Memory of an Immortal Heart (Immortal Hearts)

by Kita Bell

  She knew what she wanted. She knew what she needed. And she knew, with a dreadful clarity, what she had to accept.

  Eva shot one sharp appraising glance at Rainey – saw truly what Rohe had done – and crumpled. She swayed against the rail of the bed before she climbed down, wrapped her arms around Brand’s sister, and sobbed.

  It pulled at him as he stepped into his rooms. Everything pulled at him, like the infected edge of an old half-healed scab, or a scar from some black bone blade that had lodged beneath his sinews, pulling at his muscles until they twisted in upon themselves. Except this blade had chipped and broken off, leaving a piece of itself behind – a shard within his own flesh that would always scar, would always feel pain him when he prodded at it…or when his attention was simply drawn to it. When he allowed himself to feel it.

  Brand’s skin felt tight, painful on his body, as if he had been used too much and too hard lately, and yet not enough.

  It was as if he had partially Changed, but not made a full transformation back. Not in a good way.

  Brand stripped off his shirt and dropped it to the floor; he left a trail of clothing behind as he went to the bathroom, reached into the shower, and flipped on the water. He shook the water from his hand and glanced at the mirror. As always, he saw the haggard lines of his own reflection, and felt truly old. It usually took a lot to make him feel like that. He touched the greenish bruises Khael had left on his jaw. His brother had healed him after they fought, but Brand had asked Khael to leave a little pain. It grounded him, helped him keep his distance.

  Anything to keep his mind off what had been done to Eva’s little sister.

  Fuck, the two looked so much alike.

  Khael had let him work the aggression from his system, understanding perhaps too well the need to lash out at someone, anyone. As always the dark fury and overwhelming pain of rage had roared up inside him…but these memories hadn’t wanted to settle into the recesses of Brand’s mind. They rarely did, but these memories… Brand rubbed a hand over his jaw, felt the heat from the shower rising in the room around him, and growled.

  That could have been Eva. Eva had been there, in that Asylum. Fuck, if Rohe had done to Eva what she had to Rainey…

  Bitch better be dead.

  Brand snarled, unworked aggression rising in his blood as he stepped into the shower. He hissed as the hot spray caught the melon-sized bruise Khael had left on his chest, then flipped the switch over so the water went lukewarm. For once, Brand had actually gotten in a few strikes of his own. Real strikes, not pity shots.

  Khael, the bastard, had looked almost…pleased with him.

  Brand snorted and shook his head, closing his eyes as he tried to let the spray cool the racing heat of his body. Khael was twisted. And not all of Khael’s twistedness came from the memories he had lost. Brand set his hand against the tile, dropping his head to let the water wash down his neck.

  At least Eva was safe at Stronghold. And if nothing else, Brand could kiss Kieran Winterbourne for blowing up that fucking Asylum.

  He hoped to god the Winterbourne had taken Rohe out with him.

  The pain of those memories, those nightmares, beat through Brand like another bruise, not willing to be forced away. Brand caught himself a bare moment before he slammed his fist through the shower wall.

  He had done that enough times he knew it would be no use. It wouldn’t make him feel any better and the ceramic shards would lodge in his skin and burn like hell.

  Go find Eva. She would ground him, make him forget.

  Brand snarled again, snapping off the spray and stepping from the shower. Hell, he wasn’t thinking straight. Eva had enough to deal with right now. And if Brand hoped to get her to stay at Stronghold, seeking her out in this mood wasn’t going to help push things in his favor.

  She was tentative towards him. Always tentative – but never entirely open.

  Brand stalked down the hall to his bedroom. He needed some fresh clothes. So maybe he’d seek Eva out, just to see if she was okay. But he wouldn’t wake her or anything. He wouldn’t even go into her rooms. He’d just make sure she was okay, then leave. He didn’t have the control for anything more…

  Brand froze.

  Eva looked up at him from where she sat in the middle of his bed, wearing some kind of skimpy blue gown. The straps looked flimsy, breakable, and the front was low enough that it revealed her mostly-formed Marque. The blood that had been pounding in Brand’s head raced to pound elsewhere.

