Folly and Forgiveness

by Lizzy Brandon

  “And what did you fear your companion was thinking?”

  “I confess I was assuming he thought very poorly of me based upon my previous behavior, and so I interpreted his every word and action in the worst possible way. It did not help that I was already feeling ashamed of some poor judgements in his regard while being unaware I still held others equally faulty.” She risked an apologetic glance in his direction, glad to see he did not appear displeased.

  “I suspect his previous behavior contributed to your misunderstanding as well. You could not have been the only one suffering under several faulty assumptions. I can agree with you on one point: learning your assumptions have been incorrect can indeed be quite mortifying.”

  “It can,” she replied and grew more serious. “I have learned a great deal this past year about the danger of hasty assessments, especially when one flatters herself for a skill in judging character.”

  “Judgments made over time can be equally flawed when measurements are made with a faulty scale.”

  Elizabeth looked back up to Mr. Darcy. She knew she should not be surprised that he would admit to his own flaws, but still she was.

  “We seem to be far better able to speak without misunderstanding when we speak of anonymous people.”

  “Then we must converse in fairy tales and generalities more often.” They continued in their companionable silence until they reached the clearing Mr. Darcy had spoken of.

  “I can see why this is a favorite spot of yours. It reminds me greatly of a favorite place of my own near Longbourn. I find it quite peaceful.”

  “It is. This place also boasts another charm, for it has a magic rock.”

  “A magic rock, Mr. Darcy?”

  “Yes indeed. I find that when I am most disturbed and in need of guidance, I need only come and sit on that rock over there to find the answers I need.”

  “Really? And what great answers has that rock provided you?”

  “In most cases, that is a matter between the rock and myself. Most recently the rock has helped me to understand I am a bit of a dunderhead. It should come as no great surprise to you, Miss Elizabeth, that I do not always present myself well in public.”

  “You needed a magic rock to learn this?”

  “No, that is a problem of which I have long been most painfully aware,” he replied with a smile. “I had long believed that my presentation mattered little in public as anyone whose opinion might matter would come to know me in a more private setting where I was more comfortable conversing. It had not occurred to me that I could give offense to such a degree in public that one I would care to know better might be uninterested in knowing more of me.”

  “One should be more open to changing an initial opinion,” she replied, unable to look him in the eyes.

  “I cannot claim all fault in this matter, but I will allow that my pride was such I could not conceive any could be so set against me as to require strong inducement to change an opinion. I have been a selfish being all my life, Miss Elizabeth, in practice if not in principle. You taught me a lesson, difficult as it was. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased. Only by being denied a gift I thought my due could I see exactly how selfish and proud I was. So I might still be, but for you.”

  “Do not forget your magic rock.”

  “And my magic rock,” he replied, stepping closer to her.

  “My conscience told me that I deserved no extraordinary politeness from you when we met at Hunsford. I thought you must despise me and my gullibility.”

  “Never.”

  “Do you think I might take advantage of your magic rock?”

  “What answers do you seek, Elizabeth?”

  “The answers I seek are too numerous to detail at present, but I would request assistance with one matter.”

  “And what is that,” he asked, moving still closer and taking her hand.

  “I would ask how I can prevent myself from ruining another chance. I seem prone to misinterpretations and prejudiced assumptions that have thus far prevented me from finding happiness. The more I vow to be better in future, the more failures I discover.”

  “The best method for avoiding a misinterpretation would seem to be to discuss it. Ignorance can be remedied. Willful ignorance cannot. An attempt at improvement may not be perfect, but is far better than accepting failure.”

  “Then I must request your assistance, for the solution to ignorance would be to find a wise teacher, would it not?”

  “Or a magic rock.”

  Elizabeth burst into laughter, thrilled to find Mr. Darcy able to tease her back. The joy inside her swelled to such a degree she felt it might lift her so she could fly. How had she missed this side of Mr. Darcy for so long?

