Southern Lights

by Danielle Steel

  “She probably is,” his mother agreed, which shocked him. “If you loved her, you never should have left her for Luisa, no matter what I said. You went right back to her like a little lamb, and sent Alexa to New York.” He nodded. It was true. He had wanted Luisa back, to prove a point, but he loved Alexa. What he didn’t want was the life he had now, with a woman he hated, who hated him more. He had gotten what he deserved in spades, and knew it. “I just want Luisa to stop calling me about Savannah. She needs to be decent to her. She owes Alexa that. She took care of Luisa’s boys.”

  “I’ve told her that. She doesn’t want to hear it.”

  “She told me Savannah is a brat. She’s no brat, she’s a lovely girl. She came here all on her own, to see me. She said she’d come to visit again. I hope she does.”

  “I’m sure she will,” he said kindly. Savannah was that kind of girl, to visit old ladies and keep them company. She had a warm heart. And both her father and grandmother knew it. So did Daisy, and her brothers. Only Luisa didn’t care. She had no heart at all. She had manipulated him to recoup him, and had tortured him ever since.

  “I’m glad someone in this family wants to know our history. Luisa isn’t interested. She has her own. She has as many generals in her family as we do,” Eugenie said, looking miffed, and Tom fought not to laugh. His mother took those things very seriously, and always had. Even he had a little trouble with it sometimes. There were too many generals to count. And hearing about the battles and Confederate bravery and victories had bored him all his life. He was no history buff. His mother was.

  Tom left his mother after that, and thanked Savannah that night for visiting her, and said that her grandmother had loved it and hoped she’d come back soon. Luisa overheard and snapped at them that Savannah shouldn’t disturb her, she was too delicate and old. Tom turned on her instantly and told her he wanted Savannah to visit his mother. Luisa sniffed and said not another word. When she had spoken to her that afternoon, her mother-in-law had said the same. The tides had turned, and Luisa didn’t like it one bit.

  Savannah had told her mother about the visit, and the history lesson, and about Henry and his partner Jeff. She kept her abreast of the local news in their daily calls.

  Her mother said she wasn’t surprised about Henry. He was never interested in girls once he hit puberty, although he was young then, only fourteen. She had had a question in her mind once or twice, but never dared broach it with Tom. He was so closed on the subject, and Savannah said he still was, they all were. She said that Luisa, his own mother, pretended Henry wasn’t gay. Alexa said she hoped he was happy, and would love to see him one of these days. She was coming back that weekend, and they were planning to stay at the Wentworth Mansion again. She’d made a reservation for the big suite.

  “So am I going to meet that boy?” she asked about Turner, and Savannah grinned.

  “Maybe. We’ll see. If he’s not busy. He has a game this weekend.”

  “Maybe we can go. If you’re not ashamed of me.”

  “You know I’m not. I’m really, really proud of you, Mom, and you know it.”

  “I’m proud of you too, sweetheart,” her mother reassured her. And after they hung up, she went back to work with Sam and Jack Jones, and Savannah went to meet Turner for a walk before dinner, and a lot of kisses.

  Daisy saw her come in afterward. She slipped in discreetly before dinner, and Daisy was on her way back from the kitchen with a snack.

  “So?”

  “So what?” Savannah asked innocently.

  “Don’t give me that. I saw you leave with him. Is he cute? Did he kiss you?” Savannah decided to be honest with her little sister. She loved that idea, having a sister. And so did Daisy.

  “He’s cute. And he kissed me.”

  “Oh, yuk!!” Daisy said, running up the stairs. “How disgusting.” And then she leaned over the banister with another question. “Is he your boyfriend?”

  “Nope.” Savannah shook her head, smiling. “Just a boy I like.”

  “Too bad,” Daisy said, and scampered to her room, laughing all the way.

