Southern Lights

by Danielle Steel

  “Are you sure you’re worrying about Savannah and not yourself?” Bingo! Alexa knew instantly her mother had hit a nerve, by how uncomfortable she felt. As she always did, she had gone right to the epicenter of the pain.

  “Yeah, maybe I am,” Alexa said honestly, trying to figure out what part of it she feared most. It was hard to say. “I was so happy there, I loved Tom so much, and his boys. I trusted him completely, and I thought we’d be together forever. And now all of that is gone, and someone else is married to him and living in that same house. It’s a little hard to take.” And she had hated him for it for years. He had stolen all her dreams, and destroyed all her trust. She had never been able to rebuild it since, with anyone. He had burned her to the ground. “I would have preferred never to go there again.”

  “Sometimes we have to face the things that hurt us most. Maybe you won’t heal till you do. You haven’t yet.” They both knew that was true. “You can’t move ahead until you bury the past, and all that agony and hurt is still alive for you. Maybe this will do you good.” Alexa thought of it as the cab pulled up in front of the terminal, and she told her mother she had to go. But she knew that she was right. Her pain was still alive. None of it, nor the disappointment and feeling of betrayal, had dulled in the past ten years. If anything, it had gotten worse. She had no man in her life and didn’t want one, because she couldn’t forgive or forget the one who had hurt her most. Nor had she forgiven Tom’s mother, or his wife, who had urged him to betray her in every possible way. It had been a cabal against her, because she wasn’t one of them, hard as it was to believe now. It sounded crazy, but was true. Luisa had won by geography and tradition, and like Ashley in Gone with the Wind, Tom had been weak. She couldn’t forgive him for it even now. And ten years of not forgiving him had poisoned her, like a radioactive substance she had ingested years ago, still coursing through her veins. It burned her insides with a searing pain. She hadn’t wanted Savannah anywhere near those people, but she had had no other choice.

  Alexa ran through security, and barely made her plane. She didn’t want to miss it and disappoint Savannah. It left at six-thirty, and landed after eight. Her heart caught as she saw the airport. She had told Savannah she’d call when she arrived and meet her at the hotel. She didn’t want her to wait alone. She got her bag and hailed a cab, and gave him the name of her hotel.

  The drive to the city was familiar and brief. Her heart ached when she saw the bridges, and the church spires she had loved. One of those churches was where they had christened Savannah. The city was full of memories for her, like a too ripe plum ready to explode. She had to force them from her mind. Before she got to the hotel she called Savannah, who was waiting for the call in her room. It was almost nine o’clock by then. She had been planning to drive over, but her father had said he would drop her off, since Alexa had arranged for a rented car through the hotel. He knew her mother probably wouldn’t want her driving downtown alone. Savannah let him know when she got the call, and she ran downstairs with her small bag. She had kissed Daisy goodbye that afternoon, since she was spending the night at a friend’s. Luisa was out playing bridge that night. Tom had opted to stay home. He and Luisa were on extremely tense terms, but sleeping in the same room. Barely, but they were.

  “You must be excited to see your mom,” Tom chatted easily on their way to the Wentworth Mansion. Alexa had remembered that it was the best hotel in town, and had originally been built as a home. It was still one of the city’s loveliest Victorian mansions, with every possible amenity and comfort, and gracious, beautifully appointed rooms, Tiffany glass ceilings, fine antiques, and a spa Alexa knew Savannah would enjoy and where they could both relax. It was in the heart of the city, with shops and restaurants all around it, and spectacular views of historic Charleston right from the hotel. Alexa was hoping it would be a treat for them both, and Savannah wouldn’t have cared if they stayed in a motel. She just wanted to see her mom. She could hardly wait.

  “Yes, I am excited to see her,” Savannah answered with a broad smile and dancing eyes. “She’s my best friend,” she volunteered. “I miss her a lot.”

  “I know you do,” Tom said, wishing he could fill the void somehow, but even if she enjoyed spending time with her father, it was too late for that. Thanks to him, he knew, they were acquaintances, not friends. He hoped to deepen their relationship while she was there, but contrary to her mother’s fears, three months wasn’t long. And surely not long enough to make up for ten years.

