WILDER: A Rockstar Romance

by Lux, Vivian

  Kayla stood, smiling and swaying. "She's pretty tiny," she observed, like it was some grand fucking revelation.

  "No shit," I grumbled. Too tiny to be drinking like a fish. That was my area of expertise, not hers.

  "Here you go, Jax," Harlow ran breathlessly up to us and handed me the keys. "He said to tell you the registration's lapsed. Don't speed."

  "Oh, fuck. Well that's awesome. Tell him I'll pay to get it registered as a thank you." I shoved the keys in my pocket and lifted Lily into my arms. "I wasn't here tonight, okay?"

  "What?" Kayla looked confused.

  "Nothing. See you ladies soon."

  "Bye, Jax!" Kayla lifted her arm and waved wildly overhead, drawing the eyes of a few people sitting by the fire. Great, another audience. This wasn't the kind of attention I wanted to have.

  Harlow watched me closely as I picked my way over the sand to the staircase. Lily was as light as ever in my arms, but as I began to climb the stairs, my arms started to burn. Her head lolled against my shoulder. "…mean anything…" she muttered, then let it fall back.

  "Jesus fuck, Bit." I reached the landing and lowered her gentle to the planked floor. I stood up and stretched. "What the hell was that?"

  To my surprise, she lifted her heavy head and squinted at me. "I just wanted to have some fun," she slurred before trailing off again.

  "Drinking your body weight in alcohol is not the right way to have fun." Fuck, when did I turn into a fucking nun? I was chastising her like her father. Well, not really. Her real father would have probably joined in and gone shot for shot with her.

  "Not here," she grumbled, lifting her arms and then dropping them heavily to her sides. "With you."

  I crouched down. "I was having fun with you, Lil. Right up until the moment you went psycho on me."

  She didn't answer. I crouched there, waiting, holding my breath.

  She let out a gentle snore.

  I laughed. I couldn't help it. "Come on, Bit. Let's get you in bed."

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Liliana

  The room was too hot and too bright. I threw the covers off my sweat-drenched body and saw that I was wearing my purple flannel pajamas.

  I stared down at them, confused. I had most definitely not worn those to the club last night. I specifically remembered my outfit, because it had taken me so long to pick it out. And I think I had torn my favorite purple tank top when we… when Jax…

  It took me a minute to realize that the pathetic moan I was hearing was my own.

  Something had come over me when I saw him on stage. Something wild and reckless and desperately needy. I wanted him to fuck me, but when he did it had felt more like… making love.

  I quickly shoved that thought out of my pounding head and hauled myself upright. My mouth tasted like an old sock and felt like a desert. That's when I saw the glass of water on the shelf by my bedside.

  He had dressed me in pajamas, put me to bed, and left a glass of water for me when I woke up with the inevitable headache. That was… really nice.

  I flipped out on Jax in front of a bunch of his friends. Not because he was being an asshole. Because he was being too nice.

  I suddenly felt like the worst person on the planet.

  My resolution to hate-fuck him in a fun, easy fling had gone up in the smoke from the bonfire. I drank way too much, and he got me home safely, undressed me without waking me, and tucked me into my bed. Flings don't do that for each other. Something had changed last night. He had changed.

  I clapped my hands over my face, wanting to hide from the light of day. I still had nine days here. The only thing I could do now was avoid him until the wedding and get the hell out of here before I did any more damage. To him, or to my fragile willpower.

  After I finished the glass of water, I felt marginally better. The water sloshed in my stomach as I got dressed slowly and painfully. I poked my head out into the hallway. His door was closed, but that could mean anything. I hoped he was anywhere but here. I couldn't take him seeing me like this. Not when I could still feel last night's ache between my legs.

  Then his door opened and Jax walked out carrying a glass of water. He froze. "Oh, you're awake." He was dressed, showered and shaved and his hair looked freshly dyed. The blue was so intense it gave me a headache.

  "You were watching me sleep again? Oh my god Edward Cullen, stop being creepy."

  "Who?"