  Chapter 14

  This time when Alexa came to Charleston to see Savannah for the weekend, everything felt more familiar and comfortable for her. She didn’t have to go through the shock of reentry into a world she had once known and loved and lost. The second time the Wentworth Mansion felt like home to both of them, and Alexa even managed to be pleasant to Tom when she saw him when he dropped Savannah off. Alexa had relaxed, and he could see it. It made him brave enough to ask her if she would have lunch with him. She didn’t want to, and she didn’t want to miss a minute with Savannah, but she didn’t want to be rude to him either. He had helped her out in a major way with Savannah, and even risked Luisa’s fury. Alexa hesitated before she answered, but when she saw Savannah’s eyes pleading with her, she finally nodded and agreed to lunch with him.

  “Not long, though,” she cautioned. “I want time with Savannah. I’m here for her.”

  “Of course.”

  Alexa had the feeling that he wanted to bury the hatchet, somewhere other than in her back this time, or her heart. She wasn’t ready for it yet, but she could almost conceive of being friends with him someday, not close friends, but civil ones, like at Savannah’s wedding, or college graduation. She assumed he had the same goal in mind. The cold war between them had gone on long enough. She was slowly getting over it at last.

  He suggested meeting her at Magnolias the next day, and Savannah said she could go to Turner’s soccer game while they had lunch. Everyone was happy, although Alexa would have been happier having lunch with her daughter, but she had agreed, and Savannah thanked her when they went upstairs to their suite. It was just as pretty this time, and the flowers in it were even bigger. And they each had a glass of champagne to celebrate their weekend. There were chocolate-covered strawberries that were delicious with the champagne. And they each had only one glass. Alexa didn’t like Savannah drinking, but once in a while, on a festive occasion, it was okay, and she didn’t drink much either. She was nervous about her lunch with Tom the next day. They weren’t friends, after all, at least not yet.

  “Okay, so tell me about this boy you’re so crazy about. When am I going to meet him? How about after the soccer game? We could have coffee or something.”

  Savannah hesitated and then nodded, looking embarrassed. “He’s nice, Mom. It’s not serious or anything. He’s captain of the soccer team and he’s hoping to go to Georgia Tech or SMU.”

  “A nice southern boy,” her mother commented with a grin, but she wasn’t sarcastic about it, just amused. They hardly ever went north for school. She’d noticed it when she lived there too.

  “He has three younger brothers, and he lost his mom last year.”

  “I’m sorry,” Alexa said softly. “He’s nice to you? That’s all I care about. My only requirement is that he treats you well. How often do you see him?” She had lost track in the chaos of her life right now, getting ready for the trial.

  “He’s nice to me,” Savannah reassured her. “I see him every day at school. Sometimes we have lunch in the cafeteria, and we go out a couple of times a week, for dinner and a movie.”

  “Are you sleeping with him?” her mother asked her bluntly, and Savannah shook her head. It was too soon. “You’re still on the Pill?” Alexa confirmed, and Savannah smiled at her. She had lost her virginity at sixteen and her mother had made her peace with it. Alexa was realistic, and Savannah had only slept with one boy so far, but her mother wanted to be sure she was prepared if something happened here with Turner. “And condoms, please!” she reminded her. Savannah groaned and rolled her eyes.

  “I know, I know. I’m not stupid. It’s too soon anyway. I hardly know him.” Still, she liked him a great deal. A great deal. And they were kissing more and more. Things were getting serious and heated.

  “Well, just in case, be prepared. People get carried away sometimes. Not that I’d remember,” Alexa chuck
led ruefully. She wouldn’t have time anyway. She hardly got time to go to the bathroom or sleep, she was working so hard on the upcoming trial.

  They had dinner at a cozy little bistro that night and ate fresh crab. It was a late dinner and they walked back to the hotel arm in arm, feeling closer than ever. They ordered a movie through the hotel, one of their favorites, and after it was over, they went to sleep in the huge comfortable bed, and woke up feeling relaxed and rested in the morning.

  After breakfast, they did a little shopping as they had the week before, and then Savannah went to the soccer game and Alexa went to Magnolias, to meet Tom for lunch. He was waiting when she got there, and looked nervous. So was she.

  They had a quiet table in the back, and were looking at the menus, when Alexa put hers down and looked at him.

  “I’m sorry to say this, but this is weird. I just had to say it out loud. Maybe you feel that way too.”

