by Rachel Lee
He stared for a moment, the beat of the drum inside him reaching deafening volume, then slid down a bit until he dove down with his head, kissing her secrets with his lips, his tongue, drawing a cry of ecstasy from her, feeling her grow rigid again and yet again. Teasing that engorged nub of nerves until she was clawing at his shoulders, crying his name.
When he slipped his tongue inside her, tasting her, he could feel the contractions rippling through her, so strongly that he knew she hovered on the precipice.
At long last, he could stand it no more. Moving up over her, he pawed at the night table until he found a condom. Inevitably, that meant pushing up off her, and for an instant, just an instant, he totally loathed the protection he owed her.
Her eyes fluttered open and saw what he was doing. A murmur escaped her and she brushed his hands away, rolling the condom on him herself, pushing him even closer to the edge. Feeling her small hand grasp him and stroke his length was probably the most fiendish torture ever devised.
Then she opened her arms, reaching for him, and he could no longer deny either of them, not for anything. She was so wet and ready that he slid into her easily, feeling her stretch around him, then enclose him like a hot satin glove.
She pulled him down until his face was buried against her breast. Her hands roamed his back, dragging her nails gently over his skin, almost tickling, always teasing. He latched on to her nipple and bit gently, drawing a cry from her and then all finesse was lost in the driving, thundering need. Like galloping horses, they ran hard, ever rising across the plain of passion toward the soaring mountains ahead.
To Jess, it felt like the explosion began in his toes. As he jetted into her, his mind filled with a blinding light. He felt the woman beneath him come to a shuddering climax of her own, felt her stiffen and cry out, her cry joining the light in his head.
Everything else vanished.
* * *
Lacy didn’t want to let go of Jess, even though she knew she had to. She could feel the quivering of his muscles; her own quivered as well, as if the journey they had just made had stolen her last bit of energy.
Reluctantly, her hands trailing over him, she let him roll to the side.
“Be right back,” he murmured, dropping a kiss on her nose.
Through half-open eyes, she watched him crutch into the bathroom. Only then did she realize that neither of them had fully removed their pants. Feeling almost giddy, she smiled and rolled over a little to grab a pillow. It was a poor substitute for Jess.
“Here we go,” he said, suddenly behind her. The next thing she knew, her pants went flying. Then he lifted her gently and pulled a quilt over her. A moment later, he was in the bed, holding her from behind, pressing every possible inch of his front to her back. His hand brushed her hair back; a kiss fell on the nape of her neck.
Jess had taken her to heights she had never visited before. She felt awake, and alive, and utterly loved. She would have cheerfully banished reality from that moment forward.
For a long time they cuddled in silence, but finally he said, “Wow...”
“Wow...” she whispered back. She didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want anything to disturb the heavenly glow that filled her.
“Sleep,” he murmured. “I’ll be right here.”
Sleep? It seemed impossible after this night, but it wasn’t long before it caught her. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so relaxed. So good.
And that relaxation finally carried her into dreams.
Chapter 12
After the night they had been through, Lacy would have expected them to sleep late. Apparently not. A string of kisses from her earlobe across her cheek to her lips awoke her, melting her until she felt she had no bones left.
“I hate to let go,” Jess said, “but I’ve got to get up. Breakfast soon, if you want it, or sleep longer.”
She rolled over to watch him pull on his leg and a fresh set of insulated underclothes, the leg of one of which had been cut off and hemmed. “Undies are okay,” he said with a wink over his shoulder. “I’ll feed the stove and we’ll see what the day looks like...whenever you’re ready to get up.”
She glanced at the clock and could scarcely believe it was only shortly after seven. Her sleep had been so deep and dreamless it felt like it had lasted forever.
Gathering up her long underwear, she quickly pulled it on and headed upstairs to freshen up and get clean ones to wear. Not quite as comfortable as he about running around in undergarments, however concealing, she pulled out a flannel shirt to wear over it, plus some thick socks, then hurried downstairs, following the aroma of bacon and coffee.
As she entered the kitchen, he looked up from the stove with a warm smile that leavened his whole face and made her feel as if she had been hugged. Helplessly, she smiled back. “What can I do?”
“Keep me company. Today calls for bacon, eggs and flapjacks.”
“So much?”
“I’m starving. How about you?”
Almost in answer, she felt her stomach growl. “I guess so.”
“Grab some coffee, or make espresso if you want.”
She went for the regular coffee. The espresso machine still daunted her. But as soon as she sat at the table, he pulled the frying pan off the flame and came over to wrap his arms around her from behind and kiss the side of her neck and her cheek. “You look good enough to eat,” he murmured.
Surprisingly, she blushed. In a flannel shirt and long johns? The man was losing his mind, but she liked it.
He went back to the stove to check the heat on the griddle with a sprinkle of water. “Ah, ready.” He poured batter onto it, then started eggs in the bacon pan.
