by Ryan Field
The waiter brought Len a martini. For the next fifteen minutes, they made small talk about the weather, a new car Len was thinking of buying, and about the potted plants in the hotel. Len sat back with a smug expression and smiled a lot, sipping his drink. Jim looked down at the table and tried hard to keep his voice from cracking.
Before Len finished his martini, he stood up and said, “I’m going to get a room.”
Jim stood up and said, “I’ll wait outside the hotel.”
“Why?”
“So no one thinks we’re going up together. I think the desk clerk is on to us. And who knows who we might run into. You call me when you have the room and I’ll meet you up there.” There had to be some kind of a plan. Even though Len had mentioned he was only with his wife for the sake of appearances, and that they did have an agreement where they could see other people, Jim didn’t want anyone he knew to run into them and get the wrong idea. The thought of running into someone from high school and having to explain all this to Cain was something Jim didn’t want to think about. And the insufferable desk clerk was working on Jim’s last gay nerve.
Len smiled. “I guess that’s a good idea. Always best to be safe.”
Jim tipped his head sideways. “You don’t seem nervous at all. I’m ready to pass out.”
Len gazed into his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. “That’s because I can’t stop thinking about how lucky I am right now.”
“Lucky?” Jim felt dirty and naughty.
“I’m with the best looking most adorable man in the hotel,” Len said. “And I’m going to go upstairs with him in a few minutes to make love to him.”
Jim almost smiled. If he hadn’t been so nervous he might have laughed. The best he could do was nod and say, “Well, thank you for saying that. It was nice.” This was something he’d needed to hear. And not because of his ego, because he wanted to know there was an emotional connection.
When Jim had to pass by the front desk, he noticed the desk clerk stare at him again. He was starting to get annoyed now, so he flung the clerk a glance, looked into his eyes, and stopped dead in his tracks. He saw Len walk up to the counter and reach into his back pocket for his wallet. He thought about the compliment Len had just given him and he smiled. In a move so bold he almost tripped again, Jim turned around, walked over to where Len was standing, and stepped right up next to him.
When Jim saw the way the desk clerk glanced back and forth at them, he smiled and said, “I thought I left something outside, but I decided to forget about it.”
The clerk smirked and said, “I see.”
Jim felt like smacking his smug face.
Len sent Jim a sideways glance and handed the desk clerk a credit card. “I’d like a room, please. Anything you have with a view. I don’t care what it is.” He glanced at Jim and said, “I love a good view.”
The desk clerk took the credit card and gaped at them for a moment. He made a face and said, “I’ll be right back. I’ll see what I can do. We’re booked solid this weekend and I can’t promise anything.”
When he was out of listening distance, Len said, “I thought you were going to wait outside for me.”
Jim shrugged. He glanced over at the desk clerk and frowned. The bitchy clerk was murmuring something to another employee and they were both staring back and Len and Jim. “I decided I don’t have anything to hide. And I’m not going to let a nasty little desk clerk with too much attitude and not enough looks or money intimidate me. I’d like to rip her prissy little face off.”
After the clerk handed Len a key to the room, Len set his palm on the small of Jim’s back. As they turned to leave, the clerk smiled and said, “Can I get someone to help with you boys with your luggage?”
Jim knew the little cunt had asked this on purpose. It was as if the clerk could sense this was a booty call; he knew they didn’t have luggage. He was trying to make them feel awkward. So Jim stopped, looked back over his shoulder, and said, “We don’t need help. We sleep in the nude, thank you. And, just for the record, lady, we’re not boys we’re men.” He felt like double-snapping, but thought that would over the top.
Len smiled and applied a little pressure to the small of his back. He guided Jim to the elevator and didn’t say a word until he pushed the elevator button. He glanced at Jim and said, “You surprised me. I thought you were going to bitch slap that nasty little clerk right in front of me. I’ve underestimated you.”
Jim shrugged and took a deep breath. Though he was still nervous about going up to the room with his best friend’s dad, he felt good about what had just happened. He smiled and said. “I almost did bitch slap him. It would have taught the little asshole a good lesson about the meaning of discretion. He works in a goddamn hotel.”
