Oh and who was the damn lucky bitch, I feel insanely jealous, I’d missed this one who was she? I want to get up, but my heads swimming, those cocktails were a tad too strong and wow, they are making the understanding of all this shit much more difficult to digest. Oop’s there’s a reason I don’t drink, the headaches just not worth it…
“You were going to let me in, as a fucking consolation prize? I would have taken that Chris, really, I would have, because that’s the thing, having you was all I wanted until I tried to look in your eyes tonight and you turned away. You didn’t get off with me then Chris, and you were repulsed by me, your face said it was just that, a fuck. It was horrid watching you stare into the sky above me, instead of into my eyes. You never looked at me once, not fucking once Chris. Yes, I’m in love with you, but this is the last time I allow you to use me, I’m worth more than this.
Maddie is right, you are incapable of loving anyone, even this mystery woman, is not that special, if she was, you wouldn’t be screwing around, you’d be there with her, but you’re here and you have just had sex with me. You’re fucked up with your kinky wants and needs they in themselves are way too weird for normal Chris, you just need the sex. You have to have a woman who is just there for the hard fuck you crave. You need sex to be devoid of all the emotional entanglements that go hand in hand with being in a normal relationship. You don’t want a loving relationship, and you probably couldn’t handle one either. You’re an emotionless, heartless, self-opinionated arrogant prick.” She is right, he’s also egotistical, a user, a moron and a douche bag too, and I feel sick…
“Women come with a bagful of confusing emotions, and truly being in love with a woman means you need to show that you can handle those needs, you will have to share so much of yourself with her, that Chris you simply couldn’t do because you don’t know how to. We women like to be treated with tenderness, and to feel understood and wanted. For fucks sake have you ever even kissed a woman, well, have you? Have you even walked arm in arm with this woman, or held the other one, or looked into her eyes and when she does look at you do you want to kiss her?” She really does love him too did he do this to Gina, and is this what he’s doing to me, just reeling me in? Shit, it had to be more than this, it had to mean more, and I feel sick, knowing that he was going to use me too.
“I have yes. Kissed her, held her and wanted her all those ways I’m sorry Alysia, you’ve said your piece please leave.” I have kissed him, he’s forgotten all about our kiss. Go on kick me when I’m fucking down Holland, kick me when I’m down, and then I am, my head hits the floor. Damn it that hurt, oh my poor head, ouch.
“You have never kissed me ever, so go on why did you not ever kiss me? Tell me Chris, because I needed to be loved and appreciated, and not feel like I’m being used, like a two bit hooker? Have you ever once stopped to consider my feelings, or any other of your fuck buddies feelings? Chris a few of us are nursing broken hearts over the way you treated us, we got nothing but sex from you, I love you Chris, really, I do and I sit for days waiting for you to ring me after we do this. Hell you can’t love someone, because you don’t know how to.” She isn’t holding back and he looks kind of upset, lonely and angry too, she needs to stop pushing him, he could get angry…
“I’m glad this woman who is having another man’s baby, has broken your heart, maybe now you will feel as crap as you made me feel tonight, you made me feel like a prostitute, and that was my fault for thinking I can and could change you. Maybe you will start treating any other idiot woman better, knowing how much it hurts. I won’t be ringing you again or accepting your invitations to party ever again.” She ran off crying, as he sank on the bed and cursed himself.
“I have kissed her, she is the only one I have ever kissed, I’m sorry I treated you all like that. Why didn’t she wait for me like she promised?”
He made a phone call for his car to pick him up. When she went, Chris followed a little while later, I got out from the side of the bed where I’d been hiding and sat and I cried, he was hurting and I was too. Whoever this woman was, she was one lucky lady, because he truly loved her. I heard that in his voice, but his actions confused the fuck out of me? She can’t be that special, and if she was why did he screw around with others, when he had someone to go to?