  Eva dug her fingers into the mattress as she looked up at him, her beautiful silver eyes dark, haunted, and liquid-wet. “Brand Kade, if you took my sister’s memories, I will both love and hate you forever.”

  Chapter 16

  “Though,” Eva finished quietly, looking at her toes on the crisp gray sheets as she forced herself to remain still, “I would have loved you anyway. I do love you anyway.” She stared at her toenails, needing to know, though she could already guess from her quick glimpse of his body, the bruise on his chest and face. “Did you do it?”

  “Yes.”

  Eva’s head snapped up; Brand’s blue eyes were a pure Kaspian gold. He was naked and fully aroused, a damp white towel still gripped in his fist; everything about him was beautiful and furious and wild. Her body tightened, her fingers burying into the silky blue lingerie she had bought years ago, but never really expected to wear.

  “Thank you,” Eva whispered simply. Utter relief – and stark pain – coursed through her.

  She hadn’t wanted Brand to do that to himself. She didn’t want Brand to live with those memories. She didn’t want him to ever have to carry a burden like that…but she also wanted Rainey to be able to live. To be sweet and funny and full of her old laughter.

  Eva felt tiny, small…and wretched. “You said you didn’t deserve me,” she swallowed. “You’re wrong, Brand. Wrong. You deserve the world. But I don’t know if I deserve you.”

  Her voice was scratchy and tear-stained.

  Brand just looked at her. And no matter how she tried, Eva couldn’t read the expression on his face or in his scent. Just his eyes. They were wild, flickering with ruby. But Eva couldn’t tell if the red was from lust or rage or pain. Or perhaps it was a combination of all three.

  The fine hair on her arms stood on end – and she knew that tonight would be different.

  No holding back. No going back.

  No more running.

  “Eva.” It was a rough growl, then Brand cursed and began again, shaking his head. “Eva, at this point, I don’t give a damn who deserves what. I can’t do this tonight. Not after…” his words caught, his face twisted, “…after everything. If you are just going to sit there and…if you dare tell me it’s just ‘one night,’ I’d rather you leave. Sleep in your rooms, bunk with Nikandrie. I don’t care. Just don’t sleep here, because I don’t have the kind of control you and I both need right now. And I…” he cleared his throat, voice low, “…I can’t hear that fucking word from your lips one more time.”

  “What fucking word?” she whispered.

  He swallowed, eyes wild. “Temporary.”

  Eva watched him, and felt a steadiness, a rightness take hold inside her. She reached out her arms and said simply, “Come to bed, Brand.”

  “I can’t hold back, Eva,” Brand snarled from the door, gripping the frame so she heard it creak, protesting. There was a splintering sound as his claws pierced wood. “Not tonight. And if you have any reservations, just leave. Because if you stay, you’re damn well going to Marque me, and you’re damn well going to bond with me. Nothing temporary. You’ll be trapped. Forever.”

  Eva sucked in a breath. Brand claimed she was strong – time to act like it. Time to be honest. No weakness. “I know,” she whispered, meeting his gaze, then shivered and looked away as she touched the Marque over her heart. “I think I always knew, Brand. I think I always sensed that. And that’s what scared me most. That’s why I tried so hard to run.”

  A long silence.


  Brand’s shape blurred from the corner of her eye. Eva heard him pull his claws from the doorframe. Then he was on the bed, leaning over her. His fingers touched her face, raising it so Eva could see his steady eyes. They were still molten gold – but there were flecks of intent blue. “Why does forever frighten you so much, Eva?” he asked softly.

  She met his gaze squarely. “It doesn’t frighten you?”

  Brand flinched slightly. Then he gave a tiny smile that was somehow so open and sweet, and oddly vulnerable that Eva felt her heart clench painfully in her chest. She loved him. She couldn’t help but love him. Perhaps that had frightened her most: she had no ability to run from him, to run from what she felt for him. But if Brand felt the same way, maybe she didn’t have to. Eva slid her hand across the sheets, wrapped her fingers around his.