Chapter Six
* * *
In the elevator, there were a few people on their way up to higher floors. But Jim didn’t look at them. He kept his hands buried in his pockets and stared down at his shoes the entire time. Len’s hand went down and he rested it on Jim’s bottom a few times when no one was looking. The first time it happened Jim lurched and grabbed a bar to his left. Len laughed and didn’t say anything. The second time it happened they were alone. This time Jim stood still and he let Len squeeze him a few times. He couldn’t deny it made him feel wanted and needed, in a way he’d never experienced before.
When the elevator came to a halt on the sixth floor and the doors opened wide, two older men were standing outside waiting to board. They glanced at Jim and Len and smiled. Jim figured they were there for the gay weekend event. The taller of the two set his palm on the shorter guy’s back and guided him into the elevator the same way Len guided Jim into the hallway. Len and the two guys exchanged smiles, while Jim walked forward without turning or blinking.
The room turned out to be less than either of them had expected. The view looked out to the brick building next door, the bed pressed to the wall in such a way you had to turn sideways to squeeze by, and the bathroom was nothing more than a beige tiled closet with a toilet, a sink, and a shower.
Len switched on the lights and tossed his keys on the small dresser. “I guess this was the best they had. I’m sorry. I wanted it to be nicer for you.”
Jim shrugged. He turned off the lights. “It’s not that bad. It’s not like we’re moving in here.” He wondered how long they would be there. Did people have sex for hours? Did it last all night? Would Len just fuck him like he’d seen in porn films and then go back down to his car?
Len crossed to where Jim stood beside the bed. He put his arms around him, leaned forward, and took in the scent of Jim’s hair. Jim’s legs felt shaky; his mouth felt dry again. But he was determined to go through with this no matter what. With one quick move, he grabbed the back of Len’s head and pulled it toward his face. He kissed him so hard their teeth smacked together. Then he stepped back, took a deep breath, and said, “Okay. I guess we’d better get undressed now.” He wanted to turn off the lights, but didn’t want to sound inexperienced.
Len caressed the side of Jim’s face and laughed. “I know you’re a little nervous. It’s going to be okay. I’d never do anything to harm you, Jim.”
He’d always imagined his first time would be with someone his age, and with someone like Cain Mayfield, not Len Mayfield. Jim turned to face the wall. “I know that. I’m not nervous. It’s just a little awkward because you’re so much older.” He regretted saying this this the moment the words exited his mouth. He didn’t want Len to think he wasn’t attracted to him or that Len’s age mattered to him in a physical sense. He figured he’d better keep his mouth shut from then on so he wouldn’t say anything else that was stupid.
Len shrugged, as if he didn’t know what to say. “I’m thirty-seven.”
Jim’s head went up. “You’re only thirty-seven. I thought you were my dad’s age, forty-nine. Cain and I are the same age.” He tilted his head and said, “You’re not that old.” He felt like kicking himself. He should have stopped when
he was ahead.
Len laughed. “I was confused as a teenager. In those days it was even worse for men like me. I thought that if I fought my attraction to men and dated girls I’d eventually grow out of it. I actually once thought being attracted to men was a stage I was going through. I wound up getting my wife pregnant when we were both sixteen. That’s how we wound up in Texas and how I became a fake cowboy. Our families moved us here to live with friends because they didn’t want anyone back east to know I’d knocked her up, so to speak. We liked it so much we never left. And, on a certain level, I think we both resented them sending us down here. We actually remained here to prove a point. If they were going to shun us, we’d shun them right back…forever.”
At least this explained why Len looked so much younger than Jim’s father. Though thirty-seven was still ancient to someone who was twenty-one, it made Jim breathe a little easier knowing Len was sixteen years his senior instead of twenty-six years. “You look like you’re even younger than that.”
Len smiled. “Thank you. That’s the nicest compliment anyone has paid me in years. Trying to recapture what I lost all those years isn’t easy. It’s not really possible. A happy ending is the chase of a lifetime for men like us. Few ever really get one.”