Pulling her knees up to her chin, hooking her heels over the edge of the chair, she watched him move easily, looking more comfortable than he had since she’d gotten off the bus. Last night had been wonderful for her, and now she suspected it had been for him, too. She glowed inside.
The glow didn’t last long, however. He brought heaps of food to the table, got himself fresh coffee, then sat across from her. “I would love to spend today cherishing you in every inventive way I can imagine,” he said, causing her to blush again. “Unfortunately, there’s no vacation from the stalker.”
Her heart jumped unpleasantly and her stomach sank. “Did he do something else?”
“Not yet. But he will.”
He served her a fried egg, a couple of strips of bacon and a pancake on the side, nudging the maple syrup her way. “Now that you don’t feel like it anymore, try to eat. Think of it as fortification.”
Great start to breakfast, she thought as her stomach tried to knot up. Obediently, she reached for a strip of bacon and dipped it listlessly into egg yolk. Eat? He must be kidding.
But then she thought of where he’d been, and how many times he’d probably had to eat in dangerous circumstances just to keep his energy up. Hadn’t she read somewhere that soldiers routinely lost weight in combat because they didn’t eat enough?
Summoning some determination, she began to feed herself. He was right. They couldn’t ignore what had happened, even if they wanted to.
“You have a plan?” she asked.
“Not yet. I’ve been racking my brains trying to come up with something, but it helps if you know your enemy. I know nothing about this one. Not one damn thing. I think it’s time to look up some of the men I served with in my last action.”
“You think they might know? And how are you going to look them up?”
“That’s what they make computers for. Are you up to a trip to the library?”
“Sure.” Anything had to be better than hanging around here, wondering what would happen next. “But you think it’s tied to when you were wounded?”
“Up to that point, anybody who wanted to get r
id of me would have found it extremely easy. But let’s leave that for later.”
She nodded and forced herself to continue eating, although she was past enjoying what must have been a delicious breakfast. Even the maple syrup tasted flat.
“I could put you on a bus this morning.”
That did it. Something inside her snapped. “I’m not going anywhere,” she said sharply.
“You’d be safer than here, evidently.”
She glared at him. “That makes me feel better how? I just turn tail and leave you here to face this on your own? I’m supposed to live with that? And anyway, we still don’t know it’s not someone who’s after me.”
His face, bright and relaxed when she first saw him, had grown drawn. Right now, he looked almost old. “I think we do,” he said quietly. “The sins of my past are somehow coming home to roost.”
“What sins?” she demanded. “You were a medic and you did your job. A soldier, and you did your job. If you want anyone to feel guilty, it should be the country that sent you into that hellhole.”
“Lacy, I don’t...”
“There’s some national guilt that ought to be going around, and don’t you dare argue with me. I won’t have it. You served honorably. Beginning, middle and end.”
He surprised her by smiling faintly. “You’re a firebrand, you know.”
She blinked. No one had ever called her that before.
“But I’d still like to get you out of here.”
“I couldn’t live with myself. Put the shoe on your remaining foot and imagine how you’d feel. Knowing I might have a killer on my tail, you invited me here. You think I’m somehow less of a man?”
The way the words came out startled them both. Then, in spite of herself, Lacy giggled. “I didn’t mean that exactly.”
His smile widened. “Correct meaning understood, ma’am. Okay, short of having someone abduct you, we’re in this together. Will you, for the love of heaven, eat? I swear you’ve lost another pound just since you got here. Power up, lady, because things are about to get tougher.”
“This isn’t the best mealtime conversation,” she pointed out.
“I know. My timing stinks. The soldier in me, I guess. Just eat.”
So she ate. At least one thing had been cleared up: she was with him in this until it was over. “Dang,” she said as she mopped the last of the syrup with the last mouthful of pancake.
“Hmm?”
“It feels good to be taking charge of something again. Standing up. Making a decision. I’ve been driftwood for too long.”
“Driftwood?” He repeated the word with disbelief. “Anything but. Look how much you’ve done.”
“Very little of it by my decision. Once I went into witness protection, I had no control over anything. After I got out, it was almost like I’d lost control over myself. Yeah, I could take care of the basic decisions, but major ones seemed like too much. I sent out résumés, received rejections and basically became a hermit. I talked to a few friends on the phone, but I quit going out. A grocery trip felt like a trial by fire.” She shook her head. “An overreaction, I guess.”
“Conditioning,” he said quietly. “First they made you afraid, and then they took everything out of your hands. I hadn’t thought how debilitating that might be.”
She shrugged. “Still, I wasn’t a firebrand before. Maybe I’m overcompensating.”
“I can still get you on that bus.” She glared and he laughed. “Okay, okay.”
Feeling inexplicably better about herself—evidently there was something to be said for facing the fear head-on instead of running—she reached for another pancake. Another thought occurred to her. “Maybe I should stay here while you go to the library.”
“Why?”
“Do you really want to leave the house empty after last night?”
“You forget. The police are keeping an eye out. Unless I’m mistaken, there’s still one parked at the end of my driveway. But I’ll check with Gage if that’ll make you feel better. Lacy, I don’t want you out of my sight.”