  “Then I must thank you for your assistance, I now understand how I should handle Mr. Collins.” Elizabeth loved the confusion that clouded Mr. Darcy’s face and again laughed. “We were speaking of Mr. Collins, were we not? I have learned he is a far better man than I gave him credit for and he and my sister are very much in love. I would not have thought it possible, but I was not willing to listen beyond his empty flattery to find the true man beneath.”

  “And I must thank you equally for your assistance in understanding how to handle Miss Bingley. No,” he paused, seriously considering for a moment, “that will not work. I do not think she has any better characteristics hiding beneath the surface.”

  “I have always assumed people are like onions: they may have many layers, but you will find little difference between these layers as people are who they are. In this way, a first impression based upon the outermost layer is no less valid than one developed after years of delving deeper.”

  “People are onions?”

  “Not all people. I have come to find that my theory does not hold. Some people are like oranges: the outermost layer visible to all provides no insight whatsoever into what the majority of the fruit consists of. An orange may smell sweet, but the peel is bitter. In this way, a first impression of an orange and an onion may not be so very different, though their differences on the inside are substantial.”

  “So some people are oranges?”

  “You have your magic rock, I have my garden of personalities,” she replied, dismissing him with a playful wave of her hand. “Jane would believe everyone is fruit and sweet on the inside. I would hold some are more like potatoes and have substance but no real taste.”

  “You are an absolute delight, Miss Elizabeth.”

  “Miss Bingley is more of a pineapple, I think: uselessly fine, prickly, and extremely high maintenance. Also, quite sour if not picked early enough.”

  Mr. Darcy allowed himself to be overcome by laughter and Elizabeth was delighted. She found she had to commit every detail of this image to memory, from the shape of the crinkles around his eyes, to the timbre of his voice. Never could she have imagined this side of Mr. Darcy based upon the man she had known in Hertfordshire.

  “I shall never look at our greenhouse the same way again,” he said as his laughter subsided and he wiped tears from his eyes. “With all your talk of food, I find myself quite hungry. The others are likely awake by now. Shall we head in for breakfast?” She agreed and they began to head back to the house together.

  “Now that I have started, I shall have to assign a fruit or vegetable to everyone in my acquaintance,” Elizabeth informed him.

  “I cannot wait to discover what you assign to Lady Catherine.”

  Elizabeth giggled, delighted they could laugh together in such a way. She could not remember the last time her spirits had been so high. Mayhap they finally understood one another.

  CHAPTER 35

  Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy joined Jane, Mr. Bingley, and Georgianna in the breakfast room. The Gardiners were outside enjoying the gardens and Bingley’s sisters had not yet come down.

  “Good morning William, Elizabeth,” Georgianna called. “Have you been outside?”

  “Yes, enjoy
ing a morning free from rain. Some of the trails are still muddy, but a few have dried out sufficiently.”

  “Then later we should all go to the clearing and have a picnic lunch,” she declared. “Elizabeth, Jane, do stay for a picnic. The area is my favorite spot on the estate. William often indulged me in picnics there when we were younger.”

  “We must check with our aunt and uncle. I do not know if they have already made plans for the day, but if they have not then that sounds a fine idea,” Elizabeth replied.

  “Then I will talk with Mrs. Reynolds before I head to the music room,” Georgianna replied gaily as she left them.

  “Does she know about the magic rock?”

  “I do not believe I have referred to it as such with Georgianna, merely as a good place to think when one is troubled.”

  “That description is not nearly so intriguing, Mr. Darcy.”

  Jane looked at her queerly, but Elizabeth simply smiled in response and ate her breakfast.

  “I say, Darcy,” Mr. Bingley began, “I was thinking the ladies would enjoy a ride in the barouche toward the old church. The views are excellent along that path.”

  “They are, but as Miss Elizabeth said, they do not yet know their plans. Once the Gardiners return we can determine how long we may monopolize their time.”

  Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley then debated the merits of various paths they might take. Jane looked to Mr. Darcy as the two men spoke and then back at Elizabeth with a raised eyebrow. Elizabeth could answer her silent question in no way other than to smile widely in return.

  As they finished, a maid entered the room.

  “Begging your pardon, Sir. Mr. Johnson brought back some letters for your guests when he retrieved their things from the inn last night. They were placed in your study.”

  “Please fetch them and bring them to the drawing room, Margaret,” he replied and she curtseyed and left. “We can await your aunt and uncle more comfortably there. If you wish for more privacy, there is a smaller parlor nearby.” He offered his arm, and Elizabeth hesitantly accepted.

  The maid brought the letters. Most were for Mrs. Gardiner and appeared to be from her local acquaintances. One was addressed to Jane and Elizabeth from Charlotte, so the sisters opened it and sat together to read it.

  Charlotte wrote of the dinners she and their father had been invited to, in celebration of their recent marriage. Sir William, it seemed, took particular delight in boasting of his new son-in-law, much to the consternation of Mr. Bennet. The girls enjoyed this bit of news, easily imagining their father’s reaction. They continued reading of the normal town news until the latter half of the letter, which was dated a day later.

  “Since writing the above, something has occurred of a most unexpected and serious nature. An express came at twelve last night, just as we were gone to bed, from Captain Higgins to inform us that Lydia has gone off to Scotland with one of the officers – to own the truth, with Wickham. We had not previously heard Wickham had secured another commission with a regiment that was also spending the summer in Brighton, or we would have warned Captain Higgins. Kitty and Lydia kept news of Wickham’s arrival to themselves in the few letters they had sent home. Lydia left a note to Kitty that gave her to understand that the couple was headed to Gretna Green. Captain Higgins immediately followed the couple, but was not able to trace them further than Clapham. They then removed into a hackney-coach and were last seen continuing down the London road.

  “Given what we know of Wickham, your father and I are immediately leaving for London to try to track them down. Given your father’s level of distress, he is not thinking clearly and I fear he may not pursue the couple in the best and safest way. I hope to assist him as far as I am able, but I know I will be unable to go with him to the places he intends to visit. Please ask your uncle to return to London as quickly as possible. Mr. Gardiner will immediately comprehend what I must feel, and I rely upon his goodness.”

  “Miss Elizabeth, whatever is the matter?” Elizabeth looked up to see both Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley standing before them, extremely concerned.

  “We must leave. Where is my uncle? We must go at once,” Jane cried, and she rose and fled the room, Mr. Bingley following her and attempting to learn what was wrong.

  Elizabeth jumped up to follow her sister, but Mr. Darcy stopped her.

  “You are not well, let me send a servant. You cannot go yourself. Bingley will convince your sister of the same soon enough.”

  As Elizabeth’s knees trembled, she was forced to acknowledge others could act faster and simply nodded at Mr. Darcy. He quickly summoned a servant and ordered an urgent search for the Gardiners to fetch them back immediately.

  Elizabeth sat back down, too shocked for words.

  “Can I get you something, a glass of wine? You look very ill.” Elizabeth shook her head in the negative, and burst into tears. Mr. Darcy knelt on the floor in front of her, handing her his handkerchief.

  “What is the matter? Elizabeth, what has happened?”

  All she could do was point to the letter, lying on the floor where Jane had dropped it in her haste to leave. Mr. Darcy went and picked it up and quickly scanned the contents. When he muttered an oath, she knew he had reached the part about Wickham. He threw down the letter and began to pace the room.

  “I might have prevented it,” she spoke quietly through her tears. “I who knew what he was. I did not tell her specifics about Mr. Wickham and his actions towards me. Lydia and Kitty were only given to understand that they should have no further interaction with him as he was not a man of good character. No stronger warning seemed necessary once he left town. Had his character been known, this could not have happened. But it is all, all too late now.”