  “It frightens me a lot less if I know you’ll be there,” Brand finally murmured, voice gentle as he raised her fingers to his lips. Eva brushed her thumb over his mouth as she met those eyes. They were open, honest, and so full of love.

  “That’s why I stopped running,” she confessed. “That’s why I’m here.” Then she wrapped her arms around his neck, and dug her fingers lightly into his shoulders – and forced a smile. “What, am I supposed to just bite you now?”

  She watched his control break.

  Brand growled low in his throat…then moved. His hands gripped Eva’s hips and pulled her against him, his erection hard and hot against her belly. His hand glided over her spine, centering at her back to support her as he ended the kiss with a sharp nip, licking his way down the side of her neck, over her collarbone, to her breasts so that Eva’s skin tightened, her body hummed with warm, hot arousal.

  Eva tangled her fingers into his hair and held her breath as she waited for Brand’s lips on the Marque – then realized that he was just looking at it. She pulled back and glanced down herself, frowning, before looking back into his face.

  Despite his obvious need, his expression made her heart felt heavy, fragile. Brand raised fingers and, with painstaking care, traced those fine near-black lines. Each touch sent a shiver through Eva’s skin, a soft precise lick of arousal over her body, tugging deeper so that she clenched, tightening her hold on Brand’s shoulders as he finished tracing the design.

  “Is it all there?” she whispered, meaning it for a joke, but when his gaze rose to hers, it took her breath, for his eyes were a welter of blue, red, and flickering gold.

  “I never had the chance to truly see it,” he said quietly, then dropped his hand to cup her breast through the material of the gown. “I was furious with Joshua, that you had showed your Marque to him, while I had to steal a look at it in the dark, and quickly, before you knew what I was about.”

  Eva trailed her fingers down his neck to his chest. “Maybe,” she said softly, “you should have told me what it was.”

  “You would have thrown me out of bed.”

  Eva’s gave a reluctant smile. “Probably true.” Then, oddly nervous, “Do you like it?”

  “That’s my favorite breast,” Brand said, mock serious as he ran a thumb over the nipple.

  Eva choked on a surprised laugh. “Be careful, or my other breast might get jealous.”

  Brand snorted, laughing low in turn, then applied himself to both of her breasts. Eva wrapped her arms around his neck, holding on, as she felt that thick wave of desire coiling up through her belly. His body was large and warm against hers, his erection heavy. The light trail of claws smoothed her spine, sending tingles through her as he shredded the lingerie away.

  She didn’t care.

  His lips and teeth teased the Marque on her breast with a rhythmic pattern and Eva moaned, grinding her body against his and raking her fingers down his spine to his buttocks, his muscular thigh. His erection pushed at her hip and Eva trailed her fingers forward to trace the length of it, testing the size against her palm. Then, as Brand snarled and tilted her back, she arrowed her hands between them, pushing at his chest.

  It took a moment before Brand pulled away, and when he did his eyes were confused, full of a hazed red desire. “What’s wrong?”

  Eva licked her lips; they were swollen, didn’t want to work. “My turn.”

  Then she began pushing at Brand, pulling forward so that she settled across his body as he slowly, cautiously lay back onto the bed. She was wet, aching with a barely realized hunger. “On your back,” Eva murmured, applying her hands to the golden skin of Brand’s chest, nibbling at his lips until she felt his muscles tighten beneath her. She rocked, moaning softly and his hands came to rest against her waist, steadying her. His erection was hard against her buttocks when she rose up again.

  She froze, noting the odd – almost awed – expression in Brand’s eyes. Panic shuttered through her as she remembered what had led to this. What had led to now. “Is this okay? Or do Rainey’s memories…”

  Brand blinked, clearly startled. His hands smoothed up over her ribcage, halting just below her breasts. He traced a slow line there with his thumbs, heightening the wet hunger in Eva’s body. His voice was ragged when he responded. “Rainey’s memories are Rainey’s memories, Eva. They aren’t my memories. What we’re doing is about us.” He gave a faint smile. “You ground me, Eva. Better than Khael or Seth’s fists ever have.”

