by Kate Steele
Harsh pants tore from his chest. The strokes to his cock were fast and rough, his balls drawing up with the hot rush of semen that burst from the swollen head. Crewe voiced a strangled growl while wallowing in the pleasure and milking every last drop from the thick column of flesh in his hand. Shaking, he slumped against the shower wall and struggled to breathe. He’d experienced need before, but never anything as fast and explosive as this. His heart felt as though it were trying to beat its way free of his chest.
Crewe breathed a tired chuckle. “Ethan, sweetheart, we who are about to die salute you. You almost did me in and I haven’t touched you yet. God, I can’t wait until tomorrow.”
He finished his shower, dried himself off and collapsed into bed with a happy smile on his lips.
Chapter Three
Ethan spent the day puttering around the house. He called his usual mechanic’s garage and asked them to pick up his car. A couple of hours later he learned the problem was nothing more than the car needing a new battery. Breathing a sigh of relief, Ethan called a taxi, picked up his car and stopped to do some grocery shopping.
Deprived of his goodies the night before due to Crewe’s arrival, Ethan added hotdogs, malted milk balls and chips to the more mundane selections of bread and milk. With only himself to cook for, he wasn’t inclined to do anything fancy. Even when all three brothers were home, only occasionally did someone cook a formal meal. Though they all knew how due to their mother’s influence, most of the time they just foraged for themselves. There were a lot of meals that consisted of soup, sandwiches or some type of frozen dinner.
Ethan’s lunch consisted of hotdogs, chips, some dill pickle slices and a handful of malted milk balls. It was consumed in front of the television where he watched a couple of crime scene investigation shows he’d taped earlier in the week. The only thing that gave him pause was the coroner’s examination of a victim who had drowned and was in the water for some time. Averting his eyes, Ethan refrained from taking another bite of his sandwich until that scene was finished.
After lunch he was about to clean up his dirty dishes when the phone rang. He picked up the portable that hung on the kitchen wall by the doorway. “Hello?”
“Ethan. It’s Nick.”
“Hey, Nick! How goes it in Chicago?”
“Good. In fact better than good. The client was so impressed with the new security system that he recommended me to a friend. I’ve got another job. I’ll be flying out to Syracuse first thing in the morning.”
“New York?”
“That’s the place.”
“Wow, that’s great. Your reputation’s growing.”
“Yep, business is booming. You doing all right? Holding down the fort?”
“Yeah, not bad.” Ethan shuffled his feet and walked to the kitchen window to look outside.
“What’s wrong?”
“What makes you think something’s wrong?”
“I can hear it in your voice. Spill it, bro.”
Ethan smiled. “Okay, bro. My car died last night and I had to walk home.”
“Jeez, that must have been fun. Why didn’t you call a cab? Didn’t you freeze your ass off?”
“Well, yeah, I did and I thought about calling a cab but I forgot my cell phone. I’d have had to walk five blocks out of my way to the nearest pay phone so I just decided to walk. It turned out all right though. I ran into Crewe Jackson at the mini-mart. He gave me a ride the rest of the way home.”
“Crewe Jackson? Man, I haven’t seen him in a long time. What’s he doing in town? Visiting the folks?”
“No, actually he’s moved back. His parents retired and are traveling or something. They gave him their house. He’s been back about six months he said. He’s a martial arts instructor and he’s got his own dojo. I, uh, I’m going over there tonight.”
There was a long pause during which Ethan scrunched his eyes closed and waited.
“You’re going to a dojo?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Because Crewe asked me to?”
“Ethan, you hate physical stuff. I couldn’t get you to so much as pick up a barbell and now you’re going to go train in martial arts?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then why are you going?”
“I, um… I’m not really sure.”
Another long pause fell between them and Ethan waited, barely breathing. Nick’s next comment surprised him.