  "You're kidding me, right?" I waved my hand. "Never mind."

  "I was just bringing you more water, psycho." He set the glass down on my bedside table and took the empty one, before backing away with his hands held up.

  I rushed to slam the door on him, then instantly regretted it when the loud slam pierced my skull. "Oww," I moaned, sagging back onto the bed. "I'm never drinking again."

  Jax chuckled on the other side of the door.

  "Are you laughing at me?" I demanded.

  "Yup."

  "Why?"

  "Because you're being ridiculous. Open the door, Lily."

  "No."

  "I have aspirin…"

  I slunk miserably to the door and let it swing open as I stared down at his feet. "Give them to me."

  "Say please."

  "Really? Asshole!"

  "Then I guess you don't want them?"

  "No. I don't want them. I don't want anything from you."

  He waited a beat. "You're a liar."

  "I'm not." Fierce, I reminded myself. "You're just a bad habit. I can quit you just like I quit biting my nails."

  He lifted my hand and turned it over. I was aware of every inch of contact his skin made with mine as he inspected each ragged, freshly bitten fingernail. "Huh," he said.

  I snatched my hand away and my fingers immediately went to my lips, before I remembered and lowered them back down again. I lifted my chin.

  Jax's mouth curved into a knowing smile. He leaned forward, so close I could feel the atoms buzzing between us. "One good thing about me, Lil. I'm not a quitter."

  Shutting the door on him didn't feel nearly as good the second time. It felt like I was admitting he had won.

  *****

  I opened my door again not long after, determined not to be driven into hiding. I could handle this. There were other people in this house besides Jaxson Blue, and I meant to go find them.

  The sounds of far-off banging and jovial shouts rang through the house as I made my way into the kitchen to see my father sitting there at the island with a bunch of circuitry spread around in front of him. Glasses, the first time I had ever seen them on him, perched at the end of his nose and he peered over them while he swore softly at a wire.

  "Morning, Dad," I said, sliding into a chair. I looked around hastily. Jax was nowhere to be seen.

  My Dad looked up and gave me a wry smile. "Actually, afternoon, but no matter."

  I looked up at the clock. He was right. I suddenly felt like a lazy slob. "What are you working on?"

  "Stuff for the studio."

  "Shouldn't you be working on wedding stuff?" I grinned at him. "You're getting married pretty soon and all."

  He waved his hand. "Annie's got that all figured out. Honestly, you really think she's letting me anywhere near her big day? I'm just showing up, wearing a monkey suit, and keeping my mouth shut."

  I spotted my chance. A way to keep busy and out of close proximity to Jaxson Blue. "You know, you made me come out here early because you said you needed help with the planning, and so far, all I've done is sleep and write. Is there anything you need me to do today?"

  He looked back down at his wires. "Nah, Bit. You just sit tight."

  "Really? Nothing?"

  He winced. "Well, maybe something?"

  I leaned forward, eager for the distraction. "What's that?"

  "Annie wants us to write our own vows and shit." He winced again when he cursed but I waved him on. "I ain't so good with words. You are. You're real good at writing that flowery shit. I was hoping you'd help me write my
vows."

  "Oh, Dad!" I couldn't help it, I squealed.

  "My God, you chicks really are all alike, aren't you?" But he grinned proudly and tucked a wayward strand of hair away from my face.

  "We can start that now. Where's a piece of paper?"

  "Really? Now?" My dad looked down at his wires wistfully. "I've got time, don't I?"

  "Lyle Charles Nesbit, you are not writing your wedding vows the night before you walk down the aisle. You asked for my help, and that is my one condition."

  "You really sound like your mother, you know that?" He looked down, sadness overshadowing the gruffness.

  "I'll take that as a compliment."

  "You should. She was a hell of a woman. I was a shit husband to her, but it wasn't her fault."

  My heart skipped a beat. My eyes filled with tears and I looked quickly down at the scrap of paper he had slid in front of me. "There's always room for second chances, Dad." I told him. The words seemed to echo in my head even after I said them, hanging there like the last ringing chord of a sad, sorrowful ballad.