Perhaps, she was wiser than we stupid girls. Hic, oh hell I’m drunk, upset and looking out at the world from the top of a fucking pimp’s palace. Shit my head hurts, as much as my heart does, why am I still in love with Christopher-Bloody-Holland? The answers don’t come to me as quickly, as the return of the Mojitos does, and I vomit like and erupting volcano, great I smell of vomit now too, vomit and desperation. Hic, I need to get home and back to Spain, anywhere would be better than here at this moment in time.
I may only be eighteen, but I knew how Dad spoke about Mum and it was just the same, the love and the sorrow in his voice. Poor Christopher and hard luck to Dizzy Izzy, I needed to get my drunk arse home. He’d done it again Christopher Holland had hurt me, and didn’t even know he had, we are poles apart and never will be together like that ever! Hic, I feel sick again as I press the button, which will take me away from here, this hateful awful place. Hic, I’m sick again as the lift door opens, great, is there anything else coming to try me today, well, is there world?
CHAPTER NINE:
Chris:
I’m late down to the party, because of having had to take a call from the Russian. He’s pulled out of the deal his money it tied up, at the moment and it was too rich for him after all. As he is unable to pay the full amount up front, something my lawyers were, and are insistent upon. I’m in a bad mood when I go to find Bella. I see her security first and my eyes follow her to see Bella with the boy she was with earlier in the week, kissing her and pushing her into a room, what the hell?
I hope she didn’t fall for the gay thing he was trying on, or was it just a ruse so they could be together, to fool Hugh into letting him stop in her room? Was it all cooked up by Cameron and him? I doubted it was Cameron’s doing actually, because he genuinely didn’t like the lad, Cameron was calling him a dick and a Mummy’s boy when he came on to a wealth young woman staying in the hotel, then he waltzed off and he was all over her in the lift to her room. I wondered too, just how much of my girls body, he has conned his way into seeing? According to the boasting between him to his new brother, I overheard that the changing rooms were filled with naked women and girls. And that all their tits, backsides and pussies were on show? I take a call from Judy.
The Russian, who has pulled out, has agreed to pay the penalties for pulling out too, I am feeling a little better about the bad business deal now, and though it was a good deal for him, it’s too late to go back or hold it for him, because the Chinese are wanting in now. With the offer of even more money, wow, it never rains but it pours. Bella is still in the room with this Jack lad, as I creep to the door. Her security has left them alone and I have to wonder why, perhaps they need privacy? I listen at the door, and I hear the reason for that privacy, Bella has just told him she’s having his child and I’m devastated, I cannot keep my focus on the conversation, all I’m hearing is I have lost her, even before I had her, shit, shit, shit.
He is an arse and doesn’t want to be a father, which shocks me. She will be a wonderful mother. I hear a noise, I turn my attention towards it, and I see Luis and Cameron coming down the hall. Then I hear Bella tell him to leave, and that her father will see to her baby and her needs, he is then dragged out of the room nursing a swollen eye and a bruised face, he’s upset, and the tears are flowing down his face and he’s hobbling out with her security woman, wow, who did all the damage? He deserves it, but shit I’m in shock as head to the bar and down four whiskeys one after the other, telling him to leave the bottle, then I drink a tumbler full of the whiskey, wow I need more. I need this shit out of my head. I do something selfish I have needs that haven’t been filled for two fucking years. Two years without sex, I need release and I need it now? So
who better than Alysia? I phone her and tell her to meet me at Club Novo, after I get out of this monkey suit and mask. I’m devastated, I’ve lost her and I feel so alone.
I head in to my room, and open the door to the veranda and stare out of the window, and then I finish off the bottle of single malt and still I feel like crap. I change clothes, throw the mask at the wall, and watch as it smashes into pieces, it makes me feel angrier, it’s followed by the glass and the empty bottle. I call for the car to be brought around to take me to the club, where I meet Alysia at the door.
“I wasn’t expecting the call Chris, but I’m glad you did, really glad.” I need her to just shut up and put out.
“I had a few hours spare before I head back down to Texas, I’m sure as hell, not wanting more than an hour or two in your company, if that’s okay with you? If not I’m happy to be on my own.”