She could agree with that. She didn’t want to stay here by herself, but more important, she didn’t want to be away from Jess. Most especially after last night. This might not be a romantic breakfast by any means, but he’d awakened feelings in her last night when they made love, and those feelings weren’t evaporating in the harsh light of reality.
But Sara. Always but Sara. Was she betraying her friend? Logically, she knew that was impossible now, but conscience still niggled at her. Jess, however, had been her husband, and he didn’t appear to be suffering any qualms. But would he tell her if he were? Probably not.
Glumly, she looked down at the remains of the extra pancake she’d taken, and forced herself to cut off another mouthful with her fork. And here she thought she’d learned about getting caught in tangled webs with the money laundering. Apparently, life offered plenty of other kinds of tangles.
She needed to get her mind off this. Sara wasn’t here to ask, and all she could do was deal with the present moment. “Why would this guy be taunting you—or me—this way? It doesn’t make sense. Did he want us on guard?”
“Apparently so.” Jess sighed and rose, taking his plate to the sink to rinse it. He returned with yet more coffee. “Maybe he gets a kick out of thinking we’re scared.”
“Then I hope he’s enjoying it, because he’s succeeded.”
She caught Jess’s green gaze fixing on her, studying her. “Has he? The only one I’m scared for is you.”
“Not for yourself? Now I’ll ask you if you’re crazy.” Then something he’d said popped up in her mind. “Jess?”
“Yeah?”
“You said after...after Sara died, you didn’t care if you came back from Afghanistan. Do you...still feel that way?” Her heart thundered at her temerity, but she needed to know. If life still meant nothing to him then...then what? She ought to pack her bags when this was over and get the hell out.
“I still miss her, Lacy. I always will. But it’s not like it was at first. I learned to live with it. Haven’t you?”
Yes, she had. Seeing Jess again had refreshed her memories of her best friend, but the tearing grief of the initial loss had quieted.
“There’ll always be a hole in my life,” he continued. “A Sara-sized hole. But she’s gone, and in my deepest being, I understand that. I won’t look up one day and see her walking through the door. For whatever reason, I’m still here and have to deal with life. I’m in no rush to cash in my chips.”
She nodded, pushing her plate to one side. “I remember. I remember that every time the phone rang I expected to hear her voice again. For the longest time, it was hard to remember that I couldn’t pick up the phone and call her. I hated myself for months that I’d deleted her last voice mail message.”
He nodded. “What was it about?”
“Coming to visit you guys for Christmas. I called back the next day and...she was gone.”
Jess surprised her with a faint smile. “Well, that tells me something.”
“What?”
“What she was thinking about the night before she died. Christmas. I was due to be home a week before the holiday, and I guess she was making plans.”
“She was. She sounded so exuberant.” Lacy’s throat tightened. “She was so happy you were going to be home, and you know what she said?”
“What?”
“That I had to be there because a happiness shared was a happiness multiplied.”
He closed his eyes, nodding, as if taking it in. His smile grew a little sadder, but when he opened his eyes, they were bright and clear. “Whatever happens, Lacy, stay through the holidays. I think we have a Christmas to make up for.”
She guessed they did. She didn’t know about him, but she’d celebrated the
holiday only mechanically at work, or with an obligatory dinner with friends. After Sara passed, she didn’t have the heart for it anymore. “I think she’d like that.”
“I know she’d like that,” he answered firmly. “She always felt you were family.”
But more than that? Lacy wondered as she took care of her own dishes and helped with the cleanup. Of course, no one could have guessed how things would play out.
Jess made a brief phone call, then told her, “The sheriff has the house covered for now. So, you still want to go with me?”
“To the library? Of course.” She wondered what revelations this would bring as she headed upstairs to dress. She didn’t like the idea of Jess forcing himself to look into a past he’d clearly tried to put behind him, but he evidently felt it was necessary.
The worst of the weather seemed to be over. As soon as they stepped outside, Lacy felt how the wind had softened and seemed to carry more warmth with it. The sun shone brilliantly and was even beginning to make a few small icicles as it melted the little bit of snow that had caught on the roof.
The snow had changed, too, no longer feeling like dust but actually crunching as they walked to the car. The brightness of the day nearly blinded her, and she quickly donned her sunglasses. “Why don’t you have a computer at home?” she asked as they drove toward the road and the sheriff’s car.
“For me, it’s just easier to use the library. I don’t have a whole lot of time to spend surfing the internet at home, and I can do everything I really want to from work or the library.”
“So you’re not connected?” she asked lightly.
“I told you that you’d be off the grid here. Do you miss it?”
“I haven’t used it since the investigation began. It’s a hard addiction to break, but it’s broken.”
They paused at the sheriff’s car to say hi, and the young man inside assured them he’d let no one near the house. “There’ll be a different deputy here when you come back, just so you know. We’re working in four-hour shifts.”