  "Do you really believe that?" Dad asked me.

  I covered his hand. "I do."

  "Me too," Jax piped up from the doorway.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Jax

  Bit jumped a mile and the tips of her ears turned red. Caught you, I thought to myself. No door to hide behind this time, Bit.

  "How long have you been standing there?" she faltered.

  "Long enough to hear the old man needs some help." I yanked a chair away from the table and slung my leg over it. "I'm hurt, you know, that you didn't ask me."

  "Yeah? Didn't think you'd be interested." Nails peered out at me from under those bushy-ass eyebrows. The stylist the label hired for my band would have a heart attack over those caterpillars.

  I leaned back in my chair. Lily was staring at me with murder in her eyes and truth be told, I was aching for a fight myself. We're gonna talk about the beach, what the hell happened. One way or another, Lil Bit. This way is just going to be more fun. "That's my mom you're marrying, you old fucker. She's batshit insane, but I still want you to treat her right."

  Nails leaned back in conscious imitation of my pose. "Don't I already?"

  I had to concede that point. "In your own way, old man."

  Did Nails Nesbit just look at me… fondly? I darted a look at Lily and I could see she saw it too. I nodded in her direction. "Hey Bit, wake up, we're brainstorming here. How about this one, Nails? Why don't you say something about how you'll always tuck her in if she's had too much to drink?"

  Lily gaped at me. "Did you hear that, Bit?" I pressed her. "'I'll always tuck you in when you have too much to drink.' Write that down."

  Some of the fire came back into her eyes. Oh that got to you, huh? I've got a few more. I leaned forward, ready.

  She adjusted herself primly in her chair and scribbled something down on the notepad. "Okay, I got it. Now Dad, how about this? You should also say something about always being faithful. In fact, that’s probably the most important vow you can make when you love someone. You should put that first. Makes sense, right?"

  I broke in before Nails could answer. "You could talk about never being afraid to say you're sorry."

  "And you'll always come to her first with problems and not go sharing them with the press," Lily shot back.

  "Why the fuck would I even do that?" Nails grumbled.

  I stared at Lily. Her breath was coming shorter now and I knew she barely noticed her father was in the room anymore. I knew I didn't give a shit what he was hearing. "You might want to mention how you have her name tattooed over your heart."

  Lily looked horrified but Nails just looked confused. "I do?"

  I didn't look at him. I was too busy watching Lily. "It's a metaphor," I handwaved.

  "Maybe I'll do that for real," Nails mused.

  "Yeah, you totally should. Chicks usually go for those kind of demonstrations of your love." I paused deliberately. "I guess it does depend on the chick, though."

  "You sound like you're talking from experience," Nails drawled.

  "Who, me?" I leaned back again. "Nah. My tattoos are just pictures. They don't mean anything to me." Blatant fucking lie, but I guess I'm going full asshole here. It's what she expects.

  Lily made a small, hurt sound and I instantly wanted to take it back. "Dad, you know, you should also maybe talk about humility."

  "What?" Nails was confused. I wasn't.

  "About how being in love is a two-way street and sometimes you have to let go of your own ego?"

  He sighed and let his shoulder sag. "Okay, sure, write it down."

  Low blow, Lily. "Write this down too, Liliana. 'I solemnly vow that I will always listen to the words you're saying and not jump to my own half-assed conclusions.' "

  "Got it," Lily sneered. "I'm also putting down that you vow to never publicly humiliate her."

  "Well, maybe not that," Nails grumbled. "I'm always fucking up in public."

  "You'll do your best," she gritted, staring right at me.

  "Sure." Nails leaned over to look at the piece of paper with Lily's scrawl all over it. "Gotta say, these are some weird fucking vows, kids."

  Lily slammed her hand down on the table. "It's a start. I'll go type them up for you and we can play around with them over the next few days."

  "I'll help with that too," I said, rising to my feet.

  "No, I got it," she said tightly, snatching the paper away.

  But my arms were longer. "I insist." I yanked it out of her hands.