  The anxiety that had strung tight inside Eva relaxed. Thank god. She braced herself on his shoulders and leaned back down, licking his throat before she nibbled her way across his collarbone.

  “Then what’s the matter?” she murmured.

  Brand’s fingers wrapped over the back of her neck. Then, quietly, “I can see your soul, Eva.”

  She stared and then, as his hand came around, it twined with something in the air and she saw…it was the blood mist, the Changing mist.

  And, Eva realized, it was coming from her – her mouth, her nose. As Brand’s hand dipped down to caress the wetness between her thighs and send another shudder of pleasure through her, she realized: it was coming from there too. “What…I don’t…”

  “It’s normal, Eva,” he said softly, with a fierce tenderness as his hand came up to cradle her cheek; he met her eyes. “This is what happens when you’re open to the bond. This is how we complete the bond.”

  Eva breathed out and watched, unsettled, as the red-black mist flowed from her. “I don’t feel like I’m about to Change.”

  “You aren’t. You’re about to tie yourself to me.”

  “Then why aren’t you…”

  “Because you haven’t Marqued me yet.”

  Oh.

  And suddenly, that was all she wanted to see. She wanted to see Brand with the Changing mist surrounding him – she wanted to lick his lips and pull that mist into herself. She wanted to make him hers as he made her, his.

  “Then I’m going to Marque you,” she whispered and leaned to kiss his chest.

  Those fingers tightened, pulling her tight. Eva smoothed her palms over his taut flesh, determined to do this right. If there was one thing she ever did right, it was going to be this. Carefully, she set her teeth over his chest and watched the blood mist rise about her as a frightened excitement pulsed through her veins, and…

  Brand’s fingers tightened on her nape, pulling her back at the last moment.

  Eva’s heart froze in her chest, shock shooting through her followed by an immediate sense of horror. She stared down at Brand; his face was serious, almost grave, strained with tension and something else. His eyes were pure ruby. He changed his mind. He doesn’t want me to Marque him. Brand didn’t want…

  Brand pulled her face to his own and roughly kissed her, sharply inhaling her into his lungs. “Evita. I want to be inside you.”

  “What…”

  “When you Marque me, I want – need – to be inside you.”

  The demand shivered through Eva, unbearably erotic. But, “I’ve never taken top before.” She knew her cheeks were red as Brand gripped her hips, using his strength to raise her up over hi
s thick erection so that it nudged the entrance to her body. Dark mist flowed between them as Eva steadied herself against him. “Brand.”

  “Eva.”

  Okay. She wanted him inside her body too. She wanted to feel Brand with everything she was. Eva bit her lip, met his eyes, then reached down and slowly guided him inside.

  She shuddered against the long heavy slide of his shaft, mewling softly as he pulled her body down tight against his hips, sealing them together as he thrust upward into her unbearably sensitive depths. Eva’s focus fractured, everything in her centered upon the throbbing pressure that pierced her. Her hand dropped down and she steadied herself against his chest as she panted. Brand swore, then slid his palms to her thighs in a viselike grip.

  “Christ Eva, do it quick…”

  “I didn’t want to do this quick…”

  “I swear to you Eva, we’ll take our time later.” Brand’s eyes were pure ruby, his jaw a knot of muscle; his lips were peeled back, baring his teeth in a half-snarl as the sweat trickled down his forehead and beaded his chest. He was beautiful. Eva wanted to lick the entirety of his golden skin, to taste him in her mouth. She was aware her blood mist surrounded them now completely. Slowly, Eva levered herself forward, down against his chest. The movement pulled at his erection and they both groaned, Brand thrusting upward with his hips so Eva cried out, shuddering at the pleasure, clawing his flesh.

  “Marque me, Eva.” Brand thrust into her again, sharp and deep, before drawing out slowly, only to repeat the movement, his teeth bared in a raw snarl.

  Eva focused on his chest, brushed her fingers over the spot she had chosen. She licked her lips, licked her teeth, crying out softly as Brand thrust inside her. God…

  “Marque…”

  Eva’s fingers slid up, stopped Brand’s mouth, and he lightly caught them with his teeth.