“Are you out of the closet?” He wasn’t trying to pry into Len’s personal affairs. He wasn’t out of the closet and he was wondering if they had this in common.
“Only with my wife,” Len said. “No one else knows about me except you. I don’t see other men unless I’m out of town. I promised my wife that as long as we remain married I wouldn’t embarrass her.” He laughed. “But that was a while ago. Lately, with this tennis instructor she’s been seeing, she’s starting to embarrass me.”
“I’m sorry,” Jim said. He didn’t know what else to say. “I’m sure she’s not doing it on purpose.” Now that he’d heard this, he didn’t feel so awful about sleeping with Mrs. Mayfield’s husband.
“I’m not mad,” Len said. “We have an understanding and I support her. The only reason why we’ve pretended this long is because of Cain. We wanted to keep things stable until he graduated from college. And, we’ve grown comfortable with each other and I don’t think my wife minds our situation. We rarely discuss it anymore.”
Jim had to ask the next question. “Why me?” He just blurted this out, not thinking about it. “You could have anyone.”
“When you opened the door the night of the graduation party my heart literally stopped. I hadn’t seen you since you were a teenager. At first I didn’t even recognize you and I wondered who you were. And, just so you know, I never had any strong feelings about you when you were growing up. It wasn’t as if I was watching you and planning ways to seduce you back then. I prefer real mean. And from what I can see now, you’re all man, Jim Darling.”
This made Jim sigh with relief. He’d been wondering about this but he’d been afraid to ask. He’d heard about men who were predators and he wanted to be certain Len wasn’t one of them. He still wasn’t certain why someone as successful and attractive as Len Mayfield would want to be with him. But he just smiled and said, “I see.”
A minute later, Len turned and removed all his clothes. When he was naked and his dick was almost fully erect, he walked over to the bed and helped Jim remove his shirt. Jim was still wearing his pants and his socks. He wasn’t sure where to look. He felt Len’s dick against his bottom. As Len ran his hands up and down Jim’s naked torso he gulped a few times. And when Len reached down to unzip his pants, Jim jerked forward and said, “Maybe we should do something else. I’m starting to feel awkward about this. I can’t stop thinking about Cain and all the people we know.”
Len took a step back. He leaned into the dresser and grabbed his dick. “We’re two consenting adults. We’re both men. We aren’t doing anything wrong, Jim. It took me years to realize that. I told you I have talked to my wife about exploring my sexuality. We haven’t shared the same room in years. We’ve worked things out in an amicable way. I’m not cheating on her.”
“I know you said that,” Jim said. He knew this wasn’t really cheating with some woman’s husband. Len had been clear about all this from the beginning.
Len shrugged. “It’s all true. I took over the guest rooms a long time ago. I hate sleeping alone so I switch rooms. My marriage is, indeed, a marriage of convenience.”
This made Jim feel a little better. But he still couldn’t help think of what his parents would do if they found out he was having sex with Len Mayfield, a man who played golf with his father. “Maybe we could go out for coffee or something and talk a little more.”
Len stared at him for a moment and said, “You’ve never done this before, have you? I know you’re in the closet. But I didn’t know you were a virgin.”
Jim’s head jerked back. “Well, of course I’ve done this before. I’ve done this sort of thing many times. Many, many times.” He didn’t see how his being a virgin mattered one way or the other. He was so embarrassed to still be a virgin he wanted to disappear into the gray carpet and never be seen again. Most guys his age were jaded from too much sex.
Len stood up and walked over to him. He put his arms around him and said, “Don’t freak out on me. It’s okay. Just because you’re a little backward doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. I started having sex too young, obviously.”
For some reason, Jim took offense to this. He jerked sideways and said, “I’m not backward. And there’s nothing wrong with me. If this is what you want, let’s do it. I’m tired of playing games.” He pushed Len; he wound up on his back in the middle of the bed. Then Jim removed the rest of his clothes and climbed on top of him.
