Blackest Red

by P. T. Michelle

  “Who’s Regan?” I ask, wondering why the name sounds vaguely familiar.

  The waiter arrives, and after we place our orders for coffee and croissants, Mina answers my question. “Regan is one of my best friends that I’ve had since childhood,” she says with a tolerant sigh. “I know it’s going to seem like I’m asking you to consider being Josi’s godmother at the last minute, but my family and friends have been giving me such a hard time as to who should take on the role that the whole thing is really stressing me out.”

  “I can only imagine,” I murmur. Regan. Ugh, now I know why that name sounds familiar. That’s the girl who brought Sebastian that box of stuff from Mina while he and I were together in Martha’s Vineyard. I never saw Regan’s face, but I already dislike this girl. The way she spoke to Sebastian while standing outside his room at the Hawthorne estate…she definitely wants him back. I doubt her thoughts about him have changed these past six months. He’s a hard man to forget. It was clear to me that she wants an “in” with the Blake family, and being his niece’s godmother is definitely a way to accomplish that. My arm folds protectively around Josi. I would never let that woman near this sweet baby.

  “And with the christening happening tomorrow afternoon, I’ll totally understand if you say ‘no’. I know you have a lot on your plate this week and the timing couldn’t be worse, but I just wanted you to know how much your friendship has come to mean to me, Talia. So—”

  I put my hand on hers and squeeze so she can stop worrying. “I would be honored to be Josi’s godmother, Mina. Truly. But can you tell me why you chose me? And does your husband agree? As your father pointed out, you do have two best friends whom I’m assuming Josi’s father has met.”

  Mina leans over and touches the heart on my necklace at the same times she touches the matching one on hers. “It’s because of this, Talia. You loved little Amelia so much that you never forgot her. Everything you did to help me, you were also doing it in her name.” Reaching down, she clasps my hand between hers. “I haven’t exactly been honest with you.”

  I furrow my brow. “What do you mean?”

  She releases my hand to smooth her hair, then bites her bottom lip as she runs her finger lovingly down the side of Josi’s face. “Derrick couldn’t handle the idea of being a father. It freaked him out so much that he left a couple months before she was born. So yeah, I’m a single mom and up until a month ago, I didn’t handle it well at all.”

  What kind of man deserts his wife and unborn child? “I don’t understand, Mina. Every time we talked you said “we” love Josi so much. You seemed so put together. Why didn’t you tell me you were alone and needed help?”

  She looks up, a need for me to understand reflected in her gaze. “Because you were my inspiration, Talia. You somehow managed to make your life better despite a bad past that included losing your little sister. And yet, there I was, unable to handle losing my husband and being a new mom. I didn’t want to look like a failure in your eyes, so yeah, when we talked all those times…I faked it. The truth is, if it weren’t for Seb, I don’t know how I would’ve handled things.”

  “Sebastian?” I ask, totally surprised.

  Mina nods. “Yeah, when Derrick bailed, my brother swooped in like a lion. Not that my mother did a whole lot, but Sebastian took over after battling with my mom a few times. He wouldn’t let her do anything. He took me to appointments, he was there when Josi was born, and he made sure I got out of the house when he saw I needed time to myself after my post partum depression got pretty bad. Because of him, I’m finally feeling like I can do this single mother thing. Even dealing with his own stuff, he’s been my rock. That’s why I sent him your way.”

  So that’s what Sebastian has been doing the last six months, being the best big brother in the world. My respect for him vaults several notches. “What do you mean you sent him my way?”

  She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “When you mentioned that first threatening letter your publisher received, I told Seb. I knew he’d protect you.” She glances around, looking toward the restaurant’s doorway. “I’m surprised he’s not here. He’s your security, right?”

  I nod. “He is, but I didn’t tell him I was getting up so early to meet with you, since I knew we’d stay here in the hotel. So you discussed me with your brother?” This whole conversation is throwing me off a little. In our few talks, Mina and I never talked about Sebastian. It was like an unwritten rule we both abided by.