  Tom followed Savannah into the Wentworth Mansion, carrying her bag. She hadn’t brought much with her, and said she could wear her mother’s clothes. Savannah bounded into the lobby like a young puppy, and as soon as she did, she saw her mother standing at the desk checking in, and nearly jumped into her arms. The two women hugged so tight and clung to each other so fiercely that they looked like one body with two heads, while Tom stood quietly by, unnoticed by both of them. Alexa ran her hands over Savannah’s hair and face and arms, as though she had been starving for her. Tom could see they both were, as Savannah clung to her mother like a child. It was a full five minutes before either of them remembered he was there. And he felt a secret sadness, watching them and knowing that he had created the fierce bond they shared, by abandoning both of them. He felt left out, and knew he had no right to more. He had it all once, and betrayed them, and now he lived in the ashes that were left. Both Alexa and Savannah were like rays of sunlight filtering into the darkness of his life through prison bars. It was a prison he had built himself, out of weakness and fear.

  “Well, you two look mighty happy to see each other,” he said, smiling at them both. None of his sadness showed. He appeared happy for them, and in fact was jealous of what they shared. Everything about them was pure gold. Alexa immediately stiffened when she saw him. She had forgotten he was there, and so had Savannah. Alexa tried to be polite. She was grateful for the haven he was providing their daughter, but he was still Tom, the person on the planet she hated and who had hurt her most. She watched him as he hugged Savannah, kissed her, and wished them both a good weekend. It looked sincere, but who knew with him, Alexa thought to herself, and blamed it on the South, as she always did, still convinced that every southerner was a hypocrite and a liar, waiting to betray a loved one or a friend. It was too late to convince her otherwise. For her, they were like a separate nationality she abhorred.

  “She’s been really looking forward to this,” Tom said gently to Alexa, not knowing what else to say. Everything about her was slammed tightly closed except when she looked at her daughter and her entire being relaxed and softened. Like night and day.

  “So have I,” Alexa said coolly. “Thank you for keeping her here with you. I’m sure it can’t be easy for you.” She knew all about his fights with Luisa from Savannah, but didn’t let on.

  “She’s our daughter,” he said simply, “and I’m happy to make things a little easier for you, if I can. How’s the case coming?” She really didn’t want to talk about it with him, but with his good manners and easy southern charm, it was hard to avoid answering him. Even knowing what she did, he was still a handsome, seductive man.

  “It’s a lot of work,” she said politely. “But we’ve got him. I’ll be stunned if they don’t convict.”

  “I’m sure you’ll win it,” he said, and then handed Savannah’s bag to a bellman. “Have a great weekend,” he said to Savannah. “I’ll pick you up on Sunday. Call me when you’re ready, or if you need anything before that.” He smiled at both of them and then strode out of the lobby on his long, lanky legs. There was no question about it, and even Alexa couldn’t deny it, he was a handsome man, and his genes hadn’t done Savannah any harm.

  Alexa had reserved the best suite in the hotel, and Savannah looked around excitedly and exclaimed as she went from the living room to the bedroom and back again. It had a big four-poster bed like the one at Thousand Oaks, and this room was decorated in a deep yellow, with dark furniture, and lots of Tiffany glas
s. It was a classic antebellum mansion, and Savannah could hardly wait to see the spa. They had an appointment for massages, manicures, and pedicures the following afternoon before dinner. Alexa wanted to treat them both to a totally luxurious weekend.

  They ordered something to eat in the room, since Savannah had already eaten and Alexa only wanted a light meal. Afterward she unpacked the few things that Alexa had forgotten in New York, and two new blouses and a sweater she had bought her, which Savannah loved and said she could wear to school. They talked about school, the people she had met there, and her meeting with her southern grandmother, and they talked about Alexa’s mother. They covered every possible topic and subject, hugged constantly, kissed each other often, teased each other, and Savannah told her about the “bless her heart” thing that southerners seemed to say before or after making a particularly bitchy comment, and Alexa roared with laughter and said it was true. They reveled in each other’s love, and finally got into the four-poster bed together at two in the morning. And then with their arms around each other, they fell asleep like two puppies, happy for the first time in weeks.