  “Yes, I do.” He had to laugh, she had always had a way with the truth. She put it right out there and refused to hide it or dress it up. It was anything but southern in style, but he had always loved that about her. No subterfuge. No games. She hadn’t changed a bit. And if anything, he thought she was more beautiful now, eleven years later. She had grown into her looks.

  “Why do we feel so weird?” Tom asked, as he looked at her. Luisa had no idea he was with her.

  “Are you kidding?” Alexa looked at him. “You left me. I’ve spent the last ten years hating you. What am I doing having lunch with you? And our daughter is living with you. That’s all pretty crazy.”

  “Maybe not. You had every right to hate me. And you’re very gracious to have lunch with me, but you always were compassionate and forgiving.”

  “Don’t count on that yet,” she said honestly, and he laughed again. “So why do you feel weird? Did you hate me too?”

  “I had nothing to hate you for,” he said sadly. “I just had regrets, about what happened.”

  “It didn’t ‘happen.’ You did it. With Luisa’s help, and your mother’s. They made the decision for you, to get rid of me and go back to her, and you did what they wanted. I guess you wanted it too.” She looked wistful as she said it, and so did he.

  He shook his head then. “It wasn’t that simple. I didn’t know what I wanted. I wanted to get my pride back because Luisa had left me, but I was in love with you.”

  “Then you did a really stupid thing, Tom.” It helped her to say it, and she felt better after she did.

  “Yes, I did. I agree with you. Totally. And if it’s any consolation, I’ve regretted it ever since.” She didn’t want him to go there. She didn’t want to know. They ordered lunch then, and both ordered crab cakes and lobster bisque. It had always been their favorite meal. Some things hadn’t changed. Alexa told herself that the only thing they still had in common was the food.

  They talked about other things then. Savannah. Her trial. His bank. Travis and Henry. Alexa mentioned in passing that Savannah had said Henry was gay and liked him a lot. She didn’t think his lifestyle shocking and expected Tom to be reasonable about it, but she saw instantly that he looked pained.

  “I’m sorry. Are you upset about it?” It was hard to believe in this day and age, but she also knew how conservative Tom was, and old-fashioned.

  “Sometimes. I guess it’s just the way he is. But it’s not a life that I wanted for one of my sons. But in the end, I just want him to be happy. His mother denies it, which makes it harder for Henry.”

  “That’s stupid of her,” Alexa said bluntly, and then winced. “Sorry. I just feel sorry for Henry if he can’t be himself with both of you. Is Travis okay with it? He’s as conservative as you are.” She knew them all well, even if she hadn’t seen them for ten years, and left the boys in their teens. It was totally odd to her to be sitting at a lunch table with Tom, talking as though they were old friends, instead of her being the woman who had loved him, and been his wife, and whom he had spurned for another. Life really was strange.

  “I think Travis tries to be understanding about it, but you’re right, he’s pretty straitlaced. The boys aren’t as close anymore, now that they’re grown up. They’re very different.”

  “They always were,” Alexa said quietly. “That’s too bad if they’re not close,” she said sadly. “They were then.” Tom was embarrassed not to have been more supportive of his son. It was one more thing for him to feel guilty about, like so many others. He had a lot on his list to repent for, and Alexa was at the top of that list.

  “I meant what I said before,” he said over coffee and warm peach cobbler for dessert. He took his with vanilla ice cream, she without. Same old habits again. For an instant, she could distinctly remember being his wife, what it had felt like, and how much she had loved it, particularly when Savannah was little. They had been so in love then, and Alexa had stayed in love with him right till the end.

  “About what?” Alexa asked as she ate the dessert that melted in her mouth. She’d forgotten what he’d said earlier. They had touched on a lot of subjects, including their daughter, who he acknowledged was wonderful and gave her full credit for, which she deserved.

  “I meant it when I said that I’ve regretted leaving you every day since.” He looked sorrowful and depressed as he said it, and her eyes hardened at the words.

  “I’m sorry to hear that, Tom. That’s a hard way to live.”

  “Yes, it is.” He was feeling sorry for himself. Alexa’s eyes went cold.