  She bites into her croissant, then wipes the crumbs from her fingers. “I didn’t talk about our conversations with Sebastian, because I was so wrapped up in my own misery. But based on Seb’s reaction to that letter you wrote, I knew he would want to know if you were in danger.”

  I furrow my brow as I lift my coffee cup. “What letter?”

  “The one you left behind with the watch all those years ago.” Sipping her coffee, she nods. “Once I told him what the rest of the letter said, I could tell you meant something to him.”

  The fact that Mina thinks I mean something to Sebastian makes my stomach flutter, even if it’s her own perception. Blinking in confusion, I say, “I don’t understand. Why did you have to tell him what the rest of my letter said?”

  Mina turns her fork on the tablecloth several times, obviously nervous. “I’m going to tell you something that Sebastian would kill me for revealing, but I think it’s important.”

  “Of course,” I say quickly, desperate for more insight into the enigmatic man.

  “When Sebastian got hurt during that explosion, his eye color wasn’t the only thing that changed. He’s colorblind, Talia. The only colors he sees now are black and white and the brighter end of the red spectrum.” Her gaze skims my hair and her lips quirk. “He must love looking at you. Anyway, the P.S. part of your letter was written in—”

  “Green,” I supply in a hushed voice, remembering that I’d added that part with another pen once my black pen ran out of ink.

  She nods. “Which made it invisible to him.”

  That means he didn’t know just how much the watch meant to me when he commented that giving it to me was a foolish mistake. “Why didn’t he tell me about his eyesight?”

  Mina snorts. “My brother’s pride is as strong as his honor. He didn’t say anything because he wouldn’t want to be seen as less. Not by anyone. I’m the only one in our family who knows the truth about why he left the Navy, and he only told me because of your letter.”

  Is that what Sebastian meant about not being whole? Because he lost so much more than his color vision? Losing his military career had to be devastating. She’s right. That’s something he would never disclose. Not willingly. “Why are you telling me?”

  She tilts her head and holds my gaze. “Because I think you care for him too and you should know the demons he deals with everyday. Can you imagine not only having to start over, but having all the color stripped from your life at the same time? Where you once took the beauty all around you for granted, and then the next day, it’s just gone? My brother has pulled more into himself since he came back. The past few months, when he wasn’t helping me, he focused solely on work. If anyone can get him to reengage in life, it’s you.”

  Her revelation about Sebastian’s extreme colorblindness helps me understand his inflexible attitude about us a little better. Does he really think he’s somehow less? And does he think that I would see his colorblindness as a flaw? If anything it makes me admire him more. “Sebastian means a lot to me, Mina, but he has to want more for himself. There’s only so much I can do.”

  She nods and smiles. “I know, but I have faith. Yet another reason why I’m choosing you to be Josi’s godmother. Like my brother, you stand by your word. I know that if something happened to me, Josi will be well-loved and protected. The Blake name might come with money, but I know from experience wealth can’t buy loyalty, not without strings attached.” Her lips press together for a second before she continues. “For Josi, I want pure-of-heart devotio
n. You had that for Amelia.”

  Pausing, she clasps my hand and squeezes. “I don’t just want you to say ‘yes’ to being Josi’s godmother, Talia. I’m asking you to become a part of our lives. I so enjoyed our chats and wanted to meet you in person for drinks and dinner, but I knew you were on a crazy schedule. Now that your deadlines are behind you, I’d like to do something fun like see a chick flick, enjoy a long lunch, or have a girls’ night out. I want to really be friends.”

  Her words are choking me up, and I blink back the mist in my eyes to cover just how much. Other than Cass, my aunt is the only other person in my life. Kissing the soft curls on top of Josi’s head, I rub my thumb over the baby’s tiny hand grasping my finger and smile at her mom. “I would love that. And thank you for keeping Amelia’s memory alive. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

  Mina smiles. “Will your schedule allow you to come to the christening tomorrow? It’s not required at such short notice, but if you can make it, I’d love for you to come. It’ll be at four.”