  She could not even look in Mr. Darcy’s direction, so great was her humiliation and misery.

  Darcy made no answer. He seemed scarcely to hear her, and was walking up and down the room in earnest meditation, his brow contracted and air gloomy. Elizabeth buried her face in his handkerchief. It smelled of him and she already felt the pain of his loss.

  She felt the sofa shift as Mr. Darcy sat next to her. What must he think of her family now? After she had chastised him for his opinion of them, for the disdain he had held, how could she even face him now? All his concerns had been well founded and he had all the proof he may ever need. She could not blame him if he threw them all out of his house this moment.

  Would he feel vindicated? She knew he was unlikely to show any feelings of triumph at her expense, but how could he not, in some small part of his heart, congratulate himself for his recognition of the family’s character and feel relieved that she had prevented him from offering for her at Rosings.

  How could he not but feel relieved to have learned of this disgrace before he had expressed himself again. She thought back to their time this morning. Already it seemed part of a misty past, unconnected to any part of her future. Never had she so honestly felt that she could have loved him, as now, when all love must be in vain.

  “I am afraid you have been long desiring my absence, nor have I anything to plead in excuse of my stay, but real, though unavailing, concern.”

  Elizabeth could hear the genuine concern in his voice, and felt more humiliated because of it. He had changed his behavior for her, yet she had proven unworthy of the effort.

  “This unfortunate affair will, I fear, prevent my sister’s having the pleasure of your company this afternoon.”

  Fresh grief awoke within Elizabeth. She would have no further contact with Georgianna – nay, she must be Miss Darcy again – either. Her brother would never allow any connection with a family such as hers going forward.

  “Please be so kind as to apologize for us to Miss Darcy,” she replied, as steadily as she was able. “Say that urgent business calls us home immediately. Conceal the unhappy truth as long as it is possible. I know it cannot be long.”

  “You may be assured of my discretion.” He stood and she rose with him, wiping her eyes with his h
andkerchief.

  “I thank you, Mr. Darcy.”

  “I wish you safe travels, and a happier conclusion to this affair than there may presently be reason to hope.” He bowed and walked to the door, giving her one serious parting look, then left the room.

  Elizabeth collapsed back on the sofa and gave over to the sobs she had been holding in. Jane returned shortly with the Gardiners, having already apprised them of the unhappy news.

  “We must leave at once,” Elizabeth stated, pulling herself together, and the others silently agreed. Before they could do much more, Mr. Bingley entered the room.

  “Forgive me for this intrusion, but I understand you need to leave quickly. Mr. Gardiner, please take my carriage. I have already ordered it to be made ready, and asked a servant to pack for you what will be absolutely necessary for your trip. You should be able to leave momentarily.”

  Seeing Mr. Gardiner’s hesitance, Mr. Bingley continued, “You will make much better time in my empty carriage than in your own full one. With your permission, I will accompany the ladies in your own carriage once everything else can be made ready. You can head directly to London while we go to Longbourn. We will not be far behind, but you will be able to travel much faster on your own. I will see to things at the inn and gather the rest of your belongings there.”

  Mr. Gardiner attempted to protest, but Mr. Bingley interrupted him. “I am soon to be a member of the family and Miss Lydia is soon to be my sister. I can best assist you by seeing to these tasks and freeing you to travel on ahead of us.”

  Mr. Gardiner was obviously surprised by the offer, but considering the urgency of their situation, Elizabeth knew he dare not refuse. After expressing his gratitude, he quickly went to his room to check on the packing.

  “My valet is packing my own things and maids have been sent to see to your things as well. As we are now agreed upon a plan, I will have word sent ahead to the inn so we may pick up your belongings on our way.”

  Before leaving the room, Mr. Bingley turned to Jane. “All will be well,” he told her as he clasped her hand and offered an encouraging smile. Jane nodded, attempting to show a confidence she could not possibly feel.