“You know, there’s something I’ve wanted to talk to you about for a long time now. Fuck. I wish I wasn’t headed to Syracuse, but I’ve already accepted the job. You would pick now to break out of your shell. Listen, Ethan. Whatever’s going on between you and Crewe, you be damned careful, you hear me? As far as I know Crewe Jackson is as straight as an arrow. I don’t want you to get your hopes up and get hurt.”
Ethan swallowed his shock. Heart racing, he managed to stutter, “I do… don’t know what you mean.”
“Oh, I think you do. I should have told you this a long time ago. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. I’m not and neither is Dustin. There’s more to it than that, but I don’t want to get into it over the phone. When I get back, I’m going to get Dust to come home for a weekend. I think it’s high time the three of us had a talk.”
“Talk about what?”
“You really want me to spell it out for you, Ethan? I can, you know. Right here, right now if that’s what you want.”
“No! I think I’ll wait.”
Nick chuckled. “Good choice. I gotta go. I’ve got a few errands to run, then I’m having dinner with Info System’s head of security.”
Ethan recovered enough to venture a shaky joke. “Is she pretty?”
“She is a he, and he’s actually damn fine looking. Chew on that, little brother.”
Without another word, Nick hung up. Ethan stared at the phone in disbelief. Had Nick just said what Ethan thought he said? Holy shit!
Ethan grabbed for a kitchen chair and plopped himself down. Nick and another guy? Nick? It couldn’t be, could it? Ethan’s head was reeling. Nick had just practically come out and dragged Ethan with him. Heart pounding, Ethan wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry or be sick to his stomach. He knew. Nick knew, and from the sound of it Dustin did too. They knew he was gay and they didn’t care.
Ethan lowered his head onto his crossed arms where they rested on the kitchen table and concentrated on breathing. His brothers didn’t hate him for being gay. One of his biggest fears had just been ripped away. Hot tears spilled from his eyes and soaked into his shirt sleeves. There was no way to hold them back and Ethan didn’t try. All the angst he’d suffered over the years hit him like a ton of bricks and he went down under the weight, drowning in the grief and guilt he’d lived with for so long.
Though he knew in his heart that being gay wasn’t something he had any control over, he’d hated himself for it, for not being able to change. To have Nick and Dustin’s acceptance changed everything. To know that Nick, the older brother he’d idolized his entire life, was maybe just like him switched a light on in Ethan’s soul. Maybe I’m not such a bad person after all. The thought brought a watery smile to his lips. Nick would kick his ass if he heard him say such a thing. Nick had always protected him, even from himself.
Every tear that slipped from Ethan’s eyes lifted a little more of the weight from his shoulders until finally he sat up. He went to the sink and splashed water on his face before using a paper towel to dry off then blow his nose. Looking out the window, the day seemed brighter and he took a deep breath. The relief he felt was incredible, but the emotional storm he’d just been through had worn him out. Checking the clock, he decided he had plenty of time to take a nap before getting ready to meet Crewe.
The thought of what Nick had said about Crewe went through his mind but Ethan shook his head, determined not to think about it for right now. He went upstairs and popped a couple of ibuprofen to fend off the headache he knew would try to come after he’d
been crying. Lying down on his bed, he sighed, closed his eyes and smiled. The quiet peace of the house settled around him, and even though they were gone, Ethan had never felt closer to his brothers.
* * *
Ethan sat in his car looking in through the windows and open blinds of the brightly lit dojo. There was a class taking place. Several sets of students were on the mats while others gathered around. In their midst was Crewe. Ethan could see him talking and gesturing, probably instructing the students. He and his students were dressed in traditional white karate garb, loose fitting white pants and wrap around tunics.
The only difference Ethan could see in their uniforms was the belts. There were white, yellow, blue, green, purple, brown and black, though very few black. In fact, Crewe and just two others wore black belts. Ethan knew enough about it to know that black was the highest ranked belt, and even then there were degrees of black belt expertise.