  “So is getting thrown out by your husband whom you love and trust, for another woman, who abandoned him before, and came back because it was convenient. It would have been nice if you’d seen through that.” He nodded, he could see again how hurt Alexa was, and how unforgiving. Her walls had gone up the minute he brought up the subject.

  “I’m not suggesting you take me back,” he explained to her.

  “Good, because I wouldn’t. Not in a hundred years.” She wanted that entirely clear, particularly if they were going to attempt to be friends. She wanted clear boundaries with him, and no confusion, for him, or herself. He was still a very attractive man, and she had loved him. She didn’t want this to be dangerous for her. And he would be if she fell for him again. He had already proven to her once in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t a man of his word. She could never trust him again, no matter how much she had loved him, or how handsome and charming he still was.

  “I just wanted you to know how sorry I am.”

  “So am I. I’ve never trusted another man again, and probably never will.” She blamed it entirely on him.

  “That’s awful,” he said sadly, feeling guilty again and looking woebegone.

  “Maybe. But it’s real. For me anyway. I could never trust another man not to do the same thing. I thought we were married forever.”

  “So did I. And then Luisa came back, and I fucked it all up, for both of us.” Alexa nodded. She didn’t want to rehash their marriage with him over lunch. “Just know that I regret it, and I’ve never had a happy day since. She’s a miserable person.”

  “Then why don’t you divorce her? Not for me. For yourself.”

  “I just don’t want to go through that again. Our divorce nearly killed me.”

  “Funny, me too,” Alexa said bitterly, and then laughed at herself. “Sorry, I guess I’m still pretty pissed. My mother says I have to get over it, but it’s hard to do. I saw a shrink about it for five years, and finally stopped going. I was just as pissed after five years, and just as hurt, and just as bitter. I guess it takes longer than that. For me, anyway. I’m a slow healer. I broke my arm once, and it took six months to heal instead of six weeks.”

  “I know,” he said, near tears, “I was with you.”

  “Oh.” She looked down at her plate for a minute and then back at him. “Look, let’s be honest. I’m sure somewhere I still love you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t hate you so much, or wouldn’t have. I don’t think I hate you right now. I’m not even pissed. We had a nice lun
ch and I enjoyed it. We have a beautiful daughter, and I loved you with all my heart. Maybe I always will in some secret place in my heart. Maybe ‘until death do us part’ is for real. I hope not, but it could be. I hate that you left me for Luisa and abandoned us. But you did.

  “You’re doing a nice thing for Savannah and I appreciate it, seriously. I don’t have to worry about her right now because she’s with you, and that means a lot. It’s a huge weight off my shoulders. And you’re still the most handsome man I know, and the most charming. I loved living here with you, and the South, until I hated that too because you were southern. And maybe we can be friends now. But I don’t want to fool either of us that we can do it again. I won’t do to Luisa what she did to me, or what you did. I won’t sneak around with you. I don’t want to fall in love with you again. I think it would be lethal for me, particularly if you hurt me again. I don’t ever want to give that another chance, whether you’re sorry or not. I can’t. I don’t have it in me. It’s taken me over ten years to get this far, to get over you. And I want to keep going. Maybe now we can be friends, but that’s all we can ever be, and all I want from you, if that. And if Luisa makes you miserable, then divorce her. But even if you do, all I want is to be your friend. We’re Savannah’s parents, so it’ll be nice if we can be civilized. But I don’t want to hold out any hope to you that it’s more than that.” She had been totally clear and totally fair with him. She always had been, which was one of the million things he loved about her and had forgotten, or tried to.

  “I get it, Alexa. I’m sorry that I even brought it up. I just wanted you to know that I still love you and I’m sorry.” Hearing it made her mad again. It wasn’t fair of him to tell her that he was in love with her. Not now, ten years later, after all she’d been through since, all the pain, all the agony, all the tears over him. She looked at him with fury in her eyes.

  “Don’t ever tell me that again. It’s self-serving. You’re sorry now, but where were you for the last ten years? With Luisa. If you never say that again, maybe we can be friends. Deal?”