “It’s okay about the girls,” Ava spoke dismissively, turning back to face the desert. “I just want to see you happy.”

  That was real fucking rich coming from her.

  He had only been with that one girl. The guilt over it wasn’t something he cared to repeat.

  Her aloofness had him wondering why he cared.

  Wes left before he said something hurtful.

  Right before he shut the door with a force that vibrated the walls, he let out a snarky, “Merry Christmas, Ava.”

  “What’s this about a boyfriend?”

  Parker came in at the same time of her dad’s question.

  Things couldn’t get any more perfect.

  Violet cursed her sister, imagining all the ways she’d make her pay.

  “He’s not really a boyfriend.”

  That was kind of true. They hadn’t stated as much, although it was implied by the amount of time they spent together.

  “How’d you meet?” Her mom asked, trying to come across as though finding out now and not sooner didn’t bother her.

  “We kept crossing paths,” Violet decided to keep it simple. “He’d smile at me, I’d smile back. A few weeks later he asked me out.”

  The front door slammed shut, distracting them.

  Wes huffed into the kitchen, “Need any help?”

  He nudged Violet out of the way, taking over the chopping. He hacked away at the onions, scowling.

  “Tell us about Vi’s boyfriend?” Her dad urged Wes, stealing a peck on the lips from his wife and an ass squeeze.

  Violet pretended to vomit at the sight.

  Her dad laughed.

  “Is that really necessary?”

  “Yes. I have a beautiful wife,” he said, stating the obvious.

  Violet rolled her eyes, reaching for some stuffing with her hand, her mom smacking it away, “I meant asking Wes.”

  “I want to know what kind of boy he is, and I know Wes will have already scrutinized him almost as hard as I would.”

  Unfortunately, he knew his son too well. Wes had “coincidently” shown up at the same place for dinner a few times, joining them without permission.

  “Tylor’s actually pretty cool,” Wes responded, like he couldn’t believe it was true. “He’s a chemistry major and studies just as much as he spends time with Vi.”

  “Mm,” was all her dad responded with, a scowl forming of his own.

  “I think somebody doesn’t like you dating without him to intervene,” Violet’s mom whispered in her ear.

  “I heard that,” her dad grumbled.

  Aunt Stevie changed the subject.

  Violet mouthed a thank you, getting a wink in return.

  Parker came closer, leaning against the counter next to her.

  She hated the way her heart picked up its pace. This was the closest they had been since graduation day.

  “How come you never mentioned you were seeing someone?”

  Violet shrugged, not wanting to admit she was a chicken.

  She used sarcasm to cover it up, “The five minute conversations we have once a month don’t leave much time for anything other than a ‘hi, how’s it going?’”

  His eyes revealed that her words stung. She knew he wanted them to talk more but she couldn’t bring herself to do it yet. She wasn’t sure if she could trust him enough to be friends again.

  “Not sure if it means much, but I’m happy for you.”

  Her head ticked back, “You are?”

  “I told you, Vi. I want our friendship back.”

  “Well, isn’t that great,” Wes fumed next to them, chopping close to his fingers with speed. “The Stones being so happy for us to find someone. Isn’t that just icing on the fucking cake?”

  Both Parker and Violet’s eyes got bigger, not sure how to respond to Wes.

  The kitchen fell silent.

  “Who’s hungry?” Lily asked the room with forced cheerfulness. “Why doesn’t everyone go find a seat at the table?”

  The meal was one of the most uncomfortable they had ever had.

  Wes scarfed down his food, jumping up to start the dishes.

  Parker sat next to Violet. She wished he hadn’t. His close proximity only confused her. She didn’t want her body to still react to his.

  Winter break seemed far too long.

  That night the Stones arrived at Ryder’s with dinner.

  Ryder hadn’t wanted them to. Christmas was a time for families to be together. He didn’t want to be in the way. Ava had insisted, and he couldn’t say no to her.

  Parker, Ava, and their parents acted strange the entire time, nervous one could say. It had him uneasy.

  “So, Ryder,” Naomi began, halfway through them watching him eat. “There’s a specific reason we all came here today.”

  His food churned in his
stomach.

  He only blinked back at her to continue.

  Stevie reached over for her partner’s hand, giving it a squeeze, smiling at her.

  It seemed to give Naomi the courage she needed to continue, “When we adopted Parker and Ava we felt our family had become complete. That all was right in world. We hadn’t met you yet.”

  Ryder shifted uncomfortably in his seat, unsure of where this was going.

  Ava and Parker’s large smiles had him unable to look at them.

  Stevie took over, gently placing a hand over his, something she did more and more of. He had slowly become accustomed to it, to the point that a few times he hadn’t even noticed she’d done it.

  “You’ve become a staple in all our lives,” Stevie fondly smiled. “Movie night wouldn’t be the same without the way you season popcorn.”

  A smile tugged the corner of his mouth. He found it amusing the way they went crazy over his popcorn.

  “You’ve become another sibling to our children,” Stevie paused, looking into Naomi’s eyes, both of theirs watering. “We love you as though you were ours.”

  A lump formed in his throat and he had to look down at his plate.

  “We know you’re too old to be adopted, but we be wanted to find a way to make you being a part of this family official,” Naomi took his other hand. “We’d be honored if you took our name and became a Stone.”

  Ryder looked up, overwhelmed, tears forming for the first time since he was a child.

  They wanted him to be a part of their family.

  It seemed too good to be true.

  Parker slid some papers over to him, “This is the paperwork.”

  “We’ll all go with you. We can celebrate after,” Ava smiled with encouragement.

  Parker handed him a pen, “What do you say?”

  He had no words for the gift they had just given him. His deepest wish was about to come true. He would have a family to call his own.