  "Listening to you two is giving me a headache," Nails complained. "Go do that writing shit and leave my dumb old brain to these circuits."

  Lily shot from the room like a rocket. "Hey, Lil, aren't you forgetting something?" I waved the piece of paper. She bolted toward me and grabbed it from my hand, snatching so hard she left a little corner piece pinched between my fingers. I was laughing, but it wasn't a good laugh. It was the tight, tense laugh of someone verging on hysterics. She bolted from me again, tearing up the stairs toward her room, but I could take one step for every three of hers and I covered the ground between us in no time. I grabbed her arm, wheeling her around in the precise place I had kissed her three days prior. It felt like a lifetime ago.

  "You want to stop hiding from me and tell me what the fuck happened at the beach?" I growled at her, heart hammering in my chest.

  She looked at me, panicked. For a moment, I thought I had her. Her mouth opened and closed as all the emotions in the world battled for control of her face. My grip softened. "Lily," I pleaded.

  Then she shook herself and the open book of her face slammed shut. "Nope," she said. She ducked under my arm and ran to her room. And slammed the door in my face.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Liliana

  I flew to my laptop and threw it onto my bed. My fingers were already typing before my document had fully loaded.

  I will always be true to you.

  I will love you forever

  This is my vow.

  To always honor you, both in public and private.

  To recognize my faults and strive to be a better man.

  To love you how you deserve to be loved.

  To be your best friend and make you laugh.

  To cherish your body and your pleasure.

  To be slow to anger and quick to forgive.

  To never hold on to slights and faults, whether intended or otherwise.

  To always respect your wishes and never ignore your pain.

  To be your companion through thick and thin and never let the bad times get the best of us.

  A drop of water hit my keypad and I looked at it, astonished, before I realized it was a tear. I pulled back and stared at the letters on the screen, the words that had just poured out of me…

  I wasn't writing my father's vows. I was writing a fantasy. Just like my books with their idealized versions of Jaxson, I was writing out everything I wanted him
to say to me.

  And everything I wanted to say back.

  Time slipped away, like it always did when I was immersed in words. When my stomach growled, I looked up to the slanting sun and realized I hadn’t eaten at all today. Blinking up from the laptop, I realized my headache had only gotten worse and I was in danger of bringing on a migraine if I didn't get some food in me, fast.

  The house was strangely quiet when I emerged. Below me, a figure swathed in shawls and bangles drifted in from the kitchen and looked up at me. "Liliana, how are you feeling? Jax says you had a migraine."

  I blinked, surprised that he had lied for me. "I did. They always knock me out of commission for a few days. I'm okay now, just hungry,” I said, looking around. "The place looks amazing, Annie."

  It really did. The sagging, beaten-down furniture had been replaced with numerous pieces that, while they didn't match, per se, seemed to balance each other in a discordant harmony, each piece a note forming a chord. The bare walls had been hung with soft tapestries and bright art and the whole place shone with new coats of paint and polish.

  Annie looked around, no small amount of pride in her gaze. "The guys have been wonderful," she said. She looked genuinely happy and appreciative.

  I ducked my head guiltily. "Was there anything you wanted me to do to help?"

  Annie looked at me sharply, all the softness gone from her eyes. "I did actually want to talk to you about that. I need to see the dress you're wearing."

  The soft Earth Mother was gone and the steely-eyed control freak took her place. This was the terrifying Annie I was used to. "Um, now? Can I grab something to eat first?"

  "I'll have Diggs make you a sandwich. I need to take care of this now before too much more time passes."

  "Um, take care of what?"

  "The color scheme at the altar. You're standing with your father…”

  "I am?"

  She shot me a look as she briskly passed me on the enormous staircase. "Of course you are. You're the best woman."

  "I am?" I thought I was just going to be attending the wedding, not be a part of it. "What does that mean?"

  "It means your dress can't clash with the colors I've chosen." She power-walked down the hall and pushed open my door. I ducked under her arm and just managed to close my laptop before she could catch a glimpse of the "vows" I had written.