He bit his lip and took a deep breath. It didn’t help the flutters in his stomach. He hadn’t known what to expect and wasn’t sure if he was happy or disappointed that he wouldn’t be alone with Crewe. In addition to the members of the class, there were people sitting in chairs lined up along the far wall. Ethan guessed they were parents who’d come to watch their children. Screwing up his courage, he opened the car door and locked it behind him when he got out. Oh shit, oh shit. With that near panicked litany running through his head, Ethan went to the front door of the dojo and opened it, stepping inside.
The first thing he noticed was the warmth, although in contrast to the outside temperature that wasn’t unusual. The second thing was the smell. It reminded him of the school gymnasium. It was a combination of wax on polished wood floors, rubber mats and the musk of human physical exertion, altogether not an unpleasant scent. The third thing was the sound. Voices rose to accompany and accent some physical move or blow.
Ethan cautiously moved away from the door and looked in through the wide opened doorway that led into the practice room. Crewe was on the mat facing a student. She appeared to be about seventeen or eighteen and was a good foot shorter than Crewe. The two of them were doing some sort of sparring. Circling each other, they feinted and tested while searching for an opening. The girl did some sort of move Ethan had trouble following and the next thing he knew Crewe was on the mat looking up. Ethan blinked in surprise. That little girl had thrown Crewe!
Crewe quickly popped back up to his feet. The two of them did a formal bow and he gave her a wide, delighted grin. “Excellent, Tara, really excellent.”
Tara smiled back. “Thank you, Sensei.”
“That’s it for tonight, everyone. Be safe going home.”
A general exodus started, though some of the students crowded around Crewe talking and asking questions. Crewe was answering one student when he paused. Ethan could see his nostrils flare and a split second later Crewe was looking at him. A shiver slid down Ethan’s spine at the look Crewe sent his way. It was a look of pure delight and something else Ethan was hard-pressed to put a name to. All Ethan knew for sure was that it warmed him from the inside out.
Crewe finished with his students and sent them on their way all the while keeping an eye on Ethan. He crossed the room, stood in front of Ethan and bowed before giving him a wide grin. “You made it.”
“I said I would,” Ethan replied, his cheeks heating at Crewe’s bow.
A student came out of the men’s locker room. He smiled at them both. “Goodnight, Sensei.”
“Goodnight, Brian. Was there anyone else in the locker room?”
“Not that I saw.”
“Great. Someone picking you up?”
“Yep, my dad’s out in the parking lot.”
“Good deal. I’ll see you next week.”
Brian nodded and left.
Crewe turned to Ethan. “Hold on a minute. I want to check the locker rooms to make sure everyone’s gone.”
Ethan nodded and waited. Crewe strode off and knocked loudly on the door to the woman’s dressing room. Receiving no answer, he opened the door and disappeared for a minute. He reappeared, went to the men’s dressing room and was gone for a longer time. Ethan wandered into the practice room. On one wall was a trophy case. Inside were pictures of Crewe at various competitions. Some of them depicted matches in progress and some showed Crewe being awarded patches or trophies. Some of those trophies and patches were present in the case as well.
When Crewe returned he’d changed his clothes and was now wearing jeans, a tee shirt and his well worn, white athletic shoes. “Sorry to keep you waiting. I thought I might as well change while I was in there. So, did you see much of the class?” Crewe asked as he joined Ethan.
“I got here in time to see that little girl throw you,” Ethan teased with a smile.
“Hey, that little girl is seventeen and a second degree black belt. She’s been practicing since she was five,” Crewe answered. “And maybe it’s a good thing you did see that. You saw for yourself that you don’t have to be a muscle bound giant to protect yourself. If she had to defend herself from the average guy on the street, she could do it easily.”
Ethan nodded thoughtfully. “I can see that, but I don’t want to beat people up.”
“Ethan.” Crewe drew Ethan’s gaze to his. “Martial arts aren’t about beating people up. It’s about finding your balance, confidence and inner strength. For some it’s a way to bring their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual selves into balance and harmony. We teach first and foremost that these disciplines are for self defense not aggression.”
“It’s kind of like Nick and Dustin when they work out. They do it to keep in shape, but they both say it makes them feel good mentally too.”