It didn’t take long for Len to turn Jim over and lay him out flat on the mattress. The room seemed to grow darker; the air conditioner vent in front of the window pushed the sheer drapery forward. When Jim was on his back, Len spread Jim’s legs, crawled between them, and leaned forward so they could kiss. Jim’s arms went up and he rested both palms on Len’s shoulders. Len’s arms went beneath Jim’s and he wrapped them around Jim’s body with such force the pressure made Jim gasp for a second. When they kissed, every nerve ending in Jim’s body exploded. Nothing before had ever felt so natural to him. Though Jim had experimented by kissing girls on occasion, he’d never been kissed…or been held…by a man. Len’s lips were soft and smooth. But his body seemed wider and sturdier than Jim had imaged a man to be. Just touching him was an experience Jim could compare to no other. He smelled like soap and spicy deodorant mixed with a natural masculine scent. The muscles on his shoulders and back seemed to rise and fall each time Jim caressed him with his fingertips.
As they kissed, Jim forgot his fears and disappeared into a world he’d only been able to dream about before that night. This time he didn’t think about Cain Mayfield. He didn’t fantasize about Cain or imagine Cain getting undressed in the high school locker room. This time he concentrated on the man he was with. Before he even realized it had happened, his naked legs were wrapped around Len’s waist and he was running his fingers through Len’s thick hair. He felt freer than he’d ever felt in his life. He let down his guard and allowed a gentler side of him to surface. He squeezed Len’s biceps and his scrotum tightened. His own erection rested flat against his abdomen and pulsed each time Len’s tongue went into his mouth. He felt Len’s erection pressing into his groin; Len’s testicles rubbed against the bottom of his ass.
Jim couldn’t seem to open his legs wide enough. He started to feel naughty and submissive…willing to do whatever this big strong man wanted. They kissed and hugged and explored each other for so long Jim lost all track of time. If he hadn’t glanced at the clock on the hotel nightstand and seen it was after one in the morning he wouldn’t have believed time could pass so quickly. At one point, while they were sideways in a tight embrace, Len licked Jim’s ear and said, “Do you want to take me in your mouth? I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for. I want this nigh
t to be the best memory you ever have.”
Jim stretched his legs and arched his back. He decided it was pointless to deny his virginity. He nodded yes and said, “Okay. I’ve never done it before, but I can do that.” He knew Len was referring to a blow job in a polite way. Everything about Len was a combination of rough and gentle. He was a man Jim could trust.
While Jim remained on his side, Len turned all the way around until his face was adjacent to Jim’s genitals. When he took hold of Jim’s dick, he held it with care and wrapped his lips around the head. Jim gaped at the huge erection that was only inches from his mouth. This is what he’d been obsessing about since he’d been in junior high school and now he wasn’t sure what to do with it. He decided to play it safe and mimic what Len did, so he took Len’s shaft in his hand and wrapped his lips around the head.
At first, it felt as Jim had always imagined a dick would feel inside his mouth. It was a little salty, but Jim had tasted his own come before and he knew this was Len’s pre-come. Len continued to suck and lick Jim very slowly, treating him as though he might break at any moment. But it wasn’t as easy for Jim to control his instincts. He’d never had a man in his mouth before and the magnitude of this overwhelmed him to the point of exasperation. Just the faint damp smell coming from between Len’s legs caused beads of perspiration to form at Jim’s temples.
He tried to control these urges for as long as he could. Len had a lighter touch; he moved with alacrity but not too rough. Len seemed to prefer licking and sucking to taking Jim all the way to the back of his throat. He seemed to enjoy what Jim was doing to him more than what he was doing to Jim. The intimacy made Jim feel secure. But the anticipation almost drove him insane with a kind of rare passion he was too young to control. In the future, Jim would never be certain at which point the transition occurred, but one minute they were resting quietly in a sixty-nine position and the next minute Len was flat in his back, Jim was kneeling over him, and Len’s dick was so far down Jim ’s throat Len’s pubic hair was in his nose.