  And the minute they woke up in the morning, they started talking about everything they wanted to do. Alexa wanted to take her to a few cute shops that she remembered, if they were still there, and her favorite restaurant for lunch, and Savannah had a list of places too. They had enough to keep them busy for a week, and by ten-thirty they were walking down the streets of Charleston on a gloriously sunny day. Alexa felt a tug at her heart as she saw familiar places, but she tried not to let it upset her. This weekend was all about Savannah and not the disappointment she’d had here.

  They went to a shop full of nothing but cashmere sweaters, mostly in pastel colors. Alexa bought her a pink one, and they were laughing as they left the store, and Savannah’s eyes widened as she saw her friend from school. Julianne was with her mother, whose face lit up the moment she saw Alexa, as though she had seen her best friend too. She once had been, but had betrayed her as Tom had. It was the first time Alexa had seen or heard from her in ten years.

  “Oh my God, Alexa! Dawlin’, how are you? You can’t even know how many times I’ve thought about you…I just miss you to pieces and Savannah is so gorgeous. Bless her heart, she looks just like you.” Savannah and Alexa exchanged a quick look at her last words and tried not to burst out laughing. But Alexa was irked by her hypocrisy and pretense of a still-existing friendship and concern that she tried to pretend had lain dormant, when in fact it had died years before, at her hands. “How long are you here for?”

  “Just till tomorrow. I came down for the weekend.”

  “My Gawwddd, we have to get together the next time you come. Call me before you do. We could have lunch with our girls.” Not on your life, Alexa was thinking as she smiled back at her. “We’re just so happy that Savannah is visiting her daddy. The girls are such good friends.” Alexa nodded and said nothing, with a fake smile on her face. Savannah knew that look, and it was reserved for people her mother disliked intensely or had utter contempt for. And she knew that Julianne’s mother was one. Her name was Michelle, and people called her Shelly. “What are you doing in New York now? Are you remarried?” Alexa had a strong urge to slap her when she asked. It was none of her business. Whatever the pretense, they were no longer friends, and never would be again.

  “I’m a prosecutor in the district attorney’s office,” Alexa said quietly. She didn’t answer the question about marriage. She suspected Shelly knew anyway, from the girls. She had always been nosy, loved gossip, and pumped everyone for all the information she could get.

  “Bless your heart, that’s such a big job, especially for a woman. You’re quite the celebrity around here.” Alexa thanked her and said they had to get going. The girls promised to call each other the following night, and Alexa and Savannah hurried away to the next shop on her list. And once they were out of earshot, Alexa turned to her daughter with a wry look.

  “I counted a total of two ‘bless your hearts’ for you, and four for me. Watch out, she hates us!” Alexa warned her as they both burst into laughter.

  “I noticed. I lost count after the first two. Julianne doesn’t get along with her mother either. She says she’s a total bitch.”

  “Yeah, I’d say she’s right. She was about as sincere as poisoned ice cream, magnolia flavored!”

  “Now, Mom, stop with your thing about the South. You just had rotten luck here.” Savannah never failed to call her on it, and part of Alexa knew she was right. The other part hated the South too much to care.

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever” was all she answered, as they stopped in a shop to buy lotions and makeup. They were having a totally girly weekend, just like they did in New York when they both had time, which was never often enough for Alexa. Savannah had a much busier social life than she did, and her mother was sure she would in Charleston soon too.

  Their massages at the spa at the Wentworth Mansion were sheer heaven. They had their nails done, and padded back to their suite in rubber flip-flops with cotton between their toes. Alexa had made a reservation at Circa 1886 for dinner. It was in the former carriage house of their hotel and Alexa had never been there. But for most of the day, they had stopped at her old favorite places. And just as she had thought, it was bittersweet being there. She had lived there as a young wife and new mother, and since then her life had changed completely. They saw no familiar faces other than Julianne and Shelly, but Alexa was startled and touched when Travis called her. He apologized for being out of touch for so long. He said he’d love to see her the next time, but was in a tennis tournament at the club that weekend. He made a point of saying that Savannah was a fantastic girl, and he was happy to talk to Alexa. He was every bit as polite as his father, she just hoped he was more sincere. He mentioned that he was getting married in June and wanted Savannah to be there.