  I nod. “I have a couple of signings and a media thing, but then I’m free. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  Mina’s smile brightens as she lifts her barely eaten croissant. “I’ve got a lot to do to get ready for tomorrow. I’ll text you the church’s address later today.”

  Nodding toward her coffee and croissant, I grin. “Better fuel up. You’re going to need the energy.”

  I’m just finishing my croissant when Sebastian stalks into the restaurant in his business suit, his blood red tie making me smile inside despite the annoyed look on his face. “Why didn’t you answer any of my texts?”

  “I take it you didn’t get my note?” I say in a calm tone as I pull my phone out of my purse and turn it on. I’d turned it off after I got a text from Jared letting me know he had an early morning meeting he didn’t know about and would have to catch up with me later. My breakfast with Mina was too important to let it be interrupted.

  “What note?” Sebastian says, still towering over my table.

  “The one I wrote and left on my desk for you…” I trail off when I realize the pen I grabbed from my purse was blue. Well, shit. Standing quickly, I say, “I’m sorry. I turned my phone off during my breakfast meeting. I thought for sure you’d see my note letting you know I was here, Mr. Lock-picker.”

  He scowls, clearly annoyed. “I didn’t. Don’t turn your phone off again.”

  I nod and sigh, feeling bad for inadvertently making him worry. Now that I know about his vision’s limitations, I’ll be more aware. “Since the signing isn’t for another couple hours, will you take me to the market? I still haven’t had a chance to see the Christmas decorations and vendors.”

  “No.” He shakes his head, his mouth set in a firm line.

  “Consider it your way of making up for destroying my bracelet.”

  His gaze sharpens and his voice lowers as he takes a step closer. “No one else is allowed to bind you, Talia. I respect the nuanced meanings behind it. Do I need to remind you of the pleasure you’ve experienced every time I’ve done so?”

  My stomach flutters with excitement, but I force myself to remember his commitment phobia and take a calming breath. Shaking my head, I try a different approach. “Please, Sebastian. Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I’ve been so busy, I haven’t even decorated my apartment, which makes me feel anxious to walk around and admire all the glitz and glamour. I still need to get a couple of gifts and I’m hoping I’ll find them there.”

  His blue gaze searches mine for a couple of seconds before he brushes a tendril of hair back from my cheek. I can tell by the softening of the lines around his mouth that we’ve called a truce, for now. Sighing, he lowers his hand to his side and takes in my black slacks, white silk blouse and black blazer, then looks at his own suit. “We’ll need coats. It’s not snowing, but it’s hovering close to thirty this morning.”

  I beam, giving him the full force of the excitement brimming inside me, before I run off ahead of him to get my coat.

  Sebastian’s right about the need for coats. The air is frigid as we walk the couple streets over to the Holiday market. He’s quiet, his gaze scanning the cars and people bustling about. Buttoning my wool coat all the way, I inhale deeply as we enter the market area. The scent of mulled spices hangs enticingly in the air. “Smells yummy, doesn’t it?” I say, my gaze scanning over the velvet red bows and bright holiday lights twinkling amongst the pine boughs framing each vendor’s booth front.

  Sebastian walks up to the first booth selling mulled cider and buys a cup. “May as well benefit while you’re here,” he says, handing me the steaming drink.

  I grasp the Styrofoam cup in both hands and let the warmth soak through my skin while I inhale the spiced aroma. “Thank you. You don’t want any?”

  “I’ve already had my coffee for the day.”

  He sounds so regimented, I snicker. “So you’re only allowed one?”

  He glances down at me. “I want my hands free. Why is Christmas your favorite holiday?”

  I try not to let his reminder that he’s working dampen my spirit. “Because it makes me think of renewal and new beginnings.” Taking a sip of the spicy cider, I turn and start to weave my way through the early morning shoppers. This close to Christmas, the place is buzzing.

  Sebastian quickly follows. Just as he pulls up beside me, I say, “Look at that gorgeous wreath. I never thought non-traditional lights as Christmas-y, but with the other colored flowers, it’s breathtaking.”

  He eyes the wreath skeptically. “How would you write an article about it, selling the non-traditional?”