“No, no I’m fine with whatever you want, I am so happy you rang me.” I had three numbers to ring and rang the most needy, was I stupid? We had a couple of drinks, as we sat at the bar her hands were wandering, she stroked my crotch as we sat there, and fuck that felt good, I need to screw her and this tension away.
“Dance with me please Chris?” I can do that, I can dance and wish it was the danced promised to me by Bella. Shit Bella, why the fuck did she even think that boy was enough of a man for her? I danced with Alysia for a couple of songs and then needed to answer my damn phone.
“Sorry, but I need to take this Alysia, and then we’ll go to the rooftop, I’ve closed it for the night.” I’d actually closed it to bring Bella here and dance under the stars with the roof area decked in tea lights and fairy lights, there waiting was champagne, chocolates and roses scattered in a pathway to the bed, then they were scattered on the biggest of the beds on top of new silk sheets. I wanted to honour the promises we made, to make love when she was of an age, some lucky boy had taken the gift that I thought was mine I thought she would wait like I had done. I’d been celibate for two fucking years, how deluded was I? I’d wanted to shower her with love and affection, but instead I’m here with Alysia.
I take a call from Henry and head for the office for some privacy. They haven’t found Gina and Luis has left a whole heap of messages, they are waiting for me at the strip club. I stop security and ask them to kill the lights up there, and ask that they remove the train wreck I created up there, the tea lights the roses, the petal carpet, the special bed too, I wanted everything putting back in the morning, but for tonight I want to be left alone up there.
As I come out of the office, she grabs at my hand I lead Alysia to the lift she isn’t having the night I meant for Bella, or anything like it. She’s going to want to talk, I see the look and I know that mouth is going to talk.
“Chris, I can come with you to Australia, and be with you, I have always loved you Chris. Why won’t or can’t you love me? I would be so good for you, and give you the family you want.” And here it starts…
“Alysia, I made it clear when I phoned you, what I required from tonight, the choice is yours, take what is on offer or I get another woman here?”
“No, I’m happy for the night with you, really Chris, you’re so hard to understand. Why am I good enough to screw when you feel like it, but not be in your life?”
“I don’t want anyone in my life like that Alysia, take it or leave it. Are we heading to the roof top terrace or not? The choice is yours, but anything else is not on the cards Alysia.” She presses the button.
“I will take what I can get and hope you change your mind. I can wait and I will.” I swipe the card through the reader. It isn’t real, this is not happening again. I lean against the wall and close my eyes. Why did she pretend that boy was gay? Hugh is stepping in to help her raise the child perhaps she would let me help her raise it? I could be there for and help her, be in her life. Alysia slides over to me and puts her arms around my waist. She goes to kiss me and I hastily pulled away.
“No, don’t, keep away or leave.” I stand near the door, as it opens, the lights are out and I head for the bed farthest away from the doors and slump on the bed and I have second thoughts, third thoughts even. Alysia sits on the bed and takes off her panties as she slides up the bed towards me and unzips my trousers and takes me in her hand and then her mouth. Shit, I need this. I need the stress gone.
“I need you Chris and you need me, take me take me now.” I did just that as I raised her skirt, I plunged deep inside her, over and over holding her arms down to stop her hugging me. I thrust harder and harder. Her screams and demands I meet like for like, the ride is exhilarating as she climaxed she gripped my dick so hard, but I suddenly found I couldn’t come. I froze because I couldn’t and I didn’t feel anything or want it, why the fuck did I do it? As she cries for more of my attention, I become harder and the bastard in me takes over, it seems Dad and I are more alike than I ever wished for.