  Savannah had told her that she really liked Scarlette, and Travis had been really nice to her. She hadn’t met Henry yet, but he was supposedly coming home for a weekend soon. He was living in New Orleans, and working for an art dealer there, but that was all she knew.

  Their dinner that night was even better than they’d been promised. And they both wore dresses they’d bought that afternoon. By the time they got back to their hotel room, they were happy and exhausted. The only bad part of the evening was knowing that Alexa was leaving the next day. Neither of them wanted to think about it yet.

  They decided to go to church the next morning before going to brunch at Baker’s Café.

  They went to St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church, where Alexa told Savannah she’d been christened, and slipped into a pew. It was a serious, traditional service, with beautiful organ music, and on the way out, Alexa and Savannah were holding hands and feeling good. They had just shaken hands with the minister outside the church, when suddenly someone ran up to Savannah, threw their arms around her waist, and nearly knocked her over. She tried to regain her balance and composure, and turned to see who it was and found herself looking down into Daisy’s face, who looked immensely pleased.

  “What are you doing here?” Savannah asked, still startled, and then introduced Daisy to her mother, who looked equally surprised but smiled at Daisy warmly. She was a very cute kid, and obviously crazy about Savannah. Alexa didn’t have time to absorb what this child had meant in her own life and how she had been used. She was just a little girl in pigtails with a huge grin.

  “My mom and I come here every Sunday, almost,” Daisy explained to Savannah and then turned to her mother with interest. “Savannah says you’re going to put a very, very bad man in prison.”

  “I’m trying,” Alexa said, smiling at her, and then added, “That’s why Savannah’s here, so he can’t hurt her.”

  “I know,” Daisy said, looking important. “She told me all about it, and about you.” She smiled broadly at Alexa again.

  “She told me about you too,” Alexa said warmly, completely ignoring who she was and who she belonged t
o. Daisy had a sweetness of her own that obscured all else. She was impossible to resist. Her face lit up at what Alexa had just said to her. She looked immensely pleased.

  “She did?” Daisy asked happily. “I really, really love her,” she said, putting her arm around her sister’s waist again, as a voice behind them flew between them like a spear.

  “Daisy! Take your hands off Savannah immediately!” the voice said sharply. Savannah knew who it was before she turned around to look, and Alexa could guess. “That’s no way to behave at church.” It was Luisa, glaring at the three of them with a venomous look, which was no way to behave at church either, Alexa thought to herself.

  “Church is over, Mama. This is the part where everyone is friendly,” Daisy insisted, with good reason. Apparently, Luisa had not come to church for that part, and surely not with these two women. She looked right through Savannah and Alexa, as though they didn’t exist, as she scolded her child. Savannah decided to try and take the heat off Daisy.

  “Luisa, I’d like to introduce you to my mother, Alexa Hamilton,” Savannah said politely, nearly drawling herself, but not quite. Luisa looked at her in outrage, as though Savannah had just taken her clothes off in front of church, or grabbed her stepmother by her elaborately coiffed hair.

  “We met, many years ago,” she said through clenched teeth as her own daughter watched her with a look of resignation, wondering why her mother was always so mean. She was not a happy person, and angry most of the time. As Luisa said the words, she looked sourly at Alexa.

  “It’s nice to see you again, Luisa,” Alexa said, lying through her teeth. She would have liked to add “bless your heart” but didn’t dare. Neither she nor Savannah could have kept a straight face, or maybe even Daisy. “Thank you for having Savannah stay with you. I really appreciate it, and I know she does too.”

  “Not at all,” Luisa said, and grabbed Daisy by the back of the neck in a firm grip, and propelled her toward their car without another word. Daisy looked back with a pained grin and waved, and both women felt sorry for her. In many ways, she was the victim in all this, as Savannah had been years before, and neither of them deserved it.