  I immediately open my mouth to start spouting off a description when it hits me that’s exactly what Sebastian asked me to do that day on the boat. He wanted me to put into words how I saw the sunset. That’s why his eyes were closed when I looked back at him after I finished describing it. He couldn’t see the colors and he wanted me to tell him so he could picture it in his mind’s eye. My chest aches. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have color completely stripped from my daily life. Gripping his arm, I pull him away from the crowd and closer to the wreath.

  “Whoever thought purple could represent Christmas? It’s bright and brash and non-traditional, but pair sparkling purple lights, yellow-centered, lavender forget-me-nots, and clumps of airy baby’s breath together on a teal-tinged Blue Spruce wreath, and you’ll be reminded why purple is considered the color of royalty. The symbolic combination of flower choice and colors make this wreath the perfect Christmas decoration.”

  Sebastian chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m sold. Maybe you should write all the marketing copy for BLACK Security.”

  I snicker to cover how much his comment flatters me and continue on, winding my way past people until I run across a booth selling scarves in various shades and textures. Just as I start to run my fingers over a silky turquoise scarf because its shade reminds me of the color of Sebastian’s eyes in a passionate moment, he says quietly, “My mom loved Christmas. Even though we could only afford to get each other a couple of small gifts, she’d spend hours decorating that fake tree she dragged in from someone’s curb when I was little. Each year she’d hum Christmas tunes and hang every dumb ornament I was forced to make in school. Then I’d have to help her untangle the lights. I always hated it.”

  “Why would you hate it? It sounds like a fun, happy time in your life.”

  While he spoke about his mom, he was watching the people around us, but now he turns his gaze to me. “That damned massive tree only made my gifts look puny.”

  He sounds so disgruntled, I shake my head. “It’s never the size that counts. I’m sure she treasured each gift.”

  A brief smile tilts his lips, a far away memory reflected in his eyes. “She always made a big deal over whatever I got her. When I gave her a necklace with a fake sapphire, she acted like I’d given her the Hope diamond.” He shrugs off the past. “I just felt like it was never eno
ugh. That last year I couldn’t get her anything. Bills kept piling up. So I bought a ‘worry stone’ from a street vendor with my last few bucks. I was willing to do anything to take her mind off the pain.”

  My heart aches for him, but I manage to keep my voice even. “Did it work?”

  “Mom lied like a champ. Told me that my stone worked wonders.” He snorts and glances away. “But you know how her story ended. Needless to say, I don’t believe in fairytales.”

  “And yet you still gave me a rainbow.” The fact that he had enough hope left in him to help me after what he’d gone through with his mom says a lot about Sebastian’s character, whether he realizes it or not.

  When his gaze snaps back to me, full of heat, I shake my head and tsk. “Hope, Sebastian. You gave me hope.”

  He touches my jaw, tracing his thumb from my lip down to my chin. “Now it’s your turn, Little Red.”

  His comment could mean so many things. Is he asking me to say yes to a good sex romp? Or does he want me to give him true hope? All I know is, Mina’s plea for me to help her brother keeps echoing in my mind. I can at least focus on that. But how am I supposed to get him to open up in other ways if he refuses to share something as simple as not being able to see color? Looking over the scarves gives me an idea.

  Clearing my throat, I ask him to hold my cup. Once he takes it, I pick up an emerald scarf and a bright yellow one, then push them in front of him. “Cass is so hard to buy for. Which color do you think would look best on her?”

  Sebastian casually lowers his gaze to the scarves and rolls his shoulders. “Whichever one looks best with dark hair.”

  Smooth. I smirk that he manages to maneuver around answering my question so easily. Then again he’s had a few years to perfect his responses. Maybe if I show him he’s not alone, that no one is perfect. “My roommate travels all over the world. So getting her something unique is a challenge.” As I lay the scarves down, I’m glad the vendor is busy with other customers. Picking up a pair of “Risky Business” style sunglasses, I set them on my nose. “And this is why the one outrageously expensive gift she brought me from Paris ended up on her face instead of mine.”