I removed my handkerchief and wiped her clean, removed the condom and wiped myself clean. I found myself still able to have sex, if I needed too and pleasure her more, but I’d screwed a woman I had no feelings for and hated myself for it, she’d got off and I was useless, and the hard on I had then disappeared, as quickly as it appeared…
I think I thanked her, as I left her there all on her own, yes, I was a bastard because I’d left her crying on the bed and feeling crap. I got in the lift and pressed the button to go down, but half way down I realised what a twat I’d been, an abhorrent, awful monster and decided to try to say sorry and perhaps take her to dinner? As the lift doors opened, I silently walked over, she had her back to me and she was bitching about me to her friend, and quite rightly so too…
“He’s left me again Maddie again no kisses no cuddles just amazing sex. Why do I come running to him time after time? He fucks me hard and gives me the greatest pleasure ever, gets off and leaves? I feel like a prostitute, why do I do it? I don’t know, no, I don’t want his money, I never did, and I don’t want the gifts he will send me either. I just want him to love me, like I love him. I wasn’t kidding I am going to trap him into marrying me, I will get pregnant and he will have to marry him. Oh shit Chris, no Christopher that’s not what it sounded like I swear baby…”
She sat back on the bed, and saw me watching her, what the hell was that all about? Is this what the other women did to reel my father in? Is this history repeating itself, only now it was happening to me? How stupid did they think I was? That is the last time I sleep with someone just to get relief. I’m stupid to think me treating them this way was alright, it wasn’t, it isn’t and it never will be alright, but I’m angry she wanted to impregnate herself to ‘land me’.
“I came back to say sorry Alysia. I’d had a bad night, something happened earlier that has, well it’s rocked me to my foundations a little. A person I thought highly of, has got herself pregnant with someone else’s child, and I thought we, me and her would be the lucky ones having children, she wouldn’t need to trick me into having my child, I’d do that willingly with her.” As I said it aloud, I realised the deep feelings I have for Bella, and how treating these women as my playthings was and is all wrong, but her threatening to trap me into marrying her with an unplanned pregnancy was wrong too.
“I realised she and I haven’t got a hope in hell and so Alysia I came back to apologise and to take you to dinner, and maybe go dancing and get to know you better. I realised I had treated you badly, but how wrong was I? Hahaha, that’s so not happening now or ever again and please don’t wait for another gift, or phone call as there won’t be any more fuck me hook ups, you and I are through and just in time from the conversation I just heard.
I won’t be impregnating you with my child, that gift was meant only to happen with the girl I wanted to date, the girl I wished I could ask to marry me, yeah there was a girl I wanted to be engaged to, and just one woman I hoped one day to marry. She was the one I wanted to have a family with her and her alone.” I have to go and see Bella and tell her I will be there for he
r if she needs me.
“You were going to let me in, as a fucking consolation prize? I would have taken that Chris, really, I would have that’s the thing having you was all I wanted until I tried to look in your eyes and you turned away. You didn’t get off with me then Chris and you were repulsed by me, your face said it was just that, a fuck. It was horrid watching you stare into the sky above me instead of my eyes.
You never looked at me once, not fucking once Chris. Yes, I’m in love with you, but this is the last time I allow you to use me, I’m worth more than this. Maddie is right, you are incapable of loving anyone, even this mystery woman, is not that special, if she was you wouldn’t be screwing around, you’d be there with her but you’re here and you have just had sex with me.
You’re fucked up with your kinky wants and needs they in themselves are way too weird for normal Chris, you just need the sex. You have to have a woman who is just there for the hard fuck you crave. You need sex to be devoid of all the emotional entanglements that go hand in hand with being in a normal relationship. You don’t want a loving relationship, and you probably couldn’t handle one either. You’re an emotionless, heartless, self-opinionated arrogant prick.” I know, why keep telling me? I had waited too long for Bella I should have asked Hugh for her hand in marriage, I still want to and I will look after her and the baby, as she is my life.
“Women come with a bagful of confusing emotions and truly being in love with a woman means you need to show that you can handle those needs, you will have to share so much of yourself with her that you simply couldn’t do it, you don’t know how to. We women like to be treated with tenderness and to feel understood and wanted. For fucks sake have you ever even kissed a woman, well, have you? Have you even walked arm in arm with this woman, or held the other one, or looked into her eyes and when she does look at you do you want to kiss her?” I want Bella like that. I have kissed Bella like that.
Soul Mates. The Beginning. Page 20