“That’s right.”
“Don’t you think I’m a little old for this?”
Crewe laughed. “You’re what, twenty-four, twenty-five? I’ve got ladies in their sixties in some of my classes. You’re never too old to learn something new. If you like, we could start with something simple. Have you heard of Tai Chi?”
“Yes, isn’t that where a person moves in slow motion into different positions?”
“That’s it. There’s a whole range of things Tai Chi can do for you, from strengthening your muscles and tendons to reducing stress. It’s good for your heart, your lungs, even your mood. It would be a good starting point, and when you feel comfortable I could teach you some defensive moves.”
Ethan gave Crewe a tentative look from under his lashes. “I’m not very good at physical stuff.”
“Oh, I’ll bet there’re some physical things you’re very good at.”
The tenor of Crewe’s voice changed with that statement. Ethan’s insides quivered at the near caress of it. He looked away. “I’m not dressed for exercising.”
“We won’t do anything strenuous. Come on. Take off your coat and your shoes.”
Ethan watched Crewe as he kicked off his own shoes. He went first to the windows and closed all the blinds then went to stand on one of the mats. Along the wall in front of him were several wide mirror panels. Ethan took his coat off and laid it on a nearby chair. Slipping his loafers off, he pushed them under the same chair then joined Crewe.
“Stand here beside me and watch in the mirror. Just do what I do. All Tai Chi postures are performed with the head, neck and spine in a straight line. The position most often used is the open stance.” Crewe took the position, encouraging Ethan to follow his lead. “One foot forward, the other back. The front foot should point straight forward and the rear foot should be at an angle. Before we begin let’s do a little warm up. And remember, just relax and have fun with it.”
Crewe took Ethan through a few warm up exercises that had him smiling. He looked silly doing them, so did Crewe, which Ethan found a relief. He wasn’t exactly enjoying this mirrored comparison of himself to Crewe. Crewe was so much more muscular and defined than Ethan. In Ethan’s mind it was like comparing Michelangelo’s David to a bumpy stick, but then his own self-image made hi
m exaggerate quite a bit.
Ethan envied Crewe. Crewe was so relaxed, looking casual and comfortable in his jeans and tee shirt while Ethan in his buttoned polo shirt and casual slacks still managed to look uptight. Ethan gave himself a disdainful once over. I’d buy some jeans but it probably wouldn’t help. Why do I always look so… stiff? Cause you are stiff. You’re a repressed, anxious, neurotic gay man who’s never let himself have any fun. Ethan considered that last thought. Had there been opportunities for fun? He realized there had. He’d just been too worried about what others would think of him to enjoy them. The realization was sad and sobering.
“Whatever you’re thinking about, they’re not happy thoughts,” Crewe commented.
“No, they’re not,” Ethan admitted, only slightly surprised by Crewe’s comment. He was beginning to understand just how observant Crewe could be.
“You want to talk about it?”
“No, not right now. Maybe someday. It’s just something I hope to change.”
Crewe cocked his head and gave him a pointed look. “If there’s anything I can do to help, you know I will. Just ask. Okay? Ready to get started?”
Ethan nodded and Crewe again took the beginning position. They began doing some simple moves. Ethan freed his thoughts and emulated Crewe, following his low voiced instructions to breathe and relax. A few minutes passed and Ethan actually found himself liking the slow, easy movements. There was a graceful, elegant simplicity to it. He found it much more appealing than lifting weights or walking on a treadmill. He carefully watched Crewe, mimicking his every move.
Their bodies worked in concert, each move shared, each move connecting them. Eventually, instead of paying attention to what he was doing, Ethan found himself watching Crewe more and more. His lips parted while his eyes followed the slow bunch and release of Crewe’s muscles. Crewe was the epitome of masculine power and polish. Ethan’s body hummed with the release of endorphins, his own movements smooth and elastic. With effortless ease, his imagination pictured their bodies together and moving in a far more sensual dance.